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Thread: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
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2009-08-18, 09:01 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Apr 2005
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- Montreal
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2009-08-18, 12:32 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Nov 2006
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- England
Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
This post may contain sarcasm.
DeviantArt
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2009-08-18, 02:53 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Aug 2007
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- Maine, may it do ya fine!
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
You guys just made my week.
SpoilerFounder of the Oracle fanclub. To join put this into your sig and give yourself a title.
Court sorcerer of House Kato.
Tuna-preparer of the Mr. Scruffy fanclub
78% of DM's started their first campaign in a tavern. I didn't.
Magioth made my avatar!
The SECOND member of the fanclub!!!
Sequinox
And the Dark Lord on his Dark Throneitp, where the shadows lie.
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2009-08-18, 03:03 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2007
- Location
- Maine, may it do ya fine!
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
SpoilerFounder of the Oracle fanclub. To join put this into your sig and give yourself a title.
Court sorcerer of House Kato.
Tuna-preparer of the Mr. Scruffy fanclub
78% of DM's started their first campaign in a tavern. I didn't.
Magioth made my avatar!
The SECOND member of the fanclub!!!
Sequinox
And the Dark Lord on his Dark Throneitp, where the shadows lie.
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2009-08-18, 03:31 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2008
- Location
- Scotland
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Avatar by me...yup that's how good my drawing is. As in not very good.
Crack-Pairings, Not Dead Just Moved. Someone Hasn't Been Looking In The Right Places.
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2009-08-19, 12:06 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2008
Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
DurkonxLien
Here we go again. Fluff.
Spoiler
Dusk came quickly this late in the season, but Lien was long abed.
She was lucky to have her own room. Most of the crew didn't. Or even the nobles. Last time she checked, even Hinjo was bunking with the captain and first mate, though as his quarters had facilities for twelve concubines, private bathing, storage and it’s own kitchen this probably wasn't such a sacrifice.
But Lien had put her foot down, and so had wound up with a ten foot by ten foot room in the back. It was austere, which was a polite way of saying I was empty except for her spear, a trunk containing a few changes of clothes and a bed, but at least she had some privacy when she wanted it.
She slept in a bed. She was used to sleeping in a hammock, even on dry land, but he hated the swaying feeling, and it wasn’t fair to keep locking Elan out of his own room, so she’d pulled in a feather bed, and assembled it in her room, as the frame was too big to get through the door.
It was comfortable, and she was slowly warming to it, but it still felt odd, and she had difficulty knowing exactly where to position herself. Everything she tried felt awkward. At the moment she was lying on her side legs curled together and her hand on his chest. It was deceptively wide, and not structured like a human one, the muscles fitting together differently. It was also covered in thick brown hair that tickled silkily when she touched him.
He was already asleep, she noted enviously, eyes closed as though he hadn’t a care in the world, his left arm holding her close. He never had any trouble sleeping.
She had begun to feel an ache between her legs as the afterglow faded, that was only just disappearing now. It was a good ache, she could feel his seed in her. For a moment she worried what would happen if it quickened there, but then she looked at his face, weathered and craggy, hardened over the years but surprisingly gentle and tender in repose, and she felt her worry seep away.
He was here, and he loved her, and with him by her side, she knew they could get through anything.
Nadir We,
Youth Born,
Blood Letters,
Axe Weilders,
Victors Still.
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2009-08-19, 03:13 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2009
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
The penultimate paragraph kinda creeped me out, but it's as good as usual.
...Twelve concubines, you say?Formerly known as Discord here and Maladin on avatarspirit.net.
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2009-08-19, 03:50 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2008
Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Long story.
I rolled Lord Shojo with an interesting... range of twelve other characters (including Lien), most of who were female. I'm not willing to write it, but I will damn well reference it.
And the last line was intentionally bad, as people were saying they no longer need brain bleach.
Someone has to maintain low standards!Nadir We,
Youth Born,
Blood Letters,
Axe Weilders,
Victors Still.
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2009-08-19, 01:14 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
The Oracle X The Really Dangerous Trap.
****.
Spoiler
the oracle was strolling down the dungeon corridor, thrwoing a few stones at the wall, which ended up chain reacting and killing all goblins that might have atttacked him. Until, finally, he reached his goal. a lonely door, filling the already narrow corridor up completely. He stepped a few steps back, picked up his scrolls of antilife shell, Ironguard, and resist poison, muttering:
"Its tedious to do this every time, but you're worth it all..."
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2009-08-19, 04:03 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2008
Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Nice!
Good work using that, didn't think anyone ever would.Nadir We,
Youth Born,
Blood Letters,
Axe Weilders,
Victors Still.
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2009-08-19, 04:22 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2008
- Location
- Germany.
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
VxRedcloak
If anyone wants to do this it's all yours, if not i will do it when i have spare time. (I have mates over that want to play halo3.)
"Looks to see if any friends are watching"Last edited by xelliea; 2009-08-19 at 04:23 PM.
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2009-08-19, 05:29 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2009
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
SpoilerNothing is ever inhuman for, no matter how heinous the crime, one can always find a human willing to commit it. ~Unknown
SpoilerI'm a Neutral Good Human Druid (1st Level)
Ability Scores:
Strength- 12
Dexterity- 13
Constitution- 13
Intelligence- 14
Wisdom- 11
Charisma- 11
Look here to see what D&D character you are!
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2009-08-20, 05:16 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2008
- Location
- Germany.
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2009-08-20, 11:02 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Aug 2009
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2009-08-20, 11:10 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2009
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
That's because V's a zombie in this picture. We're sick, sick people who love to torture their favorite characters for our own amusement. So we had Xykon kill V and reanimate him, just for kicks.
Formerly known as Discord here and Maladin on avatarspirit.net.
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2009-08-20, 04:45 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2007
- Location
- Maine, may it do ya fine!
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Okay, I got TherklaxOracle, and I tried writing it, but I couldn't conclude it. It went on with a long dialogue, but I couldn't pull it together into a crack fic. I'm not really cut out for disturbing stuff, I guess.
(Oh, and Bibliophile: I started writing when I was your age. Don't stop, and if you're still writing three years later, you'll see HUGE improvements. I'm speaking from experience...)
SpoilerFounder of the Oracle fanclub. To join put this into your sig and give yourself a title.
Court sorcerer of House Kato.
Tuna-preparer of the Mr. Scruffy fanclub
78% of DM's started their first campaign in a tavern. I didn't.
Magioth made my avatar!
The SECOND member of the fanclub!!!
Sequinox
And the Dark Lord on his Dark Throneitp, where the shadows lie.
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2009-08-20, 06:35 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2008
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2009-08-20, 07:46 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2009
Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.
If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).
The best answer is always to ask your DM.
Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.
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2009-08-20, 09:23 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2008
Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
As this appears to be slowing, might I suggest competitions? i.e, Dark Fiddler can suggest a pairing, and we all write it, then the winner suggests the next one, and so on.
For instance, a competition could be:
Half-orc/Dying in your arms challenge.
Write about two pairings of your choice, but must include the characters Bozzok, Thog and Therkla, set during the third book. Content must be at least four hundred words, and must contain character death of at least two major characters. Winner will be chosen by the issuer of challenge, or by popular vote, and gets to decide the next challenge.
By the way, I seem to be having trouble coming up with Durkon and Lien stuff, as they don't seem to have much in the way of interaction, although here is one more...
Fluff. I'll write something more intimate tomorrow.
Spoiler"If you try to get on board this ship, I will gut you like a fish." She said steadily, holding the spear loosely in her hands, constantly adjusting her grip and weaving it's point in a figure-of-eight.
The orange-skinned bastards were holding back wearily, trying to gauge her skill, but she could see them finding their courage. It wouldn't be long now before they charged. Well so be it. Let them come.
With guttural roars that blended together to form a single sharp sound that grated on her nerves, they sprinted forward, waving their heavy broadswords above their head, notched and rusted, and covered in a thin patina of filth.
Taking a moment to sneer at them for holding their shields at their sides where they wouldn't do any good, and their swords above their heads where they were even less use she pushed firmly of her back foot and brought the spear through the first ones larynx, then with a twist drove it through the back of his neck and into the one behind him.
She felt their hot breath on her hands and face, and watched the light leave their eyes as they slumped, their life blood spurting through the gash she'd made and running down the haft and over her hands. Perhaps she'd even be sympathetic if she hadn't watched some of the more aggressive ones killing defenseless prisoners a while away. She'd waned to do something, anything, but there were a few hundred hobgoblins between them, and she was skilled, but not that skilled.
As they fell, one of them dropped of the boardwalk, tangling her spear. She clutched it desperately, but the two bodies weighed far to much and their blood made her hands slippery.
The one behind them cocked his head cockily and strutted forward, making no attempt to defend himself. She supposed he didn't see there as much point. Desperately she raised her hands, not sure exactly what she was planning to do, when a rich deep voice smote the air like thunder.
"Thar's Lightnin'!" It roared, and there was a bright flash of light that left spots dancing before her eyes as she desperately blinked, trying to clear them.
She made out a shinning blur before her, then shook her head, realizing who it was, and feeling her heart flutter.
She staggered clumsily, and realized offhandedly that a bit of the lightning had burned her thigh. She knew it hurt, but in the same way she knew that the Underdark was there. You'd be mad to try and deny it, but it didn't affect her very much.
"Joost relax, lass. Ah'll heal ye." He said kindly, his rough hands oddly gentle, and she felt a feeling of bliss as the positive energy flowed into her.
Se wanted to embrace him, and kiss him, and tell him how worried she'd been, but she didn't. He was private and reserved, and there was no time. so instead she smiled warmly and followed him onto the ship.
"Are ye alright, lass?" He asked once they had retrieved her spear and were safely on board.
She smiled warmly. "I am now."
Oh, and Dark Fiddler? Could you please add on the front page a disclaimer explaining that if you post it you are contractually obliged to write it?Last edited by Cracklord; 2009-08-20 at 09:27 PM.
Nadir We,
Youth Born,
Blood Letters,
Axe Weilders,
Victors Still.
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2009-08-20, 09:37 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2007
- Location
- Michigan, USA
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Errr... Ahhh... Uhm...
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2009-08-20, 09:54 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2008
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2009-08-20, 11:35 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
- Location
- you might be an assassin!
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
wow. this must be one of the freakiest crack pairing. i triple dog darew anyone to make this work! ok i used a random number generator on the internet and i used two tables. the heavyweight table, and the first erfworld table. ok the pairing is this. Xykon's zombie dragon head X Jack Snape, gender-flipped. anyone who can make this work, can post a big-ass trophy on this thread, that they may design themselves. so basicly, i am not going to do a dang thing, while you deal with the most messed up pairing that i have read into this thread so far. Have Fun!
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2009-08-21, 12:56 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2008
Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
I have done one involving a massive orgy between Edward Cullen, Harry Potter, Xykon, the Cliffport chief of Police, Wiston Churchill, Tsukiko, Raistlin, Hinjo, Stanley the Tool, Lien and a few other characters. And I made it semi-plausible. What your talking about isn't even worth mentioning.
Nadir We,
Youth Born,
Blood Letters,
Axe Weilders,
Victors Still.
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2009-08-21, 03:09 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
- Location
- you might be an assassin!
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
WOW! as it turns out, random number geneators are much better than dice when it comes to making pairing that make no ****ing sense! i will now list them. this list may induce nausia, vomiting, or excessive melting of the brain. prepare for the weirdest matches you've ever seen.
1-Teevo and Dora (from erfworld) in american high school
2-Spongebob and Julio Scoundrel with a Love Potion
3-Lord Shojo and that guy with the halberd met by adultery
4-Bandit King and Belkar, very,very, VERY drunk
5-TWO Prince Ansoms (from Erfworld) in an american high school
6-Shadowdancer and the Soul Splices in the Afterlife
7-Sizemore (from erfworld) and the IFCC with a love potion
8-Dwagons (from erfworld) and the snarl in an american high school
9-Inkyrius and Belkar with a pregnancy
Seriously, is there anyone on the planet who will take the challenge of these bases into a fanfic, will get 18 cookies. i'm waiting for new sickining material here. i still cant believe the scary things that crawl into your minds while you sleep. bye
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2009-08-21, 03:16 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
- Location
- you might be an assassin!
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
ok frankly, i only said 'as far as i read' so i probably didnt get as far as you mentally scarring brain melting stary yet! so shut up! i read many of your stories though. i believe that my brain literally ran out of my head and left to pursue another purpose. your stories were that messed up.but mine is a challenge because it cant make sense at all that i can find. how can a zombified dragon head have sex? dwell on that and give me an answer.
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2009-08-21, 05:47 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2009
Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.
If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).
The best answer is always to ask your DM.
Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.
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2009-08-21, 06:38 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2008
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2009-08-21, 08:01 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2008
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2009-08-21, 11:59 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
- Location
- Among the spiders
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
You all are absolutely insane. And I like it. Enough so that I'll actually make an account and stop lurking, at any rate.
I think I'm going to pick a crack pairing and try to make it work. Assuming Zen doesn't mind, I'll take V/Redcloak too--it's a pairing I think I might actually be able to put in character.
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2009-08-21, 12:03 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2009