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Thread: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
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2009-05-18, 08:01 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2009
Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Wait, why's Haley's dad there if we don't know who he is? Unless its in one of the print exclusives...
It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.
If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).
The best answer is always to ask your DM.
Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.
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2009-05-18, 08:02 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2009
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- Nebraska, USA
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
How to: Glibness
Spoiler
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2009-05-18, 08:06 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2009
Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
I think I'll need to do another one soon.
If I get a good one, then I'll make a long proper fanfic.It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.
If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).
The best answer is always to ask your DM.
Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.
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2009-05-18, 08:31 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2008
Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
O RLY?
Roll twice on the first table, then do as instructed.
1 OotS Initial table
2 OotS Pathetic table
3 OotS lightweight table
4 OotS heavyweight table
5 Erfworld Character Table
6 Erfworld Unit Table
Erfworld Characters
1. Parson
2. Wanda Firebaugh
3. Stanley the Tool
4. Sizemore
5. Bogroll
6. Maggie
7. Jack Snape
8. Prince Ansom
9. Jillian
10. Vinnie Doombats
11. Charlie
12. Scarlet
13. Webinar
14. Dora
15. Janis
16. Caesar Borgata
17. Parson's Gaming Buddies
18. Roll again twice
19. Decrypted
20. Genderswitch (If Vaarsuvius, roll again)
Erfworld Units:
1. Jetston
2. Translvito
3. Archons
4. Dwagons
5. Twolls
6. Peeps
7. Marbits
8. Gobwins
9. Archons
10. K.I.S.S. Knight
11 Cloth Golem
12. Crap Golem
13. Metal Golem
14. Uncroaked Infantry
15. Gumps
16. Elves
17. Spidews
18. Royal Coalalition (Other)
19. Weiner Rammers
20. ... while Dancefighting
21. Tardy Elves
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2009-05-18, 08:33 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2008
Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Where's Harry Potter and Battlestar Galactica? You have to go all the way.
Zz'Dtri and Julia. Meh, pretty tame.
Durkon and Inkyrius. Snowed in. Still to tame.
Redcloak and Julia... No. To easy.
Bozzok, Tsukiko and Crystal. Why not? Better then all this gay stuff I usually get. One-sided love/Adultry.
Do not read this unless you have already led a long and happy life and don't care what happens now.
Spoiler
"Listen, tall, green and stupid, you seem to be under a misaprehension here. You seem to think I'm here to negotiate with you. Let me set it like it is: You do what I say, and chances are I don't kill you. Unless I get bored, or you look funny or something. Understand?" Xykon drawled, leaning back on his chair and picking his teeth with one bony finger.
Across the table, Hank and Bozzok stared at each other aprehensively. "Well, see, about that..."
Xykon waved a hand airily. "Listen, I got better things to do then listen to you whinge. I get bored enough without having you add to it. So unless your saying 'Yes sir', then get lost before I start painting targets on your back." Xykon continued, his empty eye holls somehow endevouring to narrow evily. A stream of dark power glowed around his fist.
The two thieves hurried out of the room. The lich leaned back on his chair, unable to feel the effects of relaxing, but enjoying the appearence immensely. He needed ships to get to the other continent, and this was the place to get them. And it was full to bursting with victims.
Now who to torture next.
*****
"So you want me to kill him? Because I can probably do that." Bozzok nodded, wincing as Crystals shrill voice cut through the air like a siren. This was not a conversation he wanted to be overheard.
"Yes. The lich is just the muscle, he'll wander off without the goblin to guide him. Get rid of him and we're set.
Crystal nodded, sucking her lip in a thoughtful manner. "OK" she said at last. "What should I do?"
Bozzok stared at her incredulously. "Try stabbing him."
"Yeah, but isn't he like a goblin?"
"Yeah, so?"
"So don't they have like... some special weakness or something?"
Bozzok opened his mouth, then gave it up as a lost cause. Instead he turned on his heel and walked out the door.
On the way to his room, he bumped into a slight girl. Looking down, he beheld a vision of lovliness. The girl was slim and pale, with a tight form and athletic build, with soft dark hair like spun silk, and deep eyes you could loose yourself in. She had tight, suptle curves and a heartshaped face.
Tsukiko, on the other hand, was imagining what he would look like begining to rot. To her supprise, she found it was not to bad a mental picture. If she wasn't taken...
"Ah, Bozz, are we doing this or not?"
"Right. Of course." He said, walking towards the upper levels. Work first.
*****
Tsukiko was getting changed when the two of them burst in, weapons bared. Fortunately the sight of her semi-clad form was enough of a distraction for her to regain the inniative.
Scowling she unleashed a barrage of necromancy on the biggest of the two, sending him to his knees.
The girl charged towards her, but she did not relent, keeping up her bombardment until she dropped him with a finger of death.
The girl skidded to a halt.
"What do you want?" Tsukiko growled, then stopped. "Hey, are they the new 'Miss assasains' Silent boots?" She said, gazing at the girls feet, or more specificly her big, heavy buckled leather shoes.
"Yeah." The girl replied. "I got them just last week." She was begining to open up already. But then, Crystal had always had trobles with staying consistant, and a short attention span.
"Awesome." Tsukiko replied, making no move to cover her bare torso. "I got to get some."
"Well, I know a guy who could get you some for cheap?"
"Really? You'd do that?" A smile crept onto the Mystic Theuge's face. "Thanks."
"Hey no problem. Always nice to help out someone with good taste in footwear."
"No, that's really sweet." Tsuiko said lowering her arms as the assasain came closer. "I owe you one."
Crystal smiled wolfishly,an expression that the Mystic Theuge found extremely attractive. "I might call you up on that." Crystal said with a sultry smile.
Before they knew it, they were making out, and Tsukiko was helping Crystal with her top. Suddenly a terrible thought crossed the assasains mind. "Wait, what about Bozz?"
Tsukiko's smile widened. Dark power began to coluese around her hand. "Well, the more the merrier." She said happily.
"Create greater undead."
Last edited by Cracklord; 2009-05-18 at 08:36 PM.
Nadir We,
Youth Born,
Blood Letters,
Axe Weilders,
Victors Still.
-
2009-05-18, 08:33 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2009
Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
You winzor.
Pick something to cut out of the last one to make it a 20 numbered table and I'll add it.It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.
If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).
The best answer is always to ask your DM.
Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.
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2009-05-18, 08:39 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2008
-
2009-05-18, 08:41 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2009
Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Then figure out a way to get any of the options. Or is 21 hidden for cheaters?
EDIT: Oh, Tardy elves. Just got it. I failLast edited by The Dark Fiddler; 2009-05-18 at 08:41 PM.
It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.
If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).
The best answer is always to ask your DM.
Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.
-
2009-05-18, 09:40 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2008
Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Okay, new challenge:
Write a 500 words plus fanfic about one of the pairings you randomly sellect, that is genuine crack (No ElanxHaley here)
Extra special challenge: 2000 words, and make it plausable.
Challenge for those who are possibly insane: Develop your own version of canon between at least three crack pairings. However many words.
That's the point. It's to make it even more crack.Last edited by Cracklord; 2009-05-18 at 09:43 PM.
Nadir We,
Youth Born,
Blood Letters,
Axe Weilders,
Victors Still.
-
2009-05-19, 02:06 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2009
Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
I'm pretty sure I haven't done this right, but this is what I got:
Redcloak/Julia Greenhilt/Pregnancy
Well, this promises to be interesting if anything.Zombie Hef: Proving that being dead doesn't stop you from macking on the ladies.
Official Grand Chronicler of Fanservice
Avatar created by Nevitan.
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2009-05-19, 02:17 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2009
- Location
- California
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Do they have to all be OotS or Erfworld characters? I think an O-Chul, Rahm Emmanuel slashfic would be pretty hot.
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2009-05-19, 02:31 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2008
Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
No, they don't. This is crack, the more mind-bendingly wrong the better.
By the way, someone who's read the books and not just been subjected to an hour and a half of grueling torture needs to do a Tsukiko/Edward Cullen fic, with Edward seeing some dark extremes.
I will be doing a Nale/Hilja/O-Chul/Julia pregnancy dessert island.
Well, this raises an important question: Are ther Half-Dwarves?Nadir We,
Youth Born,
Blood Letters,
Axe Weilders,
Victors Still.
-
2009-05-19, 04:19 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2009
- Location
- Nebraska, USA
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
How to: Glibness
Spoiler
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2009-05-19, 04:46 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2006
- Location
- England
Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
This post may contain sarcasm.
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2009-05-19, 05:14 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2009
Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Wait, there really ARE Half-Human Half-Celestial Wolves?
But not Half-Dwarves?
That... makes no sense...
I love D&D.It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.
If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).
The best answer is always to ask your DM.
Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.
-
2009-05-19, 05:21 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2006
- Location
- England
Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-05-19 at 05:22 PM.
This post may contain sarcasm.
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2009-05-19, 05:58 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2009
- Location
- Nebraska, USA
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
How to: Glibness
Spoiler
-
2009-05-19, 06:01 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2008
Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Well, here goes nothing.
For this story to exist, some 'minor' changes to canon have been instituted. Roy took his final rest, all the order except V and Belkar are dead, Belkar took his new job as grand high executioner, and V has escaped and will still get the soul splice. No really, it makes sense.
Anyway, so Julia got the blood oath, and Kuboto hasn't been discovered.
Nale/Hinjo/O-Chul/Julia
Chapter 1
Spoiler
Julia did her best to remain inconspicuos as the patrol passed. Weren't goblins like, supposed to be really incompetant or something? Or was that Trolls? She could never remember. Maybe it would have been a good idea to have done some research before trying this, but the problem with that was that it was so boring.
The yellow-skinned goblinoids walked past, seemingly none the wiser, so she continued on, wishing she had some better spells. Using her 'assets' to best effect, she had mannaged to obtain some high level scrolls, but scrolls weren't a lot of use if you weren't alive to read them.
Coming to the strange, vaguely organic looking tower, she pulled out a rope and cast rope trick, using it to climb in through one of the windows. Ahead she could see the lich and a few minions. Now, for a magic missile...
*****
"See, I told you these traps weren't a waste of time."
"Meh, she looks pretty lightweight. Nameless over there could probably take her out."
"My name is Jirix."
"Do I look like someone who gives a damn?"
"Well, should we kill her?" Redcloak interupted.
"What's the point? She won't give any Xp, and doesn't seem like a threat to my rep. Lock her up, she might be useful later."
"Wouldn't it be better to..."
"Look, Could you stop interupting my Teevo marathon please? There's some great footage here."
Redcloak sighed. "Fine."
*****
Julia woke up with a terrible headache. It had been a long time since she'd been knocked to negative HP. Being the most popular girl in a wizard university had perks, one of which being you didn't actually have to put yourself in danger for XP. Physical pain was not something she cared to feel.
Turning, she realised she was being stared at by a wild looking man, his heavy build a mass of knotted muscle, grizzled flesh and deep looking scars. His brawny arms hung limply by his side, but his eyes were alert and alive, filled with a deep, quiet wisdom and burning defience. They were also, she couldn't help but notice, fixed on her face instead of her chest.
A blush suffused her features. She'd always had a thing for older brawny, hairy guys.
"I haven't had a cell mate in a while." He said, his soft, deep voice at odds with his appearence. It was the gentle tone of a priest, not the roar of a warrior, but it seemed somehow dangerous. A shiver whnt up her spine.
"Well, like, I had to kill the lich, but someone got the jump on me and I ended up here."
The man nodded slowly, but made no further movement. Feeling the need to fill the silence, she went on. "Like, the lich killed my fathers master, so he went and sweared revenge, though I don't really see why, and when he died my brother had to do it. Naturally he screwed it up bad, and so it passed to me."
At this the man looked up. "Was your brother Greenhilt?" Julia nodded. "Ah, well then I regret to tell you he died in the fighting for the city. The lich killed him."
"Yet another reason to kick his bony butt."
Two hobgoblins arrived, opening the cage door carefully. Julia moved to do something, until she noticed the goblin cleric standing behind them.
"Wait, what's happening?"
THe paladin turned to look at her. "Oh, they are about to attempt to break my spirit with torture."
*****
Two hours later, O-Chul was thrown back in the cage. His torso was riddled with burns and stab wounds, and he seemed slightly woozy from loss of blood. Julia was gaping. "That was increadible..." she breathed.
One of the Hobgoblins shook his head. "That was nothing. You should see him on a Thursday."
I'll have Chapter 2 up later. Be afraid.Nadir We,
Youth Born,
Blood Letters,
Axe Weilders,
Victors Still.
-
2009-05-19, 06:45 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2007
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- Tampa, FL
- Gender
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2009-05-19, 07:26 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2008
Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
OK, thanks.
Nadir We,
Youth Born,
Blood Letters,
Axe Weilders,
Victors Still.
-
2009-05-19, 08:35 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2007
- Location
- Maine, may it do ya fine!
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Do I sense the next Belkar's Romantic Interest Thread?
SpoilerFounder of the Oracle fanclub. To join put this into your sig and give yourself a title.
Court sorcerer of House Kato.
Tuna-preparer of the Mr. Scruffy fanclub
78% of DM's started their first campaign in a tavern. I didn't.
Magioth made my avatar!
The SECOND member of the fanclub!!!
Sequinox
And the Dark Lord on his Dark Throneitp, where the shadows lie.
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2009-05-19, 08:45 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2008
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2009-05-19, 08:57 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2007
- Location
- Maine, may it do ya fine!
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
That was rhetorical.
Also, eww.Last edited by Sequinox; 2009-05-19 at 08:57 PM.
SpoilerFounder of the Oracle fanclub. To join put this into your sig and give yourself a title.
Court sorcerer of House Kato.
Tuna-preparer of the Mr. Scruffy fanclub
78% of DM's started their first campaign in a tavern. I didn't.
Magioth made my avatar!
The SECOND member of the fanclub!!!
Sequinox
And the Dark Lord on his Dark Throneitp, where the shadows lie.
-
2009-05-20, 05:25 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2008
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2009-06-28, 07:38 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2008
Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Xykon sat next to his lover, the dark brawny arms wrapped around his delicate ribcage, scarred hands clasped under his chin. They'd been alone so long, but they were together again. Once more he had someone who understood him, cared for him, appreciated him. Someone who loved him for what he was.
"thog like babbies. they're squishy." Xykon smiled. Given that his face was a skull, he didn't have a lot of choice, but this time, he meant it.
"Honey, you're going to be a great parent." He said, cradling their offspring lightly.
"Isn't that cute, he's trying to eviscerate daddy."
Do not tempt me, Blackbird, for I am a master of thread necromancy.Nadir We,
Youth Born,
Blood Letters,
Axe Weilders,
Victors Still.
-
2009-06-28, 07:40 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2009
- Location
- Nebraska, USA
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
How to: Glibness
Spoiler
-
2009-06-28, 07:51 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2007
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
tsukkioxleeky windstaff with aliens forcing them to do it....
Credit for my various avatars goes to Dashwood,Cealocanth,Kwarkpudding,Randomizer,kpengu in,Alarra,Bisected8,zimmerwald1915, and Thanqol.
Once known as "Gamerkid".
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2009-06-28, 07:55 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2008
Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
See some of the stuff that we've already done, and that will look tame.
Good times.Nadir We,
Youth Born,
Blood Letters,
Axe Weilders,
Victors Still.
-
2009-06-28, 08:29 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2008
- Location
- Large Midwestern City
- Gender
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2009-07-01, 03:34 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2006
- Location
- England
Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Time for some necromancy!
Inspired by this post in the "Vaarsuvius and Xykon Speculation" thread.
Blame him.
Spoiler
Xykon didn't show it - he wasn't one to let his mannerisms reflect his thoughts, unless of course he wanted them too - but this elf fascinated him. There was something about the sheer arrogance and foolishness of the wizard that drew him to the elf. He wanted to hurt the elf, yes, but his finger bones twitched at the thought of touching that soft skin as he ripped it apart, seeing up close those delicate feature twist with pain.
He effortlessly hurled the crumbling section of wall from the battered elf who now lay powerless and dazed and grabbed it by the front of its cloak, pulling its prone form from the floor like a rag doll. He wrapped bony fingers around its slender neck. He could feel its rapid pulse. He squeezed.
The elf, coming back to its senses raised an arm, tried vainly to push him away. The sensation of its slender fingers against his bones was electrifying. He didn't let go, but relished in the feel of the elf's windpipe as it splintered, delighted in the soft muffled gasp of pain. Finally he felt the pulse beneath his fingers slow, the body go limp, the fragile life diminish.
Xykon let the elf's body fall back to the ground, and then glanced over to the caged paladin, who was rattling one of the bars of his cage futilely.
He looked back at the elf.
In death its features looked no less troubled; blood caked it's face and matted it's hair, it's slender upturned nose was bent, shattered; one eye was swollen shut. But it was still mesmerizing. And it would be a shame to let the body go to waste: he leant down, delicately placing a hand on each side of that slender face. "Create Greater Undead."
The undead elf opened softly glowing eyes, it's skin took on a greenish tint. To Xykon, in undeath it was only more beautiful. Xykon looked over to the paladin, who had sunk back onto the floor of the cage in despair.
"Let’s go somewhere more... private." the lich mused, looking back on the undead elf as it rose to its feet.
"Yes, master."
Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-07-02 at 04:11 AM.
This post may contain sarcasm.
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