Crack Pairings VII - Bring Bottled Water, Our Water is Spiked With Love Potion

[Taekwondodo]

Wow, NemoUtopia loved your Miko story. Satisfying ending .

*Joins "We Hate the Master" club* So how are we torturing him today?

[Closak]

How about feeding him to the ABD while wearing some magic device that prevents him from dying as a result?

Then when he comes out the other end we set him on fire and throw gasoline on him?

Then castrate him and push him of the side of a mountain in such a way that his face is smashed against the mountainside on the way down and the skin is peeled from his forehead as a result to the point where you can see the bone beneath?

Then let Cerberus use him as a chew toy?


There was a reference somewhere in there.
See if you can find it.

[Asta Kask]

What are those songs called? *prepares to look them up on YouTube*

The first is Nativity In Black (usually called N.I.B.) by Black Sabbath. The second is Nothing's Free by Alice Cooper.

Here's a song (by Alice Cooper) for Deirde:

Spoiler

Show

Welcome to my nightmare
I think you're gonna like it
I think you're gonna feel... you belong
A nocturnal vacation
Unnecessary sedation
You want to feel at home 'cause you belong

Welcome to my nightmare
Welcome to my breakdown
I hope I didn't scare you
That's just the way we are when we come down
We sweat and laugh and scream here
'cuz life is just a dream here
You know inside you feel right at home here

Welcome to my breakdown
Whoa
You're welcome to my nightmare
Yeah

Welcome to my nightmare
I think you're gonna like it
I think you're gonna feel... you belong
We sweat laugh and scream here
'cuz life is just a dream here
You know inside you feel right at home here
Welcome to my nightmare
Welcome to my breakdown
Yeah

[Draconi Redfir]

random thought: ABD wearing a cursed/magical necklace tat trapped it in a humanoid form. who would you force feed the love potion to?


discuss

[Lix Lorn]

I feel stupid. Who/what is ABD?

[Closak]

Ancient Black Dragon.

She's smexy...*Drools*
Mmmm, dragons...hawt...

[Asta Kask]

No. I want an explicit description of him getting torn apart and burned alive and hung, drawn, and quartered, and his eyes melted and bubbling out of their sockets and his fingernails torn out and getting castrated with a dull rusty fork and I want his death to last weeks.

Don't hold it in or sugar-coat it, Coffee. Tell us how you really feel...

Actually, I can't believe that stirred up so much emotions. A rather common story-telling device in the Ancient World was killing child of your enemy and serving it up to him for dinner. Tantalos served up his own son, Pelops, to the gods to see if they were truly omniscient (and was imprisoned in Tartaros for this.)

Meanwhile, in the real world... may I remind you that one of the principal pleasures of the common man in 15th-century Paris was cat-burning - rounding up a couple of strays and burning them alive, with their shrieks and howls causing much merriment. I wonder what you think of that, Coffee...

[Lix Lorn]

Aaaah. (nod)
Wait, she's a girl? Huh. XD
Familiacide.

[Closak]

Familicide!? *Goes berserk and starts killing everything that moves that isn't a dragon*

RAAAAGEEE!!!

Damn elves *Uses breath weapon on*

[Lix Lorn]

...ow.
(Heals Critical Wounds on self)
I'd like to point out that it's a TOUCH spell, i wasn't anywhere near you, i'm not an elf, (my grandmother was a half-elf) and... you're not listening. Peaceful Serenity of Io. (Touches)

[NemoUtopia]

But why would you use a spoon, cousin?

Because it would hurt more, you twit!

*Points at Cosak* (Epic) Magic-lock.

Quickened Forcecage.

Now when you've calmed down and are ready to play nicely with the dirty ape-creatures you can come out.

[Asta Kask]

Wow, NemoUtopia loved your Miko story. Satisfying ending .

*Joins "We Hate the Master" club* So how are we torturing him today?

Just stick a spear through him. He's going to the Abyss, where there are fiends infinitely more skilled at torture. Why prolong his life on Earth?

[Lix Lorn]

And i was going for the friendly option. XD Greater Dispel.
(Removes Forcecage)

[Draconi Redfir]

Wow, NemoUtopia loved your Miko story. Satisfying ending .

*Joins "We Hate the Master" club* So how are we torturing him today?

i say we claw out his eyeballs, turn them around, and then make him watch as we slowly peel off his face. we then take jagged knives and cut up eavry mussel we can find, but keeping him alive. leaving him horribly disfigured and in great pain.


and then we get a taxidermist to imortilize his face, and use it as the baises of a populer monster-movie franchise.

[Lix Lorn]

Haha. XD Owneded.
Why don't we lock him in a room with a Symbol of Pain?

[Water-Smurf]

xykon in every way, shape, form, is a heartless excuse for bones. all he knows is how to hurt, manipulate, and kil people. Still he exists and is powerful enough to stay alive for just about ever. Poor v and red cloak

You summed up my feelings pretty well.

Here's a song (by Alice Cooper) for Deirde:

Spoiler

Show

Welcome to my nightmare
I think you're gonna like it
I think you're gonna feel... you belong
A nocturnal vacation
Unnecessary sedation
You want to feel at home 'cause you belong

Welcome to my nightmare
Welcome to my breakdown
I hope I didn't scare you
That's just the way we are when we come down
We sweat and laugh and scream here
'cuz life is just a dream here
You know inside you feel right at home here

Welcome to my breakdown
Whoa
You're welcome to my nightmare
Yeah

Welcome to my nightmare
I think you're gonna like it
I think you're gonna feel... you belong
We sweat laugh and scream here
'cuz life is just a dream here
You know inside you feel right at home here
Welcome to my nightmare
Welcome to my breakdown
Yeah

Huh. Alice Cooper is good at making songs that sum up characters/situations... Be that as it may, it's still freaky how well it matches up to Deirdre.

So let's see...

Xykon/Vaarsuvius: Nativity in Black

Xykon/Tiasal/Deirdre: Nothing's Free

Deirdre/Tiasal: Welcome to my Nightmare

Tiasal/Deirdre: Diary of a Madman

Anything else?

Just stick a spear through him. He's going to the Abyss, where there are fiends infinitely more skilled at torture. Why prolong his life on Earth?

He'll be part of the freshly-snipped evil choir.


Anyway, how do you guys think Vaarsuvius and Redcloak respectively would react if they found out that Tiasal was willingly working with Xykon against them?

[Lix Lorn]

They'be be horribly shocked and love her anyway.

[Asta Kask]

Xykon/Vaarsuvius: Nativity in Black

Xykon/Tiasal/Deirdre: Nothing's Free

Deirdre/Tiasal: Welcome to my Nightmare

Tiasal/Deirdre: Diary of a Madman

Anything else?

Not at the moment, no.

Anyway, how do you guys think Vaarsuvius and Redcloak respectively would react if they found out that Tiasal was willingly working with Xykon against them?

I see Vaarsuvius as less forgiving than Redcloak. He'd probably be sorry, but still love her. She, on the other hand...

Spoiler

Show

Blasts and fogs upon thee!
Hear me, Nature! If this
creature ever conceives a child, let it stamp wrinkles in
her brow, and turn her pains to laughter and contempt,
so that she may feel how sharper than a serpent's tooth
it is to have a thankless child! Away! Away! I have
one daughter left.

[CoffeeIncluded]

Meanwhile, in the real world... may I remind you that one of the principal pleasures of the common man in 15th-century Paris was cat-burning - rounding up a couple of strays and burning them alive, with their shrieks and howls causing much merriment. I wonder what you think of that, Coffee...

I really, really didn't need, or want, to hear that...

[Taekwondodo]

i say we claw out his eyeballs, turn them around, and then make him watch as we slowly peel off his face. we then take jagged knives and cut up eavry mussel we can find, but keeping him alive. leaving him horribly disfigured and in great pain.


and then we get a taxidermist to imortilize his face, and use it as the baises of a populer monster-movie franchise.

What do you have against seafood? (lol) I believe you mean muscle!

Shakespeare Asta Kask?

[Asta Kask]

I really, really didn't need, or want, to hear that...

I'm sorry, but think of it this way - think of how far we have come since then. Who knows where we'll be only a few generations hence? We can change - and the fact that we no longer burn cats for our amusement is proof of that.

Shakespeare Asta Kask?

It's a principle I have - steal only from the best.

[Closak]

Push him of the side of a mountain in such a way that his face is smashed against the mountainside on the way down and the skin is peeled from his forehead as a result to the point where you can see the bone beneath?

Am i the only one here who wants to do that to Master?

Of course it won't kill him, it just cause a helluva lot of pain.


...I also have a few other things i would like to try out

[Zanaril]

It would just take some niggling for her to really let herself fall back into his arms.


But they'd have to make sure that Xykon wouldn't find out--he'd be pissed if Redcloak was starting to muscle into his territory.

It's going to be very hard for Reddy to help V much while they're still being controlled by Xykon. For one thing, they're going to have to pretend to hate, or at least be indifferent to each other whenever Xykon's watching, and that's going to get harder an harder to keep up. For another, V is still going to have to act submissively around Xykon and do what he says; and Reddy's now going to have to deal with knowing that all the interaction between those two is a one-sided lie. I can't see Reddy being able to do anything more for V than providing enough support to stop her getting any worse, at least not until they escape.

But again, this requires that Xykon doesn't crush them again.

I think at that point they'd have to concentrate their efforts of looking for a way out of there. Xykon's given a demonstration of exactly how harmful it is continually being under his thumb.

Anyway, how do you guys think Vaarsuvius and Redcloak respectively would react if they found out that Tiasal was willingly working with Xykon against them?

Reddy wouldn't blame her. He knows how manipulative Xykon is, and besides, considering Tiasal's situation siding with the lich was probably the safest thing she could have done. But he's still going to be worried for her, because he also knows that no-one benefits from working with Xykon except Xykon himself. If makes escaping harder, because they can't include Tiasal's help in any plans, but they're still going to get her out of there too, whether she wants it or not. Reddy seems like the kind of person to respect her decisions, but he's still going to try unrelentlessly to show her that siding with xykon is a bad idea.

V might be a little less tolerent; when it comes to anyone except Reddy, she thinks she knows best for her family and that she can order them around if it's for their own good. Obviously that's not going to work with Tiasal, but it might take her a while to realize that she can't control her daughter that way.

[CoffeeIncluded]

I'm sorry, but think of it this way - think of how far we have come since then. Who knows where we'll be only a few generations hence? We can change - and the fact that we no longer burn cats for our amusement is proof of that.

Yes, but you're talking to a girl who saves stray kittens.

Speaking of the shelter, who the **** feeds sandwiches with thick slabs of raw bacon to food-possessive dogs?! (And it's clearly marked on the card in front of their cage that they're food-possessive.)

I deal with idiots at the shelter sometimes. People who poke their fingers in the cages, even when it clearly says not to (One woman who got bitten said that she was "testing"), parents turning a blind eye when their little kids are poking an angry cat in the face, and then people yell at me and say that the shelter doesn't care about the animals, only about the money...Because surprise surprise, there's an adoption fee!

Guess what? The shelter's a non-profit! It costs a LOT more than the fee to run the place and pay wages and prep the animals for adoption! Gah!

[Lix Lorn]

Yeah, people are mostly dumb.
(The original quote is ruder. DXD)

[Asta Kask]

Yes, but you're talking to a girl who saves stray kittens.

*shrug* I'm the one with a purring cat in his lap. Three of the family's four cats are adopted strays (the fourth is 100% farm cat).

Speaking of the shelter, who the **** feeds sandwiches with thick slabs of raw bacon to food-possessive dogs?! (And it's clearly marked on the card in front of their cage that they're food-possessive.)

What happened? Did they throw up? Or start fighting?

I deal with idiots at the shelter sometimes. People who poke their fingers in the cages, even when it clearly says not to (One woman who got bitten said that she was "testing"), parents turning a blind eye when their little kids are poking an angry cat in the face, and then people yell at me and say that the shelter doesn't care about the animals, only about the money...Because surprise surprise, there's an adoption fee!

And you'll find more idiots in the wide world... surprisingly, 50% of the population are below median intelligence. But it's a good thing you have an adoption fee - it shouldn't be too easy to adopt an animal. In Sweden we have a word - "summer cat." A summer cat is taken in as a kitten at the start of summer to play with the kiddies. And then, when vacation is over and the family leaves for home they abandon the cat because "cats can always take care of themselves." Scum is too good a word for people like that.

[Water-Smurf]

I see Vaarsuvius as less forgiving than Redcloak. He'd probably be sorry, but still love her. She, on the other hand...

Spoiler

Show

Blasts and fogs upon thee!
Hear me, Nature! If this
creature ever conceives a child, let it stamp wrinkles in
her brow, and turn her pains to laughter and contempt,
so that she may feel how sharper than a serpent's tooth
it is to have a thankless child! Away! Away! I have
one daughter left.

So basically "I hope you have a kid just as bad as you"?

Awesome selection of Shakespeare quote, by the way. Quite appropriate.

It's going to be very hard for Reddy to help V much while they're still being controlled by Xykon. For one thing, they're going to have to pretend to hate, or at least be indifferent to each other whenever Xykon's watching, and that's going to get harder an harder to keep up. For another, V is still going to have to act submissively around Xykon and do what he says; and Reddy's now going to have to deal with knowing that all the interaction between those two is a one-sided lie. I can't see Reddy being able to do anything more for V than providing enough support to stop her getting any worse, at least not until they escape.

And that's why I suspect that escape would happen very soon once Redcloak found this out. Xykon would have let his guard down--he thinks that he has broken Vaarsuvius and therefore the source of Redcloak's rebellion--so none of them would be closely monitored. Xykon wouldn't find it suspicious for Vaarsuvius to go out for a walk alone or something, or for Redcloak to disappear in his private study, or for Tiasal to be out of his and/or Master's and/or Tsukiko's sight for a time. Or for all of that to happen at once. They could run away and hide much easier then than they did back before all this happened.

Reddy wouldn't blame her. He knows how manipulative Xykon is, and besides, considering Tiasal's situation siding with the lich was probably the safest thing she could have done. But he's still going to be worried for her, because he also knows that no-one benefits from working with Xykon except Xykon himself. If makes escaping harder, because they can't include Tiasal's help in any plans, but they're still going to get her out of there too, whether she wants it or not. Reddy seems like the kind of person to respect her decisions, but he's still going to try unreletlessly to show her that siding with xykon is a bad idea.

Do you think he would be willing to tell her Right-Eye's story to show her what Xykon is capable of? He's barely been able to face it in his mind, he doesn't know that she knows, and he has every reason to believe that his daughter would turn against him for it, but there's hope that she would see Xykon for the monster he is...

V might be a little less tolerent; when it comes to anyone except Reddy, she thinks she knows best for her family and that she can order them around if it's for their own good. Obviously that's not going to work with Tiasal, but it might take her a while to realize that she can't control her daughter that way.

How would that go down? I mean, she can't exactly tell her daughter that she wasn't allowed to see the guy who controlled all of them and demanded to see her. And she would have to understand that her lengthy absence in her daughter's life makes Tiasal less inclined to listen to her...

In Sweden we have a word - "summer cat." A summer cat is taken in as a kitten at the start of summer to play with the kiddies. And then, when vacation is over and the family leaves for home they abandon the cat because "cats can always take care of themselves." Scum is too good a word for people like that.

...I think I'm going to go to Sweden and kill someone now. Excuse me. *shuffles off*

[Asta Kask]

So basically "I hope you have a kid just as bad as you"?

Awesome selection of Shakespeare quote, by the way. Quite appropriate

Yeah, I think every parent has thought that about their children at some point.

How are you, by the way?

[CoffeeIncluded]

*shrug* I'm the one with a purring cat in his lap. Three of the family's four cats are adopted strays (the fourth is 100% farm cat).

Aww. I'd have a cat but my mom's allergic.

What happened? Did they throw up? Or start fighting?

They started throwing up. And then defended the food when some of the other workers went in to get the uneaten bacon.

And you'll find more idiots in the wide world... surprisingly, 50% of the population are below median intelligence. But it's a good thing you have an adoption fee - it shouldn't be too easy to adopt an animal. In Sweden we have a word - "summer cat." A summer cat is taken in as a kitten at the start of summer to play with the kiddies. And then, when vacation is over and the family leaves for home they abandon the cat because "cats can always take care of themselves." Scum is too good a word for people like that.

I see what you did.

And here they're called christmas puppies.

I just...Ugh. It makes me sick. Especially when they get the animal from the pet store...

...I think I'm going to go to Sweden and kill someone now. Excuse me. *shuffles off*

Make sure you don't hurt Asta or Odor or anyone related to them!

[Lix Lorn]

I think that'd make sense. Xykon doesn't have anything else over them, does he...?