LGBTAitp - Part Thirteen

[Anethiel]

Breaking news from Italy: on April 1st, for the first time a same-sex couple (Francesco Zanardi and Manuel Incorvaia) obtained a unified family status, effectively making them the first Italian gay family ever.
While Italy has no legislation on the matter of same-sex unions, there is also no legislation disallowing them; for this reason Zanardi & Incorvaia, together with about 35 other couples, have, in the course of several years, appealed to a number of Italian courts creating legal precedents for allowing (hopefully) same-sex unions, even in the form of full-on civil marriage.

(Sorry, no translated article this time, as I can't seem to find one that has not anvilicious political overtones )

ION: I have a question for asexual playgrounders.

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All my life I had very little interest in romantic relations and intercourse with other people. I always had, though, a strong obsession for "getting a partner", which was mostly based in societal/peer pressure.
After satisfying this obsession by having a boyfriend, my limited interest in love & sex plummeted, and now I really can't figure out why should I engage in the pursuit of such things. (As a consequence of this, I broke up with my boyfriend).
The question is: is this "just a phase", or may I actually be asexual, or at least have a strong asexual component? I'm sorry if this comes out as offensive or inappropriate, but I know practically nothing about asexuality and I'm very confused about the way I currently feel...

[Mina Kobold]

Was never my intention to imply anything of the sort. "Higher risk" does not a designation make. Gay/bi men are statistically more likely to have anal sex, but that's just statistics. Doesn't count for individual taste. Sorry if that didn't come out right.

Odd, my sources tell me it's actally more common among heterosexual couples bu I believe that source was Cracked so it may be wrong. ^_^'

Queer caveperson? Maybe!

Didn't they do something like that in Clan of the Cavebears' sequel? Books were too centered on sex for me to finish them at the time but I recall a character being described as a woman in a man's body.

... The books tell the truth! We must inform the people! Armageddon is coming! Soylent Green is people! AAAAAH!

Why eat when you can't get a gourmet meal? It leaves me contented and relaxed for a good day or two, it gets my heart rate up (which I'm always trying to do for one reason or another), and it's a good way to connect with friends.

The fact I'd prefer the superior version doesn't mean the other isn't really really good.

Because I have not yet recieved the mechanical immortality that would allow me to see it all. Evolution, history, the universe, the destiny of life itself. See it all until I have reached the sum of all knowledge at which point I will finally destroy the universe to rebuild it and start anew in an endless circle of learning and creating!

*Dramatic lighting*

Or because I need food to live and by extention play video games and quite enjoy trying new foods.

One of those.

ION: I have a question for asexual playgrounders.

Spoiler

Show

All my life I had very little interest in romantic relations and intercourse with other people. I always had, though, a strong obsession for "getting a partner", which was mostly based in societal/peer pressure.
After satisfying this obsession by having a boyfriend, my limited interest in love & sex plummeted, and now I really can't figure out why should I engage in the pursuit of such things. (As a consequence of this, I broke up with my boyfriend).
The question is: is this "just a phase", or may I actually be asexual, or at least have a strong asexual component? I'm sorry if this comes out as offensive or inappropriate, but I know practically nothing about asexuality and I'm very confused about the way I currently feel...

You certainly seem to be quite asexual (it's probably more of a sliding scale than a definite) but I don't claim to be an expert.

All I can say is that you should do what makes you feel happy and have the kind of relationships that you want. Be they sexual, romantic, platonic or none at all.

[Dire Moose]

Because I have not yet recieved the mechanical immortality that would allow me to see it all. Evolution, history, the universe, the destiny of life itself. See it all until I have reached the sum of all knowledge

42. That is all.

[Mina Kobold]

42. That is all.

No no, that's the answer.

I want to question, the wrong answers and the completely unrelated as well.

I know that there is nothing unrelated but who cares about logic?

[Calamity]

It's a matter of availability. I'm with Golentan on this one. Sex is pretty nice in its on. Yes, it is preferable to have it with someone you're emotionally connected to, but there will be times in your life, much too long and many times, when you don't have someone who loves you (that way). No reason to be celibate.
Did I mention that my life has been void of any kind of physical affection for over half a year? Not a good feeling. Believe me, if I could get a pretty someone's body close to mine once in a time these days then I'd rather not ponder about true love on the way. But no luck hunting yet.

This pretty much reflects my opinion on the matter. Finding someone who you have that emotional connection to, is no easy task, and that's an understatement. I mean, it would be great to do it with someone that I really did have the emotional connection to, as I'm sure it's probably better, but I've never had that opportunity.

[Blisstake]

Queer caveperson? Maybe!

Wouldn't that be transgender, though, and not necesarily gay?

[Murdim]

Different people expect different things from their sexual relationships. I always think of it as self-evident. Which is why I always get frustrated when my optimism is proven wrong over and over again

Some people place a "deeper meaning" in sexuality, others don't. Some are drawn to casual sex, others are not. Some feel strongly towards the concept of sexual exclusivity, others only find it to be a convenient arrangement, others yet reject it altogether. Some people eat the less tasteful parts of their meals first, others prefer to keep those for the end. What's the big deal ?

Hey, you know what's great? Hearing a classmate at Uni go on about how bisexuals aren't real, they're just gays/straights that are 'desensitised' to the other gender (his words).

"Desensitised" ? Really ? Now that's just hilarious. Don't know about you, but I don't feel "desensitised" in any way towards either gender. Quite the opposite, actually Wow, this sounds... way more pervy than it should have. o_O

Odd, my sources tell me it's actally more common among heterosexual couples bu I believe that source was Cracked so it may be wrong. ^_^'

It's more common among heterosexual couples in terms of sheer number, but mainly because there are so much more opposite-sex couples than same-sex ones. The popular perception of male homosexuality as butt-focused may be wrong, but it is not without grounding.

[Kneenibble]

Continuing the discussion about popcorn sex and crème brûlée sex -- oh God the one and only time I had crème brûlée I cried a little where is the man who will love me like a ramekin of golden-crusted custard flecked with vanilla seeds oh I feel a warm caramelly sensation just thinking about it --

*ahem*

I understand both sides of the coin, and I thank those who shared their two cents with the heads facing like lovers. Can you imagine Queen Elizabeth making out with herself? My problem is that I have just never had a satisfying experience -- I mean physically as well as other facets of being -- with the meaningless sex. I've had to find polite ways to ask ... most guys if they have a setting lower than purée.

Is it just me? - that finds merely having the same equipment does not qualify one to use anybody's else skillfully? That Seinfeldian stereotype is bunk. If I'd ever had a good time with it, I'd probably be in the other camp about consumer sex; so either I need it to be emotionally invested for pleasure, or I've just had one dumb all-thumbed greenhorn screwdriver after another.

[Danne]

...Now I want crème brûlée. D:

I'm afraid I'm completely useless on the sex debate, not having any firsthand experience with it myself.

[celtois]

Erm, well. I personally don't have first hand experience with the sex side of things. I'll assume it's not dissimilar to other physical relationship things. Which I'm not going to go into excessive detail on.

In my experience it's not just you. While my body can react physically to the physical sides of things in an affirmative manner when you are with someone that you don't feel emotionally attached to, then often things like a kiss will just sort of feel off physically. I remember being in a realtionship were when we kissed it felt fine physically.. but at the same time my flesh would almost start to crawl, everything about it just felt weird and wrong. When compared with my next relationship with someone who was frankly not anywhere near as good at the physical aspect of it but I felt emotionally right with I didn't get that feeling.

The first was both odd and I'll say it wasn't really satisfying in either way while the second was. So it may just be personal opinion but maybe you need that emotional connection to get anything from it?

Though you having bad luck and getting bad partners isn't impossible either.

[Derjuin]

...Now I want crème brûlée. D:

I'm afraid I'm completely useless on the sex debate, not having any firsthand experience with it myself.

Aw *makes crème brûlée for everyone*

I am afraid I am otherwise as useless on the debate ._.

ION: I talked to my general doctor today, and found out I'll have to talk to my therapist, whose office is almost 3 hours away, about starting HRT. I'd also have to find out if he has an MD, and if not, whether or not he has a preferred/predetermined psychiatrist for Trans folk to talk to about HRT.

Though I kinda figured this would happen, having to drive so far away will be difficult, and I'm not sure if having meetings over the phone will be able to replace face-to-face therapy.

[Danne]

*om noms crème brûlée"

And aww... Are you sure there isn't anyone closer?

[golentan]

Aw *makes crème brûlée for everyone*

I don't know if you did it deliberately, but .

[Derjuin]

*om noms crème brûlée"

And aww... Are you sure there isn't anyone closer?

Pretty sure I live in a pretty small town, barely big enough to call itself a city and the local psychology/psychiatry people haven't even dealt with Trans individuals before (and don't have much knowledge in the field - I was educating them on it more often than not). The closest to me that I know of is in Rehoboth Beach, Delaware. I'd love to be able to visit, but driving all that way will put a huge strain on what little money I have.

[Serpentine]

Thoughts on sex:
1. Sex is fun.
2. Sex is emotionally fulfilling.
2a. We are biologically designed in various ways to find sex emotionally fulfilling.
3. Sex is a means by which we can express our love, trust, devotion and other such words to our loved ones.
4. Points 1, 2 and 3 are neither mutually exclusive, nor dependent on one another. It is possible to have fun, emotionally fulfilling sex in which love etc. has no role at all, and it is possible to have entirely emotionless sex that is fun. I think it's less likely to have emotionally fulfilling, bond-affirming sex that isn't also fun, but I guess it could be "serious" sex.

Wouldn't that be transgender, though, and not necesarily gay?

Although they did stress the "gay" bit far more than I think they ought to've, they did point out the "third gender" possibility. And that's why I said "queer", not "gay" or "transexual".

[Blisstake]

There's a difference between queer and gay?

All this terminology confuses me sometimes

[Serpentine]

Queer has come to be used for any nonheteronormative status, a definition I find extremely useful.

[Derjuin]

I rather prefer it being used to refer to nonheteronormativity myself, as it's a nice, succinct way of saying "LGBT community including all beings great and small not included in the acronym".

I don't know if you did it deliberately, but .

Oops! Sorry Here is yours:

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[Worira]

I think you missed what golentan was saying, there.

[Coidzor]

There's a difference between queer and gay?

All this terminology confuses me sometimes

We might consider compiling a quick reference of either concise definitions here or links to references as part of the OP or a secondary OP along with something else, come to think of it.

[Derjuin]

I think you missed what golentan was saying, there.

No, I'm pretty sure I got it, I was just trying (and failing, I guess) to make a joke.

[turkishproverb]

Breaking news from Italy: on April 1st, for the first time a same-sex couple (Francesco Zanardi and Manuel Incorvaia) obtained a unified family status, effectively making them the first Italian gay family ever.
While Italy has no legislation on the matter of same-sex unions, there is also no legislation disallowing them; for this reason Zanardi & Incorvaia, together with about 35 other couples, have, in the course of several years, appealed to a number of Italian courts creating legal precedents for allowing (hopefully) same-sex unions, even in the form of full-on civil marriage.

(Sorry, no translated article this time, as I can't seem to find one that has not anvilicious political overtones )

ION: I have a question for asexual playgrounders.

Spoiler

Show

All my life I had very little interest in romantic relations and intercourse with other people. I always had, though, a strong obsession for "getting a partner", which was mostly based in societal/peer pressure.
After satisfying this obsession by having a boyfriend, my limited interest in love & sex plummeted, and now I really can't figure out why should I engage in the pursuit of such things. (As a consequence of this, I broke up with my boyfriend).
The question is: is this "just a phase", or may I actually be asexual, or at least have a strong asexual component? I'm sorry if this comes out as offensive or inappropriate, but I know practically nothing about asexuality and I'm very confused about the way I currently feel...

SOunds like you're asexual, but not Aromantic. Its ok to want companionship without sex.

[Blisstake]

We might consider compiling a quick reference of either concise definitions here or links to references as part of the OP or a secondary OP along with something else, come to think of it.

As long as I won't be tested on it.

Seriously though, that sounds like a good idea.

[golentan]

I rather prefer it being used to refer to nonheteronormativity myself, as it's a nice, succinct way of saying "LGBT community including all beings great and small not included in the acronym".



Oops! Sorry Here is yours:

Spoiler

Show

I have one thing to say to this: Hawt.

[Mina Kobold]

Thoughts on sex:
1. Sex is fun.
2. Sex is emotionally fulfilling.
2a. We are biologically designed in various ways to find sex emotionally fulfilling.
3. Sex is a means by which we can express our love, trust, devotion and other such words to our loved ones.
4. Points 1, 2 and 3 are neither mutually exclusive, nor dependent on one another. It is possible to have fun, emotionally fulfilling sex in which love etc. has no role at all, and it is possible to have entirely emotionless sex that is fun. I think it's less likely to have emotionally fulfilling, bond-affirming sex that isn't also fun, but I guess it could be "serious" sex.Although they did stress the "gay" bit far more than I think they ought to've, they did point out the "third gender" possibility. And that's why I said "queer", not "gay" or "transexual".

For the majority, maybe.

But given the number of truly asexual and partly asexual people around as well as there being any disagreement I'd say what one gets from sex and how easy it is to be fulfilled will wary as much if not more than as with other stimuli.

Just like eating: Some love all edibles, some love certain edibles and hate others, some love anything they can chew be it edible or not, some are indifferent and some straight out can't stand food.

Now I'm even hungrier than when people started talking about tasty-sounding foods I don't know what are! Curse you for making me hungry!!

[Coidzor]

But given the number of truly asexual and partly asexual people around as well as there being any disagreement I'd say what one gets from sex and how easy it is to be fulfilled will wary as much if not more than as with other stimuli.

Well, discussions on whether sex feels good or not are not particularly relevant to asexuals as they wouldn't want sex even if it felt good, now would they?

[Mina Kobold]

Well, discussions on whether sex feels good or not are not particularly relevant to asexuals as they wouldn't want sex even if it felt good, now would they?

Not neccesarily, I may personally think that but some asexual people have sex but just get nothing from it.

I believe it is often because it is mor etroublesome finding a partner equally uninterested in sex than one that want something you have no problem with doing anyway.

Asexuality just denounces a disinterest in sex or lack of attraction, it may be coupled with fear of sex or repulsion to it but it is not neccesary.

[Coidzor]

Not neccesarily, I may personally think that but some asexual people have sex but just get nothing from it.

I believe it is often because it is mor etroublesome finding a partner equally uninterested in sex than one that want something you have no problem with doing anyway.

Asexuality just denounces a disinterest in sex or lack of attraction, it may be coupled with fear of sex or repulsion to it but it is not neccesary.

...Nothing you just said actually contradicted the point I made about the point you made.

[Asta Kask]

Queer caveperson? Maybe!

Maybe not, say the archaeologists.

a) not a caveman. Bronze Age farmer.

b) no reason to assume the person is homosexual. May be transgender.

c) however, may also be shaman, who may be buried in an atypical fashion.

d) may also not be male. Measurements are not perfect. Need chromosome count to be certain (and not even that is certain...)

Bone Girl teaches us more.

[Mina Kobold]

...Nothing you just said actually contradicted the point I made about the point you made.

I misread, sorry. I thought you argued that asexuals wouldn't have sex no matter what and pointed out that some do despite achieving nothing directly from it. Sorry.

But my original argument was more directed at the idea that everybody got the same from sex under the same circumstances. Asexuality show that at least some don't get it from those or any other circumstance. I think.

It's just a hypothesis, really. ^_^'