Battleship - The Movie

[Saph]

So while we're waiting for The Avengers, anyone planning to see this? (Trailer is here.)

I have to admit, my first reaction on hearing about this film was that it was the stupidest movie premise I could think of. But having seen the trailer . . . it actually looks kinda fun. I'm expecting zero story, but a big shoot-out between aliens and the US Navy does sound like it'd be cool to watch. Anyone gotten an early look at it?

[Don Julio Anejo]

I'm expecting the same thing as Battle for Los Angeles: video game plot and lots of explosions. Although at least Battle: LA had proper small unit tactics and military talk. Not expecting as much from Battleship.

[Talya]

I have no interest in this movie.

However, I have a great respect for a fellow Canuck who names himself after a half-decent sipping tequila.

[Soras Teva Gee]

Not even Liam Neeson can motivate me to see this thing. It like Hasbro grabbed someone and said "Okay do everything Michael Bay did for Transformers... on a Battleship"

Also its a bad sign when even the trailer has a glaring technical error in it. If your radar is gone... then so is your CIWS.

Also wonder what silliness resulted in the uniform choices.

[DefKab]

People seem very harsh against the movie. I wonder what they expect out of their own lives, that a just-for-fun can't have a single military mis-step...

Anyways, I can't wait. First 30 second trailer I saw back in the winter made me yelp in the movie theater. It was very embarrasing...
Yes, I am excited. And it's justified. Sure. Its a dumb movie.
It's got a dumb plot.
But that's expected. And is CERTAINLY not the first.
Shoot 'Em Up comes to mind...
But really, what I'm lovin', is Hasbro.

Hasbro has done a LOT lately. Like, a whole lot, to change the way they do business. For me, it started with Battleship: Galaxies....

Battleship: Galaxies, for those who don't know, is a reboot of the Battleship game, except it has nothing to do with Battleship. Instead, it's a 2D tactical naval warfare game. SET IN SPACE. And it is actually a VERY good game, for what it is. For those who yell "WELL ITS NOTHING LIKE BATTLESHIP" then GOOD. Battleship, the original, lets face it... It was boring. Not up to par with modern games, so Hasbro spiced it up, and did a great job. And it didn't stop there.

Risk: Legacy. Another Hasbro reboot of a classic, and the change is DRASTIC. It is currently my number 1 favorite boardgame of all time. The way Hasbro changed the eternally classic style of Risk is brilliant, and introduce a whole new way to look at board games. More games should take note from Risk Legacy.

Then there's Battleship, the Movie... Has NOTHING to do with Battleship Galaxies, but I learned that it is a peripheral to the plot line in Battleship: The Video Game (Yes there really is one). It baffles me that not a single Battleship product gives any mention of the other simultaneous releases of Battleship products. Hasbro has launched three seperate, slightly connected entities without any sort of cross-marketing, and they're working. Hasbro continues to amaze.

But it doesn't stop there!

Finally, I arrive at Wizards of the Coast. (Wait wut? I thought this was about Hasbro.) Well, it is. If you didn't know, Hasbro OWNS WotC, like a boss. And in the past 2 years, Magic: The Gathering has EXPLODED into a game who's reputation is UNPRECEDENTED. Even Wizards has no clue to the sudden surge in Magic popularity. Hasbro's collective awesome has drawn us in.

And finally, dealing with WotC, is the much anticipated (if not worrysome) Dungeons and Dragons Next. Another reboot, of a classic game, and if Hasbro keeps its record, it will NOT disappoint. The connection between all of Hasbro's recent activity (Yes, even the new Monopoly game is still fun) leads me to put all faith into their products. Something happened to them, and it struck them with a bolt of inspiration that spews forth Epic Win in multitude...

Ok... I'm done.

[JadedDM]

It should be worth noting that Universal is actually bracing itself for this to fail abysmally (especially as it's rumored the movie cost over $250 million to make). Let's not show them they are wrong, please?

I mean it. They actually broke a deal they made with Hasbro, thus paying them a massive penalty for doing so, because they figured it was still a smaller loss than actually producing all of the movies they agreed to make for Hasbro under the contract (including Monopoly, Clue, Ouija Board, Candyland, and Stretch Armstrong).

You can read about it here. It's actually quite interesting.

[Trazoi]

I mean it. They actually broke a deal they made with Hasbro, thus paying them a massive penalty for doing so, because they figured it was still a smaller loss than actually producing all of the movies they agreed to make for Hasbro under the contract (including Monopoly, Clue, Ouija Board, Candyland, and Stretch Armstrong).

No Hungry Hungry Hippos the Movie?

You know, all of those save Ouija sound like they could make enjoyable comedies if they made them like the old Clue movie and hammed it up. Ouija is an exception but that one would work played seriously as a horror/thriller or something. The Battleship trailers I've seen seem to be playing the whole premise too straight, which is really weird.

[DefKab]

It should be worth noting that Universal is actually bracing itself for this to fail abysmally (especially as it's rumored the movie cost over $250 million to make). Let's not show them they are wrong, please?

I mean it. They actually broke a deal they made with Hasbro, thus paying them a massive penalty for doing so, because they figured it was still a smaller loss than actually producing all of the movies they agreed to make for Hasbro under the contract (including Monopoly, Clue, Ouija Board, Candyland, and Stretch Armstrong).

You can read about it here. It's actually quite interesting.

I disagree, let us show them that they are wrong. Let Battleship be a huge success.

I have the same knee-jerk reaction as everyone. A Ouija board movie? Candyland, really? But is it justified? No. The reaction is just our inability to accept change. Now, I will admit, the potential for utter failure is phenomenal. It's practically guaranteed... But. What if it doesn't? What if a kids flick about a CGI Candyland (Hey, Adam Sandler has done a slightly successful kids flick) turns out to be good, if not great? Wouldn't that show imagination, and true talent to turn a 2D topic into a full experience?

You may have your doubts, but I for one support them...

[Soras Teva Gee]

People seem very harsh against the movie. I wonder what they expect out of their own lives, that a just-for-fun can't have a single military mis-step...

Anyways, I can't wait. First 30 second trailer I saw back in the winter made me yelp in the movie theater. It was very embarrasing...
Yes, I am excited. And it's justified. Sure. Its a dumb movie.
It's got a dumb plot.
But that's expected. And is CERTAINLY not the first.
Shoot 'Em Up comes to mind...
But really, what I'm lovin', is Hasbro.

Right first up I'm sure it won't be a single misstep... I suspect Lt. Main Character for example is going to be stuck on his little boating trip out the aliens as some "ha ha you pissed off the Captain" move instead of being the officer in charge of VBSS but we can't confirm that at the moment. Also don't seem to be enough people on the RHIB given that they are y'know looking to board an unknown vessel. All that from a few seconds.

And since you invoke Shoot 'Em Up are you suggesting this is a parody made with love for all things action move? Can I expect something as delightfully ridiculous as two character "getting to know one another" in the forward turret in time to the USS Missouri's mighty sixteen inchers firing. Or other delightfully over the top things.

Or am I looking at Transformers 4: Battleship Bugaloo played absolutely straight with no irony. Which I think is really the beginning and end of this, this is about Transformers and the rest is really over-analysis.

It should be worth noting that Universal is actually bracing itself for this to fail abysmally (especially as it's rumored the movie cost over $250 million to make). Let's not show them they are wrong, please?

I mean it. They actually broke a deal they made with Hasbro, thus paying them a massive penalty for doing so, because they figured it was still a smaller loss than actually producing all of the movies they agreed to make for Hasbro under the contract (including Monopoly, Clue, Ouija Board, Candyland, and Stretch Armstrong).

You can read about it here. It's actually quite interesting.

Well for a similar budget at least it has better marketing then John Carter. But yeah I can't see how the heck this was ever considered a good idea.

(Though for ulterior reason I can't truly wish Hasbro financial harm... but they should know that the money is in releasing a certain Blu-ray set)

[bloodtide]

I have to admit, my first reaction on hearing about this film was that it was the stupidest movie premise I could think of.

What, to make a movie out of an old board game is the stupidest movie premise you can think of..... Oh, I don't know...there might be a couple of things that have stupider premises. There was a Rubix Cube cartoon in the 80's(and a Pac Man one too). The Gummy Bears are a candy.

[JadedDM]

You know, all of those save Ouija sound like they could make enjoyable comedies if they made them like the old Clue movie and hammed it up. Ouija is an exception but that one would work played seriously as a horror/thriller or something. The Battleship trailers I've seen seem to be playing the whole premise too straight, which is really weird.

They wouldn't have been. Before they were canceled, the Monopoly movie was meant to be played completely straight; they were comparing it to the Wall Street film. Likewise, Clue was going to be a "global spy thriller mystery." That's a real quote, I'm not making that up.

What if it doesn't? What if a kids flick about a CGI Candyland (Hey, Adam Sandler has done a slightly successful kids flick) turns out to be good, if not great? Wouldn't that show imagination, and true talent to turn a 2D topic into a full experience?

If they actually turned out to be good, that would be one thing. After all, Pirates of the Caribbean was based on a ride at Disney World, and it was wildly popular. BUT...I sincerely doubt Candyland or Battleship will be any good.

Also, please note that 'slightly successful' is in no way the same thing as 'good.'

[Eakin]

Honestly, in reading that article I can't help but wonder if maybe these sorts of movies could be successful if the studios involved set their budgets and box office targets just a little bit lower. Could the Ouija brand justify a $250 million production budget action-horror film? Probably not. But I bet it could turn a profit with a $30 million horror picture with a decent marketing campaign behind it.

I'm planning to go see Battleship when it comes out, fully expecting that it'll be a dumb summer action flick. But maybe signing on for a 5 movie deal wasn't the best move on Universal's part?

(Though for ulterior reason I can't truly wish Hasbro financial harm... but they should know that the money is in releasing a certain Blu-ray set)

You know, the worse they do with these films based on their other properties, the more eager they'll be to sign up for a full third (and fourth?) season of their other intellectual properties that ARE generating toy sales, internet buzz, and high ratings for their kids cartoon network.

[Trazoi]

They wouldn't have been. Before they were canceled, the Monopoly movie was meant to be played completely straight; they were comparing it to the Wall Street film. Likewise, Clue was going to be a "global spy thriller mystery." That's a real quote, I'm not making that up.

Wha? Did they confuse Clue with Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?

If I was going to see a film based on Monopoly, I want Rich Uncle Pennybags organising some contest where some guy in a bowler hat, someone with a scottie dog, someone with a fancy car and so on all race around the city buying property and being jerks to each other.

[JadedDM]

Honestly, in reading that article I can't help but wonder if maybe these sorts of movies could be successful if the studios involved set their budgets and box office targets just a little bit lower. Could the Ouija brand justify a $250 million production budget action-horror film? Probably not. But I bet it could turn a profit with a $30 million horror picture with a decent marketing campaign behind it.

You know, I agree with this. And the funny thing is, Hollywood has done that kind of thing before. I mean, I'm not surprised that they would make a Battleship movie, but I am surprised they'd sink $250 million into it and actually believe it would earn it back.

I can only assume that was more Hasbro's idea than Universal's.

Wha? Did they confuse Clue with Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?

Apparently Clue is serious business.

[Fri]

Guys, I also at first thought that making a movie from boardgame is silly. But my friend reminded me on something.

Pirates of the Carribean. It's based on a theme park ride.

Most likely Battleship will be bad though.

[Soras Teva Gee]

They wouldn't have been. Before they were canceled, the Monopoly movie was meant to be played completely straight; they were comparing it to the Wall Street film. Likewise, Clue was going to be a "global spy thriller mystery." That's a real quote, I'm not making that up.

While searching out a certain other Hasbro product I happen by the game isle and saw a version of Clue not unlike that actually. Hasbro has some bizzare notion that it can somehow modernize boardgames I for the life of me can't fathom.

If they actually turned out to be good, that would be one thing. After all, Pirates of the Caribbean was based on a ride at Disney World, and it was wildly popular. BUT...I sincerely doubt Candyland or Battleship will be any good.

And since then Disney has tried to replicate that success without finding much and just took a $200 million dollar bath on John Carter trying to make their next live action franchise.

Let's face it what made Pirates was Johnny Depp's ingenuity to turn Errol Flynn into Jack Sparrow. That sort of thing brilliance is too fickle to be reliable.

Honestly, in reading that article I can't help but wonder if maybe these sorts of movies could be successful if the studios involved set their budgets and box office targets just a little bit lower. Could the Ouija brand justify a $250 million production budget action-horror film? Probably not. But I bet it could turn a profit with a $30 million horror picture with a decent marketing campaign behind it.

You have something of a point there though this still doesn't really help the underlying issue that what do these brands bring to the table that demands their licensing as opposed to just y'know doing a movie about an evil psychic board game. The origins of this deal seem to be based on those strange heights executives reach where buzzwords and voodoo tea leaves become reality. So no more thought was given then "People Behind Transformers" without any thought to what was actually being created.

When of course in the real world Hasbro is not a actually a brand. Your typical person probably has zero recognition that the same company is behind Battleship, Clue, D&D, Transformers, and MLP. I barely even think of how D&D and M:tG are owned by the same subsidiary. Yet somebody seems to have gone on wild weekend in Vegas and came back with wife and the idea that Hasbro was Disney Lite or something.

At a fundamental level I don't think these sort of classic board games inspire anything like a story or mythos. Any nostalgia people have is for the social activity of getting around with a few friends and/or family and entertaining themselves not being entertained. Might as well make Chess: The Movie or Children's Card Games: The Movie okay they made that last one a few times see how it turn out.

If one wants to build a media franchise around any of these... start with a media franchise. A cartoon, a tween live-action show, something that changes the mode from game I play to media I ingest. Hash out something that isn't "Generic Move^TM+Brand" because you never built a distinct idea to it.

You know, the worse they do with these films based on their other properties, the more eager they'll be to sign up for a full third (and fourth?) season of their other intellectual properties that ARE generating toy sales, internet buzz, and high ratings for their kids cartoon network.

Lets just hope their finances are robust enough, even if they are strictly making money off nothing from Universal I doubt investors like the phrase "the deal fell through" in the voodoo tea leaves.

Mind you I'm confident they are and all but lets keep our devious schemes in check.

Though if this was a true disaster... well a successful property should find in interested party in a bankruptcy and all the real work is external subcontractors anyways. Heck presuming Discovery is making money off their shared bargain here they could probably ensure funding for the most successful shows. It can't be costing them that much to run too much Alaska Fat Dudes, not enough Mythbusters.

[Killer Angel]

Guys, I also at first thought that making a movie from boardgame is silly. But my friend reminded me on something.

Pirates of the Carribean. It's based on a theme park ride.

Most likely Battleship will be bad though.

Indeed.
The fact that "Pirates" exists, only means that the lucky jolly was already picked up from the deck of bad ideas.

[Radar]

(...)
Pirates of the Carribean. It's based on a theme park ride.
(...)

Which is frankly a workable idea - it only sets the theme and gives a complete freedome in writing the plot, characters etc.

As for the Battleship, current trailers look much better, then the first one, which only shows, how trailers say nothing about movies (in some cases they even have music and scenes, that don't show in the movie at all). I won't judge the movie without seeing it, but I won't be seeing the movie anyway, since it's just not my cup of tea.

Also: action movies don't have to dumb and plotless, so saying "it's only an action flick" is not an excuse.

[Traab]

You know, I bet given 15 minutes, I could write up a decent story idea for all those board games on the list. At least enough to provide a launching pooint for writers to work with, an idea of where to go with it.

Candyland - Im picturing a kids movie along the lines of shark boy and lava girl, basically, some cute, fresh faced kid/s get dragooned into saving candyland, (which is an actual place) or at least solving a mystery there, and the main focus of the film is for the audience to enjoy the 3d colorful scenery of edible landscapes. Make up a few confection themed character names and appearances (Strawberry Shortcake would be perfect if it wasnt copyrighted, lol) for the good guys, and something along the lines of jim carreys Grinch character, Lord Rottenteeth or something, as the villain. You know, basic ugly bad guy, whose lair is in a dark and scary section of candyland and is trying to spread his rot throughout the place, that sort of thing.

Clue - This would be a badass callback to classic murder mystery dinner theater type of films. I think it should be played straight as that. Add in extra paranoia and creepy music as everyone is afraid they will be next, toss in a few twists as the detective main character tries to unravel the mystery, and we learn who the killer is and how they did it at the grand finale. "Im glad you all came here tonight, etc etc etc And the killer is in THIS ROOM right now!"

Monopoly - This could be a feel good family film. Follow me on this. In a different take on rich people who make stupid bets, the local chapter of the multi billionares club gets together and come up with a competition. Who can manage to take control of this entire cities worth of real estate first? We have the usual 1 dimensional character trait bad guys, the greedy bastard, the evil nothing is too low to do in order to win bad guy, the airheaded rich socialite who just throws her money out there with no strategy, and of course, our main character, the rich guy who deep down is a good man after all. He sees how terribly this bet is ruining the lives of "the little people" And starts shifting his focus from brutally pillaging control over the landscape, to protecting the areas he buys and this new focus somehow lets him outmaneuver the fat cats until he is king of the city and everyone is happy because he is taking care of the people whose land he just bought.

Ouiji Board - Survival horror film/mystery. Its a fairly standard start. A group of idiot young adults decide to get together in the most haunted house in america, (or wherever) and hold a seance for grins and giggles. The giggles dont last long as apparently the board really can make connections with the afterlife, and the ghosts in this place are not happy about being used as a tourist attraction. The building is magically sealed shut, trapping them inside, and the people get picked off one after another after creepy messages on a board they no longer control warn them/threaten them with their imminent death, similar to final destination, only instead of flashes of the future, they get cryptic messages, or taunts about how the next person will die. The mystery is to figure out why this is happening now, and come up with a way to stop it.

Stretch Armstrong - I dont know much about him, aside from the fact that he is a doll that is a ripoff of reed richards and about a tenth as cool. Toss in some standard superhero movie schlock and call it a day. Save money by making it cheap and hope enough people pay money to watch the generic film to turn a profit.

[JadedDM]

Let's face it what made Pirates was Johnny Depp's ingenuity to turn Errol Flynn into Jack Sparrow. That sort of thing brilliance is too fickle to be reliable.

Yes, absolutely. Had they not cast Depp (or not allowed him to reinterpret the character), the first Pirates movie probably would have just come and gone, and then been quickly forgotten. It certainly wouldn't have gone on to spawn three sequels (with two more on the way, oy).

Stretch Armstrong - I dont know much about him, aside from the fact that he is a doll that is a ripoff of reed richards and about a tenth as cool. Toss in some standard superhero movie schlock and call it a day. Save money by making it cheap and hope enough people pay money to watch the generic film to turn a profit.

Don't forget to cast Taylor Lautner as the titular hero! (Yes...they were actually going to do that.)

[Sean Mirrsen]

...
Clue - This would be a badass callback to classic murder mystery dinner theater type of films. I think it should be played straight as that. Add in extra paranoia and creepy music as everyone is afraid they will be next, toss in a few twists as the detective main character tries to unravel the mystery, and we learn who the killer is and how they did it at the grand finale. "Im glad you all came here tonight, etc etc etc And the killer is in THIS ROOM right now!"
...

You are aware that there is already a movie about Clue, right? Not to mention a mini-series on the Hub.

[Traab]

You are aware that there is already a movie about Clue, right? Not to mention a mini-series on the Hub.

I knew about the movie, not about the miniseries. But a remake of the movie would work out fairly well.

[Genosaurer]

Also wonder what silliness resulted in the uniform choices.

Not sure what you're asking here. All the uniforms I've seen in the trailers are real ones currently in use - seems like all the actors are shown in either Service Dress Whites or the new-ish Navy Working Uniform.

(If you're asking what silliness prompted the Navy to decide they needed a digital camouflage uniform to help sailors blend in with the water, I can't say for certain but I suspect there was a healthy dose of 'every other branch has them'.)

[Soras Teva Gee]

Not sure what you're asking here. All the uniforms I've seen in the trailers are real ones currently in use - seems like all the actors are shown in either Service Dress Whites or the new-ish Navy Working Uniform.

(If you're asking what silliness prompted the Navy to decide they needed a digital camouflage uniform to help sailors blend in with the water, I can't say for certain but I suspect there was a healthy dose of 'every other branch has them'.)

The wrong hats.

The NWUs come with a matching style cap to go with them, not a ball cap. Mind you they are also tourist shop hats but that's another issue. Movies are broadly speaking not allowed to wear completely accurate uniforms (I understand) so most have some sort of error to them, this I think just looks particularly silly since it stands out.

Also the Navy has some ridiculous notion it has to dress-up for everything. Mind you this is still normal for at sea but the camo uniforms are worn too. However I'd be willing to wager you won't see these uniforms anywhere in the film despite being somewhere around business casual. Replaced with a sea of shiny dress whites.

As for why the camo exists, well I'm sure no small part of Follow The Leader but this is what they replaced so I'll call that an improvement. Also in there is that apparently they may not hide you, but they hide stains pretty well.

[Isolder74]

Candyland - Im picturing a kids movie along the lines of shark boy and lava girl, basically, some cute, fresh faced kid/s get dragooned into saving candyland, (which is an actual place) or at least solving a mystery there, and the main focus of the film is for the audience to enjoy the 3d colorful scenery of edible landscapes. Make up a few confection themed character names and appearances (Strawberry Shortcake would be perfect if it wasnt copyrighted, lol) for the good guys, and something along the lines of jim carreys Grinch character, Lord Rottenteeth or something, as the villain. You know, basic ugly bad guy, whose lair is in a dark and scary section of candyland and is trying to spread his rot throughout the place, that sort of thing.

Lord of the Life Savers, perhaps?

3 cherry rings for the Gingerbread Kings under the sky.
Seven Lemon rings for the Marshmallow-lords in their halls of foam.
Nine Orange Rings for Gumdrop men Doomed to melt.
One Pineapple Ring for the Chocolate Lord on his Chocolate throne
In the Land Of Hershey where the peanuts lie.
One Pineapple to rule them all, One Pineapple to find them,
One Pineapple to bring bring them all and in the darkness bind them
In the Land of Hershey where the peanuts Lie.

[Traab]

Lord of the Life Savers, perhaps?

3 cherry rings for the Gingerbread Kings under the sky.
Seven Lemon rings for the Marshmallow-lords in their halls of foam.
Nine Orange Rings for Gumdrop men Doomed to melt.
One Pineapple Ring for the Chocolate Lord on his Chocolate throne
In the Land Of Hershey where the peanuts lie.
One Pineapple to rule them all, One Pineapple to find them,
One Pineapple to bring bring them all and in the darkness bind them
In the Land of Hershey where the peanuts Lie.

lol. That could make for an interesting parody film.

[Genosaurer]

I take it you're current/prior Navy as well, Soras?

The wrong hats.

Once you're away from the pier, some commands or even individual departments allow ships' ballcaps as 'underway covers' or sell 'hat chits' to make money for the MWR fund.

Also in there is that apparently they may not hide you, but they hide stains pretty well.

I've heard folks jokingly refer to aquaflage as "wearing napkins". (...actually, some of them probably not joking.)

[pffh]

You are aware that there is already a movie about Clue, right? Not to mention a mini-series on the Hub.

And it's a damn good movie.

[Soras Teva Gee]

I take it you're current/prior Navy as well, Soras?

Nuh-Uh I never did anything like that.

How bout you?

Once you're away from the pier, some commands or even individual departments allow ships' ballcaps as 'underway covers' or sell 'hat chits' to make money for the MWR fund.

Which is why I originally mentioned it as strictly speaking silliness I should have been more clear in my previous post. The true error is in being the tourist shop hats. I'm just wondering what peculiar combination of competing forces led to the decision.

(Fear that if they used the 8-points consistently some upright citizen might confuse an E-4 cover for an O-6?)

[hobbitkniver]

Who knows, maybe next we can get Monopoly, Scrabble or Game of Life.

They'd all be just awful but I sure would like to see how they'd pull off a Scrabble movie.