Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry

[Ksheep]

356. Digging in a mine field will not reveal numbers showing how many mines are near the hole.

357. Not allowed to cut off the hands of a dead monk and use them as improvised weapons.

358. Not allowed to have the PC's start a game of D&D in the local tavern.

358a. Not allowed to let the PC's of the PC's D&D game start a THIRD game of D&D in the local tavern.

359. Not allowed to inject live botulinum into your face to increase charisma.

360. Morphine is not the solution to all medical emergency.

360a. Neither is amputation.

361. Not allowed to plug the bowels of cows just to use them as improvised explosive/incendiary weapons.

362. Not allowed to lead a church service for any religion other than your own.

363. Dwarves deserve equal pay, too.

363a. As do Elves, Half-Orcs, Halflings, Kobolds, and Gnomes.

363b. Especially when they are a higher level than you.

[TheRiov]

From a Vampire LARP

364. I am not allowed to use a Dustbuster as vessel for PC's (vampire) remains.
365. If I every do use a Dustbuster to contain a dead PC I will not hand deliver the bag to the Elysium Keeper with no explanation other than the PC's name and a *@$#-eating grin.
366. 'Fair Escape' rules do not apply when someone is literally stunned into silence.
367. Just because my Malkavian is obsessed with Shakespere I will not name him after the Bard's son, "Hamnet"
368. If I do name a character Hamnet, I am NEVER allowed to use a web of rope to suspend Pig corpses over the Elysium as a calling card.
369. I am not allowed to make a character that stutters when nervous in combat.
370. Dominate cannot make anyone "SLEEP" particularly a frenzied vampire.
371. I may not blood-bond someone by sniping them with tranq darts full of my blood.
372. Especially the Brujah Primogen.

[TheRiov]

From D&D

373. Just because I took the Lich-Loved feat does not mean the DM Must allow me to RP out the scenes.
374. I am not allowed to play any character masquerading as a 11 year old girl.
374a. Particularly if that character is a necromancer cleric.
375. My necromancer cleric masquerading as an 11 year old girl is not allowed to play with the "other children"
375a. Even if its 'just their heads'

[Acero]

376: I am no longer allowed to base characters off the cast of Scrubs...

[Flame of Anor]

The proper term is anthrophage.

Anthropophage, actually.


377. They are not taking the hobbits to Isengard, to Isengard, to Isengard.

[Hatchet91]

378 im not aloud to use my changeling to suduce other players and steal their clothes asooon as they undress and run away with them.

[EagleWiz]

379. There is no such thing as a Were-Warforged.

[Axinian]

380. "KAMEHAMEHA!!!" is no the proper verbal component for Orb of Force.

[Hiro Protagonest]

381. I cannot get multiweapon fighting if my guy fights with one sword in his mouth.
381a. This goes double if I name him Roronoa Zoro.

[The Succubus]

381. I am forbidden from using any sort summoning spells after using a feather, a roc and a succubus to explain the difference between sexy and kinky.

[Welknair]

377. They are not taking the hobbits to Isengard, to Isengard, to Isengard.

377a. And no, you may not ask where Gandalf is, even if you much desire to speak to him.

[Bobby Archer]

(We've got two 380s up there)

383. If my Tzimisce creates "Soylent Pub" as an in-game location, he is explicitly to be held responsible when it rampages through Downtown Phoenix.
384. I do not win a LARP by locking all the other players and STs into a room.
385. The STs have the right to ask why I want Molotov cocktails before giving them to me.
386. "To firebomb Elysium" is not a sufficient answer.
387. "To destroy the seditious German propaganda (read: German translations of Harry Potter) the Keeper has in the bookstore Elysium is held in" is sufficient in that it qualifies my character for Death by Molotov Boomerang.

[Axinian]

SwiftMongoose and Masamune may want to adjust their numbers, since we're really on...

388. The unicorn is not named Charlie... ever.

[Welknair]

388a. Nor is the Llama named "Carl".

[Elyssian]

389. I am no longer allowed to buy Greek Fire in kegs...
390. or ask which building is the elementary school
391. I can not take a Roc as an animal companion ever again

[NeoSeraphi]

380. "KAMEHAMEHA!!!" is no the proper verbal component for Orb of Force.

Yeah, it's definitely "BIG BANG ATTACK!"

[Axinian]

Yeah, it's definitely "BIG BANG ATTACK!"

380a. I can't use Orb of Force unless its modified by Silent Spell...

[Mixt]

392: I am not allowed to write "Anti-Spiral" as my characters race and class.

392a: Nor may i name my character LordGenome.

392b: No, i am not allowed to have an armdrill, kapische.

[Welknair]

393. I am not allowed to use Delay Spell and pretend I failed my concentration check.

Mixt, check your numbers.

[Xanmyral]

394. If I'm undead, I can't attack random people with the excuse that I'm hungry.
395. Especially if I'm a form of undead that doesn't need to eat.
396. If I'm a wight, I cannot shake the hand of everyone I meet.
397. I may no longer be a necropolitan.

[Welknair]

398. I may not turn my familiar into a lich.

[squeekenator]

399. Maneuvers do not have verbal components. Not even FIVE-SHADOW CREEPING ICE ENERVATION STRIKE.

[Flame of Anor]

400. When the DM calls for a save or check, I am not allowed to reply "Never tell me the odds!"

401. I may not play a Warforged Expert with 3 Str and six million skill points all spent on Speak Language.

[Lither]

402. Casting Sudden Empowered Sudden Maximised Cloudkill with a rod of Widen causes it to be centered on me every time I cast it before 10th level.

403. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot eat my sword and expect to live.

404. Fireball no longer causes objects to catch fire. The DM is tired of my shenanigans.

[Shadowknight12]

405. I can no longer headbutt walls to discover secret doors.

[byaku rai]

406: Vow of Poverty does not make me shiny.

407: I am not allowed to make a VoP character ever again.

[Necroticplague]

407: I am not allowed to make a VoP character ever again.

408: As a DM, I may not plate all important quest items in platinum to make to make the person with VoP fall.

[LongVin]

409. I may not release the Nephandi from his Technocratic prison.

409a. Even if he promises to break us out of prison also.

410. I'm not allowed to touch any big red buttons ever!

[Ksheep]

410a. Not allowed to press the big shiny button either.

410b. Not allowed to tell the barbarian that the sign on the big red button says "Do push" instead of "Do not push"

[Marillion]

I will not try so sneak things I may no longer do from Mr Welch's list into this list after Mr. Welch's list has already been discussed.

Sneak?

The only reason I included those was because they were surprisingly similar to things I or someone in my group had already done And the ones about tying Jacks laces together, the sympathetic healer, and Stone Knight were allll us.

411: If I cannot say my Castillians name in one breath, it is too long.
412: Vendel brute squads do NOT empty your bank account with every successful hit, no matter their threat rating.
413: My character may pick any one of these three: Blessed Beauty, Dangerous Beauty, full ranks in Seduction.
414: L'Empereur does not care HOW cool my hat is, he has closets full of better hats to be used as napkins.
415: I may not play a "redneck Highlander".
415a: The redneck Highlander will not travel to "Monta-ig-knee" to learn the "Towt Press" school on his way to "Cas-till-ee".
416: I must remember that there is, indeed, more than one Highlander. An entire nation of them, in fact.
ETA 417: If the GM ever says "I need to buff up the villain who can disintegrate matter at will because he's not challenging enough", mayyyybe the party should tone it down.