Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

[factotum]

I think it was roughly equal parts "English food is bad" and "English people can't cook". The second allegation is a lot easier to defend than the first, mostly because there actually aren't that many traditional English dishes. We are the great multiculturalists, we don't actually have much of our own.

Pretty sure Jamie Oliver's upcoming series is precisely about this--"proper" English (or British, at any rate) food. In any case, if you want a traditionally British meal, what about fish and chips?

[Hawkfrost000]

Pretty sure Jamie Oliver's upcoming series is precisely about this--"proper" English (or British, at any rate) food. In any case, if you want a traditionally British meal, what about fish and chips?

Fish and Chips is actually quite difficult to make without going the whole nine yards and getting a (very good) deep fat fryer. So if you aren't going to eat fish and chips and other fried food (i recommend tempura) regularly i wouldn't go for it.

[The Succubus]

Fish and Chips is actually quite difficult to make without going the whole nine yards and getting a (very good) deep fat fryer. So if you aren't going to eat fish and chips and other fried food (i recommend tempura) regularly i wouldn't go for it.

The only problem with getting a good deep fat fryer to make fish and ships is that you then have a good deep fat fryer to make battered Mars bars in and then you're officially on your way to Hell.

[arguskos]

The only problem with getting a good deep fat fryer to make fish and ships is that you then have a good deep fat fryer to make battered Mars bars in and then you're officially on your way to HellDelicioustown.

Sorry, you seem to have mixed up your nonexistent places.

But seriously, fish 'n chips is about as "classically British" as it gets. I mean, the main British restaurants in other countries are pubs that sell fish 'n chips as the headliner. That's pretty straight-forward.

[The Succubus]

Sorry, you seem to have mixed up your nonexistent places.

But seriously, fish 'n chips is about as "classically British" as it gets. I mean, the main British restaurants in other countries are pubs that sell fish 'n chips as the headliner. That's pretty straight-forward.

Sausages and mash is a pretty English meal as well. The trick is to liven up the mash somehow. Garlic butter or fresh mustard works well. There's also a lot you can do with the gravy as well. Make sure it's thick, maybe throw in some onions, a little red wine or for the really adventurous, porcini mushroom liquer with a a few small shredded mushrooms in it.

Because mushrooms are a one way ticket to Delicioustown. See, I got it right that time =p

[Arutema]

Because mushrooms are a one way ticket to Delicioustown.

So true.

Relationship question time.

There's a rather attractive girl in my Pathfinder group who also has a great sense of humor and the kind of outgoing personality that draws my interest.

How can I of the poor communication skills politely express interest without disrupting the game.

[DeadManSleeping]

Find a way to talk to her before or after the game. Mention that you'd like to go on a date. She will either say yes or no. DONE.

[Aedilred]

I think I'll do a harvest loaf at some point, but that's a bit too much effort for an opening salvo. No, the best opener will probably be a nice stew of some description.

Believe it or not, lasagne is an English dish. The earliest recipe for it (from about the 14th century) is an English one. Makes sense really - it's basically a pasta pie, and who's better at pies than the English?

Something which is also classically English is creme brulee (don't be fooled by the French name; it was invented in Cambridge). It's a doddle to make, provided you have a blowtorch or really hot grill, and goes down a storm with dinner guests. If your companion isn't concerned about their waistline, bread and butter pudding is also super-delicious, and not too hard to make.

For starters, angels on horseback are straightforward but easy (if a little expensive). Use scallops rather than oysters, though.

Main courses are a little more difficult, as English mains tend to be stodgy.

[Castaras]

So true.

Relationship question time.

There's a rather attractive girl in my Pathfinder group who also has a great sense of humor and the kind of outgoing personality that draws my interest.

How can I of the poor communication skills politely express interest without disrupting the game.

End of game, poke her, chat to her. Or whatever. Beginning maybe. Can't really say anything other than "Talk to her, damnit!".

[Aedilred]

I think I'll do a harvest loaf at some point, but that's a bit too much effort for an opening salvo. No, the best opener will probably be a nice stew of some description.

Believe it or not, lasagne is an English dish. The earliest recipe for it (from about the 14th century) is an English one. Makes sense really - it's basically a pasta pie, and who's better at pies than the English?

Something which is also classically English is creme brulee (don't be fooled by the French name; it was invented in Cambridge). It's a doddle to make, provided you have a blowtorch or really hot grill, and goes down a storm with dinner guests. If your companion isn't concerned about their waistline, bread and butter pudding is also super-delicious, and not too hard to make.

For starters, angels on horseback are straightforward but easy (if a little expensive). Use scallops rather than oysters, though.

Main courses are a little more difficult, as English mains tend to be stodgy.

[Coidzor]

Does anyone recall the etiquette governing making a nice dinner especially for a friend that's been stressed out a lot lately?

Because it seems like a nice gesture while also satisfying the selfish goal of reminding me if I'm missing anything in my kitchen and giving me an excuse to get fancy, maybe.

But I'm wondering if it's complicated by said friend being a member of the opposite sex and that there's no way of phrasing it that doesn't sound like "come over to my place, where I shall attempt to seduce you."

[The Succubus]

"Hello, Insert Friend's Name Here. I know you've had a pretty frantic time of late. Would you like to take the evening off and let me cook for you and then we can unwind with a film or something afterwards?"

[Pheehelm]

Coidzor -- by that you mean you don't intend to seduce her, correct? In which case, does this have to be one-on-one? Is there anyone else you can invite along who can help with the de-stressing? After all, usually one doesn't invite multiple people to a seduction attempt. Usually.

The Succubus -- eh, to me that still sounds like a prelude to seduction. *double take on username* Then again, I guess that's to be expected...

[Heliomance]

I am somewhat impressed that I managed to derail RWA into a cooking thread for the best part of two pages.

Achievement unlocked!

[Coidzor]

^: And how! But seriously, if you wanna continue the discussion in the current incarnation of the cooking thread...

Coidzor -- by that you mean you don't intend to seduce her, correct? In which case, does this have to be one-on-one? Is there anyone else you can invite along who can help with the de-stressing? After all, usually one doesn't invite multiple people to a seduction attempt. Usually.

Well, I don't believe so, between it not having a snowball's chance in hell of working if I did intend such and generally preferring to know girls better than I know her before sleeping with them. I mean, we hang out a lot, and yet she's still an enigma to me, even though we've started talking a lot more recently even outside of D&D and planning group movie outings, so that might be part of my motivation there, getting a better feel for her.

On the other hand, usually I'm a quite callous and cruel individual, as any who've undertaken the mind-shattering journey of reading back through thesethreads can tell. So feeling concern or compassion outside of a romantic context confuses me due to being so unusual, so there's some margin of error, I suppose...

Not that she's bad looking or anything, mind.

Slight problem in others to invite, as most of my friends other than her work through dinner time except on the weekends, and on the weekends it's everyone and they're all impatient about food when it comes to food time and are strangely unwilling to have D&D over at my new place yet, possibly due to parking.

And the two main people I know that I could invite are either one of our D&D group who asked her out on a date that she agreed to and then he just dropped that thread completely but she remembers and so that'd be a bit awkward to do so close to her bringing that up when he missed a game or one of our D&D group that I had a thing with that I still don't know what's between us or if we're going with "it never happened," so not really sure how to proceed with that individual.

I suppose if I managed to wrangle the both of them, the sub-topics would be counterbalanced between the 4 of us. Which is about regular dinner size, even...

[Arutema]

End of game, poke her, chat to her. Or whatever. Beginning maybe. Can't really say anything other than "Talk to her, damnit!".

A related question. I do happen to have her email address for game-planning purposes. Would it be too much to use said address to invite her to tea/coffee sometime before the next game?

[DeadManSleeping]

...try asking her in person, okay? There's no good reason not to.

[Xiander]

A related question. I do happen to have her email address for game-planning purposes. Would it be too much to use said address to invite her to tea/coffee sometime before the next game?

The real question is: how would she react if you did.

We of the forum cannot know that, you might have a qualified guess. I do agree that you should start out talking to her in person, but whatever path you decide to take, the important thing is what she thinks of it.

[Coidzor]

So, a question was posed to me of how to get rid of a guy classmate who not only pursues unwelcome conversation and invades personal space by trying to go for things like high fives and shoulder bumps and twirls, but waits around early before class and after to ambush her.

I went with advising her to tell him to stop being chummy and never lay a hand on her again or it wouldn't necessarily remain attached to his body & if telling him firmly to lay off didn't work, to loudly and publicly shame him in front of the student body/class for his harassment & inability to take the hint of her ignoring and avoiding him.

Critiques? Addendums? Additional info requests?

[Liffguard]

So, a question was posed to me of how to get rid of a guy classmate who not only pursues unwelcome conversation and invades personal space by trying to go for things like high fives and shoulder bumps and twirls, but waits around early before class and after to ambush her.

I went with advising her to tell him to stop being chummy and never lay a hand on her again or it wouldn't necessarily remain attached to his body & if telling him firmly to lay off didn't work, to loudly and publicly shame him in front of the student body/class for his harassment & inability to take the hint of her ignoring and avoiding him.

Critiques? Addendums? Additional info requests?

Friend should tell him politely but firmly not to bother her any more. No need to be rude or aggressive initially, he might be genuinely clueless as opposed to willfully ignoring hints.

[Lord Loss]

This thread isn't just ffor romantic relationship stuff, right? Is friend stuff good for this thread too, or is the PWaA thread better?

One of my best friends just started completely ignoring me a day or so ago and only talking the bare minumum. At time,s he'll forget about it and start acting normal again, cracking jokes and whatnot, but this only lasts for a minute or so he completely ignores me or only says what he needs to (e.g for group work). We've been friends since grade eight, and we've pulled some pretty big **** moves on one another over time, but usually we work it out or just get mad at one another for a while. I've asked him about and he just ignored me. When I asked again, he started walking in the opposite direction. He's not usually like this, I've never got a reaction like this from him from anything (he's usually a direct and confrontational person) and I really can't think of what I did to aggravate him.

@ My usual response to guys doing stuff like that is ''Leave her alone if you know what's good for you'' (except with more swearing and or threats depending on the situation), but that's because I'm sort of overprotective of my friends and way too gutsy for my own good (I know martial arts, but I'm 5'2'' and extremely thin, so I probably shouldn't pick too many fights).

Has your friend told him to leave her alone? If not, is it because she's too shy/has trouble with these things? I know a girl who has extreme problems telling guys to get lost and most of them don't even know she's against them making a move when they make one (a result of some trauma in her past). She needs friends around to help her speak up and it took me hours of pressing to get her to admit that this guy who kept asking her for sex and whatnot (which she refused) wasn't just joking around and that just being her personality and a while more to get her to delete him from her phone, block him on social networking, etc. despite that fact that she had admitted that she wanted him to leave her alone near the very beginning and even said he was somewhat creepy. Done with my rant now, my point is that, if the guy doesn't know that she doesn't like him (people are oblivious like that), perhaps you should go easy on him at first. Once you've warned him ,though...

[DeadManSleeping]

@L_L hold something of his hostage with an anonymous note left where he'll find it. When he arrives at the private area to reclaim his possession, he sees you sitting on top of it stroking a white cat, eyebrow arched. You say in a calm voice, "It seems there's been a breakdown in communication between us. I'd like to remedy that." He starts to make a move, but then you gesture so that he notices the string your other hand is holding, suspending a mechanism that will drop a heavy object on the friend's possession (the part you're not sitting on) the instant you let go. A dead man's trigger. He has no more choice.

Or you can accept the fact that he won't stop being a jerk to you, take the loss, and move on with your life.

But remember that cats are fluffy.

[Syka]

Annnnnd in the month of October my two best friends end up single. Both of their own accord, but in very different circumstances for very different reasons*.

The next couple weeks/months will be...interesting. In a not fun way.

The most recent one is hitting me harder because boyfriend and I were really close with them as a couple and professionally, and they were going to be 50% of my gaming group. The professionally will be the hardest, since I was closer with her and he was with the guy so I probably won't have to worry about casually hanging out with them, but still...

I also kinda want to smack the guy upside the head and go "What were you thinking?!" because what precipitated the break up did not have to lead to it. Oz and I went through something fairly similar a whiles back, so I know it's possible to work through.


Just....augh! Going to try and take her mind off it tomorrow and generally be around for her. No pity shall come from me, and no bad mouthing of the ex (except for comments about throwing rocks at silly boys). I'm trying to remember what I did and did NOT want after my break up and act accordingly until told otherwise.


*Interesting fact: when a couple breaks up, their friends are also more likely to break up. Thankfully, I'm not worried about it...and oddly, neither of the aforementioned friends actually know each other. It's just a rather odd and unfortunate coincidence. Buh.

EDIT: I told my mom, tongue in cheek, that at least I don't have to worry about any bridesmaids dresses now...

[Serpentine]

Fish and Chips is actually quite difficult to make without going the whole nine yards and getting a (very good) deep fat fryer. So if you aren't going to eat fish and chips and other fried food (i recommend tempura) regularly i wouldn't go for it.

Not at all, I make fish and chips on a regular basis Simple light batter on the fish, shallow fry. Thinly slice root veggies (<3 sweet potato P:), fry in a pot with an inch or two of oil. Nom.
Also, I think toad in the hole is a neat English dish.

[Hawkfrost000]

Not at all, I make fish and chips on a regular basis Simple light batter on the fish, shallow fry. Thinly slice root veggies (<3 sweet potato P:), fry in a pot with an inch or two of oil. Nom.
Also, I think toad in the hole is a neat English dish.

Ah, sorry. My statements was specific to deep frying fish & chips. Although that does sound good.

DM

[Scoot]

So, I guess this is my little "How things ended up" post.

I'm gonna spoiler it, because I still feel kinda weird posting it, because I think it's a little personal, but at the same time I really want to share it, even if nobody actually reads it.

Spoiler

Show

For about a week and half after my breakup, I was feeling really anxious. Like everything was wrong, like this shouldn't have happened. I actually planned to send my ex this huge message detailing how I felt, and try to ask her why she did what she did.

But then I heard a song on the radio, while I was driving with my dad. It was "Someone Like You" by Adele, and it made me break down and cry, something I hadn't yet done. After that, I felt a lot better. I wasn't anxious anymore, and I could actually think.

When I got home that day, I sat down and wrote my ex a letter. In that letter I thanked her for everything she had done for me in the time I knew her, and I told her how much I appreciated her, and how happy I was when we were together, and that one day I'm going to look back on the memories we made and smile.

I also told her that I hope one day when she feels like she's found herself, that we may be able to start over again, as friends, and as completely different people. (if that sentence makes sense) And that in the meantime, I wish her good luck with whatever it is that she does, and that I hope that she finds happiness and that everything will work out for her.

When I mailed the letter I could almost feel a weight being lifted from my body. I didn't care if she responded, and I didn't even completely care if she actually read the letter, I was just happy that I was able to put down what I thought into words, and that they didn't come out angry or sad or anything like that, but that I was able to wrap things up for myself in a positive manner.


And, today I got a letter. From her.

In it, she essentially said what I had, with a few additions.

Apparently, I drastically changed her life, for the better.

I remember many times while we were friends she told me that she had trouble believing that things would ever get better, that life was going to suck, and that she had trouble going on knowing this.

In the letter she told me that I was the thing that finally gave her hope that things will get better, and that life doesn't have to be miserable.

She also told me that she now has a completely different view on what she finds attractive (so no more bad boys and all that), and that everything I had told her about my philosophies on life and other things had greatly affected her way of thinking.

And some other things, but I'm going to stop right there.

Because while I was reading this, I managed to cry again, but this time it was because I was happy, and I think I've finally found some sort of closure.

I'm excited for the future, and even though she ended up giving me a lot of grief while I knew her, I also had a lot of fun with my ex, and I think I grew a lot as a person, and I'm glad I had a chance to finally learn some of the lessons that come with being in a relationship.

And I also want to thank everyone again who took the time to give me advice and listen to my woes during this whole process, because I think you all played a major part in how I got to where I am now, and I appreciate that.

[Syka]

Update: all is well with at least one friend. They just had to take a minute, step back, and re-approach the situation. I'm really hoping they take the time to do that in the future as well.


Remember folks- communication. It's how relationships work.

[NineThePuma]

Remember folks- communication. It's how relationships work.

Now, if only I could get communication to WORK....

[King-Strawberry]

Been lurking this thread for a while, I guess it's time for a post! (spoilered for length)

Spoiler

Show

A bit about me before I start. I'm 17, fit, honour roll student, extremely over-athletic, and judging by advances made on me, attractive, I'm also a bit of d-bag... I have no problem admitting it and am trying to change, and lastly... extremely cocky & self confident except regarding one thing... girls I have feelings towards.
My situation is pretty standard, I've had a massive on & off crush on this girl (Call her T) since very soon after she moved here (5? 6?years ago). T is a year younger than me, smart, athletic, fit, engaging, funny, extremely nice, and not to mention, drop-dead gorgeous.
Since it's my grad year I want to do something about it, or else be left wondering "what if". I'm planning to ask her out sometime in the near future. We are friends, have a great time whenever we hang out. Granted that isn't all that often as most of our free time is taken up by sports teams, or homework. I'm not very good at judging people but she never responds negatively when I flirt with her, and flirts back, but that could be just because she's overly friendly and outgoing... Sheesh things are simpler with the girls that let you know when you have a shot and shut you down hard if they aren't interested (all of my previous relationships have been with said type).
So I'm slightly lost, however, one of my best friends is extremely good friends with (T) and this weekend was going to try her best to find out what (T) thought about me, so i've got my fingers crossed until monday when I find out what is up.
Also, on a slightly related note, the last relationship I was in ended badly, giving me a healthy fear of rejection. Only in the last month or so did I completely get over my Ex. I don't want to get hurt like that again.. But I guess it's all part of life, you move on. Grief and loss are not things I'm accustomed to dealing with, and there was so much I didn't know what to do. Of course I overloaded and punched an offending wall.. Extremely Hard.... broken hand. Taking me out of sports (except soccer) as well as martial arts for a few months. Definitely not the smartest idea I've ever had.

[Castaras]

So, I guess this is my little "How things ended up" post.

I'm gonna spoiler it, because I still feel kinda weird posting it, because I think it's a little personal, but at the same time I really want to share it, even if nobody actually reads it.

Spoiler

Show

For about a week and half after my breakup, I was feeling really anxious. Like everything was wrong, like this shouldn't have happened. I actually planned to send my ex this huge message detailing how I felt, and try to ask her why she did what she did.

But then I heard a song on the radio, while I was driving with my dad. It was "Someone Like You" by Adele, and it made me break down and cry, something I hadn't yet done. After that, I felt a lot better. I wasn't anxious anymore, and I could actually think.

When I got home that day, I sat down and wrote my ex a letter. In that letter I thanked her for everything she had done for me in the time I knew her, and I told her how much I appreciated her, and how happy I was when we were together, and that one day I'm going to look back on the memories we made and smile.

I also told her that I hope one day when she feels like she's found herself, that we may be able to start over again, as friends, and as completely different people. (if that sentence makes sense) And that in the meantime, I wish her good luck with whatever it is that she does, and that I hope that she finds happiness and that everything will work out for her.

When I mailed the letter I could almost feel a weight being lifted from my body. I didn't care if she responded, and I didn't even completely care if she actually read the letter, I was just happy that I was able to put down what I thought into words, and that they didn't come out angry or sad or anything like that, but that I was able to wrap things up for myself in a positive manner.


And, today I got a letter. From her.

In it, she essentially said what I had, with a few additions.

Apparently, I drastically changed her life, for the better.

I remember many times while we were friends she told me that she had trouble believing that things would ever get better, that life was going to suck, and that she had trouble going on knowing this.

In the letter she told me that I was the thing that finally gave her hope that things will get better, and that life doesn't have to be miserable.

She also told me that she now has a completely different view on what she finds attractive (so no more bad boys and all that), and that everything I had told her about my philosophies on life and other things had greatly affected her way of thinking.

And some other things, but I'm going to stop right there.

Because while I was reading this, I managed to cry again, but this time it was because I was happy, and I think I've finally found some sort of closure.

I'm excited for the future, and even though she ended up giving me a lot of grief while I knew her, I also had a lot of fun with my ex, and I think I grew a lot as a person, and I'm glad I had a chance to finally learn some of the lessons that come with being in a relationship.

And I also want to thank everyone again who took the time to give me advice and listen to my woes during this whole process, because I think you all played a major part in how I got to where I am now, and I appreciate that.

Congratulations on such a positive ending to it all.