Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

[NineThePuma]

*shiver* Needles?

[H Birchgrove]

Well, more accurately, it's what I think to be a funny name for orgasms.

That makes sense now.

While I'm not sure why you're scared of a vasectomy (seriously, the thing they snip has one function: making you fertile),

That's important to me.

Granted, if I get to have 3 kids or more, I might change my mind, or if get to be 50...

they're coming out with a new treatment where they just plug it up with a polymer that can be removed with another injection, easy as pie. No scissors! Just needles.

Awesome!

[Coidzor]

Somehow Roy's wording just has a uniquely appropriate charm, I find.

[NineThePuma]

Roy has a lot of wording in that strip.

Which part?

[Glass Mouse]

Or could it be just that she is simply happier? We have a great relationship. We've never had a fight, let alone even an arguement. Could it be that her cramps were caused by stress and/or boarderline depression, and since those factors have been nearly completely removed since we've been together?

It's possible. Sometimes, pain gets worse if you expect it to be bad, and a generally higher happiness level can give you that useful "eh, it's not that hard to bear" mentality. It would be weird if this could explain everything, though.

I wonder if frequent sex does something for your hormone balance. Sounds like it should.

Roy has a lot of wording in that strip.

Which part?

The "treasure type O" part, probably. Page 2, panel 5.

I got that reference right away. OoTS ftw

[The Troubadour]

So, I'd very much like to hear people's opinions on a situation that's recently happened to me. I'm not looking for support (or criticism, for that matter); merely opinions, and I thank in advance anyone who gives it.

So here's the story: my best friend - a friend whom I deeply admire and respect - slept with the girl he knew I was in love with, and who was also a close friend. This hurt me a lot, and I'm still angry over the fact.

Part of me feels I'm being a jerk for feeling that way - the girl had made it clear that she didn't feel anything romantic towards me, I am currently dating a girl whom I'm very much in love with (and this time, who reciprocates my feelings), and she only slept with him because she was drunk and very depressed at the time -, but most of me is still really hurt by it.

So, like I said, I'm not looking for good guys or bad guys in the situation, nor approval for my feelings; I'm just curious to see what do people think of the situation, and possibly how would they react to it - either in my shoes or in my best friend's.

[Zeb The Troll]

Is it true? Have I cured her PMS with my awesomeness? Or is it meerly a coincidence? I'm curious if anyone else has experienced this? She's currently not on any hormonal birth control (she's fixed), if that matters.

I know for a fact that living an athletic lifestyle can have this effect (I have known more than a few women who experienced this when they joined the Army and went from a sedentary lifestyle to a significantly more athletic one), but you said she was althletic before you guys met. Was it an occasional thing? Or was it one of those "I like hiking and stuff, but just don't feel up to it as often as I used to" until you came along and bettered her mood? I can see how possibly the two things together might have the result you're experiencing. My memory is faulty, but my recollection is that she's not likely of an age to be worrying about menopause yet (late 40's would be the earliest I'd think this would be a consideration).

So, like I said, I'm not looking for good guys or bad guys in the situation, nor approval for my feelings; I'm just curious to see what do people think of the situation, and possibly how would they react to it - either in my shoes or in my best friend's.

I can see this from both perspectives and I can say that I'd probably have done the same thing in either case. From your perspective, you just have to remember that from everyone else's perspective, there wasn't anything done wrong. You're taken and she's unambiguously not interested but still available, so, while it's understandable to be miffed by it, it sounds to me like your reason will eventually win out and you'll be able to put this behind you pretty quickly.

[John Cribati]

While I'm not sure why you're scared of a vasectomy

Because the doctor will invariably be named something horrifying like Snip, Shakey, or Hackentoss.

Not to mention the whole "knife in the vicinity of private parts" thing.

[CoffeeIncluded]

Well, ****. I think I'm in love with my best friend.

Who goes to a different college. And isn't looking for a relationship with me for the time being because of the distance and because we don't want to close ourselves off from other options. And because we can't afford to ruin our relationship.

And because when I told him about my feelings for him 6 months or so ago, we weren't sure whether or not they were genuine or a manifestation of just how much he means to me (and also because we knew we were headed off to different colleges, so any romantic relationship would have a definite deadline).

He means a lot to me, and I mean a lot to him, and we know it--we met at exactly the right time for each other and we've made each other better people. I honestly can't imagine him not being there for me in some way, whether platonic or romantic.

Both of us are single and as you know, my social skills are pretty crappy. He's got really bad luck with girlfriends (technically he's only had one, who was really unstable, and for a couple months he was pursuing another girl who...let's just say that I nearly pinned him against the wall shouting at him not to date her and leave it at that), and I've never had a boyfriend.

We've known each other for a little over a year and I've noticed that when we spend time together, it's almost like we're dating, but without the dating. Also, everyone who meets us ships us. Everyone.

I started getting these feelings a while ago and told him about them, and we came to the conclusion that this would not be a good time, and that the only way we'd know if it was real is if I felt the same way towards him after college. I've only been in college a few months, but these feelings haven't gone away. If anything, they've gotten stronger

Sorry about the rambling, off-topic vent. I just don't know what to do...

[John Cribati]

Falling for your best friend is the worst. Srsly.

[DeadManSleeping]

Coffee, here's some things to think about:

Why is an open relationship out of the question?
Would your life really be over if you started a romantic relationship with this guy and it just didn't work out?
Would a long-distance relationship take more out of you than it would give to you?

If you're the age where you're just starting college, it's the time to be going out and doing things, not sitting and wondering if you should do things. Making (potentially) stupid decisions as a youngster means that when you're older, you remember those (potentially) stupid decisions and get to balance not only your own life, but the lives of others who might look to you for guidance. Besides, you don't want to be like me, in your 20s and never having gotten to go on one measly date.

[Coidzor]

And because we can't afford to ruin our relationship.

Do you expect that you'll be dishonest and misuse one another if you find that things aren't working out? Because that's not a very healthy view of one's self or of a very close friend who means the world to you. :/

And because when I told him about my feelings for him 6 months or so ago, we weren't sure whether or not they were genuine or a manifestation of just how much he means to me

So, good rule of thumb, unless you've shown a history of being predisposed to getting too deeply involved in meaningless crushes that have proven unhealthy and deleterious to your health and wellbeing, it's generally a good idea to actually trust that you're feeling what you're feeling. With the appropriate grain of salt recognizing the difference between love and this person intrigues me and I wish to boink and date them for when one is first starting out with such things.

I started getting these feelings a while ago and told him about them, and we came to the conclusion that this would not be a good time, and that the only way we'd know if it was real is if I felt the same way towards him after college. I've only been in college a few months, but these feelings haven't gone away. If anything, they've gotten stronger.

4 years is a fairly significant time when you've never had the opportunity or motive to explore love. :/

As far as "wat do" goes... Well, need to figure out what you want here, if his wants coincide in a way that's amenable to compromise to something workable.

Good rule of thumb though, for the future, is that it's generally better to go ahead and try out the dating thing while you're still in regular contact and rough physical proximity and figure out things from there, rather than waiting until after they've left your active, day-to-day life to try to get them back in it.

If you find that you're still unwilling or unable to come to any kind of arrangement, then you'll need to find something to distract yourself with so you don't dwell on it. I recommend a period of significant investment in one's studies and hobbies followed by a period of taking advantage of whatever opportunities you have for casual dating.

Falling for your best friend is the worst. Srsly.

Only if it's unrequited, partially because the closer one is to someone and the worse their rejection hurts in terms of the emotional blow of being found flawed and lacking and the worse the meaning about one's self that can be taken away from it.

Because when it is requited, at least in my experience and those of my IRL associates, the adventuring to loot some Treasure Type O has been a lot more fun, although this was the case even when the partner gained best friend status after romantic relationship status and not really the case when the romantic relationship precluded best friend status due to a different conceptualization of the spheres of life.

[CoffeeIncluded]

When this first happened, we talked it over. For a while. The reasons that we didn't do anything while we still had close contact was:

1. Our relationship would have a concrete deadline and we both knew it. A long-distance relationship wouldn't work out.
2. I've never felt anything like that before, and I really didn't know whether it was genuine or my caring about him was starting to manifest in weird ways.
3. We're both nervous about what happens after the relationship, if it should end. Remember, his only experience with girlfriends has been bad experience, and I haven't had any romantic experience at all. He was (is) more afraid of screwing things up than I am.

Like I said, the conclusion we came to was to see what happens after some time in college. We didn't want to prevent each other from seeing somebody in our college who's physically there. Neither of us would do an open relationship, and I know that neither of us would ever cheat on anybody, and if we were in a long-distance relationship and bumped into somebody on campus, that would be bad for both of us for the same reasons.

Coidzor, I don't know if I can do the casual dating (and I ESPECIALLY can't do the making out with several people a night thing that a lot of my hallmates do) thing; I'm very physically reserved. But I'm definitely distracting myself with work and other stuff, so it's not really bothering me. As I said, I'm going to take it as it comes. If I find someone else, or if he finds someone else, then good for him/me. If at some point we're both single, my feelings haven't gone away, and he's willing to try...

Thanks for letting me ramble, guys. Seriously.

[Coidzor]

Coidzor, I can't do the casual dating or make out with several people a night thing that a lot of my hallmates do; I'm very physically reserved.

That... That's not what casual dating means.

[CoffeeIncluded]

That... That's not what casual dating means.

I know. I'm saying that I can't enter a relationship without being reasonably sure that it will last a while.

[H Birchgrove]

Darn, I almost send a message to someone on OKCupid who was room-mate and friend to another member I just previously posted to. That would have been awkward, I think.

Then there's a woman who has written on her page a million times that she doesn't want sex and is happily married, then reminds *me* and anyone else reading her page that she is poly and bi and loves sex a million times, then telling again that we must not ask if she want to have sex.

Look, I get it, it must be awfully annoying - for her - to get irrelevant requests about love-making when all she want is a new friend. But her profile sure doesn't come of as friendly and welcoming. Intellectually I understand her, but emotionally I feel like I'm under attack for being a horny guy. Yeah, I'm horny, but it doesn't follow that I mean to disrespect my fellow human beings.

I got all three on the website's "Quiver" search thingie through my mail; that's why I checked all three profiles.

But yay; I have sent a message to someone else (of the opposite sex) on OKCupido!

[The Troubadour]

Only if it's unrequited, partially because the closer one is to someone and the worse their rejection hurts in terms of the emotional blow of being found flawed and lacking and the worse the meaning about one's self that can be taken away from it.

I can personally attest to that. Of course, it didn't help any that my female friend stopped acting like a friend and started deliberately messing with my self-esteem.

[Syka]

Zeb, menopause can begin in one's 30's. My mom's began before she was 40 (I am SO crossing my fingers for that...only 15 more years of a period? Count me in!).

That said, it's possible that the regular adult fun times has some sort of effect. I've heard a lot that menstrual cramps are greatly helped by orgasms- as are migraines, apparently. Has she changed her diet, though? More fruits and veggies and stuff to accompany her athletic habits? When I was having bad PMS issues (cramps, aches, mood swings, etc), that's what my nurse practitioner recommended- veggies and exercise. Doesn't work for me, but probably would for a lot of people.

[Coidzor]

Yeah, I ran this by a couple of friends and a fair few of them reported experiencing such things either themselves or reported to them by their partners. Forgot to really inquire about time periods or anything like that, but, figure that's for the best, really.

[NineThePuma]

Had a conversation with my cousin about her making out on the back porch. Had to ask what base her boyfriend had gotten to.

She asked me what THAT meant, and I realized there are a dozen different base analogies I've heard.

Why isn't this sort of thing standardized?!?!

[Odentin]

[Sholos]

What's with the "STANDING ANYWHERE NEAR PEACHES" part? I've always been confused by that.

[Castaras]

Had a conversation with my cousin about her making out on the back porch. Had to ask what base her boyfriend had gotten to.

She asked me what THAT meant, and I realized there are a dozen different base analogies I've heard.

Why isn't this sort of thing standardized?!?!

Which is why you just go for blunt and straightforward.

[Serpentine]

"Was anything inserted into anything else?"

[DeadManSleeping]

What's with the "STANDING ANYWHERE NEAR PEACHES" part? I've always been confused by that.

Google "peach half" and go into Images. You can even use Safe Search. You will not find any porn, or anything like it. But you will understand.

[Wyntonian]

....That awkward moment when your girlfriend-half of a dying, gasping relationship asks you what base you got to with the immensely hot french exchange student you just hosted for one glorious night. And you ask what metaphor she's using.

[Coidzor]

Google "peach half" and go into Images. You can even use Safe Search. You will not find any porn, or anything like it. But you will understand.

...I don't understand. And I don't think I want to. Since most of the peaches I found looked covered in blood. Kind of odd that. Not at all like any of the ones I've eaten.

....That awkward moment when your girlfriend-half of a dying, gasping relationship asks you what base you got to with the immensely hot french exchange student you just hosted for one glorious night. And you ask what metaphor she's using.

I must say, that was probably a really bad idea to cheat and have your girlfriend find out about it that quickly.

[NineThePuma]

I don't think he cheated.

I think the girl friend EXPECTED him to cheat, and queried about it.

[Wyntonian]

I must say, that was probably a really bad idea to cheat and have your girlfriend find out about it that quickly.

It would have been, but I didn't. Not that there wasn't the possibility, I just deliberately chose not to, despite the hot frenchness. I actually ended up turning her down rather politely. THAT was even awkwarder. (is that a word?)

[Coidzor]

It would have been, but I didn't. Not that there wasn't the possibility, I just deliberately chose not to, despite the hot frenchness. I actually ended up turning her down rather politely. THAT was even awkwarder. (is that a word?)

Then why would you respond to your girlfriend in such a way as to clearly antagonize her about it?