Personal Woes and Advice 2

[rogueboy]

Continuing from my post yesterday, since I still haven't actually convinced myself of anything at all, and writing often helps me figure things out. And someone might have some random insight for me, idk.

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One thought I've been having recently is whether I didn't consider enough of a change of plan when I switched from PhD to MS track last summer. My big argument at the time was that what I wanted to be doing with the chemistry was better done with a MS... but I didn't really question whether I actually wanted to remain in chemistry. I've realized since that I would be completely happy with not being in chemistry (bench-work, specifically) in 5-10 years. Exactly what I'd do instead, however, is less clear... and not knowing things tends to terrify me. Which is what leads me to these debates, typically. The decision may have been made in a week, but it can take me a month or more to actually convince myself that I've already made the decision. I did that with the MS switch, and with choosing a school when I started.

As I mentioned in the last post, my dad is the person who I *really* want to be able to talk this over with. I often go to my parents for this type of decision, and my dad walked away from his PhD work right at the end, which is pretty much what I'm considering doing (although with my MS rather than PhD). However, for the last month (possibly 2), if I have mentioned anything other than "I'm being super-productive!" (which I've been pretty terrible at being), he goes into lecture-mode. Which annoys me, and leaves me less productive than I had been. It's particularly bad when things like watching a soccer game or trying to talk to him about one (which used to be a given, for every game our team played) set him off, to the level of saying that I should stop watching/playing/thinking about soccer or anything that isn't completely focused on finishing. I get his reasons for wanting me to finish, but I can't possibly believe he thinks this is an effective way to get anything done.

The big realization since I posted yesterday is that, motivationally, I've been running on fumes for a long time (bare minimum 6 months, probably closer to 12-18). This means that as long as things are working, I can be fairly productive and get things done. Not as productive as would be ideal, perhaps, but productive enough to get things done. As soon as something fails, however, I lose just about all the motivation to do anything that I might have had. And since I do organic synthesis, failure is the norm. The last few days, I've basically just been running on the hope that I can just brute force my way through a step, since what seems screwy isn't going to stick around through another step or 2. If that doesn't get me something I can continue to work with, I have no idea what will happen to my ability to motivate myself.

I still haven't come up with anything as a job possibility that wouldn't require another year+ of school, and would take advantage of my training. Thoughts have ranged from high school teaching (would need a teaching cert), some kind of finance/business job in a science-related capacity (no idea what that would be, really, and would require some finance/business education, as I have none).

In terms of people I can talk to, I have 1 friend who I *might* be willing to talk to, although I'm hesitant as he is also close to several people who I'd rather not know about this debate. I also have my teaching supervisor, who I could probably talk to if I'm clear that I don't want it going anywhere. There's also the issue of scheduling if I'm going to talk to her, as she tends to be really busy all day.

[WarKitty]

So I'm starting to think my downstairs roommate (the one complaining about the noise) really does not understand how the other two of us in the house work. Roommate M is the one complaining about the noise; roommate R is the other one. So, last night, R and I were supposed to head to a work function to meet people there, but didn't have the address. R texted a bunch of people, including M. We eventually got a reply and showed up there (M did see us).

The next morning, at 7am, M texts R from the office to say that she's sorry she didn't respond the night before but she had apparently left her phone on her desk. Keep in mind R is known to avoid being up before noon at all costs.

[Coidzor]

So I'm starting to think my downstairs roommate (the one complaining about the noise) really does not understand how the other two of us in the house work.

Sorta sounded like that from the beginning.

Roommate M is the one complaining about the noise; roommate R is the other one. So, last night, R and I were supposed to head to a work function to meet people there, but didn't have the address. R texted a bunch of people, including M. We eventually got a reply and showed up there (M did see us).

...You work with all of your roommates? I'm sorry.

The next morning, at 7am, M texts R from the office to say that she's sorry she didn't respond the night before but she had apparently left her phone on her desk. Keep in mind R is known to avoid being up before noon at all costs.

There do seem to be two schools of thoughts on text messaging, one where it's the same as calling someone but more preferable because you don't have to actually speak to them and the other where it's in-between email and conversation so it can occur in some approximation of real time but time lapses are also acceptable.

It sounds like you and presumably R feel the first way about it, and so view it as the same as calling someone and waking them up at 7 AM while M views it as sending a message that will get to R when it gets to R so she sent it while it was still on her mind lest she just forget entirely over the course of the day.

I really would recommend not having a text message alert that will wake one's self up though. If it's not enough of an emergency for a phone call, then it's not enough of an emergency to justify being woken up for it.

[WarKitty]

Sorta sounded like that from the beginning.



...You work with all of your roommates? I'm sorry.

Heh. That was actually intentional. I don't understand why it would be bad?

There do seem to be two schools of thoughts on text messaging, one where it's the same as calling someone but more preferable because you don't have to actually speak to them and the other where it's in-between email and conversation so it can occur in some approximation of real time but time lapses are also acceptable.

It sounds like you and presumably R feel the first way about it, and so view it as the same as calling someone and waking them up at 7 AM while M views it as sending a message that will get to R when it gets to R so she sent it while it was still on her mind lest she just forget entirely over the course of the day.

I really would recommend not having a text message alert that will wake one's self up though. If it's not enough of an emergency for a phone call, then it's not enough of an emergency to justify being woken up for it.

Yeah. I get that - I think a lot of the weirdness is that she felt the need to reply with that information at all. That's not the sort of thing you'd usually reply to. R is not native to the US, and I often get the feeling that she just doesn't understand how American students and schools operate.

[The Succubus]

It could be kinda cool to live with some of your workmates, as long as everyone was cool with giving each other some space from time to time.

[Castaras]

Yeah, I know quite a few people who live together and are workmates. All PhD students.

Whine:

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My body had decided Thursday evening, the night before going to fun weekend thing, to start being ill. Was vaguely ill a lot of the weekend but paracetamol meant I was okay for the day it was worst (sunday). Today my head aches, my neck aches, and my back aches, and I'm still affected in other bits with pain from the illness. Freaking heck, why can't my body just let me be well for once. *sigh*

[Coidzor]

Heh. That was actually intentional. I don't understand why it would be bad?

Work-life segregation on one count and not wanting your coworkers to have trivial access to potential blackmail material on another. Possibly wanting to avoid overload from having to look at someone's face all the times, depending upon the amount of personal space and time afforded in the living arrangements. I'm sure there's other reasons it seems weird to me, but I can't recall them offhand.

Yeah. I get that - I think a lot of the weirdness is that she felt the need to reply with that information at all. That's not the sort of thing you'd usually reply to. R is not native to the US, and I often get the feeling that she just doesn't understand how American students and schools operate.

I've had friends apologize for not replying to urgentish texts the next day when they got their phone back, explaining that they had lost them during their drunken escapades the night before, so I wouldn't say it was necessarily that kind of cultural gap in that particular instance.

Though I suppose the whole student thing would explain the living situation better.

[Chen]

I've had friends apologize for not replying to urgentish texts the next day when they got their phone back, explaining that they had lost them during their drunken escapades the night before, so I wouldn't say it was necessarily that kind of cultural gap in that particular instance.

Yeah this type of thing is fairly common I'd say. If I don't have my phone with me (or just don't hear it) I'll respond to texts that are late saying sorry I missed them. Its somewhat of a courtesy thing to let people know you're not actively ignoring them.

[INoKnowNames]

Before I update this and sig it, should I go back and spoiler my previous update, since it was such a big post, looking back? It feels rude that I didn't, but since it's already done and a few pages past, I'm not sure if it's an issue.

This one will be spoiler'd, possibly because of length, but definitely because of immature rage. And if you don't like stupid young-adult wangst, then I'm sorry for presenting a post you should steer clear of. Though if I'm going to be that much of a baby about this, I shouldn't post it at all... but this place is one of the few ways I can freely vent without causing controversy in my daily life.

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I've been gone for this week because I've been in the hospital again for 3 days, and been resting since. And I've no one to blame but myself for it. Feeling overconfident, I tried to strength train at my Gym, attempting to work just my good arm and leg (at least the ones with the good hand and foot). One accident and ride to the ER later shows how stupid a choice that was. And the entire situation has me furious over several petty annoyances.

I basically set myself back a few weeks, and gained another solid month of recovery for the damage that was done again to my bones. I actually need crutches again, and it took everything to make them not stick me in a full on cast for my hand; I have enough trouble fighting off the urge to stab myself (see below) without being stuck in a darn wheel-chair again.
Measurements reveal I'm 25 lbs. above my lowest point due to my lack of ability to work out. Over half a year of work is now -GONE-, and every single day I feel like I'm getting fatter and fatter! Not eating will concern the family, and I tried the throwing up trick once before the pain in my throat reminded me of how stupid that really is for my health, and the last thing people need to think is that I'm sick in yet another way in the head. I felt so confident about myself. I was 19% smaller than my largest weight, and gained muscles and fitness. All of that is going down the drain at this rate! I used to be able to run a mile in 5 minutes, and up an incline no less; I couldn't do that in school with 4 years of effort; yet now I can barely stand for two hours without wanting to cry! I can't even beat on my punching bag to relieve myself of my fury and sadness!

I'm not sure if it's a combination of factors, but I'm doing my level best to not lash out at the people helping me... at least, as much lashing out as a damned cripple can do. I hate feeling helpless, and desperately want my freedom back, yet I'm more shackled down than I've ever been! On Doctor's Orders, Mom met with my Gym Leader and got my membership canceled, so I can't go back to the gym and derp myself up again. And on Doctor's Orders, I won't be able to go to work again until I show signs of being as competent as I was back a week or so ago! Despite this being an entirely caring act, I can't help but spit whenever I think about it! It's heck just getting up or down stairs with this stupid crap on, so I actually -need- the assistance of my family just moving about my house at times!

The feelings are probably the worst part. I feel so defeated. My brother stopped smoking because of me, that he'd master his addiction once I mastered mine, and that year of blood, sweat, and tears is being ret-coned into uselessness! I haven't even spoken to the girl I like since I messed myself up again, feeling so ashamed of being hurt and being hunky-chunky again to have the bravery to face her! Worst, I've had bouts of suicidal depression before, but it's been a long time since I've felt the need to ask for the knives in the house to be removed for me. I have to fight off the thoughts of feeling like I'm actively wasting away in my bed trying to rest. I have to ignore the thought that said bed is actually a coffin, and that the room I'm confined in as my tomb. I've had to shake away the notion that I -should- have died in that accident, rather than that I -could-. I've had to stop imagining what my corpse might look like, what it might say on the coroner's report if they found out I'd decided to give in.

I know all the answers! I know these stupid thoughts are stupid, and that I can't let my depression and anxiety rule my spirit just because I've hit some hard times! I know this is entirely a spoiled idiot's problem, that many people, many of you included, have dealt with stuff like this and worse, and that I've got no reason to be such a baby about it! I know that I can't risk injuring myself anymore if I want to get better again, and that it's better to just wait and -then- get over it once and for all! I know everything I need to know; I know everything I need to do; and I know that I know all the answers!

And yet it's so hard! I know it's all stupid, but I just can't help it! I just hate this so much! I hate being injured! I hate getting fatter! I hate being inactive! I hate getting weaker! I hate being needy! I hate getting slower! I want to hate everything in my way! I want to hate everyone keeping me from the things I stupidly want to do! I hate myself for putting myself again in critical condition! I hate myself for hating on people that only want to help me! I hate that I've got people waiting on me because I barely have the energy to stay conscious the majority of the time! And worst of all, I hate hating about this!

If you've read this far into my rant, I personally wish and pray that you have a blessed day.

On a slightly more positive note, I learned that I'm literally the biggest Multiracial Bastard that I know (watch that be censored here when I mean it by its true definition: a child born out of wedlock): My mother is a White Irish Woman with some Native American in her, and my Father is a Black Frenchman with a different set of Native American in him, while I was raised Jewish to the point that I identify more as that than anything else.

So that's a thing. Am I allowed to identify as how I was raised rather than what's in my blood?

[HalfTangible]

I feel depressed and lethargic and I don't know why. Aside from math homework (which is a real bitch when it evaluates you as you go and refuses to let you skip questions - online class), moving a really heavy table, and finishing reading through Tozol quest (which was more bittersweet/hopeful than outright sad), none of which should be enough to make me ask when life will be fun again.

Especially when I started feeling miserable after giving up on the first and before the latter two...

[dehro]

On a slightly more positive note, I learned that I'm literally the biggest Multiracial Bastard that I know (watch that be censored here when I mean it by its true definition: a child born out of wedlock): My mother is a White Irish Woman with some Native American in her, and my Father is a Black Frenchman with a different set of Native American in him, while I was raised Jewish to the point that I identify more as that than anything else.

So that's a thing. Am I allowed to identify as how I was raised rather than what's in my blood?

ha.. that beats me by quite a margin
half dutch half italian here.. with a polish grandad and whose grandma was raised in Indonesia (but is still "simply" dutch).
and yeah, dad's catholic and mum's jewish... I identify as jewish.

[MonkeyBusiness]

INoKnowNames,
I am sorry to hear about your injuries. We have some things in common.

Last summer I was in a bicycle accident: I swerved to miss an idiot on the bike trail, and went over an incline and fell (with the bicycle on top of me) into the creek at the bottom. On the way down I broke my collar bone.

My injury was far less severe than your original injury was. But I was isolated, and lonely, as well as in severe pain and unable to do the things I cared about, or go to work, or drive my car. In the autumn I thought I was well enough to go to the meetup in Baltimore, but I strained myself and I set my recovery back a bit. But the big setback came in January, when my collarbone was healed enough to let me go back to work. An hour before I left for my very first shift at work in five months, I fell down my own front stairs and sprained my ankle.

Again, this is not as severe as your experience. But it does mean I am doing two different sets of rehab exercises, and it also means that my abbreiviated shift at work will remain abbrieviated for longer than I intended since I cannot sit down at all during my work day.

I've been very depressed about this. I hate the sense of inertia, and also the way the world seems to move on without me when I am injured.

I am feeling better now, both physically and emotionally. I hope the same will be true for you, and soon. Meanwhile, don't beat yourself up for feeling sad. It's no fun to feel sad, but it is not your *fault*.

I hope it helps you to know you are not alone in this experience. In fact, the filed of sports injuries deals with the emotional impact as well as the physical pain. There might be some resources you can discover through your doctor or PT's office.

Good luck. Let us know how you do.

-Monkey


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[INoKnowNames]

I feel depressed and lethargic and I don't know why. Aside from math homework (which is a real bitch when it evaluates you as you go and refuses to let you skip questions - online class), moving a really heavy table, and finishing reading through Tozol quest (which was more bittersweet/hopeful than outright sad), none of which should be enough to make me ask when life will be fun again.

Especially when I started feeling miserable after giving up on the first and before the latter two...

Oy, I know how you feel when it comes to homework. But you can't give up on it, ever. Try to find time to add a few more fun things in your day, and remember that your troubles are only temporary.

And -never- give up. That's the biggest thing. It may be hard, but you only lose when you quit.

ha.. that beats me by quite a margin
half dutch half italian here.. with a polish grandad and whose grandma was raised in Indonesia (but is still "simply" dutch).
and yeah, dad's catholic and mum's jewish... I identify as jewish.

I'm so proud to be a mutt. Now when I think about way back when I didn't know what my nationality was in school, and just bubbled Multiracial, I laugh. I didn't know how multiracial I really am!

INoKnowNames,
I am sorry to hear about your injuries. We have some things in common.

Last summer I was in a bicycle accident: I swerved to miss an idiot on the bike trail, and went over an incline and fell (with the bicycle on top of me) into the creek at the bottom. On the way down I broke my collar bone.

My injury was far less severe than your original injury was. But I was isolated, and lonely, as well as in severe pain and unable to do the things I cared about, or go to work, or drive my car. In the autumn I thought I was well enough to go to the meetup in Baltimore, but I strained myself and I set my recovery back a bit. But the big setback came in January, when my collarbone was healed enough to let me go back to work. An hour before I left for my very first shift at work in five months, I fell down my own front stairs and sprained my ankle.

Again, this is not as severe as your experience. But it does mean I am doing two different sets of rehab exercises, and it also means that my abbreiviated shift at work will remain abbrieviated for longer than I intended since I cannot sit down at all during my work day.

I've been very depressed about this. I hate the sense of inertia, and also the way the world seems to move on without me when I am injured.

I am feeling better now, both physically and emotionally. I hope the same will be true for you, and soon. Meanwhile, don't beat yourself up for feeling sad. It's no fun to feel sad, but it is not your *fault*.

I hope it helps you to know you are not alone in this experience. In fact, the filed of sports injuries deals with the emotional impact as well as the physical pain. There might be some resources you can discover through your doctor or PT's office.

Good luck. Let us know how you do.

-Monkey


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The only thing I'm willing to argue is that the second time I got hurt was genuinely 100% my fault. I'd become so vain and prideful that I tried to push beyond what was safe for me in the gym, and tried to get near my original strength level. After a few solid months of my most intense activity being making it safely up and down 12 steps, I was asking to get put back into casts essentially.

Otherwise, your words are filled with kindness and wisdom, and not only does it feel better to hear them, but to remember your story and hear that you're doing better yourself. I tried to pray for what I've seen here over time last year, and I still do, at least when I'm not being moody.

Thank you very much, and I'll keep lurking around. You keep on keeping on, too, and I'll try to do the same.

[MonkeyBusiness]

*nods sadly at IKnowNoNames*

Yes. The situations we stupidly put ourselves into are often the most discouraging. I know that because I've lived this too.

One thing I learned from doing Stupid Things is this: when I blame myself and dwell on the mistake, I am likely to repeat it. Something about shame seems to make learning from the mistake difficult. But if I am able to distance myself a little and say objectively, "Whoops. That was a big old mistake. Not going there again," I am sometimes able to redirect my energy toward moving on.

It can be very difficult not to beat myself up over stupid stuff I do. But if I don't at least *try* I find my mistakes recurring. My Dumb Stuff tends to involve procrastination, which is maddening. When I find myself procrastinating, I have to try to force myself to talk to myself as if I am my own Best Friend, not my own Worst Enemy. Put-downs are always easier, but I find praise gets better results.

I hope that helps, and that you feel better soon.


-Monkey

PS Thank you for the kind words. That made my day! *hugs*


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[Logic]

I have recently realized that I have GREAT difficulty in letting things go.

Yesterday I was trolled for hours on Facebook by a friend-of-a-friend, and it made me furious. Later, I came to the conclusion that it bothered me so much because it brought up many memories of the bullying and trolling I experienced as a youth. This particular troller isn't really that serious of an issue, if I take my emotions out of the equation, but if I think about it for more than a few minutes, my blood begins to boil again, and I want to get back at them.

The rational side of me wants to let this go, but my emotional side is demanding justice from this person because of all the things I have experienced from other negative people in the past.

I am so conflicted.

[HalfTangible]

I have recently realized that I have GREAT difficulty in letting things go.

Yesterday I was trolled for hours on Facebook by a friend-of-a-friend, and it made me furious. Later, I came to the conclusion that it bothered me so much because it brought up many memories of the bullying and trolling I experienced as a youth. This particular troller isn't really that serious of an issue, if I take my emotions out of the equation, but if I think about it for more than a few minutes, my blood begins to boil again, and I want to get back at them.

The rational side of me wants to let this go, but my emotional side is demanding justice from this person because of all the things I have experienced from other negative people in the past.

I am so conflicted.

I find the best way to respond to trollers is to make fun of them, especially through turn-arounds.

EX: "I eat pieces of **** like you for breakfast!"
"You eat pieces of **** for breakfast?"

But as someone who has dealt with middle-school bullies and the lingering memories that come with that, (a couple of months ago I was screaming-pissed about a particular incident in middle school where I was crying under the stairs basically because a waiter said the wrong word. I am 21 now.) I get that this isn't easy and it doesn't always help.

Getting back at them will accomplish nothing, however, and if this person IS a 'friend of a friend' it could end badly with your friend.

If you do decide to retaliate, just make it funny, at least.

[INoKnowNames]

*nods sadly at IKnowNoNames*

Yes. The situations we stupidly put ourselves into are often the most discouraging. I know that because I've lived this too.

One thing I learned from doing Stupid Things is this: when I blame myself and dwell on the mistake, I am likely to repeat it. Something about shame seems to make learning from the mistake difficult. But if I am able to distance myself a little and say objectively, "Whoops. That was a big old mistake. Not going there again," I am sometimes able to redirect my energy toward moving on.

It can be very difficult not to beat myself up over stupid stuff I do. But if I don't at least *try* I find my mistakes recurring. My Dumb Stuff tends to involve procrastination, which is maddening. When I find myself procrastinating, I have to try to force myself to talk to myself as if I am my own Best Friend, not my own Worst Enemy. Put-downs are always easier, but I find praise gets better results.

I hope that helps, and that you feel better soon.


-Monkey

PS Thank you for the kind words. That made my day! *hugs*


..

I can't actively attack myself either, but I'm not as fond of praises as one might expect, either. I take a mixture of both, really. I feel like I don't deserve praises most of the time, and if I'm feeling bad enough, being attacked only shatters me entirely... I'm hard to talk to when I'm upset.

I feel like what normally helps me is to challenge me. Being confronted with an obstacle to deal with is what convinces me most to get out of whatever mood I'm in.

As for not repeating the same mistake twice, ol' Rafiki already taught me that one.

*hug*

I have recently realized that I have GREAT difficulty in letting things go.

Yesterday I was trolled for hours on Facebook by a friend-of-a-friend, and it made me furious. Later, I came to the conclusion that it bothered me so much because it brought up many memories of the bullying and trolling I experienced as a youth. This particular troller isn't really that serious of an issue, if I take my emotions out of the equation, but if I think about it for more than a few minutes, my blood begins to boil again, and I want to get back at them.

The rational side of me wants to let this go, but my emotional side is demanding justice from this person because of all the things I have experienced from other negative people in the past.

I am so conflicted.

Take it from someone who's dealt with being bullied all his life as well; you gain absolutely -nothing- from sinking to their level.

What's worse, airing your dirty laundry on Facebook only makes you look bad as well. In fact, employers and other influential people -do- make a habit of trying to get into your Facebook now a days to see what kind of person you are. An internet fight certainly doesn't paint a positive picture of you.

And even if that's not an issue, will you really feel better in the end continuing your feud? Let it go. Be the better person and don't let it bother you.

[Logic]

Take it from someone who's dealt with being bullied all his life as well; you gain absolutely -nothing- from sinking to their level.

What's worse, airing your dirty laundry on Facebook only makes you look bad as well. In fact, employers and other influential people -do- make a habit of trying to get into your Facebook now a days to see what kind of person you are. An internet fight certainly doesn't paint a positive picture of you.

And even if that's not an issue, will you really feel better in the end continuing your feud? Let it go. Be the better person and don't let it bother you.

Throughout the argument, I was keeping a cool and rational head. This person was resorting to insults immediately. It was when this person basically repeated the same insult that upset me.

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She said my face was trolling after I accused her of trolling. So I replied that she was quick to resort to insults, and that she should see someone about that. She replied I should see someone about my face.

It is just so hard to let go, because this reminds me so much of my torment from years prior. I *know* you can't have a rational discussion with a troll, and that is part of my problem. I *want* to have a rational discussion with this person. But their immature antics are just pushing my buttons.

[INoKnowNames]

Throughout the argument, I was keeping a cool and rational head. This person was resorting to insults immediately. It was when this person basically repeated the same insult that upset me.

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She said my face was trolling after I accused her of trolling. So I replied that she was quick to resort to insults, and that she should see someone about that. She replied I should see someone about my face.

It is just so hard to let go, because this reminds me so much of my torment from years prior. I *know* you can't have a rational discussion with a troll, and that is part of my problem. I *want* to have a rational discussion with this person. But their immature antics are just pushing my buttons.

You're aware that this person isn't trying to have a decent talk with you.

You're aware that they're playing games with you.

And then you go ahead and take a turn anyway. And over the internet, no less.

I don't have a facebook, so I don't know how reporting someone works, or even if you can. But unless you can report someone for such activity, the winning move in this game is to accept that it's a game without a victory, and Don't take a turn.

If you have to deal with them in person, it would be a bit harder, but it seems like it's only someone you have to be bothered with online, which should make it easier to avoid. Is it really worth trying to come to a resolution with someone who seems intent on just making fun of you?

Play the Winning Move. Don't take a turn.

[Skeppio]

Throughout the argument, I was keeping a cool and rational head. This person was resorting to insults immediately. It was when this person basically repeated the same insult that upset me.

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She said my face was trolling after I accused her of trolling. So I replied that she was quick to resort to insults, and that she should see someone about that. She replied I should see someone about my face.

It is just so hard to let go, because this reminds me so much of my torment from years prior. I *know* you can't have a rational discussion with a troll, and that is part of my problem. I *want* to have a rational discussion with this person. But their immature antics are just pushing my buttons.

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Yeah, trolls like that suck.

[HalfTangible]

Throughout the argument, I was keeping a cool and rational head. This person was resorting to insults immediately. It was when this person basically repeated the same insult that upset me.

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She said my face was trolling after I accused her of trolling. So I replied that she was quick to resort to insults, and that she should see someone about that. She replied I should see someone about my face.

It is just so hard to let go, because this reminds me so much of my torment from years prior. I *know* you can't have a rational discussion with a troll, and that is part of my problem. I *want* to have a rational discussion with this person. But their immature antics are just pushing my buttons.

"So if it's ugly as a face, why are you so proud of having it as <insert body part she's insecure about here>?"

Like I said, make fun of her. You're not going to get anything rational, so don't respond with anything rational. Treat her like the immature child she is.

It's fun! =D

[INoKnowNames]

"So if it's ugly as a face, why are you so proud of having it as <insert body part she's insecure about here>?"

Like I said, make fun of her. You're not going to get anything rational, so don't respond with anything rational. Treat her like the immature child she is.

It's fun! =D

This is exactly the kind of advice I don't think one should be giving. Given the number of people who have been getting in -real- trouble over stupid things said online, and the fact that he really doesn't get anything out of persisting a fight with someone being irrational, I don't think there's any point in trying to fuel it.

Fight fire with fire, and everyone gets burned.

[HalfTangible]

This is exactly the kind of advice I don't think one should be giving. Given the number of people who have been getting in -real- trouble over stupid things said online, and the fact that he really doesn't get anything out of persisting a fight with someone being irrational, I don't think there's any point in trying to fuel it.

Fight fire with fire, and everyone gets burned.

I assumed leaving the argument entirely wasn't an option. In which case, best recourse is to joke around.

[INoKnowNames]

I assumed leaving the argument entirely wasn't an option. In which case, best recourse is to joke around.

You can't Block / Ignore someone in Facebook? That's a stupid lack of features...

From the sound of this, he's not even all that seriously annoyed by this person; he's had issues with being picked on in the past. Maintaining a fight with a friend-of-a-friend for no reason doesn't seem like it'll help one get over those feelings at all.

[Logic]

Take it from someone who's dealt with being bullied all his life as well; you gain absolutely -nothing- from sinking to their level.

What's worse, airing your dirty laundry on Facebook only makes you look bad as well. In fact, employers and other influential people -do- make a habit of trying to get into your Facebook now a days to see what kind of person you are. An internet fight certainly doesn't paint a positive picture of you.

And even if that's not an issue, will you really feel better in the end continuing your feud? Let it go. Be the better person and don't let it bother you.

You're aware that this person isn't trying to have a decent talk with you.

You're aware that they're playing games with you.

And then you go ahead and take a turn anyway. And over the internet, no less.

I don't have a facebook, so I don't know how reporting someone works, or even if you can. But unless you can report someone for such activity, the winning move in this game is to accept that it's a game without a victory, and Don't take a turn.

If you have to deal with them in person, it would be a bit harder, but it seems like it's only someone you have to be bothered with online, which should make it easier to avoid. Is it really worth trying to come to a resolution with someone who seems intent on just making fun of you?

Play the Winning Move. Don't take a turn.

"So if it's ugly as a face, why are you so proud of having it as <insert body part she's insecure about here>?"

Like I said, make fun of her. You're not going to get anything rational, so don't respond with anything rational. Treat her like the immature child she is.

It's fun! =D

This is exactly the kind of advice I don't think one should be giving. Given the number of people who have been getting in -real- trouble over stupid things said online, and the fact that he really doesn't get anything out of persisting a fight with someone being irrational, I don't think there's any point in trying to fuel it.

Fight fire with fire, and everyone gets burned.

I assumed leaving the argument entirely wasn't an option. In which case, best recourse is to joke around.

Part of my problem *may* be OCD. I've never been officially diagnosed, but I have a lot of symptoms. And there is also this:

Spoiler

Show

[dehro]

Part of my problem *may* be OCD. I've never been officially diagnosed, but I have a lot of symptoms. And there is also this:

Spoiler

Show

I was going to link that one to you.

print it out and hang it somewhere close to your computer. better yet, on top of your screen and flip it over it when you realize you're being trolled

[Morbis Meh]

Well I will admit my advise may not be particularily helpful in the long run but I am a self admitted troll, though I do it out of attempting to be playful not malicious. A tactic you may employ is taking something she said as the opposite and totally ignoring the original intent. Eg my fiancee and I: she is not a fan of being tickled so she will often give me a dirty look and say I should be tickled so I retort 'of course my dear I will give you all the tickles you want'. Simple but effective. Another strategy which may or may not have unforseen consequences is hitting on her (not in any serious way). This may cause her to become uncomfortable and seek to cease communications (depending on her tolerance level this may take awhile); however, she can counter troll and play along with it and who knows maybe some sick twist of fate will result in an outing with one another and you live happily ever after? If this is not the desired outcome then proceed to pour copious amounts of gasoline atop your computer and set it on fire. I wish you the best of luck in your endeavour and I too have fealt the sting of bullying; I just learned how to redirect it.

[Grytorm]

Is there any way to tell if I am suffering from any form of depression. n general I am happy, usually I distract myself with books and videogames. However sometimes I break down crying because of my poor performance at college and seemingly at my poor showing at life in general. I feel that I don't have any real friends, I know that I am on good terms with quite a few people but I don't really know how to approach them besides hello, how are you, etcetera. As I said I am doing poorly in college and I know it is entirely my fault (this is not being down on myself, it was mostly terrible choices and no real experience at studying). I have never had a proper gaming group because I have no idea of how to approach a group about something like that. I've realized that I am bored in my math class when that is about the only thing I feel I am at all good at. I doubt I will ever have a girlfriend because trying to talk to people about romantic intent is even worse than talking to them in general. Nobody has ever really approached me about any of that because I mostly keep to myself and doubt that I am often found attractive because I am somewhat overweight and just doubt I am that appealing. Mostly the main reason I am worried about myself is beacause in general I have done little of worth in my life and one of the few routes I see as leading to success in life is going poorly. Mostly I am posting this here is because I don't really want to talk about it with my family and doubt that anybody here would really know anything about me. Or really recognize my forum name because I doubt that I stand out from the few times I have posted.

[TaiLiu]

Is there any way to tell if I am suffering from any form of depression.

I don't think I have enough experience to comment on the rest - my deepest apologises - ,but the best way to verify depression is to go to a doctor or psychologist/ psychiatrist. Go to them, tell them about your experiences and general feelings, and see what they say.

Good luck with life!

[Mindfreak]

Last night I found out that my friend tried to kill herself the night before by trying to overdose on sleeping meds.

This is a completely crazy thing in regards to her. It came out of nowhere. She has been depressed for a bit but has never shown any signs of being suicidal.
I have no idea how I should handle this. She knows that I'm here for her and that I care for her, but how do I go about making sure she gets the help she needs?
Her parents didn't even notice her attempt, she's been completely silent in her sessions with her therapist...
Should I just tell my teachers?
At this point I don't care if she hates me if I tell someone, I just want her to get help...