Things I May No Longer Do While Playing IV: The Decanter of Endless Bad Ideas

[Darthteej]

*Any proposal I make that involves the words 'ascension sequence' is banned with no further questions.

**If I even mention psionic reformation again, I will be forced to play a core fighter.
***Said core fighter is not allowed to hire spellcasters, psioniscists, truenamers, incarnists, or anything that waves their hands around and makes stuff hppen.

[toapat]

**If I even mention psionic reformation again, I will be forced to play a core fighter.
***Said core fighter is not allowed to hire spellcasters, psioniscists, truenamers, incarnists, or anything that waves their hands around and makes stuff hppen.

****I am then not to complain when the only thing that fighter fights with are Wizards

[Balmas]

****I am then not to complain when the only thing that fighter fights with are Wizards

*****Unless the DM laughs maliciously as he throws wave after wave of caster.
******In this case, I may employ whatever trickery is necessary to make the DM cry.

[Amidus Drexel]

*****Unless the DM laughs maliciously as he throws wave after wave of caster.
******In this case, I may employ whatever trickery is necessary to make the DM cry.

*******I may no longer use onions, IC or OOC.

[Wookieetank]

*******I may no longer use onions, IC or OOC.

n+1* Wasabi peas are also right out.

[Black Mage]

**If I even mention psionic reformation again, I will be forced to play a core fighter.

My favorite psionic power ever. The party always loves having my psions around. *poke* Rebuild. *poke* Rebuild. *poke* Rebuild.

[Riverdance]

*Rule #16 of the modern day paladin: Hijacking planes is an aggressively not-good act. Hijacking just to joy-ride will cause me to promptly fall in both senses of the word.

[toapat]

**Counter Hijacking the Plane is ok
***But only so long as you land the thing, and not surf it into the nearest building
****No, you dont have a Grappling Hook and Stunt Parachute

[Darthteej]

*75% miss chances at first level are considered to be in bad taste
**Especially when you're not a wizard

[Doorhandle]

*Rule #16 of the modern day paladin: Hijacking planes is an aggressively not-good act. Hijacking just to joy-ride will cause me to promptly fall in both senses of the word.

*Not to let my players hijack the elemental plane of fire.

[Guizonde]

*perform (grindcore) is not valid
**neither is perform (death metal)
***roleplaying the vocals just because i can is not good roleplaying. that's showing off
*banned forever from having a singing sword.
**especially if it sings death metal
***calling it corpsegrinder is out
****just because it's 3lbs of screaming steel does not make it the most metal thing ever
*not matter how hilarious, a goth/black metal gnome bard/druid based on black metal band Immortal will be banned from campaigns against evil
*half-gnoll bard? bad idea
(not tested, just asked the dm, spoilsport he is)
*banjoleles, sitars, banjos, electric guitars, double bass, cellos, trombones, tubas, and grand pianos are now banned instruments for any bard
**if it doesn't fit in a breadbox, it's not a judicious choice for a roving bard

[eulmanis12]

As Dm

*not to take a group that likes to play spellcasters and suggest, "ok how about a no magic campaign"

*may not deploy more than eight anti magic spheres in a given room
**May not invent the anti-magic elipsoid or anti-magic cube to get around this

*may not set games in a fictional counterpart of the French and Indian War (Seven Years War for those in Europe)
**If so I may not make major characters that have the exact same name as their real world counterparts just because I am bad at naming and I am reasonably certain that nobody will pick up on it.
***I definitly cannot then have this lead to a fictional verson of the American revolution.
****At this point if I insist on making Fictional counterparts to real world characters the list that I use should not look like this.
(Contains their in game role according to TVtropes)
-Colonel Tarlton (Dragon) In game name Colonel Arlton
-General William Howe (BBEG) in game name General Howard Wiliamson
-Daniel Morgan (Hero from another story) in game name Colonel Morgan Danielson
-Nathaniel Green (Da Chief) In game name Nathan Red
-Thomas Jefferson (The Commisoner) In game name Jeffery Thomson
(note this is a campaign that I am currently running)

[Wookieetank]

...stuff...
***I definitly cannot then have this lead to a fictional verson of the American revolution.
...other stuff...

Was this by your doing, or did your players choose to start the reolution on their own without prompting?

*May not attempt to pin everything wrong in the world on Elves.
**Even if it is occasionally right.
***Trying to convince every nation that is not elven to wipe out the elves as a means of making the world a better place is right out.
****Even if it is true.

[BRC]

*As a DM, I am no longer allowed to be lazy by having an encounter where the PC's fight each other, then just sitting back and watching the carnage.


I did this last night. Online pathfinder game (Roll20), one PC (Ratfolk Gunslinger), backed up by two NPC's (a pair of Rapier-wielding Ratfolk Rogues who used swarmfighting for auto-flank), was hired under false pretenses to assassinate the other PC's (Classic "Wacky Misunderstanding/Bad Guy Deception" story).

It was all fun and games until the Witch Doctor summoned a giant monkey.

[LrdoftheRngs]

* I may not play a Warforged Bard
** If I do, I may not play "Iron Man" for bardic music
*** Or ever, for that matter
**** No, I may not invent dubstep
***** "Bass Cannons" are right out

[Yomega]

* May not be a 1ft tall pixie with a 20ft reach as a at will MBA that targets 2 things in 4th
** Said pixie cannot be a sadistic blackgaurd with a naked goblin as a mount
*** That same pixie may not kill mount because it was a rp session and I havent killed anything yet
**** May not play said character in a evil drow campain
***** May not be the most effective striker in a party of 9 with a highest stat of 16
****** May not be a pixie slave in a evil drow campain where I have more worth in drow society than any other pc

******* May not play pixies in any edition

******** As DM in 3.5 may not have pixies as npcs
********* I have a pixie stalking the party right now

[Guizonde]

*May not attempt to pin everything wrong in the world on Elves.
**Even if it is occasionally right.
***Trying to convince every nation that is not elven to wipe out the elves as a means of making the world a better place is right out.
****Even if it is true.

now that's just not fair! why ban it when it's true?

completely unrelated, but:
*not allowed to chew the half-elf when i'm hungry
**especially since i've got prepared "heroic banquet" (the whole deal with the bonuses, the chairs, the maitres d', the fine silver, the antique furniture...)
***if i cast that spell, i do too have to feed the half-elf
****not allowed to bean the half-elf with an antique ottoman, either

*not allowed to distract the ghouls with heroic banquet.
**no dropping heroic banquet from a great height on the huge mob of critters
***antique furniture does not count as "improvised artillery"
****gourmet rations are not "anathema to undead"

[Doorhandle]

As Dm

*not to take a group that likes to play spellcasters and suggest, "ok how about a no magic campaign"

*may not deploy more than eight anti magic spheres in a given room
**May not invent the anti-magic elipsoid or anti-magic cube to get around this

*may not set games in a fictional counterpart of the French and Indian War (Seven Years War for those in Europe)
**If so I may not make major characters that have the exact same name as their real world counterparts just because I am bad at naming and I am reasonably certain that nobody will pick up on it.
***I definitly cannot then have this lead to a fictional verson of the American revolution.
****At this point if I insist on making Fictional counterparts to real world characters the list that I use should not look like this.
(Contains their in game role according to TVtropes)
-Colonel Tarlton (Dragon) In game name Colonel Arlton
-General William Howe (BBEG) in game name General Howard Wiliamson
-Daniel Morgan (Hero from another story) in game name Colonel Morgan Danielson
-Nathaniel Green (Da Chief) In game name Nathan Red
-Thomas Jefferson (The Commisoner) In game name Jeffery Thomson
(note this is a campaign that I am currently running)

*Not to ruin a campaign by looking up the historical events it was based on and then using that to predict the plot.

******** As DM in 3.5 may not have pixies as npcs
********* I have a pixie stalking the party right now

*May not invent the buggzapper.
*No such thing as a cold-iron flyswatter.
* weedwakers do not have a bonus aginst fey.
*cannot be a ranger with favored enemy: (pixes and other fey too I guess) and name him the exterminator.

[Amidus Drexel]

Oh, some things I remembered from last session:
The party scout:
*May no longer announce our presence to the enemy
**Especially when the party could have easily ambushed them
***May not suggest a ridiculous course of action based on wrong ideas he came up with himself.

The party cleric:
*May not attempt to melee the enemy without a melee weapon
**May not refuse to heal the party, as he is indirectly responsible for much of the damage we took

[Guizonde]

*cannot be a ranger with favored enemy: (pixes and other fey too I guess) and name him the exterminator.

that can totally fly in pathfinder! (see what i did there?) although having that favored enemy might see you getting your wings clipped quite fast.

*banned hadoken searing light. reason? pulling a durkon in a big forest... and on the half-elf... and the ranger's pet... and the ranger...
**if i wig out on a tree again, i'd better damn well remember to control the ensuing forest fire
***no, smoky the bear won't take care of it

[Zahhak]

Since only half of my party has even read OOTS I am not allowed to reference it at all. The DM gets it when I say "Well, Durkon would...". The rest of the party doesn't get it until its far too late.

[Alcyius]

As a DM:

*Not allowed to have the Temple to a God of Metal be guarded by four blind bards.

Props to those who get the reference.

[artofregicide]

As a DM:

I am not allowed gleefully to chant: "TPK, TPK, TPK" to the tune of the Smash Bros character chants: such as "Kirby, Kirby, Kirby!"

I am not allowed mournfully chant: "TPK, TPK, TPK"

I am not allowed to chant: "TPK" any form

I am not allowed to chant.

I am not allowed to mention "TPK", much less insinuate that that the whole party is going to die.

Unless they do.

[Socratov]

A quick google search reveals it's H.P. Lovecraft's blind Idiot God

*I may not google obscure references I don't understand anymore. I will have to wait for someone answering or ask the person in question.

[Hyena]

* I may not incorporate quick time events in my game.
** Especially if they include dodging objects I suddendly throw.

[Socratov]

***I may not subsequently make my players say "I Press X" by implying they need to "Press X to not die".
****rolling for saves is not like "Pressing X to not die"
*****by now even Zero Punctuation is off limits when preparing for a DnD Session

[Guizonde]

***I may not subsequently make my players say "I Press X" by implying they need to "Press X to not die".
****rolling for saves is not like "Pressing X to not die"
*****by now even Zero Punctuation is off limits when preparing for a DnD Session

wait, that's really not how it works? i so don't understand pen and paper anymore

[Socratov]

wait, that's really not how it works? i so don't understand pen and paper anymore

no, saves are moments of chance telling you whether you succeed or fail in overcoming hardship. it is not a cutscene

[DigoDragon]

• When the team puts together a valid plan to extract a VIP from a corporation, we are no longer allowed to change the plan without telling the party shaman first. She get's "moody".
• Even if it means we later get to see the shaman try to run in a business skirt and high heels during a gun fight.
  
• No longer allowed to knit a "tea cozy" to disguise a live grenade.
  
• An Ork build averaging a 12P attack per bullet (AFTER the target rolled his soak check) with a sniper rifle is not considered the party negotiator.
• Not allowed to use a Bruce Willis movie to prove the above as plausable.

[Adoendithas]

* Stinking Clouds are not flammable. I should not attempt to set one on fire.