Things I May No Longer Do While Playing IV: The Decanter of Endless Bad Ideas

[Chilingsworth]

* Once I've shattered my dm's sanity, not alloyed to send him to arkham asylum.
** Once he's been sent to arkham asylum, not allowed to revoke his joker immunity.

[Arbane]

* When making a new character, not allowed to use the DSM-IV as a checklist.
** Not every character needs to start off insane and dysfunctional - that's what character development is for.

[Sith_Happens]

* Ring Gates and long-distance relationships are now mutually exclusive.

[Kelb_Panthera]

* Ring Gates and long-distance relationships are now mutually exclusive.

Ugh. I laughed so hard I puked a little.

*mental note: use this in the solo game with the missus sometime*

[fishjam]

What are the real-world equivalents of the languages in your game?

In seventh sea you have the main languages, albion - english, montaine - french, eissen - german, ursara( i think i cant spell it) - russian/crylic - though really only enough to order a beer and ask if you speak english. but its more then some, Vodice - italian (a little), castillian - spanish. and the scandinavian country whos name i wont try to spell - norwegian/swedish/ viking (though really again like russian only enough to ask if they speak english)

Still counts. and i dont think i missed anyone..

oh and the game is 7th sea

[DigoDragon]

Shadowrun--

DM side:

• I am not allowed to rule that RFIDs can be inserted into bars of gold during the molding process.
• Not allowed to RP the mayor's security force as a bunch of kids on Christmas morning trying to open the mysterious package the Runners smuggled into the house.
• I may no longer derail the PCs' actual well-thought-out plans by causing a bank robbery, attempted assassination of the mayor, and a severe blizzard at the same time.
• I am not allowed to have the mayor's mundane butler locate the PC's hideout solely on the shaman's "pretty green eyes." Especially when she was wearing green contact lenses during the initial meeting and gray ones the second.
• Just because a PC shaman's character's has a southern drawl and likes to wear a stetson while on missions, I'm not allowed to refer to her as the "Team's Applejack".

PC side:

• If I get shot by a sniper and survive, I am no longer allowed to just stand there in the open and look for a red laser sight pointed my way.
• A duffel bag is not a sufficient precaution to prevent the object inside from producing a radio signal.
• When interrogating the mayor's butler, who apparently knows how to track the Runner team, the interrogation should not end with the butler's release and the contact info to our Johnson given to him.
• Never nickname the Rigger's two drones as "Snoopy" and "Prickly Pete". The Rigger aparently takes offense to that.
• Just because a PC shaman's character's has a southern drawl and likes to wear a stetson while on missions, I'm not allowed to refer to her as the "Team's Applejack".

[Techwarrior]

I am no longer allowed to use statements that begin "If it weren't for my righteous oaths, I would..."

Following this up with, "You know it's people like you that cause a Paladin to fall," does not grant a bonus to Intimidate checks.

I do not autosucceed on Bluff checks because I'm playing a Paladin, even if the victim of my bluff knows I'm a Paladin.

There is no penalty to their Sense Motive for this either.

Complaining "Well, whats the good of being bound by a code of honor if noone believes you?" does not help my case.

The DM pointing out that I am, in fact, not a Paladin but a Rogue with really good deception skills is perfectly acceptable at that point.

Any dice, books, pencils, miniatures, beer cans, or halflings thrown at me by the party for us being level 14 before they found out are my own fault.

[Ksheep]

* I may not play as an animal with negative height
** Even if it only APPEARS that I have negative height
*** All characters must be at least 1'1" tall
**** May no longer learn "Disguise Self"

[nedz]

*I may not cast Planar Binding upon myself
**Especially if I have cast a Circle of Protection from <whatever> first
***I am not then allowed to spend days bargaining with myself over the price of my own services, no matter how equally matched I am with myself
****Neither am I allowed to dismiss said binding so as to effect an inter-planar Word of Recall

[Sith_Happens]

Any Star Wars RPG:

* I may not become the richest sentient in the galaxy by inventing handrails.

[Wookieetank]

Any Star Wars RPG:

* I may not become the richest sentient in the galaxy by inventing handrails.

*This also applies to inventing auto-deploying parachutes that come standard with any utility belt.

[Rogue Shadows]

*This also applies to inventing auto-deploying parachutes that come standard with any utility belt.

** I am not allowed to use starships as relativistic kill vehicles
*** No, it doesn't matter that the planet was all full of bad guys anyway.
**** This applies to any starship in any RPG
***** I am not allowed to use Spelljammers as relativistic kill vehicles.

[toapat]

** I am not allowed to use starships as relativistic kill vehicles
*** No, it doesn't matter that the planet was all full of bad guys anyway.
**** This applies to any starship in any RPG
***** I am not allowed to use Spelljammers as relativistic kill vehicles.

******I am not allowed to argue Relativity that Spelljammers can accelerate to faster then 10mph

[Ksheep]

* My bard may not mess with time travel
** Especially if the spell involves cooking
*** No, the recipe for making a time portal does NOT include eye of newt, cinnamon, a fig, bread, butter, chocolate icing, yeast, Seapony tears, and provolone.

[Doxkid]

*No one wants to hear the song I used to sing to my parents
**Or the song they sang to me.
***No, I do NOT still know the words to the song
****Mangled loved ones do not provide a circumstance bonus to my perform DCs

[Rogue Shadows]

* My bard may not mess with time travel
** Especially if the spell involves cooking
*** No, the recipe for making a time portal does NOT include eye of newt, cinnamon, a fig, bread, butter, chocolate icing, yeast, Seapony tears, and provolone.

"Me? I'm not a gypsy. I'm a pastry chef. Those aren't even similar...or are they...?"

* All Hail Lord Smooze is not an appropriate greeting, ever.

[Ksheep]

* When my players convince me to throw an Eldritch Abomination at them, I am not to have Smooze appear
** Gak is not permissible either
*** Nor is Floam
**** Must stick with Lovecraftian horrors
***** On second thought, maybe not…

[Zahhak]

* When flow charting all possible options and outcomes of a particular encounter, if more then 1/4 end with the comment "worst possible scenario", we are no longer using that course of action
** When flow charting all possible options and outcomes of a particular encounter, if more then 1/3 end with the break down of "John alive or John dead", John is allowed to filibuster.
*** If we ever get a flow chart that looks like this, we are not doing it:


Yes, I literally made a flow chart for the last encounter. A lot of the ends were "worst case scenario" or divided into "John alive or dead". And yes, I did make the above flow chart.

[Chilingsworth]

* The DM maynot make it a point to use the above flowchart as an ideal.

[Doorhandle]

** I am not allowed to use starships as relativistic kill vehicles
*** No, it doesn't matter that the planet was all full of bad guys anyway.
**** This applies to any starship in any RPG
***** I am not allowed to use Spelljammers as relativistic kill vehicles.

*Not to buzz-kill by point out that the velocity of an object in D&D has no effect on the falling damage dealt by it.

[Zahhak]

* The DM maynot make it a point to use the above flowchart as an ideal.

He was shooting for a third option "PCs talk to BBEG". What he didn't account for was that two members of the party had psych lims requiring us to kill him, so that wasn't happening.

[TypoNinja]

*Not to buzz-kill by point out that the velocity of an object in D&D has no effect on the falling damage dealt by it.

It does, terminal velocity is just really oversimplified under D&D rules, so you can't really have fun with it.

[Doxkid]

I think the simplest solution is to adjust/ignore causality. There are a few things D&D physics can't do, but you can usually get by using related properties or going from effect->cause.

[Wookieetank]

I think the simplest solution is to adjust/ignore causality. There are a few things Thanks to magic D&D physics can do anythingcan't do, but you can usually get by using related properties or going from effect->cause.

Fixed that for ya

[rockdeworld]

Excuse me if this has been mentioned already.

*I am not allowed to use commoners as seige engines.

*My hulking hurler is not allowed to assume the existence of rocks denser than the planet's core.
**ANY planet's core.

*Control Weather does not allow me to make it rain Skittles.

[Adoendithas]

* Plan B cannot be "immobilize the kobolds, then load them into the catapults."

[Rogue Shadows]

* There is no such thing as the Holy Gnomen Empire, nor has there ever been such a place.
** My character cannot be a gnome paladin from the Holy Gnomen Empire

* In Spycraft, my character is not allowed to secretly be a double agent working against both the USA and the USSR in order to steal massive amounts of funds to found her own independent organization, VILE, while subtly manipulating the party to go to every location mentioned in the Carmen Sandiego theme song.
** Having done so regardless, my character is not allowed to use VILE to commit acts of grand theft, up to and including stealing the Mona Lisa, the Great Wall of China, Mount Everest, the Portuguese language, Tai Chi, and the Moon.
*** It does not matter that my character sheet has said "Carmen Sandiego" on it from day one.
**** Yes, it is my fault that no one at the gaming table had ever heard of her.
***** I am not allowed to call fellow players uncultured just because they have never heard of Carmen Sandiego.
****** There is no such thing as a chronoskimmer.

[Amidus Drexel]

The party, as a whole:
*May no longer make a pun out of every single name the DM comes up with.

The party cleric:
*May no longer sleep inside of dead bears. (think tauntauns, from Empire Strikes Back)
**This goes doubly so when the party is in a temperate climate, and therefore has plenty of warmth sans bear carcass.
***He should at least have the decency to wash himself off afterwards.
****May not complain when the elves kidnapping us dunk him in the river to clean him up.
*****May not complain when I hit him across the face for insulting the NPCs we're talking to.

As for myself:
*I may no longer try to steal large objects, such as a throne, from the ancient ruins.
**I may not take the crown from the skeleton sitting on the throne.
***I should get back to the party and help them move the cannon, instead of wandering around.

[Kadzar]

* There is no such thing as the Holy
*** It does not matter that my character sheet has said "Carmen Sandiego" on it from day one.
**** Yes, it is my fault that no one at the gaming table had ever heard of her.
***** I am not allowed to call fellow players uncultured just because they have never heard of Carmen Sandiego.

Where are you from that people haven't heard of Carmen Sandiego?

[Rogue Shadows]

Where are you from that people haven't heard of Carmen Sandiego?

Massachusetts. Unfortunately most of the people I play with are both younger than me (by all of 3 years, but it makes a difference, apparently), and didn't watch much PBS as kids.