Things I'm Not Allowed To Do While Gaming

[NecroPaladin]

3368: I MAY NOT FORGET THE NUMBERS IN MY GAME OR ON THIS THREAD FOR FEAR OF DIVINE INTERVENTION. With chocolate fondue and a cat o' nine tails. Except for if you're in to that kind of thing. Then I will divine-intervention you until you cannot have said thing ever again. Get that, people?

3369: I may not ask if my rat familiar that casts electric spells looks like pikachu.

[Quietus]

3370 : If, for some reason, I do manage to convince my DM to let me break #3369, I must fully understand that I am going to get whipped by gigantic rock monsters at every turn.

[J_Muller]

3371: As an additional corollary to #3369, I may not explicitly state that aforementioned electricity-spell-casting rat familiar looks like Pikachu.
3372: As a more blanket statement, I am strictly forbidden from having familiars or animal companions that resemble Pokemon.
3373: Or Digimon.

[clericwithnogod]

3371: Not allowed to spend more than 15 minutes per session describing the torture techniques I'm applying to the paladin character.

3372: Not allowed to demonstrate torture techniques I'm applying to the paladin character on the paladin player to save time.

[Quietus]

3373 : Demonstrating the torture techniques on the DM, however, is fine, so long as said DM is doing a poor job and I have a unanimous agreement from the other players.

[DaMullet]

3374: No matter how terrible the campaign, how Railroaded the plot, how overpowered the DMPC, the players may not institute a real-life RFED*.
*Rocks Fall, Everyone Dies

[Quietus]

Dunno about that one, Mullet - I've had some pretty bad DMs, and I was almost willing to do that. Instead, I just created PC's specifically built to annoy him. It tended to work - though he vetoe'd my invincible peaceful monk and my super-dragon-killing-paladin.

[Viscount Einstrauss]

3375- Threatening to murder the DM's cat is not the end-all solution to facing the Tarrasque.

[J_Muller]

3375b: The same goes for anyone related to the DM, with the exception of his mother-in-law. In that case, it is an offer.

[MrNexx]

3368. I am not allowed to take ranks in Profession: God to perform the basic daily tasks associated with that profession.

[sethdarkwater]

I don't understand how that's supposed to be a discouragement.

I'm pretty sure it wasn't...

[sethdarkwater]

Don't ya just love knowing that your about to take on an impossible dungeon, spend the next 12 hours talking amongst yourselves on how your going to do it. The Dm tells you you enter, everyone gains 20,000 exp, goodnight. Not very fun but it keeps the PCs alive.

[clericwithnogod]

3373 : Demonstrating the torture techniques on the DM, however, is fine, so long as said DM is doing a poor job and I have a unanimous agreement from the other players.

You can get by without agreement if you're fast and strong enough... Ambush the DM as he enters the bathroom and get in a a few swirlies of compliance before the other players can find a nail to use to unlock the door.

[Stormcrow]

Oh my, someone has a DM who annoys them. :P

[J_Muller]

3369: In the same spirit, I am not allowed to take ranks in Profession: Con Artist.

[Artanis]

3375- Threatening to murder the DM's cat is not the end-all solution to facing the Tarrasque.

Heh, I just got a mental image of a DM using a kitten as the Tarrasque's miniature in a game.

Kitten: *bats around a mini a few times*
DM: "Ok, it looks like Fluffy...err, 'The Tarrasque'...Full Attacks the Cleric"
Cleric: "Full attack my a**, that was just two claw attacks!"
Kitten: *starts gnawing on the mini*
Cleric: "...nevermind."

[Nahal]

3378: Giving my elven wizard ranks in Craft: booze and the Brew Potion feat does NOT give me the right to create Tequila Shots of Blur. And the effects most certainly do NOT stack.

[Rockphed]

3378 b: Unless they are a cursed item that blurs everything else.

[MrNexx]

3369: In the same spirit, I am not allowed to take ranks in Profession: Con Artist.

You see, I think that one is perfectly legitimate. However, Profession: God opens up several questions that are best left unanswered.

[nivek1234]

Heh, I just got a mental image of a DM using a kitten as the Tarrasque's miniature in a game.

Kitten: *bats around a mini a few times*
DM: "Ok, it looks like Fluffy...err, 'The Tarrasque'...Full Attacks the Cleric"
Cleric: "Full attack my a**, that was just two claw attacks!"
Kitten: *starts gnawing on the mini*
Cleric: "...nevermind."

That's amazing! I siggied that if you don't mind.

[Artanis]

That's amazing! I siggied that if you don't mind.

Go for it

[White Blade]

3370: When the DM says he is showing his girlfriend that DnD is not evil, now is NOT the time to roll up that half-fiend warlock you've always wanted.
3371: Nor is it the time to make demons cry to their mommies.
3372: Nor, under any circumstances, is it time for your PC to rape anyone.
3373: There is no "Final Solution to the Kender Problem", especially not in a game full of history fans who know full well what you mean.
3374: Just because the DM is a fan of Marx's and Kierkegaard's works, does not mean they are holy writ for your character.
3375: I am no longer allowed to point out that the ideology of the Lawful Neutral clerics is obviously fascist.
3376: I am not allowed to point out the majority of a race is evil so the only solution is to create a "National Goodness Party" and instigate state control of child rearing and killing those who do not comply.
3377: No subtly poking fun at the politics of the DM.
3378: I am not allowed to make philosophical points which the gods themselves cannot answer.
3379: Just because my character is Chaotic Evil is no justification for raping the feminist. Ever.
3380: For the love of god, using charm person does not mean "get laid spell".
3381: If you insist on being a jerk about it, you can't have it.
3382: If I use Dominate Person and modify memory to make someone rape and then think they raped of their own free will a small girl, I deserve what I get when they/their-relatives/the-child's-relatives figure it out.
3383: The same goes for any other heinous and vile crime I might force them to commit using that strategy.
3384: Doing the above strategy to a paladin means a sure fire death by Holy Sword, and, for the record, you may not say its because of the "stick-in-ass".

[Nahal]

3385: Bypassing 2 sessions' worth of planned events via seducing a lab tech and getting her to fire up the time machine to "feel the vibrations" is grounds for a fort save vs syphillis. Especially if I knock out and hogtie her as I "finish".

[Nahal]

3378 b: Unless they are a cursed item that blurs everything else.

But they ALREADY do that. Now, Cursed Tequila Shots of Mirror Image... THAT is interesting enough to try.

[Wizzardman]

3386. Thou shalt not blow up a keg of the DM's houseruled Dwarven Beer of Annihilation, which is a trademark from previous games and is already known to contain more alcohol than alcohol atoms would normally fit in that space. Especially not in the first game session. Even if it does save you from all those zombies.

3387: Thou shalt not complain if the DM rules that blowing up a keg of Beer of Annihilation launches you onto a random plane instead of TPK'ing the lot of you. Even if, when the DM rolls on the random plane chart, you end up in the Abyss.

3388: If the zombies you face in the Apocalypse Game are performing a musical number, thou shalt not complain about the lyrics.

[Winged One]

3389: Nothing with "doom" in it's name is a toy.
3390: It is considered poor form to Disintegrate a utensil designed for scooping food so that you can say "there is no spoon."

[Viscount Einstrauss]

3391- Naming your PC "Ilovemen" just to hear your male DM say it every time he refers to you is inappropriate, no matter how funny it is.
3392- Trying to side with the BBEG at a critical moment so you can loot your friends and lay dibs on a small country will hereby be refused.
3393- Roleplaying using the medieval toilet will not get you bonus experience.

[Quietus]

3394 - Threatening to roleplay it, and using your DM's couch as a prop, will result in a Balor coming to pay you a visit.

[Jacob_Gallagher]

3395- I'm not allowed to get up, turn up the volume on napster, do the Thriller dance, and moonwalk across the floor on the idea that the zombies will join my dancing (zombies in-game, me dancing RL).

[Quietus]

Hm. Anyone happen to know what kind of Perform DC would be required before they'd do that? And do you think it'd require the Requiem feat?