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2014-07-28, 12:06 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2012
- Gender
Re: LGBTAI+ 51: Lay That Hammer Down!
Ash nazg durbatulūk, ash nazg gimbatul, ash nazg thrakatulūk agh burzum-ishi krimpatul.
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2014-07-28, 12:50 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2008
- Location
- Bottom of a well
Re: LGBTAI+ 51: Lay That Hammer Down!
Hey, I have a question for people. Do you differentiate between romance and friendship?
For me, it seems like romance is just a really intense friendship. I like having friends around, I actively seek out the company of people I am romantically interested in. I feel comfortable enough to wear casual clothes and hug friends, I feel comfortable enough with romantic partners to be naked or have sex. All of these things are things I would do with a friend with a sufficiently strong bond of trust and affection, at which point I usually call it romantic interest. It feels qualitatively different, but it's a difference of quality rather than nature: Friendship feels good, romance feels better.
Edit: Also posting this in the Questions Thread.
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2014-07-28, 02:21 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2011
- Gender
Re: LGBTAI+ 51: Lay That Hammer Down!
I feel a very clear distinction between the two, though I'm having a hard time putting it into words exactly what the qualitative difference is. The physical aspect of it is the most obvious and easiest to explain; there is just no way that any desire for physical contact could ever come from even the deepest friendship, while even the mildest crush makes me want to get all hand-holdy. Other aspects are tricker and more nebulous, but there are a lot of romancey feelings I get that I don't get to any degree from friends. Maybe if I was really close with a friend I think they're an amazing and interesting person to the same degree as I would think that of a girlfriend, but even at the same intensity it would feel different. And the drive to be around someone all the time and share my life with them just doesn't exist with friends. I enjoy their presence, but I don't obsess over them no matter how strong that friendship may be.
Bah. Explaining emotions is tricky, there aren't any proper words for any of it. I hope that made some amount of sense, anyway.
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2014-07-28, 02:38 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2012
- Location
- Houston, TX
- Gender
Re: LGBTAI+ 51: Lay That Hammer Down!
So, uh, hi there. Pansexual cis male here. I've been lurking this thread here for a while, intending on hopping in on the conversation at some point, but it seems something has come up that will necessitate my involvement now. Namely, I am planning on leaving my (abusive) home for Fort Wayne, Indiana, where me and my girlfriend have been able to make arrangements. The point of this is, does anyone have anything that may help an LGBT youth who may very well be homeless if things go south? Any possible resources would be greatly appreciated.
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2014-07-28, 02:43 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jul 2007
- Location
- France
- Gender
Re: LGBTAI+ 51: Lay That Hammer Down!
That's interesting. I definitely want to hug friends, including friends of a gender I m not attracted to. This desire for contact and intimacy, for me, is not linked to romance, and can appear with family members as well (and pets, for instance, who aren't on the same level at all). Yet I would not want to hug a complete stranger (while some people may have no issues with doing so).
Last edited by Lissou; 2014-07-28 at 02:43 AM.
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2014-07-28, 02:56 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2011
- Location
- Somewhere south of Hell
- Gender
Re: LGBTAI+ 51: Lay That Hammer Down!
Yes, but only arbitrarily and because I've been told to all my life. There's a divide that consists entirely of "society thinks it's okay to play on this side of the friend/flirt divide so I don't feel wiggy thinking about it". I've always been too close to my friends and treat minor squabbles the same a I treat break ups. My understanding of romance consisted of ten years of mental exercises (playig make-believe) and then HORMONES AAAAAAH, so my basic understanding is that romance is when you go to a friend and say "hey we should do more than friend stuff, what say?" With a thin veneer of "I suddenly want to four-asterisk the other-four-asterisk out of something for about ten seconds" that I really really wish would just freakin' go away.
Not yet, love, but I'll keep you in mind. Have you looked into local support networks? Social media for the area?
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2014-07-28, 02:56 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2008
- Location
- UK
- Gender
Re: LGBTAI+ 51: Lay That Hammer Down!
http://www.theguardian.com/society/2...nt-home-sweden
Getting old is not always a bad thing. =3
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2014-07-28, 03:00 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2011
- Gender
Re: LGBTAI+ 51: Lay That Hammer Down!
Oh, I absolutely hug pets. Particularly my cat, because he's just the cutest little furball I ever did see, even if he is mildly evil. I just don't get anything out of hugging humans. You put your arms around them and they do the same to you, then at some point arms are removed and I'm left wondering what anyone gained out of the exercise. Unless it's with someone who I'm romantically interested in, in which case I just melt into their arms and want to squeeze them as tight as possible and whisper sweet nothings into their ear and for some odd reason I just started feeling really lonely. But yeah, I'm probably a bit of an oddity in that regard. I've never been able to get that close to platonic friends.
Last edited by Lanaya; 2014-07-28 at 03:00 AM.
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2014-07-28, 05:16 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2011
- Gender
Re: LGBTAI+ 51: Lay That Hammer Down!
Iron Maiden, from the album Powerslave.
I've also been told that I appear "perma-stoned" so I guess I'm an Ace High.
Yeah, this came up on AVEN at some point. They feel different to me but I don't know how to explain it. Romantic attraction is like an added thing on top of friendship, but it's a different added thing, not just more friendship. I also have a highly limited sample to work from here, which might not be helping much.
Hey there. I'm way up in New York so I can't offer any help, but good luck.
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Edit: Oh yeah, I was gonna share some semi-relevant stuff from my weekend.
So on Friday I went to an orthopedist. I've had chronic tendonitis in my left flexor carpi ulnaris for years, and my mum decided I needed to see somebody again. Turns out I've had a slowly-growing cyst in my triquetrum. Guess it was too small to show up last time I saw somebody like five years ago? Anyway, fun stuff. Check it out, there's a hole in my triquetrum.
Spoiler: x-ray
Anyway, the relevant part of the visit was in filling out the intake forms for the new doctor's office. I got down to sexual history and it asked whether I were attracted to men, women, or both. I wrote in another box "none" and checked that off. Last time I did one of these I had to select "lesbian" from their drop-down menu (computerised intake forms) because it wasn't believable and I figured they'd have to ask about it. And another time I got one with a Kinsey scale on it. I had to write in √(-1) because I don't fall on the Kinsey scale (and they didn't have an X option anyway).
Then I met up with some friends up in Massachusetts. At a frozen yogurt place after dinner, there was a flyer saying "parties at [store name]" with "parties" in a fancy cursive font. I had the following exchange with a female friend.
Friend: "Oh, parties. I thought that said panties."
Me: "Huh, I thought it said pastries."
Friend: "Well, I guess that shows where our minds are."Last edited by noparlpf; 2014-07-28 at 06:22 AM.
Jude P.
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2014-07-28, 07:27 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2013
- Location
- Berlin
Re: LGBTAI+ 51: Lay That Hammer Down!
For me, romance is linked up with sexual attraction, and that's the difference, kinda. I can get extremely close with people I have no sexual chemistry with (in fact I have a major talent for clicking intensely and becoming very close friends with people who're in monogamous relationships, it's weird), and that closeness definitely includes physical touching (I'm a very tactile person in general), hugging, hand-holding, arm-linking, kissing on the cheek, changing in front of each other, all of it. All of that's dependent on how comfortable the other is, of course, but I am in general extremely affectionate to people I'm comfortable with.
On the other hand, even though I can develop a sexual interest in someone I'm not close to, I never really act on it because I don't feel comfortable in that situation. Not with someone I intend to ever see again, at least. And I guess that's where romance would come in, that perfect storm of availability, mutual attraction and close friendship and being comfortable with them.
But it's really, really different for lots of different people and I doubt there's an objective approach to it. I know people who're asexual, aromantic, poly, mono, pan, bi, all of it, in many diverse combinations. It may be the kind of thing that's uniquely individual
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2014-07-28, 11:47 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jul 2014
- Location
- Russia
- Gender
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2014-07-28, 12:41 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2011
- Location
- Somewhere south of Hell
- Gender
Re: LGBTAI+ 51: Lay That Hammer Down!
Speaking of shipping, have any of you folks ever watched the new cgi Tinkerbelle movies? There's some adult undercurrents there, like woah. Silver Mist totally has the hots for Tink. I wonder if there is fanfic of that? If not I may have to write some.
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2014-07-28, 12:50 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2008
- Location
- Bottom of a well
Re: LGBTAI+ 51: Lay That Hammer Down!
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2014-07-28, 12:51 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2012
- Location
- In Orbit
- Gender
Re: LGBTAI+ 51: Lay That Hammer Down!
That's an awesome title.
For a moment there, I was thinking I had multiples of the same thread open and kept closing it to open the other to find I'm an idiot.
So, other people have said most of what I feel as well. Romantic feelings has that something slightly different, though the two blur and get jumbled together when there's both there for me. I've never had very successful relationships without very solid of both really, though my sample size is incredibly small.
As for how sexual feelings factor in, absolutely no idea.
Oh, also, as for the statement it varies widely for everyone, I agree with that 100%.
/As an aside, if we were all the same then the world would be less interesting, I think/I go by they/them/their or he/him/his pronouns
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2014-07-28, 04:30 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2011
- Location
- Keystone of the USA
- Gender
Re: LGBTAI+ 51: Lay That Hammer Down!
Romance is different from friendship because there is a different form of vulnerability in it. With friends you share and have some physical contact but there is an understanding of lines that must never be crossed. With romance those lines still exist but they are allowed to be questioned and discussed and they are also further in the distance and take more effort to cross.
Moved my stuff over to HERE!
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2014-07-28, 04:59 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2008
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2014-07-28, 04:59 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2010
- Location
- Usaki City, Syona
- Gender
Re: LGBTAI+ 51: Lay That Hammer Down!
I have absolutely no idea what the difference is. I think that romance is just friendship+, as all of my close friends I would be fairly happy to date. Maybe that's me being picky with friends, or the fact that my romantic preference is 'people I like'.
(It doesn't help that I cheerfully share porn with my friends.)Recent Homebrew: The Socialite | The Crystalline: Memory Altering Construct Race | Sanguine Hand, a ToB Discipline of blood and cruelty
Homebrew Signature | NEW Homebrew Collection
Thanks to all my avatar artists, especially to Paisley for my avatar of Vivian, cowardly cryophoenix.
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2014-07-28, 05:04 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2012
- Location
- In the Playground, duh.
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2014-07-28, 05:06 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2008
Re: LGBTAI+ 51: Lay That Hammer Down!
Hmm, not much experience, I admit, but I think, while a good romance that is meant to last and mean something to both parties beyond 'Let's make our bodies feel good together' should be based on a per-existing friendship, I think there is more to it then just a friendship that's really strong.
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2014-07-28, 05:19 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2008
- Location
- Bottom of a well
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2014-07-28, 05:32 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2011
- Gender
Re: LGBTAI+ 51: Lay That Hammer Down!
Yo, I made the new thread.
Jude P.