Fastest way to kill the multiverse [3.5]

[Inevitability]

Why stop at gravity? The other fundamental forces are much more fun to destroy! Just hire three other warblades and have all of them target another fundamental force.

Why not destroy dark energy while you're at it? After all, it is 'affecting' you.

[AuraTwilight]

As a physicist I have to comment on this. What exactly do you think holds molecules together?

Edit: Also, the enormous elemental can't just stick its tentacles through Gates or Portals. Once you contact a Gate/Portal you are immediately shunted through. Similarly, spell effects probably can't pass through, since they're not "things" (individual objects) or creatures.

I was mostly trying to keep an in-universe perspective and was thinking "some D&D guy probably won't know about the other three fundamental forces. Which may not even exist in this Multiverse anyway."

[Phelix-Mu]

I was mostly trying to keep an in-universe perspective and was thinking "some D&D guy probably won't know about the other three fundamental forces. Which may not even exist in this Multiverse anyway."

Well, gravity is barely a thing in-game either. Or, if it is, it functions in a very different, and much more convoluted, way than normal, irl gravity.

Which is why any mention of gravitational collapse needs a big fat asterisk next to it, since it's not at all clear that you can extrapolate from how the game uses the term gravity to irl implications like black holes.

[Urpriest]

I was mostly trying to keep an in-universe perspective and was thinking "some D&D guy probably won't know about the other three fundamental forces. Which may not even exist in this Multiverse anyway."

Ok, why in-universe would anyone believe that gravity holds molecules together?

[atemu1234]

Crystal Keep got rehosted.

And it never left the Wayback Machine!

[Renen]

Remember, Wish is one notoriously tricky bastard. It might make a picture on a scroll of someone casting Gate.



Any specific eldritch horror from beyond time? Just saying one is sort of vague. Of course there might be a demon, for example, wearing a pink bowtie, but you can't really summon one without knowing specifically which demon it is.

I just have all my gated in friends each open a gate to the far realms and shout "Get in here you bastards! One tasty universe this way!

[AnonymousPepper]

Well, Wish lets you do whatever you want if you're willing to deal with the negative consequences afterward. Your wish is granted, just, the DM then gets to screw you over later.

Therefore, I simply wish that everything that ever existed, currently exists, and otherwise would exist is simultaneously and permanently wiped from existence in such a way that doing so does not prevent the Wish from happening, and nothing comes into being to replace it.

Of course, then the DM can twist the wish however he likes, but if it's worded right, I succeed.

[bigstipidfighte]

From the srd-

"The wish may pervert your intent into a literal but undesirable fulfillment or only a partial fulfillment."

Note that this is an or statement, so the wish can do the second thing (partial fulfillment) making your painstakingly crafted request pretty meaningless if it ignores some of your provisions and does some others half-assed. Literal but undesirable fulfillment is an option, not a mandate.

I'm not ignoring the older posts, that is just a quick and easy one to refute.

[Renen]

Or just do it like Fairly odd parents did it (needs 2 wishes):
1) I wish for the BEST lawyer that ever existed (add a bunch of stipulations how lawyer needs to not eat you on sight, etc. Though DM is unlikely to pervert this one)
2) Get lawyer to draft an iron-clad wish
3) Make the wish
4) ???
5) World ends

[AuraTwilight]

Ok, why in-universe would anyone believe that gravity holds molecules together?

"Dammit, Fighter, let the Wizard finish explaining physics before you start suspending them!"

[Venger]

"Dammit, Fighter, let the Wizard finish explaining physics before you start suspending them!"

(IHSes away the expository monologue)

[Flickerdart]

Or just do it like Fairly odd parents did it (needs 2 wishes):
1) I wish for the BEST lawyer that ever existed (add a bunch of stipulations how lawyer needs to not eat you on sight, etc. Though DM is unlikely to pervert this one)
2) Get lawyer to draft an iron-clad wish
3) Make the wish
4) ???
5) World ends

Partial fulfillment clause is immune to lawyers. Ironclad wording only helps you with "literal but undesirable."

[Urpriest]

Partial fulfillment clause is immune to lawyers. Ironclad wording only helps you with "literal but undesirable."

Make the contract a fractal then. Every part is a smaller copy of the whole.

[Flickerdart]

Make the contract a fractal then. Every part is a smaller copy of the whole.

I actually wouldn't be terribly surprised if one of the races of Lawful outsiders spoke in fractals.

[Inevitability]

I actually wouldn't be terribly surprised if one of the races of Lawful outsiders spoke in fractals.

I'm totally stealing this for the next time my players encounter a Lawful outsider. Thank you, kind and brilliant sir.

[SiuiS]

As a physicist I have to comment on this. What exactly do you think holds molecules together?

Edit: Also, the enormous elemental can't just stick its tentacles through Gates or Portals. Once you contact a Gate/Portal you are immediately shunted through. Similarly, spell effects probably can't pass through, since they're not "things" (individual objects) or creatures.

That's weak nuclear force, yes?

Dang. Guess I was crossing my editions. Would have to tear a more permanent hole.

Why stop at gravity? The other fundamental forces are much more fun to destroy! Just hire three other warblades and have all of them target another fundamental force.

Why not destroy dark energy while you're at it? After all, it is 'affecting' you.

None of the fundamental forces are conditions.

From the srd-

"The wish may pervert your intent into a literal but undesirable fulfillment or only a partial fulfillment."

Note that this is an or statement, so the wish can do the second thing (partial fulfillment) making your painstakingly crafted request pretty meaningless if it ignores some of your provisions and does some others half-assed. Literal but undesirable fulfillment is an option, not a mandate.

I'm not ignoring the older posts, that is just a quick and easy one to refute.

Likely ending you so the world, from yor viewpoint, is over.

[Belial_the_Leveler]

Wish can create magic items safely (no warping/partial fulfilment) with apparently no limitations.


So simply wish for a magical trap with automatic reset that casts Disjunction and Disintagrate on any target within range at a (practically infinite) caster level.

Automatic reset = infinite attempts at destroying something
Nigh-infinite CL = nigh-infinite range of its attacks.

[Heliomance]

That's weak nuclear force, yes?

No, molecules are held together by electromagnetism. Atoms are held together by the strong nucelar force. I was never really clear on what the weak nuclear force did - something to do with radioactive decay? Not sure.

[Urpriest]

No, molecules are held together by electromagnetism. Atoms are held together by the strong nucelar force. I was never really clear on what the weak nuclear force did - something to do with radioactive decay? Not sure.

"Something to do with radioactive decay" is about right, yeah. Specifically beta decay. It's more known for transforming things than holding things together.

[Renen]

Partial fulfillment clause is immune to lawyers. Ironclad wording only helps you with "literal but undesirable."

Substitute "wish" for "Miracle cast by cleric worshiping concepts"

[SimonMoon6]

I actually wouldn't be terribly surprised if one of the races of Lawful outsiders spoke in fractals.

But... but... fractals result from *chaotic* dynamical systems!

[Flickerdart]

But... but... fractals result from *chaotic* dynamical systems!

Law and Chaos aren't the same things in D&D as they are in reality. For instance, I'm pretty sure that heat death would be considered Lawful in D&D.

[Brookshw]

I actually wouldn't be terribly surprised if one of the races of Lawful outsiders spoke in fractals.

In a similar vein to the living mathematical equations?

[Jurai]

Please, allow me to present a theory.

Somewhere within the multiverse is the Plane of Giants' Playgrounds, populated entirely by insane wizards who fly through space, destroy the universe using black holes and projectile livestock, and then rebuild it as they see fit just to tidy up after themselves.

We do not Gate in eldritch horrors to destroy planes of existence.

We are the horrors Gated in to destroy planes of existence.

Permission to quote this, please?

[Milodiah]

Feel free, is still my goal.

[Psyren]

Wouldn't Shadowcalypse work? They're incorporeal and immortal, so theoretically they can fly to other planets, "colonize" and then spread out in every direction. Repeat until heat death.

[Venger]

Law and Chaos aren't the same things in D&D as they are in reality. For instance, I'm pretty sure that heat death would be considered Lawful in D&D.

I think there's some group of Lawful outsiders or another who endeavor to freeze everybody in the universe for some purpose like this.

[TheTeaMustFlow]

Wouldn't Shadowcalypse work? They're incorporeal and immortal, so theoretically they can fly to other planets, "colonize" and then spread out in every direction. Repeat until heat death.

Firstly, given that it would take them a (very^big number) long time to reach another world, that doesn't really qualify for fastest. Secondly, given the vast distance between worlds (assuming a real-world-ish material plane cosmology), only one shadow will arrive at any given world, since they'll be so spread out, and 1 shadow will probably be destroyed easily. Three, there exist many creatures that cannot be harmed by shadows, regardless of how many there are - anything immune to strength damage, anything with no strength score, anything with a positive energy aura, etc.) Finally, other planes.

Is "HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR" available anywhere in 3.5? It's not quite multiversal, but you can't really beat it for speed...

Actually, if you have the King In Yellow on speed-dial, just wish for is name to be said thrice simultaneously or sequentially (depending on whether he can be in multiple places at once or not) on every plane of existence.

[Milodiah]

I'm not entirely sure if that's an actual thing of the Hastur mythos, though...I haven't read the Derleth stuff, but I've never seen it pop up either in Chambers' stuff or in the CoC game books which were made fairly truthfully to the source materials. If you're going off the Old Man Henderson logic, which is the only place I've seen that pop up, it'd have to be uttered by Hastur's greatest foe at the time.

Besides, the summoning of an Outer God or Great Old One usually just results in the summoning party being squished for annoying It, a bit of wanton destruction to drive the point home, then the god going back home to continue its business. Even the summoning of Azathoth wouldn't destroy the whole plane of existence, unless he felt like it, and he only feels like dancing for eternity.

[Navian]

I'm not very good at optimization, so here's my submission:

Convert to Solipsism, and wish yourself back to sleep.