Baron Fatbelly Eating Contest VI: Back to Basics - Course One Underway

[Duck999]

The weightlifter rips his shirt off and starts flexing, then charges at the bear.

Yes.

The stick man, seeing the potato fly at the bear, runs faster, hoping to get there first.
My teddy.

[Fleeing Coward]

Hey, no stealing my bear. I called it first!
Besides, what bear can possibly resist a giant lump of fat been covered in honey? Especially when the alternatives are a potato and a stick man.

[Duck999]

1) Potatoes are yummy, but not as 2) cuddly as Stick Men are. They are really careful and considerate with things like bears.

[Lex-Kat]

The Petite Woman slows down, realizing she doesn't have to run too fast, as there are three lunatics throwing themselves (or being thrown in the potatoes case) at the bear.

[Sprig]

"Honey, Honey, Honey, Get your Honey here!"

[banjo1985]

Hurray for participation, thanks for getting into the spirit of things.

The course is over, update will come fairly soon - though this one may take longer than usual whilst I puzzle out your actions.

[Castaras]

If the potato could speak, as it flew there would be the sound of "I don't want to participaaaaate".

However, potatoes can't speak, so there isn't such a sound.

[Lex-Kat]

Cassie, you are always awesome.

[Silent_Interim]

The blob, having taken on the incredible throwing powers of the elephant it had eaten, looked around for something handy to toss at the bear. Seeing that a few contestants hadn't moved, he began picking them up and hurling them towards the bear, beginning with the unaccountably peckish fellow and the cannibal.

(No problem, I have a bear trap)

The unaccountably peckish man grabs a more... heavy duty... knife, hacking at the blob where it tries to grab him. He then moves to stand in front of the mildly peckish woman, recognising a kindred soul in peckishness.

Only gotta outrun one poor sap.

[Helgraf]

"Bear just be a man with an extra helping of hirsute," he mumbles.

He sets the trigger on the heffalump trap, using the honey as bait - because they guzzle up the things you prize.

(No problem, I've got a bear trap!)

[banjo1985]

Okay, I'm accepting the above actions, and now that I actually have some time to commit I can actually give you an update and the next course today. Sorry for the delay guys and guy-esses.

[banjo1985]

Course 3

“Is that a bear?”
“Does said beast deficate in wooded areas?”
“Pont taken!”

A grizzly bear in the middle of the banquet table is enough to give even the muscly weight lifter pause. He stands at the other end of the table, pecs flexing in thought.

“Woah! Bro bear, what do you bench?”
“Gwaaaar!”
“Wow, that much? Impressive, bro!”

The one-armed dentist, being rather full and already minus one extremity due to an unpleasant altercation with a koala, weighs up his chances and makes a decision.

“Bugger that, I’m sitting this one out!”

He launches his dentists pick at the bear and makes a run for the door, only to stagger backwards with a bloody nose after discovering the big double doors won’t budge.

The pink blob is the next to react. The amorphous creature envelopes the slightly peckish woman, who is as light as a feather from lack of food, and launches her at the angry ursine with a rebel yell, or maybe it was some other Billy Idol song.

“Hey, I was going to eat that!”
“No, I was!”
“I do believe you are most mistaken, for the meal was to be mine!”

The other competitors, and even the bear look on in bemusement as the petite woman, mysterious cloaked gentleman, and the unaccountably peckish man all hurtle after the poor thrown girl, jostling and tripping each other to get there first. The unaccountably peckish man stumbles as he stands on the dentists pick, and carries on with a limp and a shake of a fist over his shoulder.

“A poisoned dentist pick?! You charlatan!”
“Well exactly how legit a dentist do you expect me to be? I’m at an eating contest!”

Despite the distraction, the peckish man is right behind the other two as they tackle the flying body out of the air and drag it to the ground. Splashes of gore and the grisly snap of bone punctuate their cried of triumph as they eat their fill.

“Good lord, they’re cannibals!”
“I’m just shocked there aren’t more of them.”
“True, I suspected the potato.”
“Say, do grizzly bears like potatoes?”
“It’s worth a try.”

And so it comes to pass that the perfectly ordinary potato finds itself launched towards the bemused bear, sailing end over end as it goes. It would feel rather dizzy if it could, but obviously it couldn’t, being a perfectly ordinary potato and not in any way a nefarious sentient genius. The potato bounces off the side of the bears head and rolls away under the table, having no discernible affect but to turn the bears rage from merely incredible to absolutely incandescent. It lashes out and absolutely obliterates the reedy stick man as he closes in arms opened wide.

“Aw, someone needs a hu-ARRRGH!”

The harajuku girl initiates Plan C by dousing the world’s second fattest man in honey and giving him a kick with one of her sizable platforms towards the raging animal. The rotund fellow doesn’t seem particularly perturbed by Plan C, but when he tries to climb onto the banquet table he is somewhat delayed by falling straight through it.

“Oops.”

“Screw this! Its-a time to fight Bowser! The bear, I mean!”

The weightlifter, man of mystery, trader caveman, bacon fetishist, pink blob and cannibal follow the moustachioed plumber as he charges towards the raging beast, waving various types of completely insignificant weaponry. The Baron’s Shadow, having decided to hang around for the fun and games, creep around behind the bear in a cunning pincer movement.

The fight that ensues would have gone done in the history books, had anyone bothered to record it. But the world’s second fattest man and harajuku girl were too busy licking up all the unneeded honey, the dentist was somewhat concussed, and the cannibals were still licking blood off their hands. Safe to say, heroics were performed, mortal slashes dodged by a matter of millimetres, a telling blow was scored, quite possibly by a vorpal toilet plunger, and the victors dined on raw bear until they could dine no more. The world wildlife fund tried to come and spoil things, but fortunately the door was still locked. Which just goes to show.

Course 3 Results

Only gotta outrun one poor sap – -1 Munchie as you rebound off the locked doors
Winnie the Pooh liked it, right? – +1 Munchie - The bear’s not interested, but at least the leftovers taste nice
No problem, I have a bear trap – +3 Munchies as weight of numbers bears the bear down…yeah, we’ll go with that
Yay, Teddy! – -3 Munchies - You tried to hug a grizzly bear? Seriously?

Haruki-kun, Sprig and Fleeing Coward received a double Munchie bonus to their actions due to their demands in Course 2.

Fleeing Coward counted as tempting the bear with honey, rather than hugging it, sue to the intervention of the harajuku girl!

Mauve Shirt was eaten by the three cannibals. She was delicious!

The cannibals only received +4 Munchies rather than +5, due to having to share the spoils.
Duck999 was killed trying to hug the bear!

Silent Interim was poisoned by the dentists toothpick, reducing his cannibalism bonus to +3 for the course!

Competitor	Character	Round Change	Munchies
Haruki-kun	Bulking Weight Lifter	+6	13
Duck999	Stick Figure	-3	0
The Phantom	Man of Mystery	+3	6
Ramsus	The Baron's Shadow	+3	10
Lex-kat	Petite Woman	+4	13
Murska	Cloaked Man	+4	13
Tom the Mime	One-Armed Dentist	-1	12
Reinholdt	Mustachioed Plumber	+3	7
Sprig	Harajuku Girl	+2	9
Castaras	Perfectly Ordinary Potato	-3	4
Bladescape	Caveman Trading Meat Game Player	+3	7
Dallas-Dakota	Bacon Fetishist	+3	6
Fleeing Coward	World's Second Fattest Man	+2	11
Mauve Shirt	Mildly Peckish	Eaten!	0
Penguinator	Pink Power-Siphoning Blob	+3	12
Helgraf	Slightly Threatening Cannibal	+3	8
Silent_Interim	Unaccountably Peckish	+3	8

Course 4

With bits of bear still stuck between their teeth, the competitors turn to glare at the Baroness, who hasn’t moved during the whole performance. She smiles a thin, humourless smile, and makes a point of looking at the petite woman, cloaked figure, and unaccountably peckish man in particular.

“So, we have few cannibals in the field, hmm?”
“Oh, if only you knew…” mutters the cloaked man, then seems to remember himself and looks around to make sure no-one heard.
“Well, she wasn’t using her flesh anyway,” mutters the petite woman.
“Never mind that, let me get my hands on that bloody dentist!” shouts the unaccountably peckish man.
“Well, if you have a taste for long pig, far be it for me to stop you.”

The Baroness kneels next to the fallen stick man and snaps her fingers. A flash of blinding light fills the room for an instant, and when the competitor’s eyes readjust the Baroness and the stick man are gone. In their place is a steaming pile of reddish brown meat on top of a veritable sea of noodles. It doesn’t look a great deal like a stick man it has to be said, but it Doesn’t look much like duck either.

A voice seems to come out of the air itself, amused and undoubtedly smirking.

“Anyone for Hoisin Duck999?”

Course 4 – Hoisin Duck999

Choose from the following actions:

- It’s what he would have wanted – Shrug and dig into Hoisin Duck999 and noodles
- Just noodles for me thanks – Pick out the noodles and leave Duck alone
- What do you think you’re doing? – Try to stop the competitors eating your fallen comrade
- There’s got to be a way out, right? – Look around for alternative escape routes from the banquet hall, given the doors remain sealed

Course 4 will end on Tuesday at approximately 08:30am GMT (no delays this time), so be sure to get your actions in by then!

[Ramsus]

- There’s got to be a way out, right?

The Baron's Shadow suddenly remembers the Baron isn't actually in the room as the flash of light occurs and tries to reappear back where it belongs. Barring that it just tries to through the seams between doors or windows.

[Duck999]

It was fun, despite being quick, and despite me playing the riskiest way I could think of.

[Murska]

It's what he would have wanted, right? The cloaked man digs in with gusto.

[Fleeing Coward]

But I wanted to hug the teddy

It's what he would have wanted, right?

Duck, human, stick man, what's the difference? It's all food at the end of the day

[Castaras]

The potato sits there and slowly, the noodles vanish. Where, not entirely sure.

(( eating just the noodles ))

[Silent_Interim]

It's what he would have wanted, but more importantly, it's what I want now.

The unaccountably peckish man glares at the dentist as he eats."Bloody pick..."

[Sprig]

The second Fattest man got a plus 8 difference in food because of my actions? He better offer me his portion of food! But Just the noodles please!

[Reinholdt]

What do you think you're doing?! This madness must stop!

[Dallas-Dakota]

It's what he would have wanted, right? The bacon fetishist digs in.

[Penguinator]

The blob might have tried to stop the other competitors from eating the remains, but he lacked the ability to use human speech that most of them had.

"Poyo!" If anyone understood, the blob tried to point out that eating the dish was dangerous - the baroness was a terrifying woman, and there was no guarantee that what the others were cramming down their gullets was the dead man, duck, or even anything that their stomachs should be able to handle.

[ThePhantom]

There’s got to be a way out, right? Things well not go well if there is no exit to this room. So, better to make sure of an exit.

[Helgraf]

"Duck after bear is most unfair.
To escape this kaboodle, you must eat the noodle!"

((Just noodles for me thanks))

[Fleeing Coward]

The second Fattest man got a plus 8 difference in food because of my actions? He better offer me his portion of food! But Just the noodles please!

Fine, Pass the noodles to the Harajuku girl.

Banjo would it be possible for me to just eat the Duck? The girl doesn't know what she's missing.

[Haruki-kun]

"That fight with the bear was a real workout, bro! I gotta carb load now!"

The weight lifter starts digging into just noodles and nothing else.

[Tom the Mime]

What do you think you're doing?! You don't know where he's been.

[Lex-Kat]

The Petite Woman raises an eyebrow as those who were not cannibals forget their manners and decide that eating this strange Duck is perfectly fine. She shall bypass the Duck and stick to the noodles alone.

((Just the Noodles, thanks))

[Sprig]

mmm more noodles!

[banjo1985]

Kay folks, Course 4 is over. Update to follow later today.