I'm going to have a bad game tomorrow. Any suggestions?

[OldTrees1]

He was my first DM

So?
My father was my 1st DM, I respect him because he is a good father, not because he was first to DM.
I was the 1st DM for most of my friends, I certainly hope they respect me for being a good person and a skilled DM rather than being their first DM.
One of my friends was the 1st DM for a large portion of my other friends, they certainly respect him for being a good friend and a skilled storyteller rather than for merely being their first.

There are few things in life that deserve merit merely for being first. Most things in life deserve merit for either quality or inherent traits(human life being valuable for its own sake for instance).

[SirBellias]

He was my first DM

I don't see how that factors. I mean, it's cool that he introduced you to the game and all, but you said yourself that he's pretty horrible at it and a not so good friend. The best part about playing with a bunch if different people is finding out which games and people are more enjoyable to be around. I don't think you owe him anything just because he showed you the game.

[Mr Beer]

He was my first DM

So if I show you a really cool geode, I get to ambush you with a sock-full of gravel any time I feel like it? Sounds like a sweet deal for guy who likes caning you in the skull with blunt objects.

[Cheshire Goat]

You did a nice thing by attending this fellow's game - but lesson learned, right? Time is precious, man. Don't reward bad behavior from anyone let alone someone who you consider a bad friend.

I play a game based on the fun I will have, not out of pity for someone (though there is nothing wrong with doing a good deed!) and I would certainly take into account the behavior of a DM the n st time that person asked me to play again.

He was antagonistic and insulted you during your experience. I would never show up again, and if he asked me why, I would be as honest as possible (while trying to be kind).

With all that said, I think you did him a kindness, which is admirable.

[Jay R]

You aren't playing a game; you are helping a sick friend. It's all right to spend that time doing something you don't enjoy.

[Mister Loorg]

So?
One of my friends was the 1st DM for a large portion of my other friends, they certainly respect him for being a good friend and a skilled storyteller rather than for merely being their first.

There are few things in life that deserve merit merely for being first. Most things in life deserve merit for either quality or inherent traits(human life being valuable for its own sake for instance).

"I sense a great disturbance... As if a thousand double entendres cried out, and were suddenly silenced..."

But seriously, Jon, don't just stand there and take crap from someone you don't even consider your friend. You tried to help him and it didn't work. You've done your part.

[RazorChain]

You aren't playing a game; you are helping a sick friend. It's all right to spend that time doing something you don't enjoy.

If that sick friend treats you badly and in a demeaning manner then other things apply.

I help my friends with various tasks I don't enjoy. But my friendship with them is based on mutual respect and trust. I trust that my friends would help me in my hour of need, which is one of the reason why I treat them with respect. The other reason why I treat them with respect is because that is how I want to be treated.

But if I treated my friends, colleagues and family badly you can be damn sure my next birthday I would be alone eating cake!

[IntelectPaladin]

I'm sorry that this happened to you.
If it's any consolation,
From my point of view you did the best you possibly could.
I hope you find another, kinder D.M. soon,
So that you can be fully introduced to D&D.

Take care, And I hope this rough patch ends soon enough.

[Temperjoke]

This might be an acquaintance that in the future you offer to play other games with instead of a D&D/Pathfinder game with. There's nothing wrong with that. If he asks again, and you don't have a good reason to not hang out, recommend a different type of board game instead. Everyone's got a friend/acquaintance that you don't do certain things with. Just remind him how things usually go if he complains.

You don't owe him just for being your first DM. That was repaid the first time he turned on you and blamed you.

[goto124]

recommend a different type of board game instead.

Would Monopoly be the best or worst non-roleplaying game to suggest?

[Temperjoke]

Would Monopoly be the best or worst non-roleplaying game to suggest?

A little bit of column A and a little bit of column B. I mean, at least then it's everyone who's mad, and not just the DM losing it.

[Lvl 2 Expert]

To further the train analogy, There are things you can do while aboard, So to speak.
Point out things you see outside the window,
(E-i commenting on some nice details your pleasantly surprised to see,)
Talking to the other passengers,
(The other players,)
And seeing the view from atop the train.
( Being descriptive of the visuals you're doing.)

Other options include loudly singing raunchy songs until you're at your destination, pissing out the window, pissing at a closed window, pissing on the chairs, pissing on the conductor, running away from said conductor, running away from the railroad police, jumping out the window, jumping at a closed window, getting arrested and loudly singing jailhouse themed blues songs until you're at the police officer's destination.

[Jon_Dahl]

The fact that I went there to play is a gift that just keep on giving.

Now I raised a lot of suspicion by coming to the game with the great player's ride and then my dad came to pick me up. Now my sick acquaitance and the great player have had a conversation that I did that just to avoid paying for the gas, which I have promised to pay. Before we did anything, I promised to pay the great player 5 euros for the gas. Now that my dad came to pick me up signals, somehow, that I'm trying to dodge paying that money and the sick dude has sent me messages today that I'm just being a bad friend because I acted like that. I told him that I have every intention of paying, but I didn't do that on that day, because I only had 20-euro bills and I want to pay with exact change. He says that this is bad form. He also insists that me leaving the game so early was bad form and he has spoken with the rest of the players that I was a very bad person at the table. I was asking what did I do, but apparently what I did wrong was to laugh at an inappropriate time so that irritated the DM (the sick guy). Furthermore, he said that he was such a great friend that he paid 10 euros for the gas even though he didn't even need a ride, and then he explained me how poor he is.

Yeah...

[Temperjoke]

The fact that I went there to play is a gift that just keep on giving.

Now I raised a lot of suspicion by coming to the game with the great player's ride and then my dad came to pick me up. Now my sick acquaitance and the great player have had a conversation that I did that just to avoid paying for the gas, which I have promised to pay. Before we did anything, I promised to pay the great player 5 euros for the gas. Now that my dad came to pick me up signals, somehow, that I'm trying to dodge paying that money and the sick dude has sent me messages today that I'm just being a bad friend because I acted like that. I told him that I have every intention of paying, but I didn't do that on that day, because I only had 20-euro bills and I want to pay with exact change. He says that this is bad form. He also insists that me leaving the game so early was bad form and he has spoken with the rest of the players that I was a very bad person at the table. I was asking what did I do, but apparently what I did wrong was to laugh at an inappropriate time so that irritated the DM (the sick guy). Furthermore, he said that he was such a great friend that he paid 10 euros for the gas even though he didn't even need a ride, and then he explained me how poor he is.

Yeah...

I'd pay it off, then cut your losses at this point and cut him out. The "great" player too, if he's buying the BS that the sick guy is putting out. It's pretty clear at this point that the sick guy is resenting you and is trying to poison the other people in the group against you.

[Mr Beer]

These things are only problems to the extent that you allow them to be.

DM seems to enjoy making your life miserable. Stop associating with him. Problem solved.

You said you'd give some guy 5 euros, so give it to him. Problem solved.

The fact that I went there to play is a gift that just keep on giving.

Now I raised a lot of suspicion by coming to the game with the great player's ride and then my dad came to pick me up. Now my sick acquaitance and the great player have had a conversation that I did that just to avoid paying for the gas, which I have promised to pay. Before we did anything, I promised to pay the great player 5 euros for the gas. Now that my dad came to pick me up signals, somehow, that I'm trying to dodge paying that money and the sick dude has sent me messages today that I'm just being a bad friend because I acted like that. I told him that I have every intention of paying, but I didn't do that on that day, because I only had 20-euro bills and I want to pay with exact change. He says that this is bad form. He also insists that me leaving the game so early was bad form and he has spoken with the rest of the players that I was a very bad person at the table. I was asking what did I do, but apparently what I did wrong was to laugh at an inappropriate time so that irritated the DM (the sick guy). Furthermore, he said that he was such a great friend that he paid 10 euros for the gas even though he didn't even need a ride, and then he explained me how poor he is.

Yeah...

[IntelectPaladin]

Mr beer, that isn't exactly the answer.
Frankly, He wouldn't be lashing out at you like this if he
were actually a friend of any sort, honestly.

And if he's willing to thrash any opinion the other players have of you,
Then I just can't say the things I would like to.
What I will say is that you're attempt at a good deed has been driven entirely off the rails.

What is next is up to you, But if I may make one recommendation?
Don't hurt them verbally. That just doesn't work out well for you, In either case.
Thank you for having a look at this.

[Mr Beer]

Mr beer, that isn't exactly the answer.

Not voluntarily associating with people who make one's life miserable is exactly the answer IMO.

[SirBellias]

Not voluntarily associating with people who make one's life miserable is exactly the answer IMO.

I have to say, in this situation, I agree. All other viable routes seem to have been taken, and the only thing that I can see that the OP can do now is give a direct apology and leave. The DM is poisoning relationships here, and if he won't accept a call for peace, then it's time to cut your losses, if any.

[RazorChain]

These things are only problems to the extent that you allow them to be.

DM seems to enjoy making your life miserable. Stop associating with him. Problem solved.

You said you'd give some guy 5 euros, so give it to him. Problem solved.

I second that. Pay the great player his 5€ and ignore the sick guy. The sick guy is guilt tripping you to manipulate you.

[Segev]

Just throwing an extra two cents (sorry, I don't have any Euro-penny-equivalents) on the "stop associating with him" front. Ignore his texts or block him entirely. Don't answer the phone. Discuss it with the other players if they seem to be holding it against you, but don't bring it up nor dwell on it.

"Sick friend" is not a friend, and doesn't seem to want you around for any healthy or positive purpose, so don't worry about donating your time to him anymore. Both of you will be happier for it.

[Honest Tiefling]

I would like to similarly chip in my two cents. First, for the love of pete, don't do this again! How would you feel if someone only came to your house out of pity, and not to mutually enjoy the time? If you think he would be hurt if he knew the truth, don't lie to him and make it worse. He might be able to see through you or get some hint that you really don't want to be there. I would imagine someone getting annoyed at preparing a game they THOUGHT their friend would enjoy only to have that friend make it clear they don't want to be a part of it in the slightest.

Secondly, I do wonder about the nature of his disability. If it is great, he might be lashing out because sometimes, very sick people do that. They could be hurt, disoriented, depressed or afraid and no one is good at handling that. It's not great, but you should consider if you want to be there for him if he is. I don't think it's bad that you decide that you are not close enough to deal with this sort of treatment. If you do decide to stick around, do consider it a possibility that he might be dealing with some awful **** and might not be the best of people right now.

If he's not that sick, bail and don't look back.

[Jon_Dahl]

I still feel confused why I had to tell the rules to the DM. I didn't want to do that. Is that really that difficult for someone to understand? I'm still gutted about it. I had zero interest of explaining the rules and I was clear about it.

[Louro]

I still feel confused why I had to tell the rules to the DM.

Previously, at my table, we used to discuss a lot about rules. We checked rulebooks, comments on the net, pseudo-scientific arguments...
In the end it was a huge amount of time wasted. These days I just firmly state to the DM: "You are the DM, RULE IT!!! NOW!!!" (even when I know the rules)
I don't care if the rule makes no sense at all, just keep the story going.

[Mr Beer]

Previously, at my table, we used to discuss a lot about rules. We checked rulebooks, comments on the net, pseudo-scientific arguments...
In the end it was a huge amount of time wasted. These days I just firmly state to the DM: "You are the DM, RULE IT!!! NOW!!!" (even when I know the rules)
I don't care if the rule makes no sense at all, just keep the story going.

Yeah, keep it moving. I allow some argument from players, if they're right and I'm wrong I correct myself and keep going. If I'm not sure and it's going to take time to check, I make a ruling and say 'we'll check it later'. It doesn't make for a good game to have a 45 minute discussion about legalistic minutiae.

[Kelb_Panthera]

He was my first DM

This isn't a good enough reason to justify anything. Just putting that out there.


I've only skimmed the thread but it seems to me that you're being over-generous to someone you don't even like. Calling him a friend, rather than a mutual acquaintence with a friend, strikes me as wrong from what I did read. Pay him any fiscal debt you owe him, if any, then wash your hands of him. Life's too short to spend free time with people you dislike and that dislike you.

You're a good dude. There's nothing wrong with that. Don't be so good that it bites you in the ass, though.