Land of 1000 Eye Rolls: Character Cliches

[Maerok]

I'm sure anyone who's RPed has run into more than one occasion where someone (maybe even you) has described an action or had their character speak in such a way that you can't help but roll your eyes from the sheer magnitude of corniness. This especially happens when trying to assert the overall "coolness" of one's character, and seems far more prevalent with active, assertive characters.

1. Logic? Pfft. I'm right: Even when presented with thoughtful ideas and things to consider, this character will uphold even the thinnest of character traits.

[EvilElitest]

2. Spiked chains make sense, i saw it on an anime once
3. A Samurai sword could totally cut through stone
just off the top of my head
from
EE

[Collin152]

Those last two aren't very cliche to my ears...
Just saying.

[Reinboom]

3. A Samurai sword could totally cut through stone

It depends on the cut, the precision of the blade, and the stone it's cutting through. Usually.. no. But, If it's with an older material, and is stone made by man rather than natural, or not a very dense stone - it can.
Though, this isn't because the swords are made to cut through stone - it's because they are made to cut through finely crafted kabutos, and just so happen to cut through certain types of stone,

Anyways:
4. It's the size of the sword that matters!

[Goats_o_Mjolnir]

Ive got a few

1. A barbarian with tatoos
2. I want a chocobo for a mount
3. "I dont care if half the party will die, thats what my character would do."
4. An NPC or PC named Bob

to touch on the katana issue, I remember argueing with an anime fan, he claimed that a samurai sword could cut through any other weapon. I proceeded to give him a lesson on Japans crappy ore and why the blades were so thin, to which he replied "Its a precision weapon!"
Tell it to my claymore

[Iku Rex]

5. I'm a trained, professional warrior, yet no matter what I'll only fight with my great-grandfathers sword.

[Hyfigh]

Anything regarding my avatar...

[Prophaniti]

6. I'm the paladin, therefore I must be the party leader.

I've always found it amusing how much people seem to think a katana is an 'I win' button. There's a lot of things even a well-made sword can't slice through, especially in one cut. Aged oak, for example. Nope, not even a katana, I've seen people try.

[Ozymandias]

Ive got a few
to touch on the katana issue, I remember argueing with an anime fan, he claimed that a samurai sword could cut through any other weapon. I proceeded to give him a lesson on Japans crappy ore and why the blades were so thin, to which he replied "Its a precision weapon!"
Tell it to my claymore

Katana are just swords of a certain shape with a peculiar forging method - the crappy Japanese ore (and its rarity) is the reason for the whole folding-thing which mitigated some of its disadvantages. That said, some well-made katana could cleave stone if applied properly - as could a zweihander in similar circumstances. The fanboyism associated with katana and the myriad anime fans who glorify it make me wish I didn't think they were so cool.

7. An ancient, cursed ring
8. Being offered the choice between an ornate object and a plain one, with the latter being worth more.

[Yeril]

9. Red haired lesbian elf rogues in black leather? anyone? no?

[herrhauptmann]

A person with a 'moody' or 'gloomy' character sitting in the shadows of the corner of the inn. Not talking to anybody, just watching what happens.

If you don't want to talk to anyone, stay home. If you want to be a voyeur, stand outside and peep in through the window, it works so much better.

[Citizen Joe]

Kill a hundred people now to stop an evil that will later kill thousands.

[ShneekeyTheLost]

10) Playing a dark elf ranger, duo wielding scimitars, with a Panther for an animal companion... double points for an unpronouncable name that looks like your cat walked across the keyboard

11) a 'Lawful Stupid' paladin with a 'holier than thou' attittude

12) A klepto rogue who steals from their own party, then complains 'it's what my character would do!'.

13) Any disquieting character who utters the phrase 'my precious'

14) I have pulled the sword from the stone!

15) My father left me <insert epic weapon he never passed by the GM> and died before he could complete <some random quest the GM never approved of> and so I must take up his sword and quest to rule the party world.

[Goats_o_Mjolnir]

"All orcs are evil and must die!"*staby staby staby staby*

An RPer who speaks in Old English

[AmberVael]

16) "Run, I'll hold them off!"
See, if you know you're going to be overwhelmed and die, I really doubt you'll make that decision. There's normally a self-preservation instinct that will kick in. What's worse is that there are usually much more viable options if they would just stop and think.
Plus, you're not cool when you do that. You have to be Gandalf for that to be cool.

17) "I deflect the bullet/bolt with my sword..."
Okay, ignoring the fact that there is a very high chance of your weapon being irrevocably damaged from this tactic, no person has the reflexes to do that kind of thing- at least not while in the middle of combat. There is a reason armor was invented.

18)"My parents were killed by..."
If you have an angst backstory that drives you to do what you do, so help me DM, I will stab your eyes out with a spork.
...okay, no, I've seen some of that which was well done, but damn, people. Try something else for once. Your family doesn't have to be torched by a dragon which you swore to kill on the blade of your father.

19) "An old man with a white beard..."
In RPGs, any prominent old men obviously have all the secrets on earth and heaven. They can also kick your ass.
Please don't play skilled old men who somehow ignore their age. If they really are that old, they should be OLD. Have them be hard of hearing. Make it so they have bad memory. Or walk slowly. Or SOMETHING that is indicative of their old age. I've only seen one man in my entire life who managed to stay reasonably fit into his elder years. His name is Fred Birchmore, and he rode a bicycle around the world as his claim to fame. Still, he wouldn't be up to slaying dragons.

[rankrath]

16: Barbarian who attacks anyone who talks to him.

17: Bard who sings at every opening

18: one single large battle that resolves the fate of the world as opposed to a war.

[wadledo]

*snip*

That was awesome.
Now I'm total revising my character's backstory, cause I don't want you to kick my ass if you see it.

[Riffington]

16) "Run, I'll hold them off!"
See, if you know you're going to be overwhelmed and die, I really doubt you'll make that decision. There's normally a self-preservation instinct that will kick in. What's worse is that there are usually much more viable options if they would just stop and think.

Bah. Tell that to Liviu Librescu.

[Goats_o_Mjolnir]

The DMs character betrays you

A character with a scar over his eye, proving his "bad-assery"

[mostlyharmful]

18: one single large battle that resolves the fate of the world as opposed to a war.

That one's actually pretty reasonable in a "Medieval" setting, when you're fiefdoms resources are perched somewhere betwix diddly and sod-all you don't have a whole lot of tactical options when OVERWHELMING MILITARY SUPERIORITY comes hoving into view.

[Citizen Joe]

17) "I deflect the bullet/bolt with my sword..."
Okay, ignoring the fact that there is a very high chance of your weapon being irrevocably damaged from this tactic, no person has the reflexes to do that kind of thing- at least not while in the middle of combat. There is a reason armor was invented.

Nova did a show on the making of the katana. They had a master deflect an arrow with his katana (actually he cut it in half). Now, it was staged, so deflecting in the middle of battle may prove slightly more difficult.

18)"My parents were killed by..."

... old age after a long and productive life... As their only heir, I get the farmlands and castle.

[Tengu]

23. Ma father was a <insert anything non-human here> but I've never met him and was raised by my mother alone.

[Ent]

I feel like every level 1 Wizard is a cliche.

Rich has covered almost every PC cliche I can think of.

[Collin152]

16)
18)"My parents were killed by..."

Disease, and I'm adventuring to earn enough money to bring them back.

[EvilElitest]

Anything regarding my avatar...

Oh gods yes

10) Playing a dark elf ranger, duo wielding scimitars, with a Panther for an animal companion... double points for an unpronouncable name that looks like your cat walked across the keyboard

Hey, Drizzot D'Uden is a totally orginal character, he is just a dark elf who has been rejected by his people and must live a tragic anst filled life

Oh by the by, my games do have a NPC named Bob, Bob the goblin, personal assistant to the Big Bad

from
EE

[Amras Seer]

........I came back and the village was destroyed.
I cannot tell you how many RP's start that way

The gods gave me a
MONKEY!!! shut up.

Mark of don't kill anybody.
An easy over-used pain in the ass.

[Gardakan]

An half-orc named Thog barbarian that is to gentle(i'd liek you thog...)

[Amras Seer]

HULK SMASH!!! I meant my barbarian......sorry

[EvilElitest]

A wizard/warlock/necromancer who just likes to blow things up

A fighter with a sword twice his size

A ninja who wears the sterotypical outfit all the time (better than a ninja who wears orange i suppose

Gnome nerd/tinkerer who blows stuff up

CE or CN dudes who just kill every thing they see


Anything mentioned in TV-Tropes on the topic
from
EE

[Squatting_Monk]

A rogue/assassin/whatever who wears black simply because it looks cool, despite the fact that it only helps him hide in shadows if he's in a cypress swamp at midnight.

Anything with wings tacked on.