Shipping itp

[Vespe Ratavo]

Ship Wars is awesome. Can't wait for Part 4.

[Tengu_temp]

Don't forget Terra, I've shipped you with tengu (eventhough it's a short one. Sigh, I was really tempted to make a full story of it)

I'm sure nobody would mind if you did.

[Mordokai]

W00t, those Freshmeat/Mordokai shippings were equally funny and disturbing Keep up the good work you guys.

Fresh, you're good at this. A little too good perhaps

[Terraoblivion]

I agree with Tengu, seeing a full fic doing the crackpairing that is me and him would be hilarious. Especially in that post-apocalyptic setting you have there.

Until you do that i will keep reading Star Wars, the way it should have been. Finally the characters are displaying some genre savvy, a commodity that was incredibly lacking in the movies. That and general competence to be honest.

[Moff Chumley]

Can I just say? This thread embodies everything I love about GitP. Curly, you have earned my eternal respect for creating this, and everyone who has participated in this just plain wins. Of course, anyone who wants can ship me (I severely doubt that it's gonna happen, but a guy can hope. ) Happyturtle, Ship Wars wins, and unless you've already cast him, Invader Zim as Yoda would be pretty epic.

[randman22222]

This thread is win.
Why, may I ask, is your location depressed?

[Moff Chumley]

It was the first Hitchikers reference I could think of. However, I should probably change it. I have to much ADD to be emo.

[Dragonrider]

AZIRAPHALE! COME HERE AND GIVE US OUR NEXT PLAYGROUND BRIDE EPISODE!


It is a good thing you're so awesome, Happyturtle.

Also...I totally agree with you - the prequels were pretty much crap...and someone should make George Lucas sit down and watch them and then ask him, "so...run that by me again...exactly WHY did you think this was a good idea?"

[randman22222]

Oh gods... The first 3 (not in our timeline, in Star Wars') were utter crap...

Maybe you can put Jar Jar in as a punching bag of sorts...

And I'm working on my next shipfic... Should be pretty neat, I hope... I'm trying to go deeper with it. More themes in it...

[happyturtle]

Ship Wars
Episode IV: A New Ship, part 4

Starring:

Calamity as Calthreepio
Dihan as Artoodihan
Dr Bath as Bath Vader (formerly Sink Skywalker)
FF Fanboy as Fanboy Skywalker
Freshmeat as Fresho
Haruki-kun as Haruki-Kun Kenobi
Jibar as Princess Catmuffin
Lex-Kat as Lex-Kat the Pixie
Lord Fullbladder as Bladder the Hutt
Phase as Phase the Death Moon
Raistlin1040 as Raistlin the musician
Rubakhin as Rubakha
Thanatos5150 as Than Tolo
TheCountAlucard as Alu Fett

Episode IV: A New Ship: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Episode V: The Empire Ships Back: Part 1

Echoes of the Past: Part 1

Spoiler

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Haruki-Kun slid through the halls, with the stealth of a Palajedi, looking for the tractor beam control room. Before he could get far, Bath Vader stepped into view at the end of the tunnel. Bath lit his saber. Haruki ignited his own and stepped slowly forward.

"I've been waiting for you, Haruki-Kun," Bath said. We meet again, at last. The circle is now complete."

Haruki moved with elegant ease into a classical offensive position. The fearsome Sith Knight took a defensive stance.

"When you abandoned me, I was but the learner; now I am the master," Bath Vader says.

"Only a master of Evil, Bath."

"Your powers are weak, old man."

"You can't win, Bath. If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine."

Their lightsabers met in combat.

***

In the prison wing, Than and Fanboy run for the exit, with Princess Catmuffin on Than's shoulder. Suddenly storm troopers poured out of the elevators.

"There isn't any other way out," Fanboy said.

"I can't hold them off forever! Now what?" Than asked.

Catmuffin smirked. "This is some rescue. When you came in here, didn't you have a plan for getting out?

Fanboy scowled. "Maybe you'd like it back in your cell, sis."

The princess grabbed Than's gun and fired at a small grate in the wall next to Fanboy, almost frying him.

"What the hell are you doing?" Fanboy asked.

"Somebody has to save our skins. Into the garbage chute, wise guy." Catmuffin dove into the opening, followed immediately by Than.

"Wonderful girl, my sis!" Fanboy muttered. "Either I'm going to kill her or I'm beginning to like her." He ducked laserfire and jumped into the darkness.

***

Fanboy tumbled into the large room filled with garbage and muck. "Oh! The garbage chute was a really wonderful idea. What an incredible smell you've discovered! Let's get out of here! Get away from that hatch..."

"No! wait!" Than said.

Fanboy drew his laser pistol and fired at the hatch. The laserbolt ricocheted wildly around the small metal room. Everyone dove for cover in the garbage as the bolt exploded almost on top of them.

"Will you forget it?" Than said. "I already tried it. It's magnetically sealed!"

"Put that thing away! You're going to get us all killed," Catmuffin added.

"Absolutely, Your Worship," Fanboy said. "Look, I had everything under control until you led us down here. You know, it's not going to take them long to figure out what happened to us."

"It could be worse..." Catmuffin said.

Suddenly the walls of the room shudder and move a few inches.

"Oh for crissake, sis! You never say 'things could be worse!" Fanboy pulled out his commlink. "Calthreepio! Come in Calthreepio! Where could he be?"

***

The commlink was sitting on a deserted computer console in the Lucky Penny. The light flashed to indicate a signal, but no one saw it. Rubakha was sprawled across the floor snoring, and the two droids were nowhere to be seen.

***

In the hangar, Artoodihan vomited into a trash receptical while Calthreepio held his hair for him and stroked his back. When he'd finished being sick, Calthreepio offered him a glass of water.

Artoodihan groaned. "Why aren't you sick?"

"I've got an upgraded alcohol processing chip," Calthreepio said.

"I have got to get me one of those."

"Let's find a computer lab. I can make you a copy of mine."

The two droids wandered off together.

***

In the garbage room, the walls kept closing. Than and Fanboy attempted to brace the walls with bits of metal. Princess Catmuffin began sinking into the trash with a cry of dismay.

"Catmuffin!" Than dove into the garbage and pulled her out. "Get to the top!" He put her on top of his head. "Grab hold of my ears! Don't fall!"

Fanboy kept calling for help, but received no answer.

***

The two droids located a computer lab. Calthreepio found some tools, and soon cobbled together an alcohol processing chip.

"I'll... need to open your panel..." Calthreepio stammered.

Artoodihan was a little bashful as Calthreepio opened him up and inserted the chip. But once it was in...

"That feels great," Artoodihan sighed, as the chip took effect. "I needed that."

***

Bath Vader continued his attack. "You left me in agony on Mustafar. You should have killed me, instead of leaving me to this walking half-death that has tormented me and twisted my mind for the last eighteen years."

"I wanted you to suffer!" Haruki spat out. "After what you did, your betrayal of the Palajedi, you deserved the death I left you to."

***

"Shouldn't the humans be back by now?" Artoodihan asked.

"Hmm... good point," Calthreepio said. "Lets log in to security and see if we can find them."

Artoodihan plugged in, and ran a quick scan of the systems. "Holy crap! They're in trouble! Quick, cut all power to the detention levels!"

"Done."

"Now I'll just open the pressure maintenance hatch on unit number 326827."

Artoodihan hugged Calthreepio. "They have Princess Catmuffin. She's safe."

"What about that tractor beam? The old man said he was going to turn it off."

"Nah, it's still on," Artoodihan said. "Aaaand... now it's off."

"Shall we go back to the Penny and wait for them?"

"Yes, but before we leave the lab, let's deactivate our Olfactory chips. Those humans will be even smellier than usual."

***

In the garbage room, the walls suddenly came to a stop.

Fanboy whooped in triumph. "I did it! I stopped them with the Force!"

Catmuffin hugged him. "Good job, bro!"

The maintenance hatch popped open.

"Wow... I wasn't even trying then. Wait until I tell Haruki! He'll make me a Palajedi Knight for sure."

"We'd better hurry," Than said. "Let's get out of here."

***

"You had the chance to show mercy, and you didn't," Bath Vader continued to taunt his former Master. "The blood of every life I have taken since that day is on your hands."

"No," Haruki said, pained. "Your evil is on your own soul. Not mine."

"Every time I take a life, the power of the Dark Side grows ever stronger. Every time I make a person quake in fear, the Dark Side grows more malevolent. Every time I spread misery, the Dark Side grows more intelligent."

As he pressed his attack further, Haruki stumbled backwards. The fight moved into the hangar bay.

"And it is all... because... of... you," Bath Vader said. "The Death Moon is fed from the power of the Dark Side. I spent eighteen years feeding souls to the Dark Side to create this battlestation. Eighteen years worth of despair and misery. Had you shown me some kindness on Mustafa, Alderan would still be alive."

Haruki-kun shook his head in denial. "I didn't know... I couldn't have..."

Fanboy, Than and Catmuffin arrived in the hangar bay just in time to see Haruki-Kun drop his lightsabre and bow his head in grief and shame.

In one single, elegant thrust, Bath Vader thrust his sword through Haruki-Kun's heart. He fell to the ground and took a last few gurgling breaths.

"So much for the Light," Bath Vader said in contempt. "How is it that a Sith could show more mercy than a Palajedi?"

"NO!" Fanboy cried out, aghast. He drew his lightsaber and charged towards Bath.

"Fanboy, come back!" Than yelled, as he ran onto the ship with Catmuffin.

Bath Vader turned to face the angry young man. "I have no quarrel with you, padawan. You are not worth my time."

"I have a quarrel with you! I'm Fanboy Skywalker, and I will make you pay for killing Master Haruki-Kun!"

Bath froze in shock. "Skywalker?"

"That's right," Fanboy snarled. "I'm going to be the last thing you ever see." He swung his lightsabre around, but before it could connect, Bath cooly raised one hand and blasted Fanboy across the hangar. He landed near the ship, unconscious.

Bath looked up at Than who was still standing on the ramp of the Penny. "Take him and go," he hissed. "Before I change my mind."

To be continued... in Episode V: The Empire Ships Back

[randman22222]

YES! More of the epic.

[CurlyKitGirl]

AZIRAPHALE! COME HERE AND GIVE US OUR NEXT PLAYGROUND BRIDE EPISODE!

We apologise for the lack of Playground Bride scenes lately, but there appear to be creative difficulties. The other half of the team shall have a conference discussing the destruction of writers' block soon.

I may run some flashbacks as fillers depending on things.

Coming up: Who Wants To Live Forever? by Queen starring ___ and ___!

[Moff Chumley]

We apologise for the lack of Playground Bride scenes lately, but there appear to be creative difficulties. The other half of the team shall have a conference discussing the destruction of writers' block soon.

I may run some flashbacks as fillers depending on things.

Coming up: Who Wants To Live Forever? by Queen starring ___ and ___!

ME! ME! PICK ME! *hops up and down rapidly*

[Raistlin1040]

I'm silly

Don't Stop: Curly/Magtok (Guest-Starring Raistlin and Vespe, with cameos by Moff Chumley, and Randman)

Spoiler

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It was a seedy place. Not the place where one expects to go to meet a secret admirer. The lighting was faint, the floorboards were cracked, and except for the bartender, Curly was alone. She sighed, and looked at her watch. 8:20. Whoever this mystery guy was, he better show up soon. Curly thought. After all, the bookstore closed at 9, and she was all out of books.

The door creaked open and Curly instantly glanced to it. Raistlin walked in. Curly recognized him instantly, even though he's left AMEN a while ago. She frowned slightly. He wasn't her type. Too showy. But to her suprise, he didn't even notice her as he walked up to the stage, and started setting up musical equipment. She glanced at her watch again, 8:25. She sighed again and went back to waiting. A few minutes went by and the door opened again. Vespe walked in, trailed by a mysterious guy in a trenchcoat, and a short man with...green skin? Vespe however, did notice Curly, and waved to her. She waved back, unsure of what was going on.

Vespe and the other two walked up to the stage and started talking to Raistlin, and then began to assist him in setting up the stuff. Curly furrowed her brow and walked over to them. Vespe? What's going on? She asked, confused. He looked over. It's Friday night. We play here every Friday, the bartender is a friend of Randy's. He pointed to the man in the trenchcoat. Did you come to hear us play Curly? Vespe asked, his eyes wide with enthusiasm. Um, not exactly. I got a note telling me to come here, to meet a secret admirer or something. She shrugged, pretending not to be interested.

Huh. Well, that's cool. I need to get back to setting up though, ok? Sure Vespe. Curly went back and sat down at her table, while Vespe went back to helping the rest of the band.

In the next ten or twenty minutes, a small cluster of maybe a dozen people came into the bar and sat down in front of the stage. Curly checked her watch for the third and final time, 8:50. She couldn't make the bookstore by now. She frowned, might as well stay and enjoy the music.

The trenchcoat guy (Randy, Curly though Vespe had said his name was) was behind the drum set, Raistlin held a guitar in his hand, and stood at the microphone, Vespe had a bass and a microphone, and the green man had a guitar. Raistlin tapped his microphone. Hello everyone. I recognize most of you, but not all, so for your sake, I'll introduce the band. On the drums is Randy, on the bass, Vespe, on the lead guitar, Moff Chumley, and I'm Raist, rythym guitar and vocals. We only get this stage for an hour, so let's not waste any more time.

They launched into their set, and the crowd sang along. Curly knew they were doing mostly covers, but didn't know any of the songs. Still, they were enjoyable enough, even if they didn't play any Queen. Her watch beeped, it was 10. The crowd had left, and the band was already putting their gear away. Curly got up to leave. She was right at the door when it opened, and a man in dark robes obscuring his face stod in front of her.

Excuse me. Curly said politely, but the man didn't move. I said excuse me. She said again, annoyed. The man removed the hood of his robe, revealing Magtok. Hi Curly. He said, looking like he was going to say more, but didn't. Hi Magtok. If you could move, I need to get home. She said. Actually, um, I need to talk to you. He studdered out. Curly sighed and sat back down at the table, motioning for Magtok to sit across from her. He did so.

Meanwhile, in the background, Vespe noticed Magtok and Curly talking and turned to Raistlin. Magtok must be Curly's secret admirer! Raistlin raised an eyebrow. What? Curly was telling me about it earlier! She got a love note from a secret admirer, it must be Magtok! Raistlin chuckled. Wanna mess with him? He called the band over and mouthed something, and they began setting up again.

Back to the main story:

Magtok seemed to be fumbling for the right words to say. Uh, Curly, well, it was...um, me who invited you here tonight. Curly raised her eyebrows in suprise. Just as she was about to say something, music came from the band.

Well you bit my lip and drew first blood
And warmed my cold, cold heart.
And you wrote your name right on my back
Boy your nails were sharp.

But don't stop.
Honey don't stop.
Don't stop.
Baby don't stop.

Curly frowned and shot the band a glare and then turned back to Magtok, ignoring them. I see. Is this a prank or something? Did someone put you up to this. Magtok shook his head quickly. No not at all. I...I was just wondering if...

Well I love your screams of passion
In the long hot summer night.
But you pepper me with poison darts
And twisted in your knife.

Don't stop
Honey don't stop
Don't stop
Baby don't stop

Raistlin and Vespe opened their mouths to sing the next lines and Magtok stood up and drew a gun from his robe and shot it into the air. Will you four quit that! I'm trying to say something here! Vespe stuck out his tongue good-naturedly at Magtok. We were just setting the mood. Well stop it! I'm trying to be a mature person and ask Curly on a date in a polite, classy fashion, and you are being annoying and rude. Realizing what he said, Magtok blushed (Or at least, the Human half of his face did.)

Magtok sat back down quietly, not looking at Curly. He mumbled something. What was that? Curly asked, delibratly avoiding giving him an answer to what he'd said a moment earlier. Magtok looked at Curly, the blush still on his face. I asked...if you wanted to go out sometime. Curly sat back and thought for a moment. Magtok wasn't a bad guy, not really. And he could be sweet sometimes. What would be the harm? After a minute that felt like an hour, Curly slowly nodded. I'm going to the bookstore tomorrow morning. You want to come with me? Magtok brightened, and nodded enthusiastically. Good. I'll meet you there, 8AM. But you better not be late again. She said, and promptly walked out of the bar.

THE END

That ended up WAY longer than I originally intended. Ah well, it was fun to write.

Can't compete with Ship Wars or Curly's stuff, but I hope y'all like it.

[randman22222]

...You made me a drummer? I should be insulted.

Anyway, nice work, even if Maggy was a bit different acting...

[Raistlin1040]

Nah, see that's how Magtok *really* is. Normally he's acting 'Sides, it's crack, I can mess with the characters as much as I want. And yes, you should be very insulted.

[happyturtle]

Well, folks, that was the end of Ship Wars! I hope you enjoyed it!

Spoiler

Show

Okay, not really! But it was the end of Episode IV. The rest of the movie is about blowing up the Death Moon. If I write that now, I'd just find it really boring to have to do it ALL OVER AGAIN in Return of the Palajedi. I mean, seriously, what the hell was Lucas thinking?!

I should be obvious to anyone reading this that I have a love/hate relationship with Star Wars. I love the original trilogy with a deep and unending passion--enough to overlook Leia french kissing her brother. Even enough to overlook the freaking Ewoks.

The prequels.... well.... there was so much potential there. It should have been much darker, much more menacing. There never should have been the nonsense about the Jedi being a celibate order. Come on, they'd already established that the Force runs through families. Wouldn't it die out if Jedi didn't reproduce?

There were so many more ways to add tension to the Anakin/Padme relationship rather than saying 'Haha! You're not allowed to date. Neener Neener!' I intend to explore some of this, just like I explored the consequences of Obi-Wan leaving Anakin to burn alive on Mastafa.

In Happyturtle's universe, Anakin needs more than the fear of losing Padme to turn to the Dark Side. There is something in his soul that craves the darkness and is drawn to it, and if I'm a good enough writer, I hope I can show that.

Sadly, I'm out of weekend, so no promises on the timing of the next instalment. I suspect I'll have one or two during the work week, but most of my writing will have to be done on the weekend. Until then.... may the Force be with you.

[CurlyKitGirl]

Curly/Skippy:

Who Wants To Live Forever

Spoiler

Show

There's no time for us
There's no place for us
What is this thing that builds our dreams yet slips away
From us
He lay on the starched sheets. She sat bonelessly on the chair next to him, saying it was the smell of disinfectant that made her cry. She couldn't tell him. No. She didn't want to tell him.
She had pleaded with the doctor for some time. "Just a day. One more. Outside. Please." Her normal eloquence gone; her face showed her distress - how she was starting to collapse.
The doctor paused. He knew the patient would die soon; but it would be painless. It was against his better judgement to let the patient leave the sterile confines of the hospital. But the days he had left were so few. "One day only. And soon." She shivered at those last words.
Who wants to live forever?
Who wants to live forever....?
Theres no chance for us
It's all decided for us
This world has only one sweet moment set aside for us
She told the man in the bed, the man she loved, that it wasn't really serious as he could go out for the day. She said to pick some place special to celebrate his health, and she thought to herself that it wasn't a lie. But they were only celebrating his remaining health. She didn't have any desire to tell him the truth. Didn't have the desire to take away his good cheer, his beautiful smile and his silly, silly, naive hope. There was no way in hell that she'd take any of those things away from him! Not now or ever!
Who wants to live forever?
Who wants to live forever?
Who dares to love forever?
When love must die
They walked through the city looking at the sites, buying trinkets and talking nothings, somethings, maybe and impossibilities. She kept her smile up the whole time even as her heart cracked a little every time she laughed or smiled. Several times she walked away from him to cry a little cry. And she came back each time with a new oddity, or a book. Even some food.
He didn't suspect anything. And the stress pulled at her all the time.
But touch my tears with your lips
Touch my world with your fingertips
And we can have forever
And we can love forever
Forever is our today
Who wants to live forever
Who wants to live forever?
Forever is our today
The stress pulled at her all the time. They were in a park and he'd just spoke lovingly of his future hopes. Breached the idea of something so perfect she broke and cried. Crystals of fear and sadness fled her eyes. And he leant in and kissed them. Asked her if it was wrong of his to ask her the question. How could she tell him the truth? She shook her head and smiled through her teeth.
He reached out a shaking finger and brushed away her last few tears. She said, "Yes." He burst into one of his impossibly cute, wide smiles and for a minute - just one - all was fine. He wasn't dying and they were on a sublime date. She had been recording every moment. For her eternity. Her eternity without him. She would make sure that today would last forever for the both of them.
Who waits forever anyway?
He lay on the starched sheets. She sat bonelessly on the chair next to him, saying it was the smell of disinfectant that made her cry. Telling him as she grasped his cool, limp hand. "It's just the bleach. Honest."She cried harder, faster and breathlessly as she stopped lying to him and herself. "I lied to you." she burst out. "You, you, you, you were ill. Really ill and I didn't want you to know because I wanted you to be happy. I just wanted you to smile. And you lasted longer than they thought and I guess it's because you didn't want to leave me. I kind of hope it was.
"And now you're just sleeping and still holding on even though it must hurt you to stay when you know you need to go.
"I'm telling you now.
"As someone who loves you with every fibre of her being that it's time to go. I can't love you any moe than I do know and it's because of this that I want you - need you to go.
"It's okay. I'll be okay I promise. And I'll wait for you."
Who waits forever anyway?
He let go. The steady life - counting rhythm slowed, slowed and stopped. Unbelievably she smiled through the storm of tears and thanked him. She would wait forever. She hoped he would.
Who waits forever anyway?

I really can't write a happy ending for a Queen song can I?

@happy: love the Ship Wars fic. The droids and wookie steal the fic easy.

[happyturtle]

That broke my heart.

[randman22222]

Curly? Same reaction as when I read Ten Thousand Years.

That was beautiful. (And I don't even like Queen...)

[Cobra_Ikari]

Miss Turtle, I am a huuuuuge fan of your work. Can you...autograph...me....please...one?

[Haruki-kun]

Oh noes! I iz deaded!

[happyturtle]

We should keep a death count:

1. Fresho, killed by Rubakha
2. Haruki-kun Kenobi, killed by Bath Vader
3. ?????

Who's going to be next? Mwahahahahahaha! Only the authoress knows!

[CurlyKitGirl]

That broke my heart.

Curly? Same reaction as when I read Ten Thousand Years.

That was beautiful.

Yay?
I'm the queen of short sweet fics and Queenfics then.
Oh, and that fic was a semi-request/promise to Phoe. I said I'd write one based on her sig verse and most of it is based around that exact verse.

I promise I'll start writing happy fics again!

@people: d'you think I should start editing in the longer/epic fics into the first post for easy reading?

[happyturtle]

If you can just link the first Ship Wars, you don't have to worry about the rest. They're all linked together.

Also, I stuck the first link in my sig cause I'z lazy and didn't want to have to hunt for it.

[Dihan]

Yay?
I'm the queen of short sweet fics and Queenfics then.
Oh, and that fic was a semi-request/promise to Phoe. I said I'd write one based on her sig verse and most of it is based around that exact verse.

I promise I'll start writing happy fics again!

@people: d'you think I should start editing in the longer/epic fics into the first post for easy reading?

If you want a happy one do me and Calamity with "Don't Stop Me Now"

[Lyinginbedmon]

We should keep a death count:

1. Fresho, killed by Rubakha
2. Haruki-kun Kenobi, killed by Bath Vader
3. ?????

Who's going to be next? Mwahahahahahaha! Only the authoress knows!

As I recall, female Lyinginbedmon was shot and killed two other people (The Rose Dragon and Phoekun). So I guess all three get added.

[happyturtle]

As I recall, female Lyinginbedmon was shot and killed two other people (The Rose Dragon and Phoekun). So I guess all three get added.

Ah, I was just doing the death count for Ship Wars.

Speaking of Ship Wars, I still haven't cast you. Any Star Wars characters you particularly identify with? You can pick someone from the prequels too, as long as it isn't He Who Must Not Be Named.

(Some of them are already cast, but I don't want to give away any secrets, so I won't say who!)

(Also, I can totally make up characters to add, like I did with Raistlin and Lex-kat, so any ideas along those lines are welcome too.)

[Moff Chumley]

Can I be the cabbage merchant?

Also, Raistlin, that was pretty awesome.

[Phase]

Yay! Glad to see my inevitable death averted!

*Hums Imperial March throughout insides*