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2009-11-02, 10:05 AM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
This post may contain sarcasm.
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2009-11-02, 11:06 AM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
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2009-11-02, 11:13 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Nov 2006
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- England
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-11-02 at 11:23 AM.
This post may contain sarcasm.
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2009-11-02, 11:23 AM (ISO 8601)
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2009-11-02, 03:00 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Jul 2008
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- Alabama
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Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
REANIMATED ROY x MITD!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Spoiler(In Xykon's tower in the ruined Azure City, in a small purple chamber, MITD, dead Roy, and Redcloak are gathered. Redcloak begins to reanimate Roy)
(Sees the undead Roy rising) Yay! New toy!
Yeah, sure, whatever. Try not to break this one like you did the Power Rangers.
I won't. I promise.
(Redcloak rolls his eyes and leaves)
Ooooh, we're gonna have so much FUN! What do you wanna do first? Play cops and robbers and you're the robber? Play with my Transformer toys?
(is silent, blinking as he tries to understand what's going on)
Awwww. :( You're so sad. You look lonley. I wonder where your friends are?
(tersly) Get away from me, freak. I can only hope that my friends have fled the city.
(snuggles closely) Now, be nice. I promise I won't hurt you.
(thinking) This must be one of Xykon's torture games.
(purring)
Dear Gods, help!
We're gonna have soooooo much fun!!
AAAHHH!!!
I have a headache, so this is what I come up with. :)Last edited by Belkster11; 2009-11-02 at 03:02 PM.
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2009-11-02, 03:16 PM (ISO 8601)
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- May 2009
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Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
Poor Roy.
Now I'm embarassed. I had no idea it'd please so many people.
And emerelder, I find kinky secrets to be the plot most easily believable and in character.
I first read that as "Soon Kim hatefic."
Not sure I'll like it though, as I prefer Haerta with V and only with V.Formerly known as Discord here and Maladin on avatarspirit.net.
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2009-11-02, 03:24 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Nov 2006
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- England
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
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2009-11-02, 03:36 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Feb 2009
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- Alaska
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2009-11-02, 03:42 PM (ISO 8601)
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- May 2009
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Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
Would you believe my original idea was actually this?
But Haley just had more potential, if only because of her not so latent bisexuality (and V wouldn't have stolen from the other patrons to pay his booze). Though, V talking about Kyrie dressing up as Aarindarius at his request would have been funny.
Hm, maybe I'll write a sequel with V walking in on Haley who had finally decided to ask Elan to dress as V...Last edited by Dark Faun; 2009-11-02 at 03:43 PM.
Formerly known as Discord here and Maladin on avatarspirit.net.
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2009-11-02, 03:45 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Oct 2009
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- New York
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Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
Please. Please do this.
Last edited by CoffeeIncluded; 2009-11-02 at 03:46 PM.
My webcomic!
Currently DMing:
Tales of Aequar: Runite's Rise IC
OOC Map
Playing Natalia Bolts,Jadeite Nocrius, and Soren Lowell
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2009-11-02, 03:48 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Feb 2009
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- Alaska
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2009-11-02, 04:04 PM (ISO 8601)
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- May 2007
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- U.K
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
My first attempt at writing something a bit longer. I hope nobody else has done this yet!
Spoiler
Belkar is the first to wake up that morning. He sits straight up in his bedroll, opens his eyes, and closes them again. Then he puts his hands to his head and screams. The rest of the party tumble awake, in various states of confusion and dishevellment.
‘Whazzit? I’m up!’ Roy scrambles to his feet and casts around blindly. ‘Wheresword? Hey!’. He takes a step forward. Something feels odd, but he can’t quite work out what it is yet. ‘Who’s got my sword?’
Haley’s eyes flick open, and she stretches her feet down to the ground in one easy, cat-like movement. ‘I’m awake. Elan, what are you yelling about? And who’s that screaming...’ her voice trails away into nothingness as she looks around her. ‘What the... the world, it's all... Guys, guys, what’s happened?’
Elan jumps to his feet. ‘Haley? Who’s screaming?’ He stumbles. ‘Oof, Is it me, or is the ground a lot closer than it was yesterday?’
‘Sword. Sword! Guys, this isn’t funny, I can’t find my –’
‘In the name of all the infernal spirits, would someone care to inform me as to what sort of ridiculous foolishness has prompted this new chapter of idiocy come to discombobulate us all?!’
Durkon is swaying in place, looking vaguely vertiginous. ‘Thor preserve us! This mus’ be some kinda evil trickery o’the Linear Guild, or...’ He trails off. On the other side of the clearing, the lass is still sitting up in her bedroll and screaming, so he walks around the embers of last night’s fire to comfort her.
‘Dinnae fret, Haley, love. Whatever’s goin’ on, we’ll get to the bottom of it, an –’ He is stunned as she reaches out to slap his hand away from her shoulder.
‘I’m not Haley, you stupid beard-faced moron!’ his team-mate snarls through beautiful cream-skinned features, the accent and tone of her voice completely altered. ‘It’s me, jerkass!’.
‘Belkar?!?’
This time, three or four people all start screaming at once as the reality of what has happened sets in. The person who now looks like Belkar is the first to recover, walking across the clearing with a measured glide that seems totally out-of-place on the halfling’s body. ‘Master Thundershield. I believe that I have arrived at a hypothesis as to our situation. I fear that we may have been the victims of some sort of appalling homebrewed polymorph spell.’
‘You mean - ?’ Roy, who has now been re-united with his sword, clutches it tightly and then pushes back the sheaf of thick blond hair that’s unexpectedly tumbled into his eyes with a twitch of horror.
‘I am afraid so. We have been... body-swapped.’
‘Righ’, righ’,’ Durkon fights down a rising tide of panic. He looks distractedly down at the hand he that he has just been using to try to comfort the person that he thought was Haley, and registers the size and the warm brown of the skin. ‘So I’m guessin’ I’ve been turned intae Roy then.’
With a small shrug of defeat, Roy lowers his sword, which is now a little too heavy for him to hold en garde. ‘And I’m Elan. Great. ’
V nods hir small, cropped-ginger head. ‘It appears you are correct. From the relative position of the ground to my eye level, as well as the fact that I appear to be clean-shaven and am not wearing armour, I would surmise that I am currently occupying the halfling’s body.’ Ze gives a small, involuntary shudder.
‘Yeah, and you’d better take good care of it, Ears, or I’ll – ’ A truly horrible smile spreads across Haley’s features. ‘And what do you know? I’m Haley, aren’t I? ’ He jumps to his feet. ‘Right, if you boys will excuse me, I’m just off to –’
The person who looks like Durkon lurches across the clearing on legs that are suddenly far too shortfor him. ‘Belkar! Don’t you even think about doing anything horrible to Haley’s body, or I’ll, I’ll – ’
Vaarsuvius is faster. With new reflexes, ze whips one of Belkar’s daggers from his belt, and buries the point an inch deep into hir new body’s left hand without flinching. Ze holds it up, dripping, to get the halfling’s attention. ‘Belkar. From now until the moment we achieve the undoing of this spell, you will remain within my direct line of sight at all times. If you fail to do this, or if any of us have any other reason to suspect you of any other untoward activity towards Miss Starshine’s body, I shall use this dagger to cut off one finger for every minute for which you are unaccountable. If you are absent for a sufficient amount of time that I should run out of fingers, I shall move on to...’ the elf’s gaze travels downwards ‘... other body parts’.
‘And ye needn’t think I’ll be healin’ ye, neither!’ Durkon’s glare, it turns out, is a lot more intimidating when it’s coming from a height of six foot six inches.
‘Thanks, V!’ Durkon’s face breaks into Elan’s disarmingly sunny grin. Then he looks around him. ‘Hey, hang on a minute. If I’m – ’ his hand travels up to his face and pats the beard, just to make sure – ‘if I’m Durkon, and Durkon’s Roy, and Belkar’s Haley, and V, you’re Belkar, and, and, I’m confused...’
‘I’m you,’ Roy puts in helpfully.
‘Right, and Roy’s me... where’s Haley?’
They all turn at the same time. On far side of the clearing, a deeply disturbing sight meets their eyes. Sitting in a small patch of clover, pink eyes unfocused and vacant, giggling mindlessly and trying to pet a butterfly that’s landed on one outstretched hand, is the body of the ancient arcane mage Vaarsuvius.
To be continued...
Last edited by esmerelder; 2009-11-02 at 04:10 PM.
Many thanks, blue silk handkerchiefs, and small inarticulate hedgehog noises to Funky Goose for the sig banner!
Even more thanks to half-halfling for the adorable avatar, which is from this comic!
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2009-11-02, 04:09 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Oct 2009
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- New York
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Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
... *Falls over in laughter*
My webcomic!
Currently DMing:
Tales of Aequar: Runite's Rise IC
OOC Map
Playing Natalia Bolts,Jadeite Nocrius, and Soren Lowell
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2009-11-02, 04:13 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2006
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- England
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-11-02 at 04:15 PM.
This post may contain sarcasm.
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2009-11-02, 04:16 PM (ISO 8601)
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- May 2009
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Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
Did Durkon call (who he thought was) Haley "love"?
There's something incredibly cute about the last paragraph. And it's logical Haley gets to be V, since she's the only one who knows V's gender (how, I wonder ).
As for my sequel, since it'll be from V's point of view, I'll go reread Kaytara's awesome An Alternate Angle to get the vocabulary right.Formerly known as Discord here and Maladin on avatarspirit.net.
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2009-11-02, 04:21 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Nov 2006
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- England
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
*hands Discord a Thesaurus*
Just in case... you know.This post may contain sarcasm.
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2009-11-02, 04:25 PM (ISO 8601)
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- May 2009
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Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
Wait a minute... No gender... Inhuman vocabulary... Values power (knowledge is power!) over anything else...
V's a polymorphed, awakened thesaurus!
Either that or he kept making out with Aarindarius' dictionary when he wasn't looking (and with Aarindarius himself when he was ).Formerly known as Discord here and Maladin on avatarspirit.net.
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2009-11-02, 04:27 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Nov 2006
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- England
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
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2009-11-02, 04:32 PM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
All my inspiration is taken trying to update Unlife.
V x A must have been canon though. Two people stuck alone in the same tower for a century? Yum!Formerly known as Discord here and Maladin on avatarspirit.net.
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2009-11-02, 04:41 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Nov 2006
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- England
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-11-02 at 04:42 PM.
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2009-11-02, 04:47 PM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
Well, teacher/student romance was most certainly a trope in ancient Greece.
"Aarindarius, where do babies come from?"
"I will show you. Come to my bedroom. "Formerly known as Discord here and Maladin on avatarspirit.net.
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2009-11-02, 04:54 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Nov 2006
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- England
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
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2009-11-02, 04:57 PM (ISO 8601)
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2009-11-02, 04:58 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Nov 2006
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Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-11-02 at 05:02 PM.
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2009-11-02, 05:13 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Aug 2009
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- Among the spiders
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Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
Betrayal? Which are you talking about?
No regeneration. Just an author who types on autopilot.
Holy crap, I was actually thinking that when I was writing it! XD
But he's not a creepy stalker who thirsts for V's blood, so I think that Vaarsuvius is pretty safe.
(V is angry enough about the pregnancy; I hope for Reddy's sake that no one will have to bite through her uterus after she breaks her spine giving birth.)
This makes me really want to figure out what kind of kid their child would be. How s/he grows up would depend largely on what happens between hir parents and how the conflict with the Snarl gets figured out. There'd be a natural predilection for magic, intellectualism, and she'd be smart (although, this stuff may not be genetic)... Assuming Vaarsuvius is the one raising the kid, how could V deal with being a mother? I mean, V may make the opposite mistake as her parents and give too little love and affection... But what if she actually recognizes her child's need for it and tries to get over her aversion to closeness and gratuitous touching?
But besides that, great picture. ^.^
Hmmmm... *smirks* *scuttles off*
Thank you. ^.^ I don't know, they just fit together surprisingly easily.
But I'm not sure I understand the last part...
I know you were talking to Discord, but I'm probably going to try my hand at this anyway. For some reason, I like writing student/teacher (with father/daughter overtones) relationships. It's fun to write with or without mixing sexual tension into it.
Anyway, I'm still hoping for more ideas on how people will react to V's pregnancy. (Also, I'm including reactions from Inky and Aandy. Those would be nice. I may or may not need them, but I'd like to be sure I'm properly figuring them out just in case.) I think everyone, involved or not, has some sort of stake in this. (Haley considers herself really close to V, Roy would have to figure out how to deal with a pregnant spell caster, Xykon would find it extremely amusing that his little Reddy ((who is technically still a teenager)) got his girlfriend knocked up by accident for the first time, Aarindarius will have to come to terms with the fact that an elf he practically sees as a daughter has been impregnated by a goblin who is trying to kill her...)Last edited by Water-Smurf; 2009-11-02 at 05:22 PM.
Spoiler
The April Squickies Award for Best Crack Pairing Story
Thank you so much to Kaytara for the avatar! It's of Redcloak's and Vaarsuvius's love child.
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2009-11-02, 05:20 PM (ISO 8601)
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- May 2009
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Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
OtOoPCs
SpoilerAarindarius kicking V out.
Unless by "which", you mean there were more than one betrayal? Then I don't know about the second one, but I'm sure it'll be oh so squicky and sexual.
I know you were talking to Discord, but I'm probably going to try my hand at this anyway.
But I have no idea for reactions except trying to kill Recloak for various reasons.
Other than the fact it was probably long before V met Inkyrius (unless Aarindarius kept Inkyrius around for... "baking" ), what Kyrie doesn't know can't hurt him.
V, I've got many ranks in Use Magic Device. Any chance you have a few scrolls lyring around? Elan's just too gentle.Last edited by Dark Faun; 2009-11-02 at 05:24 PM.
Formerly known as Discord here and Maladin on avatarspirit.net.
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2009-11-02, 05:27 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Nov 2006
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- England
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
Somehow, I can imagine V getting a crush on 'Darius. Maybe that's what made 'Dari realize V needed to start seeing other people?
Aarindarius will have to come to terms with the fact that an elf he practically sees as a daughter has been impregnated by a goblin who is trying to kill her...)
Aarindarius would sit V down and have a serious talk with V regarding all the implications of the pregnancy, in the stern-but-caring way that some teachers/parental figures do. I think he'd let V make her own decision, but depending on his view on goblins and cross-species relationships, he might strongly try to persuade V one way or the other.
By this point, Inkyrius is fed up with V. It would take a lot of makingoutup before Inky even considered letting the wizard back into his life. It's hard to judge his personality; if V went back to him because she had nowhere else to go, he might help. But more likely he'd just point her in the direction of Aarindarius' tower.
Durkon, judging be his reaction to that illusion, would blame himself, both for what had happened and for not having talked to V or worked out what was wrong sooner. Even if/when he found out that it was consensual, he'd still try to keep Reddy away from V, thinking that the goblin had tricked V somehow.
I meant V's affinity for using those spells; whether Inky happily embraced the benefits of being married to a wizard, or whether V ended upsleepingtrancing on the couch for the rest of the week.Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-11-03 at 12:39 PM.
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2009-11-02, 06:04 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Jun 2009
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- Minnesota, ya?
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2009-11-02, 06:15 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Nov 2006
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- England
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
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2009-11-02, 07:19 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Mar 2009
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.
If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).
The best answer is always to ask your DM.
Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.