Results 271 to 300 of 1474
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2009-11-05, 02:05 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2008
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
While my hate sustains me, once you've had him tortured by an archdevil there is really no way to top it.
I think I'll go back to crack, I'm sick of hate at the moment.Nadir We,
Youth Born,
Blood Letters,
Axe Weilders,
Victors Still.
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2009-11-05, 02:11 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2009
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
Vaarsuvius x Morathi?
Our favorite elf deserves the most beautiful elf in the world of Warhammer. Sure, she's pure evil, crazy with power, manipulative to a fault and would probably sleep with her own son if he wasn't encased in an armor for eternity, but those are the things people in love look past...Last edited by Dark Faun; 2009-11-05 at 02:12 AM.
Formerly known as Discord here and Maladin on avatarspirit.net.
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2009-11-05, 02:13 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2008
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
Soul-spliced V X Morathi! (I was going to do Gotrek as a joke, but that's a much better idea).
Allrighty then. *Cracks knuckles*
Never tried to write V, so we'll see.
Also, not to self. Have Belkar kidnapped by Slaanesh.Last edited by Cracklord; 2009-11-05 at 02:14 AM.
Nadir We,
Youth Born,
Blood Letters,
Axe Weilders,
Victors Still.
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2009-11-05, 02:25 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
- Location
- Colorado Springs
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0042.html You know that attention is exactly what Belkar wants right?
SpoilerIt is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and furry, signifying nothing. But enough about your story of your first child's death, you could all use an update on my problems.
To who ever starts another thread about Belkar's death, To the last I grapple with thee... from Hell's heart I stab at thee... For hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee.
Dread Cthulu wills that "Belkar-style lip-based assault" shall enter popular parlance! Remember kids, when in doubt, set something on fire.
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2009-11-05, 04:56 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2008
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
You don't know... much about 'She who thirsts,' do you?
Request By Discord
Rough, but it gets the point across. Will be followed by a sequel, tomorrow, and perhaps a few others of the Order stumbling about in the maze.
SpoilerGirard’s gate was a maze, of passageways and tunnels, underground caverns and rooms that had never seen the sun, what seemed the work of thousands of years of excavating the stone bedrock. They stretched for miles beneath the desert, and perhaps one could walk among them forever, never again finding the way to the surface.
No one seemed to be able to make their eyes adjust to the darkness except Durkon, who somehow picked his way through the maze of tunnels and passages with unerring skill, never so much as making a misstep or wrong turn. Varsuvius couldn’t tell how deep they were or which way they were going, and was left groping ineffectually and stumbling in the murk.
The weak, cold light the Torch Roy was holding gave was enough to ensure you did not bump into walls, but details were lost on him, blurring into indistinct shapes, and he could barely make out the figures of the rest of the Order ahead.
Roy was still. The maze split up into five doors of dark wood, two to the left, two to the right, and one directly ahead. Door rings of polished gold gleamed even in the murk. Roy regarded each of them in turn. As he did, he could not shake the nagging sensation he was being watched, but he could not pinpoint the source.
“The doors are identical.” Roy said at last, with a sigh. “No telltale footprints in the dust, no scratches, no big neon sign pointing the way, nothing.”
“Well of course, Roy.” Elan said, as though explaining simple logic to a six year old. “Having gone to the trouble of making five separate paths, why would he give hints of which one to pick?”
Roy opened his mouth to rebut Elan’s comment on dramatic necessity… and closed it when he realized that wasn’t what the bard had said. “Would be nice.” He muttered at last.
“It dosnae matte’ which yin.” Durkon said slowly, staring ahead. “they all lead ta’ the center.”
Everyone gaped.
“How do you know that?” Haley asked at last.
Durkon pointed. “Says sae up yon.” He said, pointing at the barely perceptible scratches in some unfamiliar pattern above the doors they had all taken for blemishes “In Draconic.”
Roy straightened. “So we don’t have to split-up?”
Durkon’s gaze drifted down to his feet. “Wellll…”
Elan jumped in. “Of course we do. Why else would there be five doors? To force us all to take separate directions!”
“It should present no real difficulty. A maze is simply an exercise of mental strength and agility. I am doubtful to whether it will present a real challenge.”
‘Och, I wouldnae be sae hasty. Girard buil’ a maze so subtle and complex, he himself was lost within. Think on that.”
“Blah, blah, blah. Blah. Spare me your cryptic bull****. What you mean is you don’t have a clue what to expect.” With that, Belkar stormed over and grabbed at a door at random, but Durkon intercepted his hand. “This isnae a test ‘o feets, but a test o’ tha mind. It’s alive. It will study ye as ye get tae ken it, and if’n ye let it, it’ll kill ye.”
“It’ll kill me if I let it? That’s meant to be scary, is it? What sort of a devious trap is that supposed to be?”
“Worst kind there is.” Durkon replied, but Belkar ignored him and stormed through the door, his cat following him.
The door slammed closed behind him, and wouldn’t open even to Roy’s boulder-like muscles and open anything key (his sword). At last he gave up, shrugged, and went through the centre one, whistling and doing his best to put on a brave face and appear nonchalant.
Then Durkon went, and Haley and Elan subjected the remaining member to a long make-out session before separating at last and splitting up, leaving V to go through the last door.
Varsuvius recognized this place. Cold suffused him, nipping the flesh under his robe with goose bumps, and making him shiver. His teeth chattered loudly, despite his attempts to lock his jaw and force it to stop..
Varsuvius moved through the tunnel with sure and easy steps, eagerness without hurry. Then his eyes snapped open, and then stopped.
A woman was gracefully descending towards Vaarsuvius, clad in slinky black robes of silk and leather placed strategically to attract rather than discourage attention, and to be very enticing. She was tall and regal, with features that seemed cruel even from a distance, but more then that she was beautiful.
Unlike the other beings of her sort V had seen studying with Aarandius, whose beauty was clearly unnatural, the woman’s appearance, while beyond words, was (just) within the scope of mortal possibility. Her body managed to exceed every desire V could conceive, and she moved with an easy, slinky grace that made Varsuvius feel uncomfortably hot.
She has large luminous green eyes, slanting gently, that glimmered with an inhuman intellect and cut through Varsuvius like a knife. A sinister smirk perpetually flickered on her face, setting of warning vibes and making Varsuvius question her sanity. White hair fell past her waist, wound with silver wire and delicate barbs and hooks.
Varsuvius drew herself up and cocked his head. "Unless you make your identity plain instantaneously I shall be obliged to end you." He said, eyes narrowing and electricity crackling around her fingers menacingly.
The elven women shook her head. “Tell me,” She belled imperiously, with a voice that communicated only pleasure. “Are you always so arrogant, or is it just because there are a trio of souls wrapped around you heart?”
V flinched, then looked down to see herself dressed in black robes again. Her skin was pale and veined with thick dark ropes full to bursting with corruption. Even her hair had spread wild, in a thick, tangled cascade down to the small of his back.
V screamed, as a rough susurrus of voices began to whisper in his ear, promising worship, adoration, bloodshed. “We will cloth you in the dust of empires.” They sang. “We will bathe you in the blood of nations. Through you we shall beat out a dirge on the surface of the world, and bear you away to those beyond this one.”
At this, Vaasuvuis did scream, and she staggered forward… and they were gone, gone as though they’d never been. He was back to normal. His robe was once more a drab, faded, tattered red, her hair was once more bound, and the voices were gone.
He inhaled, then noticed a tang on the air. Smoke. Salt, copper and iron. A smell like roasting pork.
“Help—” A man started to say, dressed in the Azure City livery, before a piece of fallen masonry crashed into his back, toppling him over. He gurgled as he died.
The next was run through behind. Blood pumped through the ragged wound, at first in a huge gush that dwindled as shock set in. He gibbered through the pain, his eyes glazed over. It was doubtful a single coherent word would escape his lips before his body finally succumbed to shock, and he died. His arms convulsed as his muscles contracted, and his lips moved as sounds gurgled out of his lips.
The blood pooled beneath his still twitching corpse.
The women who’d been begging him just seconds… back then… died last, stabbed in the back almost as an afterthought, as though she wasn’t even worth it.
“Elf, if you’re still here…” She started to say, but V took one agonized step forward towards the women, and pulled up short. Kyrie. Oh, great elven gods no, not this. Kyrie was standing in front, eyes steely, hand grasped determinedly on a simple piece of wood, although what the baker intended to do with it was beyond Vaarsuvius.
“Get away from us!” The baker shouted, waving it almost, but not quite, exactly the wrong way.
“Monster!” Vaarsuvius's mate continued, waving the stick. Worse were the children, who simply stood there, shocked faces showing neither understanding nor acceptance, nothing but cold fear.
“I did it for you.” Vaarsuvius sobbed, but they didn’t hear or didn’t care. The words were as good as raining blows, V whimpered further and curled tighter, pressing her head to his knees.
Then the woman's voice from before intruded again. The visions were gone, and the women was standing above, smiling in a slightly mocking fashion.
“You’ve suffered so much.” She said.
“Just leave me alone.”
“Oh, that won’t do you any good. It’s not enough for it to stop, you want it to end.”
“Yes…”
“Well. Maybe we can come to an agreement…”
“There is nothing you can offer me I don’t already have.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure of that.” Replied the women huskily. “I can help you forget. I can give you a new start. I can make them adore you, fall to their knees willingly and worship you. Beg you to accept their forgiveness.” She slowed, letting that tempting offer sink in.
“And some things are transient but pleasurable.” She added, punctuating her comment by rolling her tongue across her teeth.
Suddenly V’s skin felt two sizes too tight. The pain was gone, the sadness, the hurt all had never existed. A way out. It seemed too good to be true.
“What do I have to do?”
“Just follow me…” The women said, swaying her hips suggestively.
V watched her go, mind awhirl. A certain longing wanted to press on, even if it meant facing more of this, and get to the gate. But he couldn’t. All his magic, his obsession with power has all been about one thing. At the end of the day, she just wants to make it all go away. And desire, whether for power or other, baser needs, was a powerful motivator.
Sighing, with one last regretful look, she follows the women, into the eternal night.
"Forgive me Kyrie, and don't judge me too harshly. I was never as strong as I liked to think"
Now, to explain Slaanesh, as if I bring in Morathi such a thing is going to come in. Slaanesh is a god of hedonism. Do whatever feels good. Better strangle a babe in the cradle then die unfulfilled. For a start.
His followers take drugs, but as their body acclimatizes they are forced to take stronger ones and more of them to remain in that constant high. And do increasingly terrible things, going from simple sex, to BDSM, to sado-Masochism, to having toys I don't want to remember.
Until at last no sensation (no matter how perverted. This is the point where your eating babies and bathing in blood with children related to you.) moves you beyond superficially and you spend every moment working just for that.
And then nothing pushes you over the edge, and you still have to work for that, because every second you don't your in withdrawal pains.
And it gets worse.
So yes, Belkar would like working for Slaanesh early on. But then, so would everyone. In a deal with the devil, only the devil wins.Nadir We,
Youth Born,
Blood Letters,
Axe Weilders,
Victors Still.
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2009-11-05, 06:24 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2009
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
A few typos here and there ("the women said" for example), and the gender swap can be a little confusing, but I loved it.
A little light on Morathi:
SpoilerA worshipper of Slaanesh, the first high elven king saved her from a warband and, enthralled by her beauty, married her. As the queen of the high elves, she subtly corrupted their society with hedonistic vices until a civil war broke out when her own son, Malekith, denounced her and her followers as a sect. But she had actually bred her son to become the new leader of the high elves and it was all a cunning plan which, ultimately, failed when Malekith was rejected by the fiery trials that chose who would be the king of the high elves. Morathi fled with her burnt son and nursed him back to health, though to survive he had to be encased in a magical armor. Now the only (vaguely) trusted advisor of the supreme leader of those who would from now on be called dark elves, she made sure to corrupt her new society with Slaanesh's taints once again. She's the personification of lust, second only to the demons of Slaanesh themselves.
Oh, and she's the most beautiful woman on the entire planet. Lucky Vaarsuvius.
If it turns out it spoils your story in some way, Cracklord, I'll remove this spoiler.Last edited by Dark Faun; 2009-11-05 at 06:28 AM.
Formerly known as Discord here and Maladin on avatarspirit.net.
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2009-11-05, 06:32 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2007
- Location
- Texas...for now
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
Considering joining this, but this being GitP I'm a bit worried. Could somebody PM me a couple of the more NSFW examples so I know where the upper limit on content lies?
Though given the first pairing I rolled, I don't think it's even possible for me to go beyond PG-13...[/sarcasm]
FAQ is not RAW!Avatar by the incredible CrimsonAngel.
Saph:It's surprising how many problems can be solved by one druid spell combined with enough aggression.
I play primarily 3.5 D&D. Most of my advice will be based off of this. If my advice doesn't apply, specify a version in your post.
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2009-11-05, 06:34 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2009
- Location
- New York
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
That is...Well, I sincerely hope you don't make V insane at the end of this.
My webcomic!
Currently DMing:
Tales of Aequar: Runite's Rise IC
OOC Map
Playing Natalia Bolts,Jadeite Nocrius, and Soren Lowell
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2009-11-05, 07:32 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2008
- Location
- UK
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
And once more, Cracklord lives up to his name.
I'm now taking suggestions for categories for the Squickies - once we have enough, we'll start looking for nominees. It make things easier if we could have suggestions arranged like
Author Category:
Best Series - A crack story that stretches over 3 or more episodes
Best Newcomer - Awarded to an author that has so far only written one story (and we hope will write more)
Most Romantic Story - Pure fresh squeezed "awwwwww".
Most Disturbing Story - Pure fresh squeezed "ohgodmakeitstop". Arguably the most coveted award.
Character Category:
The "Playa" award - Given to the character that treats fellow lovers as disposable pleasures, en masse.
The "Village Bike" award - Given to the character that has starred in the most stories. Pretty much a forgone conclusion....
The "Tainted Love" award - Given to the character that treats the object of their lust with the same care and attention as the Marquis De Sade.
Not a complete list of categories but a few more would be welcome. Suggestions for judges would be good, however for reasons of fairness, judges would automatically be disqualified from the author awards. Judges would also be in charge of writing the acceptance speeches/stories for the Character Categories....
Roll out the red carpet!
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2009-11-05, 10:37 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jul 2008
- Location
- Land of Clocks and Stars
- Gender
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2009-11-05, 10:58 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2006
- Location
- England
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
*gives Internet chicken noodle soup*
*hugs*
Aarindarius nodded slowly, frowning at his tea. “Take care of your children, Inkyrius. I think that I am going to try to find out more about what my old apprentice has been doing for these past few years.”
Up above, a creature that hadn’t disappeared with the others continued cradling whatever was bundled in the blankets, humming ever so softly and watching the lovers with black eyes.
I really need to wonder if I'm a sadist/sociopath. I'm practically quivering in anticipation for making these guys suffer. I probably overdid the 'holycrapI'minsane' scene, but meh.
I wonder if I can pull off making in-character Vaarsuvius cry...
Dragons can breed with anything.
Obviously, that means they will breed with anything!Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-11-05 at 11:12 AM.
This post may contain sarcasm.
DeviantArt
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2009-11-05, 10:59 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2008
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
Since I don't stand a chance of winning anything, I'm willing to be a judge, if need be.
Anemoia: Nostalgia for a time you've never known.
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2009-11-05, 11:40 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2009
- Location
- Where the dragons are
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
Dragons can breed with anything.
Obviously, that means they will breed with anything!
Why is it that i am so obsessed with dragons?
And why in the world do i find the ABD more attractive than human females?
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2009-11-05, 11:56 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2008
- Location
- UK
- Gender
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2009-11-05, 11:57 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2008
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
You put too much thought into that answer...
Anemoia: Nostalgia for a time you've never known.
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2009-11-05, 12:08 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2009
- Location
- Alaska
- Gender
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2009-11-05, 12:12 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2006
- Location
- England
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
This post may contain sarcasm.
DeviantArt
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2009-11-05, 12:13 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2004
- Location
- Somewhere in NL
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
OK, after today's comic (#688), it is obvious that there is a pairing that MUST be explored:
ABD x Dune-esque SandWorm!
(yes, I am insane, why do you ask?)JoseB
o/` Ooooh, sweet mystery of liiiiiIIIIIiiife... o/`
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2009-11-05, 12:15 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2009
- Location
- Where the dragons are
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
Oh. This i have to see.
...*Runs away from a group of overzealous dragonslayers*
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2009-11-05, 12:17 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2009
- Location
- Alaska
- Gender
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2009-11-05, 12:18 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2006
- Location
- England
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-11-05 at 12:19 PM.
This post may contain sarcasm.
DeviantArt
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2009-11-05, 12:28 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2008
- Location
- UK
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
Hmmm.....a few more categories....
Author Category
Best Short Story - 300 words or less of quality crackfic.
Character Category
The "If Only..." award: Awarded to a crack pairing that should have made it into the main strip, were it not for cruel chance, self restraint and/or the Obscene Publications Act.
The "Outside the Box" award: Awarded to a character who doesn't feel hemmed in by social convention and is willing to experiment with different species or even objects and animals.
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2009-11-05, 12:43 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2009
- Location
- Alaska
- Gender
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2009-11-05, 12:48 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2006
- Location
- England
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
This post may contain sarcasm.
DeviantArt
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2009-11-05, 01:51 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jul 2008
- Location
- Germany
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
*joins in in hug-Water-Smurf, even despite the fact that her recovery will herald the end of an awesome crackfic update rate*
You know, not that we're lacking in competition here, but I think you should upload the Belkar x V fics here. :) You know, for completeness of the archive. :)
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2009-11-05, 02:01 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2006
- Location
- England
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-11-05 at 02:15 PM.
This post may contain sarcasm.
DeviantArt
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2009-11-05, 02:16 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2009
- Location
- Where the dragons are
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
Gah! Damn it ABD, why do you have to be sexy?
Can't...resist...darn...it...losing...control...fe els like i'm....being...brainwashed or...something. *Tries to grope the ABD*
...
...
...Uh-oh...
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2009-11-05, 02:22 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jul 2008
- Location
- Germany
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
....
..........
...How about directing some of that... energy... into actually writing something?
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2009-11-05, 02:29 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2006
- Location
- England
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
Here's some inspiration:
http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0188.htmlThis post may contain sarcasm.
DeviantArt
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2009-11-05, 02:34 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jul 2008
- Location
- Land of Clocks and Stars
- Gender