"What did you just say?"

[golentan]

I had a doozy a while back.

"So, what you're basically saying is that if you know the cheat codes you can bypass god and get candy?"

[ClockShock]

Girl A: I prefer Jimmy, it's only four letters.
Girl B: Yeah, but so's James.
...
Girl B: Wait, Jimmy is five letters.
Girl A: Whatever.

[absolmorph]

"...San Francisco 69ers..."
This was said in Disneyland... By one of a group of teenagers. You can imagine how we reacted.
It's been at least a year, and it still occasionally comes up.

[Castaras]

Male: "Is the United States of America the same as the United Kingdom?"
Female: "Duh, they both start with 'United'"

RAGHGGHHGHGHHHHHHAHHAGHAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

*ahem*

[Lord of Rapture]

Me: What? You have a flag on your tower?
Friend: Yeah, so?
Me: The teacher specifically stated that we had to make the tower using only geometric solids.
Friend: Yeah, but...
Me: Sorry, but I'm afraid I have to declare this tower HERESY!

[Vaynor]

your forgetting wells. If you have a well and the power goes out, then your outta water. unless its like a propane or natural gas driven well.

So yeah, it is quite reasonable statement.

Or, you know, a well powered by a bucket.

[Mathis]

This isn't something I've heard, but something I've said. And I'm sure it deprived those who listened of more than a few brain cells.

Me: "I did not care for the Godfather."
Everyone who listened: *Dead silence*.

[Starbuck_II]

Spoiler

Show

It's a faaaaake!

Anyway, this site is relevant to the discussion. Sandly, I cannot think of anything I've heard personally at the moment.

It's a real! Can't you see it is real to me!

[Tequila Sunrise]

Man on bus: "I didn't quit, I just stopped going"

Fixed that for you.

Sometimes I really wonder about the intelligence of my fellow humans

So do I.

[Amiel]

Fixed that for you.

Man on bus: "I didn't quit, I just stopping going"

Fixed it for you. I'm just relaying what I heard

[Graymayre]

Friend: "I'm not entirely convinced that evolution exists."

[Serpentine]

Oh! One that comes up repeatedly in anti-climate change assaults (paraphrased): "The idea that carbon dioxide could be harmful is ludicrous! It's a natural gas and/or only makes up a tiny percentage of the atmosphere!"
I wonder whether they've tested this theory. Say, but sticking their heads in a plastic bag...

[Crimmy]

Oh! One that comes up repeatedly in anti-climate change assaults (paraphrased): "The idea that carbon dioxide could be harmful is ludicrous! It's a natural gas and/or only makes up a tiny percentage of the atmosphere!"
I wonder whether they've tested this theory. Say, but sticking their heads in a plastic bag...

I would like to propose two subjects for this experiment. They have the same thoughts, y'know, and as such, I daresay they would survive the plastic bag. (Though I hope they don't.)

[Remmirath]

The worst one I heard was when I was visiting a zoo. I no longer recall which one, though I'm thinking it might've been Washington DC.

Anyhow. It was a few years ago, so I no longer remember the conversation exactly, but it went something like this:

Kid: Daddy, what do giraffes eat?
Father (perfectly serious): Anything in sight.
Kid: Would they eat the roofs off of houses?
Father: Yes, that's why they have such long necks.
Kid (scared): Do they eat people?!
Father (still dead serious): They're carnivores. They'll eat anything.

We later saw these two in the gift shop area, where they were still talking in this vein in a perfectly serious manner. I believe the same man mis-identified several animals despite the signs, but I don't remember those well enough to relate them.
I hope it was all a very subtle joke.

Oh! Also, while taking a tour in Mammoth Cave...

Tour Guide: -Talks about the room we're in, the formations, et cetera-
Kid (interrupting out of the blue): Can we touch the bodies now?
Tour Guide: ... What?
Kid: When are we going to touch the bodies?
Tour Guide: ... There aren't any bodies.
Kid: My parents said we were going to touch the bodies!

I do not think the tour guide even knew what to say to that. I know I wouldn't've. Creepy kid. And yes, the parents were right there and did not appear surprised or make an attempt to quiet the kid down.

[Serpentine]

...bodies?

[Remmirath]

Yeah, it was pretty weird. I'm relatively certain from the way he said it all that he meant it as in 'corpses'.
Which is just... odd. I've no idea where that came from.

[The Vorpal Tribble]

I do not think the tour guide even knew what to say to that. I know I wouldn't've. Creepy kid. And yes, the parents were right there and did not appear surprised or make an attempt to quiet the kid down.

Oh man, I would have had SO much fun with them

[Pyrian]

Presumably they thought there were mammoths.

[Crimmy]

Easy. Take a shotgun, blow his parent's heads. And then he can touch the bodies.

Simple.

[Thajocoth]

no one like diet, that way lies madness.

My mom & bro both prefer diet.

Girl on phone: "I can't hear cos I've got the sun in my eyes"

I doubt this to be the case, but they could be synesthetic.

-----

In line at McDonald's:
Girl 1: "I don't think I can eat anything here, since I don't eat meat anymore."
Girl 2: "You could get a salad or a wrap."
Girl 3: "Or a fish sandwich."
Girl 2: "Yeah, that'd work."
Girl 1: "No I don't eat fish anymore either. Oh, I could just get chicken."
Girl 2: "Um, you know chicken is meat, right?"
Girl 1: "No, I just don't eat meat or fish anymore. Chicken is fine."

I figured out at this point she meant "beef", not "meat".

Then I ordered and didn't here the next conversation segment, but after I did so I heard:

Girl 1: "Well, now that you've ruined salads for me too..."

[Amiel]

Schoolgirl after seeing a friend being kissed by a boyfriend: "You two kiss too much. What if you vomit?"
---
Girls sitting on train: "Tupperware is so in right now. If you take a sandwich to school it's so not cool. Salad all the way"
Girl 2: "Seriously?"
---
Girl: "It took Activision three years to get Kurt Cobain on Guitar Hero"
Girl 2: "Why couldn't they just ask him?"
---
Guy: "Help! I can't swim. Could someone throw me a stick?"
---
Woman on phone: "She's vegetarian, so can you pick up some chicken breasts to put on the BBQ?"
---
Girl: "Where's Cairns?"
Guy: "Where do you think it is?"
Girl: "Where all the politics and stuff are?"
---
Girl 1: "I don't get it. Do trains have steering wheels?"
Girl 2: "Yeah, I'm not sure either"
Girl 3: "I don't think so"
Girl 1: "So what does the driver do then?"
Girl 3: "I think he just makes it go forwards and backwards"
---
Girl 1: "I just bought myself a new iPod. I can't believe how heavy it is"
Girl 2: "Yes, it is heavy"
Girl 1: "Does it get heavier when I load my songs and photos on to it?"
---
Colleague when asked how the day was going: "Not bad for a Wednesday...except it's Thursday of course"
---
Girl 1: "I wish raindrops made music"
Girl 2: "I don't. Can you imagine trying to sleep with rain music all the time?"
---
Train guard: "I don't usually make announcements like this, but someone is eating takeaway food in the first carriage and the smell here in the cab is abominable"
---
Girl at Mexican restaurant: "Why are the black beans green?"
Friend: "Uh, that's the guacamole"
---
Woman on crowded train: "Do you mind standing so I can sit down?"
Man: "Unfortunately, you are not elderly, pregnant or smokin' hot, so no"

[Innis Cabal]

Girl 1: "I wish raindrops made music"
Girl 2: "I don't. Can you imagine trying to sleep with rain music all the time?"

Whats so odd about this one exactly? If it rained and made music when it rained...I'd agree with girl 2. That would be awful.

[Amiel]

It was probably so out of left field. As something that a normally high person would say.

[Serpentine]

Woman on crowded train: "Do you mind standing so I can sit down?"
Man: "Unfortunately, you are not elderly, pregnant or smokin' hot, so no"

BAM

Have I mentioned the conversations I've had with my fellow postgraduate man? Here's the conversations, as close as I can remember them, with summaries where actual quotes can't be remembered (quotation marks in these indicate the words he actually used):

Him: *tells me the exciting, "scandalous" news that his supervisor is a lesbian*
Me: *somethin', can't remember*
Him: "And there's this thing over here... this thing... the woman has this... "allee" something..." *drags me over there to see* "I think the rainbow is a gay thing" *shows me an "allyUNE" sign this woman has. I actually hadn't noticed it before, for some reason*
Me: "Oh, "Ally UNE". Must be a new Queer support group thing. Cool."
Him: "Mm." *talks about other stuff, can't remember what* "And this girl here. She's not... she isn't... is she..."
Me: "She's a lesbian, yeah."
Him: "Oh."

This other one came the week after I talked to him about my ex-friend (whom it turned out he knew from her work), the circumstances of the end of our friendship, end of my last relationship, etc. So he knew a lot about that situation.
Him: "I saw [ex-friend]. At her desk. Her boyfriend comes in a lot. He visits her a lot. Sits with her."
Me (in my "I don't want to talk about it" voice): "Yeah, I know. He's my ex-boyfriend."
Him: "Oh. Yeah, he sits next to her all the time, gazes lovingly at her... He gazes at her lovingly... He visits her at work a lot."
Me (in my "what the hell?" sarcasm voice, turning my back on him): "Yeah, thanks."
Him: *continues in the same line for several minutes*
Me: *ignores him until he goes away*

[neoseph7]

From a friend In response to my reciting Pi to a few dozen digits (demonstrating my 133t nerd skillz).

Him: Wow! This guy knows, like... all of pi
Me: Pi is an infinite number
Him: Ok. Half of pi.
Me:

[Andraste]

Today, someone was drawing something, and I heard them say, "And these are the color molecules."

[Tavar]

Woman on crowded train: "Do you mind standing so I can sit down?"
Man: "Unfortunately, you are not elderly, pregnant or smokin' hot, so no"

I know some people who would say this.


Also, one story from a family gathering, well over 10 years ago, so my sister was 3 or so at the time. She was getting to say a prayer(younger children really are easy to please), and she does alright, up until the very end. It was the Lord's Prayer, and she said "and Deliver us to evil".

[Perenelle]

(heard when walking down the hall at my school)

Girl 1: "do you think they speak English in England?
Girl 2: "hmm... I dont know. I always thought they spoke mainly French."

and when I passed by the Earth Science class:

Girl: "Mr. Smith, what's the sun?"

[Superglucose]

"It should be illegal for anyone to say anything that offends me."

The worst part? She was serious

The really worst part? Most people I know agree with her

Oh and my stepsister once seriously asked if it would play music videos if you stuck your CD into a DVD player. I laughed so hard I got grounded.

[Maximum Zersk]

(heard when walking down the hall at my school)

Girl 1: "do you think they speak English in England?
Girl 2: "hmm... I dont know. I always thought they spoke mainly French."

and when I passed by the Earth Science class:

Girl: "Mr. Smith, what's the sun?"

To be fair for the second one, she could have been asking "what's the sum?"

Of course, that's kind of a stretch.

Alright, I think I've got one.

Girl 1: So you follow -followersofreligion-
Me: No, the religion itself is called -nameofthereligion-
Girl 2: Oh, so you're an -nameofthereligion-
Me: ...no, I just said, the followers are called -followersofreligion-
Girl 3: Oh, so you follow -followersofreligion-
Me: *facepalm*

A bit foggy, since I can't really remember it, but that's basically how it went down.