Results 1,201 to 1,230 of 1474
-
2009-11-26, 01:35 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2009
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
I still say this banner needs a slap mark on Belkar's cheek.
Formerly known as Discord here and Maladin on avatarspirit.net.
-
2009-11-26, 01:42 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2006
- Location
- England
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
This post may contain sarcasm.
DeviantArt
-
2009-11-26, 02:09 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2009
- Location
- Poland
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
Here You are :
-
2009-11-26, 02:09 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2009
- Location
- Minnesota, ya?
- Gender
-
2009-11-26, 02:48 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2009
- Gender
-
2009-11-26, 03:28 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2008
- Location
- Scotland
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
Aha! I changed the story and managed to come up with something. It's not very good and kind of hurried but here it is anyway...
GS Windstriker x Argent
SpoilerHer pale skin, her long, dark, impossibly glossy mane of hair; from the first moment he saw her, he knew he was in love. Day after day he would imagine their life together; laughing, swapping stories into the early morning, snuggling in front of a roaring fire in winter, growing old together. Without her he could not see a future, but she didn’t seem to realise. He could never screw up the courage to ask her out, they were so different from each other, but she was to set out to the Dwarven lands tomorrow and who knew when she would return. Something had to be done.
X X X
“Or, you know... we could just make out later...”
Miko returned to her quarters, dejected, after failing to find anyone who wished to celebrate New Year’s with her. She could summon Windstriker she guessed, the extra food did need to be eaten.
“I summon, Windstriker.” She called and her celestial horse materialised before her.
“Hey girl,” she murmured taking off its tack, “looks like it’s just you and me again this year.”
Windstriker shook her head.
“No? Why?”
The white horse walked across the room and butted her nose against the door.
“You’re going out?” Nod. “With someone?” Nod. “Who?”
Unable to answer that without words the horse merely shrugged.
“Well... Have a nice time I guess.”
Hearing the disappointment in Miko’s voice Windstriker stopped a moment to nuzzle her shoulder then turned and left.
X X X
He was already waiting, looking worried, when she arrived at the restaurant.
“Hi.” She said shyly, coming up to the table.
He looked up at her and a brilliant smile lit his face.
“You came!” he exclaimed. “I wasn’t sure you were going to but you did!”
She laughed at his exuberance.
“Calm down, I said yes didn’t I?”
The waitress came and when she had left with their order Windstriker started to speak again.
“I know I might sometimes seem to be a bit cold and distant but I was really glad when you asked me out because...I really like you too Argent.”
X X X
“Can I have your croutons?” asked Elan. He reached over to take them and looked over the booth partition.
“Aww, look!” he enthused.
“Mkhc?” asked Haley, her head coming up off the table and looking round.
“There’s a horse and a wolf rubbing noses over there. They must be in love!” he gasped.
Haley stared for a moment then returned her head to her hands, muttering darkly.
Avatar by me...yup that's how good my drawing is. As in not very good.
Crack-Pairings, Not Dead Just Moved. Someone Hasn't Been Looking In The Right Places.
-
2009-11-26, 03:37 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2008
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
Sorry, going to have to take a break from writing for a while.
Nadir We,
Youth Born,
Blood Letters,
Axe Weilders,
Victors Still.
-
2009-11-26, 03:47 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2009
-
2009-11-26, 03:59 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2009
- Location
- Where the dragons are
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
*Uses acid breath weapon on Cracklord*
All deserters will be killed!
Trying to leave is unacceptable, for this you die.
*Uses breath weapon again*
Once you are in you are never allowed to leave.
-
2009-11-26, 04:38 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2008
-
2009-11-26, 04:44 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2009
- Location
- Where the dragons are
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
...
Blasted Acid Immunity.
*Mutters something about dragons and ineffective breath weapons*
-
2009-11-26, 05:24 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2009
- Location
- Alaska
- Gender
-
2009-11-26, 05:49 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2009
- Location
- A nice, sparkly place.
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
-
2009-11-26, 05:57 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2009
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
Guys, we be supportive when members decide to take a break.
If you continue behaving, I will need to administer discipline.It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.
If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).
The best answer is always to ask your DM.
Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.
-
2009-11-26, 06:01 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2006
- Location
- England
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
This post may contain sarcasm.
DeviantArt
-
2009-11-26, 06:05 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2009
- Location
- Where the dragons are
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
Meh, a little water doesn't bother me.
But fine, if you insist then i behave.
*Falls asleep and dreams about the ABD*
-
2009-11-26, 06:48 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2009
- Location
- New York
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
Another crack pairing: ABD/Guy with a Halberd! (For her name I just typed some gibberish.)
Spoiler
The Ancient Black Dragon, Darglasi, flew to the outskirts of Azure City. Once there she shifted to the form of a human female with dark skin and dark hair with purple highlights. She gritted her teeth and walked into the city with a purposeful step. A city like this, swarming with paladins and so...Lawful Good, was anathemic to her. Normally she would get no greater pleasure than to level the city, if not just to get rid of the paladins, than for the sake of all Black Dragonkind.
Not today though. Today she was on a mission. She walked into a bar which she had seen earlier in her scrying spell. She wanted answers.
She saw a man ordering a drink on the far end of the bar. Dark brown hair, blue armor, that halberd leaning against the barstool...There could be no doubt. It was him. She snarled and sat down next to him. "YOU!" she shouted.
The guy started, spilling some of his drink. He looked right at Darglasi. "What do you want?"
Darglasi growled slightly. "I want answers, Howie. Remember, twelve years ago? The swamp, right past that overpriced village? The black dragon?"
Howie's eyes widened and he gulped. "Look, you're a dragon, and I'm a hero, it's my job to--"
"YOU CUT MY FRIGGING TAIL OFF!!! You idiot, you're supposed to finish the job, not just leave me bleeding and missing a limb and forced to WALK to the nearest cleric of Tiamat who can actually cast Regenerate, and let me tell you something buddy, THERE AREN'T MANY!!!" Darglasi was screaming in Howie's face at the end of her rant. Thankfully the bar was empty, otherwise things would have gotten ugly fast.
"L-Listen, you ended up killing all my buddies; I had to grab their bodies (Or at least parts of their bodies) and get out of there!"
"But what about the "No fear" thing!?"
"HELLO! Not a paladin!"
"...Oh. Well, see, I thought..."
"No, no, it's okay. People make that mistake all the time."
Maybe it was the beer, maybe it was something about Howie, but Darglasi didn't feel much like disemboweling him anymore. She was still ticked about the tail thing though. "Look, I came here for answers. Specifically, why did you take my tail with you? You said you were running for your life--"
"I was--"
"--But then why take my tail!? You couldn't exactly eat it, and there's nowhere near enough leather on that to make anything more than a pair of gloves at most! Which I see you do not have!"
"Well, uh, actually..." Howie looked back and forth nervously. After confirming that nobody else was there, Howie dropped his trousers to reveal dragonskin underpants. "...Yeah."
"..." Darglasi was actually struck dumb.
Maybe it was the beer. More likely it was Howie's sheer audacity. But Darglasi had a healthy respect for the Halberd-wielding human on the other side of the alignment spectrum. Maybe she even...Liked him. She shuddered at the thought. But in any case, she left Azure City without killing, or even attacking, anyone. That had never happened before in her long life.
So, what do you guys think? I actually got this inspiration from my Improv class--In one sketch I was playing a dragon with its tail cut off. I went on this angry rant about some guy with a halberd cutting it off and basically touched upon all these points before going, "I need a frigging drink." Everyone thought it was really entertaining.Last edited by CoffeeIncluded; 2009-11-26 at 07:58 PM.
My webcomic!
Currently DMing:
Tales of Aequar: Runite's Rise IC
OOC Map
Playing Natalia Bolts,Jadeite Nocrius, and Soren Lowell
-
2009-11-26, 08:07 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2009
- Gender
-
2009-11-26, 08:09 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2009
- Location
- New York
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
Skinned it and turned it into dragon-leather underpants.
My webcomic!
Currently DMing:
Tales of Aequar: Runite's Rise IC
OOC Map
Playing Natalia Bolts,Jadeite Nocrius, and Soren Lowell
-
2009-11-26, 08:11 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2009
- Gender
-
2009-11-26, 08:17 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2009
- Location
- New York
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
My webcomic!
Currently DMing:
Tales of Aequar: Runite's Rise IC
OOC Map
Playing Natalia Bolts,Jadeite Nocrius, and Soren Lowell
-
2009-11-26, 08:28 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2009
- Location
- Alaska
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
Your local Cleric.
Cleric of the Murphy's Law Thread
(yes, that is possible)
"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."
-
2009-11-26, 08:41 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2009
- Gender
-
2009-11-26, 10:57 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
- Location
- Among the spiders
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
Thank you to everyone. Really. Every scrap of acknowledgement feels very nice these days.
Believe me, if it was rape, I would have made it much clearer that I did. He beat her with a belt, but between you and me and anyone else who clicks spoilers,Spoilerhe wanted to rape her the whole time. He has, ah, a 'thing' for kids. Especially exotic ones. You can't get more exotic than green-skinned, purple-haired, purple-eyed half-elves, half-goblins that still look attractive in an odd way. Think of having artisan chocolates right on the kitchen counter but not being allowed to have them because your sibling is saving them and you'll have an inkling of how frustrated he is right now.
Anyway, I'm a little stuck with the RC/V story (it's not coming out how I want it to! Damn it!), so I'm going to post another chapter for PM.
Spoiler“Uncle, why can’t you touch me?”
Uncle looked up at the little girl straddling a tree branch several feet off the ground, frowning a little with his arms crossed. “I don’t need to touch you to say that you’re going too high on that tree for my liking.”
“That didn’t answer my question.” Nonetheless, Tiasal obliged and slipped to a lower branch.
“Would you believe me if I said that I was a ghost?” Uncle leaned against the tree, staying watchful for any sign that Tiasal would fall.
“Yes.”
He tilted his head to the side, a smile flickering over his lips. “Then I am.”
She looked down at him, shimmying up the branch to the trunk of the tree. “I don’t want you to be dead.”
Frankly, Uncle was surprised that she was still talking, but he gladly took it in stride. “Well, it happened a long time ago. I was a little bitter about it at first, but you come to terms with stuff like that. I’m with most of my family now. All I have to worry about is my family still down here, like you and my brother.”
“Why do you worry about me?” Tiasal slipped to another lower branch, her claws dragging in the wood and keeping her steps secure.
“You’re my niece. Family.” He smiled, a playful twinkle in his eye. “It was about time that I got a niece or nephew anyway. I had to wait nearly half a century for it. It’s supposed to be my job to spoil you rotten while my brother scolds me and tries to bring you up right.” There was a pause. “I love you, you know. Just incase I haven’t said that before.”
Tiasal looked down at his face, and slowly, a smile broke, her eyes looking just a little more glassy than usual. “I love you too, Uncle.”
He dipped his head, smiling but embarrassed. “Come on down here before you give me a heart attack. I already died once—I don’t want to do it again.”
She smiled and nodded, sliding down the tree and landing gently on the ground. She didn’t talk again that day. All that she had needed said had been said.
She was happy.
---
Tiasal stayed on her knees, careful to keep from sitting down on the pain that had come back in full force, and scrubbed the hot tears off of her face. Betrayal cut far too deep. How could Un… Right-Eye do this to her? She thought that she could read people. She thought that he loved her. She thought that he didn’t care that she was a hybrid.
She was wrong.
Was she just as wrong about everyone else? Abram? Terentius? Octavius? Haley? Elan? Aarindarius? All of her guardians?
Of course she was just as wrong.
They all hated her.
The idea of being hated for her species was so abstract a few mere hours ago. Besides a couple of racist comments from Octavius, she never really understood that there was even an issue about it.
But now…
Now it was her very blood that turned her father’s family away from her. She could only assume that it was the same for her mother’s family.
The pain in her heart was much sharper and longer-lasting than any physical wound the so-called ‘Master’ could inflict. She would never let this happen to her again. Never.
And she knew the one person who wouldn’t do it to her.
She shakily stood up, leaning on the wall for support and stifling soft pained whimpers, ignoring the sleeping children around her. She could feel the eyes of those few awake following her. She didn’t care. Impulse had grasped her tightly, and she wasn’t going to struggle against it.
Tiasal staggered quietly to the door, pushing it open. The cleric’s beatings must have inspired deep fear in the children. He had left the door unlocked.
There were weird sounds coming from the door across the common room, presumably the cleric’s room. Groans, cries, and whimpers came from it. Besides a curious glance, she paid it no mind. She walked out of the common room into the hallway.
Her eyes started to glow a soft yellow again. She didn’t know why, but she had an inkling.
The glow suddenly made finding her goal easier. It was still difficult to walk—her movement seemed to have irritated the pain—but she didn’t give any indication of it. She walked down the corridor and pushed a door, emanating soft light in her new sight, open.
“Huh? Hey, isn’t it past your bedtime, you little brat?”
The woman that had kidnapped Tiasal and the lich were sitting across from each other in comfortable arm chairs, holding cards in their hands and a pile between them. The woman’s hair was just as lank and black as before, but now that Tiasal had a chance to look closer, she saw that the woman had a tattoo of a skeletal dragon running up the side of her face.
The lich slowly put his cards on the table face-down. “Your eyes are glowing, by the way.”
Tiasal shook her head, blinking, and the glow disappeared. The world became dull again.
“You’re a sorcerer.”
She nodded tentatively, vague about the definition of a sorcerer. Aarindarius had only said that a sorcerer was someone who was born with magic and didn’t need to learn it.
She didn’t know if she was a sorcerer for sure, but she figured that Xykon would know better than she did.
“Huh. Well, at least you’re not a snobby prick like your mom.”
The woman scowled, leaning forward and glaring at the girl. “Hey, bastard child, go back to bed before I decide that I should pay you back for the ‘nearly biting half my arm off’ incident.”
Fear tightened Tiasal’s chest. Common sense told her to at least try to sleep on her feelings before doing something rash like this. She should turn around. Sleep. Wait for someone to save her.
She mentally replayed the scene she had just witnessed in the other planes.
Her resolve hardened in her stomach.
“I’m not interested in talking to you,” Tiasal murmured softly, voice raspy and harsh. The woman jerked a little in surprise and the little green girl looked up at the lich. “I want to talk to Xykon.”
“She speaks!” The lich held his arms up dramatically, ignoring the infuriated Theurge across from him. “I was beginning to wonder if that crazy cleric decided to cut out your tongue or something. Actually, that wouldn’t be so surprising. He’s a little sick in the head, if you know what I mean.” The lich slowly got up from his seat, the black sapphires on his neck twinkling in the firelight. His red eyes bored into her, mouth frozen in a grin, and Tiasal suddenly realized that he had known what she was going to do from the moment he saw her.
The revelation left her a little unnerved, but there was no turning back.
“Necromancer chick, I think you should go to bed.”
The woman looked up, her mouth moving to protest, but she stayed silent, her eyes fixed on the little girl and lich. She saw that they already had a connection that she would never have with the object of her affections. Within two days, a little upstart goblin had become the favorite again. It was Redcloak all over.
The bastard had stolen her lich again.
She clenched her fists and stalked out.
The lich slowly crossed his arms, still staring at the little girl. “You know, your father made a deal with me. He regretted it.”
“He trusted you to stay in his control.” Tiasal tilted her head to the side, keeping eye-contact. “I trust you to be honest.”
The lich smirked, letting out a soft hollow chuckle. “You’re so cute. Playing around with fire when you should still just be playing with toy blocks, just like your dad.” He slowly knelt down in front of her so their eyes were level, one phalange coming up and grabbing a handful of her tangled hair. “So, what do you want?”
Tiasal steadied her erratic heartbeat, keeping her eyes free of fear and ignoring the pain in her scalp. She replayed her so-called ‘family’s words over and over in her head until it became a mantra. No turning back now. “I want to work for you.”
He let out a hollow laugh. “Oh really?” He untangled his hand from her hair. “You’re too low a level for me to use as anymore than cannon fodder. But you’re Reddy’s kid and you’re a sorcerer, so I think I can use you.”
He leaned forward, perpetually grinning mouth just next to her rigid pointy ear. “What do you think that you’d do for me?”
She calmed her heartbeat.
“This can work for us.”
“He’ll always hate you.”
“You want me around to hurt my father. To show him his own flaws and racism. And you want me to be a tool to control him.” Tiasal turned her head slightly to see the lich’s eye sockets, staying calm. “I can do that.”
The black sapphires gleamed teasingly. The lich cocked his head, staring at the girl, then let out a chuckle. “Huh. Can’t put one past you, can I?” He ran a bony finger through her hair, forcing her to stifle shivers. “So you would help me tie your father’s hands and bend him to my will. Why?”
“You told the truth.”
The lich… Xykon… slowly straightened, frozen grin thrown in relief from the fire. “You’re a cold little brat, aren’t you? Turning on your father because I was the only one to say that he hated you?”
“He sired me. He saved me from you the day I was born.” She crossed her arms slowly, steeling herself. There was no turning back. There had been no turning back from the moment her father made the first deal with Xykon. “I don’t owe him anything past that.”
Xykon let his arms hang loosely at his sides, a smirk emanating from his frozen face. “I like you.”
Her eyes remained cool. “The feeling isn’t mutual.”
“I didn’t think it was.” Xykon gestured to the door. “Go and get some sleep. Now that your magic has started acting up, you’ll notice little bursts. I’m sure you can figure it out on your own.” His grin seemed to grow. “I did.”
He went back to his chair. “I’ll teach you a few tricks. The idea of a kid being able to blast people with fireballs and lightning bolts is too funny to pass up. Come here around noon tomorrow. Oh, and if the crazy cleric tries to do anything to your ‘special place,’ I suggest biting him.”
She blinked in confusion.
“You’ll understand at some point. Go to bed.”
Tiasal hesitated, fully realizing the magnitude of the supposedly innocuous conversation she had just had, before she turned around and left.
She didn’t owe anything to Redcloak, Vaarsuvius, or Right-Eye. They owed her for leaving her in the situation she was in.
With that thought, she locked away her fear and shame.
Happy Thanksgiving to all.
Spoiler
The April Squickies Award for Best Crack Pairing Story
Thank you so much to Kaytara for the avatar! It's of Redcloak's and Vaarsuvius's love child.
-
2009-11-26, 11:08 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2009
- Location
- New York
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
Oh god....
Wait, who is the crazy cleric?My webcomic!
Currently DMing:
Tales of Aequar: Runite's Rise IC
OOC Map
Playing Natalia Bolts,Jadeite Nocrius, and Soren Lowell
-
2009-11-26, 11:10 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2007
- Location
- Texas...for now
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
[/sarcasm]
FAQ is not RAW!Avatar by the incredible CrimsonAngel.
Saph:It's surprising how many problems can be solved by one druid spell combined with enough aggression.
I play primarily 3.5 D&D. Most of my advice will be based off of this. If my advice doesn't apply, specify a version in your post.
-
2009-11-26, 11:12 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2009
- Location
- A nice, sparkly place.
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
@ Water-Smurf: That was cool! Now how is this going to play out.
@ CoffeeIncluded: Interesting story, though weird. And I believe the crazy cleric is the weird one who spanked her earlier.
-
2009-11-26, 11:16 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2009
- Location
- New York
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
Yes, but who is the cleric? Another OC?
My webcomic!
Currently DMing:
Tales of Aequar: Runite's Rise IC
OOC Map
Playing Natalia Bolts,Jadeite Nocrius, and Soren Lowell
-
2009-11-26, 11:26 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2009
- Location
- A nice, sparkly place.
- Gender
-
2009-11-27, 11:07 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2006
- Location
- England
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
0_o As always, your writing is as enjoyable to read as it is creepy.
While being Xykon's favourite pet is likely to stop anything too bad happening to Tiasal, I'm now worried about what will happen if anyone does try to rescue her. Unless she gets significantly more powerful before then she herself wouldn't be a threat, but I could all too easily see her causing a rescue party to be caught. Especially if she underestimates what Xykon would do to them. *shudders*
Also, who is that talking in the non-italic dialogue at the beginning of the second chapter? The only thing I can come up with is that it's the cleric talking to himself.Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-11-27 at 01:49 PM.
This post may contain sarcasm.
DeviantArt