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2012-06-04, 09:35 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2007
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
assuming we're talking about adults, I really don't see how you could succeed.. let's be honest..unless she'g to a bad case of the STDs, most men are willing to take the quest, if the reward is a girl with many levels in nookie. You could warn them in a "look..this is what happened to 4 of my friends already"..way but that's where it stops, because anything more than that might jeopardize your friendship with them. (unless she's very flexible and you have a large suitcase..in which case you can send her to me)
also.. tell them that if it goes wrong, they owe you a beer down at the pub.
at least you'll be drinking for free.
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2012-06-04, 01:09 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2006
- Location
- Dinosaur Museum aw yisss.
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
Whoracle: Once you've decided the relationship is over, it's over. Continuing the charade is just going to lead to heartache - and she'll be able to tell something's wrong. You've already told her this is a possibility. Bite the bullet, and start talking to her about how you're both going to handle it.
Jukebox: The most you can - and should - do is talk to both of them, calmly and reasonably, but recognise that they're both adults who can make their own decision.
You can explain to her - without judgement or censure - that you think he's particularly vulnerable to someone like her, and that you're worried about what's going to happen to him.
You can tell him - without demonising or attacking her, because that will just set him defending her - about her history, her habits, and that you're worried for him.
After that, it's all up to them.The Iron Avatarist Hall of Fame!
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2012-06-11, 05:40 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2008
- Location
- UK
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
Hey Playground,
I could use some advice, or possibly a smack around the head, not sure which yet. About 2-3 weeks ago I broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years and while it was amicable enough, it sapped a lot of my normally cheerful disposition. Later on, I asked a friend if she was interested in seeing me beyond the bounds of friendship. The answer was a very firm no and my self confidence has taken another pretty huge whack as a result. I'm not moping around depressed (well, maybe a little) but...
I need some advice on restoring my usual sunny disposition again and bringing back some of my self confidence but I'm not sure how to go about it - I'm not really good at dealing with complicated emotions.
I'm also worried that I've lost a friend at a time when I really need one. I don't regret asking her out, even if it ended in rejection but if I lost her as a friend as well, that would really be the pits.
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2012-06-11, 07:54 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2006
- Location
- Knoxville, TN
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
It really just takes time to go back to normal. If you want to help it along, go do things that you enjoy, hang out with friends, and otherwise just try to stay busy.
I've got a bit of woe here. I don't think there's really some advice that'll help me, but it's nice to have a spot to write it down.
SpoilerI've been single for about 2 years now - my choice. I had to really focus on school and work for a bit and didn't have time to try and start something.
Well, for about the past month, a friend of mine had been getting closer, and she had ended up breaking up with her boyfriend. With in the past week, we started to hit it off, and because she didn't want to be in a relationship just yet we became "cuddle buddies" (I guess that's what the kids are calling these days).
Well, today I get a text saying that's got to stop - she had talked with one of her exes (not the guy she just broke up with, but another friend of mine that she still has some feelings for - they stopped seeing each other because of long-distance) and apparently any chance they have of being together down the road will be ruined if she keeps seeing me.
I guess it's cool that this guy sees me as a pretty big threat, but it majorly sucks that just when things started going my way that it had to end because of some third party.
Ah well, back to the hunt.
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2012-06-13, 06:42 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2009
- Location
- Scotland/Glasgow
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
So, I had a date planned for yesterday with someone I'm into. It ended up lasting about 36 hours so... yay!
Now sadly I'm on the train to another country where I shall remain for about 2 months. Ah well, c'est la vie.
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2012-06-14, 07:29 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2010
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
Okay. A little question for the playground. Can you tell me whats going on here please.
First a little background on me…
SpoilerI’m 32, Male and split up with my Wife/GF for 11 years just over a year ago. I’ve been slow getting back on the scene. But taking them steps.
Is she just messing me about?
So about a month ago. I found out through the grapevine that a girl I met last summer while climbing had split up with her boyf. We had hit it off I think, but nothing happened. Anyway. I decided to take the plunge and FB message her. Nothing to heavy just hello, do you remember me? How are you etc.
I get a message back the next day. Say yes she does, how are you etc. and friends me on FB.
I replied, with little more detail on what I’ve been up to, Just conversational.
5 days later no response.
So message again,( Using Doctor Nerdloves rule. 1 none reply means nothing 2 is a signal 3 is a message I think why not.)
nothing heavy,just “we’re going climbing on x day, Fancy coming along? Here’s my number”
I get a response next day, say she cant as she’s working late and while she really wants to she’s busy “for the next three weeks as friends are visiting” She also gave me her number with a little ;-) wink. Cool a number, good work thinks I, a little persistence paid off.
I reply a few days later saying okay, I’ll txt you soon so we can arrange a time.
~ ~ ~
3 and a bit weeks pass and I pluck up the courage to go straight for a phone call.
Wrong number… Now I’m not a igit. I know that’s a classic bad sign, but she friended me (probably just to FB stalk though eh! :D) so I figure, heck its not like I cant contact her on FB, and if she actual didn’t want to climb / date whatever she probably wouldn’t have replied in the 1st place.
So I resign myself to one last message. (am I in Desperate stages yet ;))
Hey, Times up! Send your friends home if you have too.. Blah blah. But got a wrong number, still hoping we can catch up. Keep Well. Blah Blah..
I get a reply within minutes saying
“Sorry that was my old number (actually her brother). That she really wants to come climbing but “July would be better” and I’ll txt you when I’m free. See you soon. X
That was the first x at the end of a message.
So playgrounders…. What gives? What we reckon?
I’m thinking the “I’ll txt you” is a pretty bad sign… Basically saying. Stop bothering me!
But she says straight up she would like to meet up.
Is she saying I would love to climb, but not hock up?
Is she just actually busy?
Is she just dangling me along to see how long I play the little puppy?
Place your bets now.
Thanks
Grogmir.
(P.s Not worried about this. Which is a good sign for me on a personal level. She’s one of many girls out there, just very inexperience with the whole dating thing, so figure might as well come to the experts :D)
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2012-06-14, 07:47 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2007
- Location
- The Icy North
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
I don't have much advice for the sunny disposition, except maybe try to recreate parts of your life from back then? Go hang out with some of the same friends, do some of the samme hobbies. Just try to pretend the ego-blows never happened.
Alternatively, do a google search on baby penguins. Trust me on this.
As for losing a friend... You just need to show her that you're cool, and that there's no awkwardness. Humans tend to follow cues, and if you're acting cool and normal, she'll probably follow.
Pretty basic, I know, but sometimes humans really are simple
Haha, that's great news! Go Dvil!
I'd say the "other country" part sucks, but... you're going to another country. And I'm not envious. Not one bit. Nope.
To me, it just sounds like she doesn't put much stock in this. Can't say I blame her. She casually knew a guy some time ago, he writes her back in a friendly manner, and there's no harm in responding.
FB is extremely low-pressure, after all.
You don't say how explicitly you asked her out date-wise, but I suspect that as far as she's concerned, you're just trying to expand your social circle or something. You aren't even that persistent about it (you have long periods of silence, too).
I dunno if it would help to be more explicit, or more persistent. Maybe she is trying to tell you something. But IMO it's more likely that she just has so much more going on that one perifery friend doesn't really register.
I'd push her out of my mind, stick to friendly FB likes and comments until July, and if she doesn't contact you, try one last time. Maybe even with an explicit date invitation.Spoiler
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2012-06-14, 07:52 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2007
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
dunno what she's doing
here's what I'd do
ignore her until sometimes mid july, then send her a funny picture or something else that makes sense to share on facebook, unrelated to the whole climbing/invitation thing.. if she was interested she'll remember her promise and get back to you to work somethig out or opt out for whatever reason .. if she merely comments on the thing you sent and doesn't do anything further..then a facebook friend is all she'll ever be.
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2012-06-14, 07:55 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2008
- Location
- The Labyrinth
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
Honestly? Facebook means nothing anymore. I wouldn't take it as a sign either way that she added you because it's probably more for "oh goodie another friend for my list" then anything else.
Secondly, I kinda doubt she made the mistake with giving you the wrong number, girls these days generally aren't quite that silly. But by the same token, you waited too long to attempt to call and all that. Though unless I'm missing something else, she didn't text you after she said she would either.
Probably wouldn't be confident about this one imo, but I'm sure other people will have different opinions anyways.Witness my glory and know that when my darkness fades, if you yet live, it is because an ally does not.
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2012-06-14, 07:57 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2008
- Location
- UK
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
I recently heard back from that friend and things are cool between us now - that really went a long way to restoring my sunny side again. It's strange - you really don't appreciate a relationship, whether it's a friend, family or something until you think you've lost it.
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2012-06-14, 09:35 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2010
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
Thanks for the replies...
Certainly going to wait to see if she texts. She gave me a new number, and like I said it was her brother whom answered the other number, so likely was her old phone.
I get FB is different to RL, but yeah not expecting much romantically from this now. I didn't come out straight and say "Wanna go on a date" I kinda thought that was implied and there was me thinking I was being all confident and direction
Well I'll check in in a few weeks. Let you know if I hear anything.
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2012-06-14, 11:29 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2009
- Location
- Scotland/Glasgow
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
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2012-06-14, 12:58 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2007
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
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2012-06-14, 01:55 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2009
- Location
- Scotland/Glasgow
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
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2012-06-14, 03:13 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2007
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
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2012-06-17, 10:06 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2010
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
So, I posted a problem a while ago, and I decided that being in another country, and seeing how neither of them keep extraordinarily strange hours (15 hour time difference), I would drag a mutual friend (of the girl and I) into the conflict, let's call him Alex. So Alex refuses to help me in my efforts, saying that "Ellie" has had a "schoolgirl crush" on him since their first meeting, and that he wasn't willing to break them up. They've gone on a couple dates, and they've gone fantastically (from what I hear), and I've decided to just let it be...I'm just hoping nothing goes terribly wrong...and I feel really weird typing up all this teenage-drama while wearing a tie.
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2012-06-18, 05:57 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2010
- Location
- Its Complicated
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
So I've kinda managed to get myself into a very award situation and would like to ask you guys for some help in resolving this with tact.
I moved to a new city a couple of months ago and joined a new gaming group. He DM of this group is a really nice guy. He's sweet, funny and Is love to have him as a friend. However I have about the same sexual chemistry with him as I do with a desk lamp; he's just physically not my type and I'm not currently looking for a serious relationship anyways. so when he started asking me to hang out with him outside the game I thought he was just being friendly to the new girl. It took me more than a few weeks to figure out that he wad actually asking me out. Now that I've finally made my sense motive roll, how do I extricate myself from this situation with the minimum embarrassment and broken hearts?
To make matters worse this is a very small town where all the approximately 40 gamers know each other and I'm the only unmarried female game. As such I have enough problems being "just one of the guys" already. No matter what I do in this situation I'm only going to make myself seem more exotic and if I handle this badly the entire community will probably shun me.
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2012-06-18, 09:00 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2008
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
@Recherché
Talk to him either over the phone or in person as soon as you can and make it clear that you're only interested in him as a friend. Make your intentions clear and if you want to remain friends, make that clear as well. Putting it off or sugarcoating things will only make it worse for both of you. I don't think it'll reflect badly on you.Bienvenue Au Kébec !!!
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2012-06-18, 10:25 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2008
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
Recherché: Ask him to drive you to the abortion clinic. Every week. That should quickly destroy any interest.
Juxebox: Save any and all conversations with him. Quote them back when things inevitably blow up. You can't stop people from falling for crazy, all you can do is build credibility so they listen to you next time.
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2012-06-19, 03:57 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2007
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
@Reluctance... yeah..because playing the blame game and going "told you so" is so going to help both of them and so not going to sour their friendship
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2012-06-19, 04:18 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2008
- Location
- UK
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
@Reche
I have a little bit of bad news for you hun - this is going to end in a broken heart however you go about it I'm afraid. How old is the guy in question? Do you think he'll react maturely to being turned down?
I shouldn't worry too much about the rest of the gaming group - I'm fairly sure that they will still like you no matter how the DM reacts because this is purely between you and him.
It's almost certain that he's going to be very gloomy for a while afterwards - kind of unavoidable. My advice for you is to be absolutely clear that nothing will ever happen between you. If you try and let him down gently he probably won't take the hint. Something along the lines of "I believe you are looking for something more than just friendship from me. I'm sorry but I do not have any interest in taking our relationship further than it currently stands."
Give him some space for a day or two afterwards and then see if you can approach him as a friend again. Good luck.
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2012-06-19, 06:12 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2006
- Location
- Leeds, UK
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
In that situation, I've pretty much always gone for an "I'm very flattered you'd think of me in such a way, but I'm not interested in you in that way." Pretty much always after having asked to confirm "Wait, are you trying to ask me out?". Because I'm thick as a brick when it comes to realising these things.
"I'm just going on motive and opportunity here and the fact that if the earth got swallowed by a black hole, I'd look suspiciously in your direction first."
~ Timberwolf
"I blame Castaras. You know... In general."
~ KuReshtin
"Castaras - An absolutely adorable facade that hides a truly ruthless streak."
~ The Succubus
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2012-06-19, 12:08 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2007
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
Yes. Being subtle does not work. You can try it, but realise that if he's not getting it, give up on being subtle.
For example, how I would ask Cassie out would probably amount to something like ''You're awesome, I'm awesome, wanna hook up before we nuke the world?'' and then kiss her.
How I would reject somebody would go along the lines of ''Sorry, nog go in that area. I'm just not interested in you in that way, even though you're a awesome person.''
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2012-06-19, 12:23 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2008
- Location
- UK
- Gender
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2012-06-19, 03:56 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2007
- Location
- Haifa, Israel
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
If you a ask for a girl's phone number and she instead prefers Facebook instead, should you take as her saying "let's be friends" or that she's actually interested?
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2012-06-19, 03:59 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2011
- Gender
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2012-06-19, 04:26 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2006
- Location
- Leeds, UK
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
"I'm just going on motive and opportunity here and the fact that if the earth got swallowed by a black hole, I'd look suspiciously in your direction first."
~ Timberwolf
"I blame Castaras. You know... In general."
~ KuReshtin
"Castaras - An absolutely adorable facade that hides a truly ruthless streak."
~ The Succubus
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2012-06-19, 04:56 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2010
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
One more person recommending that you be nice, but firm and direct about it. A lot of us guys don't take hints well, and gamer guys are probably worse than average in this department. You need to make it absolutely clear to him that you see the DM as nothing more than a friend.
As far as unwanted romantic attentions go, this probably won't be the last one you run into, especially being the only female gamer in the area. You shouldn't have any trouble remaining friends with the others though, so long as you handle this situation well and the guy isn't a jerk about it.
As to whether you can remain friends with him, that's on him. If he takes the news pretty well, I'd say give him a few days to a week to get over it, then approach as a friend again.
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2012-06-19, 08:44 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2006
- Location
- Dinosaur Museum aw yisss.
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
Not necessarily (the former, but either really). I, for one, can't stand talking on the phone, especially mobile phones, and that usually tends to be what "getting a girl's number" is for. I'd be more likely to give my email - or, for someone who isn't a complete stranger, my Facebook. Although I'd probably *also* give them my phone number...
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2012-06-20, 12:39 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2010
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
Did you ask for her number just to be friends or so that you could seek out a romantic relationship? The signal in the past used to be pretty clear that you were looking for something more but now, phone numbers, emails addresses, facebook etc are all pretty common and interchangeable.
The more precise you are when asking things the less you'll have to worry vague responses. Its hard to be vague if you come right out and say "I'd be interested in going on a date sometime, can I have your phone number" as opposed to just "Can I have your phone number".