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2009-11-05, 11:44 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Sep 2008
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- Melbourne, Australia
- Gender
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2009-11-05, 11:46 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2008
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
How 'bout not?
Grrr... *bangs head against desk* WHY CAN'T I THINK OF ANYTHING GOOD?!Anemoia: Nostalgia for a time you've never known.
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2009-11-06, 12:50 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2008
- Location
- Bottom of a well
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
Alright, golentan. Enough lurking, time to get down to this. Time to destroy some minds (if even still possible in this thread).
The chart gave me Rodriguez/Windstriker. Drunkenness as a plot device. Here goes:
SpoilerMr. Rodriguez was knocking back his 6th brew when the horse walked into the bar. "Hey. I know how thish goesh," he said to himself. "Now I shay 'Why the long... shomething." The horse walked over to the bar, and stared at the bartender.
"Hey, do you want something?" the fellow asked. *Clump* rang across the floor "Oh. I get it, one stamp for yes, two for no. Right?" *Clump*
"Okay, I'm going to point at some stuff. Stop me when I get to what you want." Said the bartender, then trailed his hand over the bottles behind the counter. When he got to the bottle of vodka, the horse stopped him. He set it on the bar, and the horse gripped it in his teeth, lifted, and chugged the entire bottle in seconds.
"You owe me 10 gold for that you know," said the barkeep. "I hope you got some deep saddlebags."
Mr Rodriguez had watched the affair from the beginning, and decided to help. He handed the bartender a platinum. "I'll *hic* take care of it," he said.
then he turned to the horse. "Hey, don't I know you from shomewhere? Windshtriker, right?" *Clump*
"Yeah, you almosht got me killed by the crazed halfling. Reshtraining order, yeah?" Rodriguez asked, smiling at the memory. *Clump*
"Weren't you with shome assho.. asshurite chick back then?" he asked, wondering what a horse would be doing in a bar. *Clump* came the response, and windstriker's head drooped. Feeling sorry for the fellow, Rodriguez continued. "Oh. That'sh how it ish. Shorry, you leave her?" *clump clump* "Oh. She leave you?"
The next response was a much more emphatic *Clump,* and windstriker put his head on the bar and squealed softly.
"You.. you wanna talk about it?" *clump clump* "Fair enough. How about another drink then? My treat." A long pause, followed by *clump*
After draining their respective next rounds, Rodriguez started to talk again. "Yeah. Mishter Jones, from work? He never reshpects me. No matter what I do he alwaysh takesh credit for it. And he never lishtens to my ideash. I realished thish jusht the other day, you know? I wash talking about a cashe with a clash action lawshuit. "Shuthern Pantheon v. Dark One" and I shaid... Oh, shouldn't talk about it. Lawyer confi.. confi.. shecret thingy. I'm boring you anyway. Shorry." Windstriker looked over at him and thought for a moment. *Clump Clump*.
"No I'm not boring you? Ish that what you mean?" asked Rodriguez. *Clump*
Rodriguez finished his story. "Thanksh. You know, I really appreciate you lishtening. You may be the only one who'sh ever done that. And you trushted me enough to hire me for the halfling. You're a good friend." Windstriker did a half snort, and nickered softly, bumping his head against Rodriguez's shoulder. Mr. Rodriguez realized deep down this was a turning point in his life. What he was about to say could never be unsaid. And to say it was to risk everything. His career, his friendship with Windstriker, his PG-13 rating. All of it. If he had had less to drink the thought would never have crossed his mind, but tonight, desperate and lonely, and talking to the only character who had ever taken him seriously he could not ignore it.
"Hey. You wanna come back to my place Windshtriker? Bet it'sh nicer than having to stay in the shtables here." There was a long pause, and Rodriguez could see windstriker thinking. He grew more and more nervous, fearing he had crossed the line. There was no way that the horse would...
*Clump*
Oh.
The next day, Rodriguez found a horse's head in his bed. "I guess I'm a paladin now," he said. Windstriker whinnied enquiringly. "I just had a divine mount, and I'm about to try laying on hands," he explained, reaching for his bestest friend ever once more.
I apologize for that, from the depths of what passes for my soul.
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2009-11-06, 02:12 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2008
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
Character overflow.
Besides, each archdevil should be in the spotlight. They are amongst the most powerful things in creation. Bel is roughly equal to an intermediate deity, and he's the weakest. They are smart, brilliant, and powerful, and have personalities in danger of collapsing under the weight of themselves and forming a black hole.
Doing three is hard. Doing all nine? Tolkien could do it...Nadir We,
Youth Born,
Blood Letters,
Axe Weilders,
Victors Still.
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2009-11-06, 06:44 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2008
- Location
- Melbourne, Australia
- Gender
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2009-11-06, 08:57 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2009
- Gender
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2009-11-06, 09:41 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2009
- Location
- Where the dragons are
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
Spoiler
Jirix was searching the sewers for Xykon's phylactery along with a small squad of Hobgoblins.
They had been down here for hours and to be honest, he was getting quite nervous.
There had been reports of patrol squads going missing lately whenever they went into the sewers and considering that he was the only one in the whole squad with any actual Class levels he thought himself justified in being worried.
Unfortunately for him it would turn out that he was correct in his fear that something bad was going to happen.
He suddenly heard a scream from one of his fellow Hobgoblins and turned around just in time to see the whole rest of his squad getting massacred in a single round by a Big. Freaking. Black. Dragon!
"AHHHHH!!!"
The dragon turned to him now...
He really didn't like the way it was looking at him.
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Meanwhile the Demon Roaches were watching the Teevo.
"Man that's some hot stuff"
"Oh yeah"
"What's up with you two?"
"What's going on in he-" Redcloak started as he walked through the door only to interrupt himself and cover his eye with his hands "MY EYE! MY POOR USELESS EYE!"
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The ABD took a step back and looked at the now unconscious Hobgoblin.
She had what she needed so there really was no point in keeping him alive, besides she was getting a little hungry.
Jirix was quickly devoured.
It would be such a shame to waste all these delicious bodies...
And there went the rest of the squad.
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"That's going straight to the hips" the first roach said.
"Hey, where did the goblin go?" the second one asked.
--------------------------
Meanwhile Redcloak was running around screaming and looking for the brain bleach.
"WHERE DID THEY PUT THE BRAIN BLEACH!?"
Little did he know that the guys beyond the fourth wall had already used it all up.
Yay, i wrote something!
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2009-11-06, 10:31 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2006
- Location
- England
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
They're both still clothed and Julia's already blushing? Her brain will be leaking out of her ears in half an hour's time.
I love the pose.
..And for Water-Smurf as well. :D
And I was inspired to try and do Uncle Aandy, hopefully he doesn't look TOO similar to V... ^^;Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-11-06 at 12:19 PM.
This post may contain sarcasm.
DeviantArt
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2009-11-06, 12:42 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2009
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
Interesting trivia: Sabine was originally topless with her nipple strategically hidden by Pompey's arm until I realized the rules wouldn't agree.
Formerly known as Discord here and Maladin on avatarspirit.net.
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2009-11-06, 12:46 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jul 2008
- Location
- Germany
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
Thanks, guys. I dunno if I have the time, I'll see if I can colour the one of Aarindarius in some shape or form...
Also, I nominate Esmerelder's body swap fic for the "If Only..." award. :) That's exactly the kind of wacky hijinks I'd actually expect to see in the actual comic. XD
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2009-11-06, 01:02 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2009
- Location
- Alaska
- Gender
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2009-11-06, 01:07 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2009
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2009-11-06, 01:18 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2009
- Location
- Alaska
- Gender
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2009-11-06, 01:21 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2009
- Location
- Where the dragons are
- Gender
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2009-11-06, 01:30 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jul 2008
- Location
- Germany
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
Last edited by Kaytara; 2009-11-06 at 01:30 PM.
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2009-11-06, 01:30 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2007
- Location
- U.K
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
Aww, thank you Kaytara and Aaron! If it's OK with you, I am totally stealing the 'wacky hijinks' phrase and incorporating it into the story, I really needed a descriptor like that for a certain bit.
Nah, Discord has a really good point -- all we've seen so far is /, which really isn't crack, even if they happen to look like /. However, I kinda needed to put all the gen stuff in now so that what happens later makes sense, and I *can* promise that things are about to get a whole lot crackier before everyone gets themselves straightened (no pun intended!) out again! ...
ETA: Oh, also @ golentan: That is way, *way* sweeter than any story dealing with that subject material had any right to be. I think I have a new ship!Last edited by esmerelder; 2009-11-06 at 01:32 PM.
Many thanks, blue silk handkerchiefs, and small inarticulate hedgehog noises to Funky Goose for the sig banner!
Even more thanks to half-halfling for the adorable avatar, which is from this comic!
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2009-11-06, 01:49 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2009
- Location
- Alaska
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
Your local Cleric.
Cleric of the Murphy's Law Thread
(yes, that is possible)
"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."
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2009-11-06, 01:53 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2009
- Gender
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2009-11-06, 02:07 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2006
- Location
- England
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
This post may contain sarcasm.
DeviantArt
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2009-11-06, 02:13 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
- Location
- Among the spiders
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
I think I shall. ^.^
My God! It feels like Christmas came early!
Kyrie looks beautifully sinister. You'd think that that'd be difficult when one's casting a spell on a muffin, but you've pulled it off amazingly well.
The V/Miko picture is beautiful. It escapes words.
I love the V/RC one. It really tells the story. V looks so sad and tired (with reason!) and Reddy looks like he's just glad she's there, even though he'd like to know why she's so depressed.
V/Belkar! :D :D :D They need more fanfiction/art. Speaking of which, I really should get moving on my editing of my next V/B fic...
Both pictures of Aarindarius really get me. The first actually took my breath away when I looked at it (Aandy looks badass!), and the second made me laugh out loud. (I think my family thinks I'm crazy, but they thought that already.)
Anyway, here's my first V/Belkar fic I wrote, what, at the beginning of the year? Something like that. I'm just posting it up here for the archives.
SpoilerThe lips had tasted like wine. Not that cheap stuff, either. The kind where you can practically taste the grapes, sun, and care poured into it. Elven wine.
Not that he was really the type to get sappy about that kind of stuff, mind.
He had been completely hammered. He had barely known what was up and what was down. All he had known was that it was midnight, the New Year, the time to kiss. And, of course, he grabbed the one person he genuinely wanted to kiss and did just that, completely ignoring all the reasons he had not done so before. Belkar wasn’t the type of halfling to avoid taking what he wanted unless there was at least one serious concrete reason to do so. Even then, he rarely resisted temptation. But, in this particular case, he had resisted temptation ever since he found out what he was tempted by. And ale had destroyed all his reservations.
Belkar, when he was later reflecting on the incident, was surprised that he wasn’t slapped and pushed away. Or had some horrible spell immediately cast on him. Or that there wasn’t even a muffled protest.
No. For a brief moment, Vaarsuvius, the infuriating, insufferable, androgynous, but weirdly attractive and captivating elf, kissed him back. Their tongues touched tentatively, and suddenly, all he could taste was wine. And he would have been perfectly happy if that was all he ever tasted again, despite the fact he usually hated wine.
There was heat. Maybe it was from tenseness, fear, hate, or passion. But Belkar knew it was there. The elf’s hands were squeezing his elbows tightly, hard enough for knuckles to go white, and there still was no push against it. Vaarsuvius was actively allowing this to happen. Perhaps… inviting it?
It was then that the alcohol decided to make him pass out. He was glad in the morning. No telling how far he would’ve gone or what he would’ve said.
---
Belkar would never claim to be the smartest halfling, but he wasn’t stupid. He knew he wasn’t the best with people, but again, he wasn’t stupid. As soon as he woke up the next day, his memory of the kiss crystal clear despite his hangover, he did the smartest thing he could think of. He pretended to have totally forgotten.
Vaarsuvius hated him. Loathed everything about him. The elf had never made an attempt to hide it, so Belkar was well-aware of this. That, and there was the issue of Vaarsuvius being married. The mage had every right to be furious with him.
And furious V was.
Eleven explosions, a fire trap, and a wild muskrat enchanted to hump his foot. And that was just the beginning. If Belkar had been more optimistic, he would have guessed that Vaarsuvius was trying to convince them both that there was no tension besides that of hatred between them. But Belkar wasn’t optimistic. In his mind, the elf was doing nothing more than retaliating violently to the perceived physical violation.
He had expected nothing less. That was why he had resisted temptation, after all.
Belkar wasn’t one to get hung up on someone. He knew it when a person practically slammed the door in his face and screamed no. And he may have been a completely unrepentant psychotic mass murderer, but there were some lines he wouldn’t cross. If Vaarsuvius didn’t want to be kissed or touched, Belkar wouldn’t do it.
But still… he remembered the taste of wine. And sometimes he took just a shade of hope that maybe, just maybe, something would happen and he would be allowed to taste it again.
After all, V did kiss back.
Spoiler
The April Squickies Award for Best Crack Pairing Story
Thank you so much to Kaytara for the avatar! It's of Redcloak's and Vaarsuvius's love child.
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2009-11-06, 02:57 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2006
- Location
- England
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
V/Belkar are always fun to read and re-read . It's a love/hate relationship at it's finest.
That said, if I had to choose between them V/RC would win, no question.This post may contain sarcasm.
DeviantArt
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2009-11-06, 03:02 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2009
- Location
- New York
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
I freaking LOVE it!!! Now how to put
that in my sigdo the hyperlink...Last edited by CoffeeIncluded; 2009-11-06 at 03:13 PM.
My webcomic!
Currently DMing:
Tales of Aequar: Runite's Rise IC
OOC Map
Playing Natalia Bolts,Jadeite Nocrius, and Soren Lowell
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2009-11-06, 03:12 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2008
- Location
- Bottom of a well
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
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2009-11-06, 03:18 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2008
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
@ Golentan: That was pretty good, dude. Nice job, new guy. You did a good job of portraying the characters, and how their emotions...
@ Closak: WHY?! Nah, j/k. That wasn't all that bad, actually... I liked Redcloak and the breaking of the fourth wall.
@ Water-Smurf: Dang, that was pretty good. It was nice to get a look into the little psychopath's head... We need more V x Belkar!Anemoia: Nostalgia for a time you've never known.
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2009-11-06, 03:40 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2009
- Location
- Alaska
- Gender
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2009-11-06, 03:45 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2007
- Location
- U.K
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
Many thanks, blue silk handkerchiefs, and small inarticulate hedgehog noises to Funky Goose for the sig banner!
Even more thanks to half-halfling for the adorable avatar, which is from this comic!
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2009-11-06, 03:48 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2006
- Location
- England
This post may contain sarcasm.
DeviantArt
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2009-11-06, 03:50 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2007
- Location
- U.K
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
Make Belkar the mother.
Many thanks, blue silk handkerchiefs, and small inarticulate hedgehog noises to Funky Goose for the sig banner!
Even more thanks to half-halfling for the adorable avatar, which is from this comic!
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2009-11-06, 03:53 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2009
- Location
- Alaska
- Gender
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2009-11-06, 03:58 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2006
- Location
- England
This post may contain sarcasm.
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