We All Scream

[Kurald Galain]

There has been much talk of strawberry ice cream lately, and how this might be used as an actual dessert. So it is time for the forum to have an objective and balanced guide on which ice cream to eat, for optimal dining pleasure.

Many kinds of ice cream exist in the world, but only two are relevant to the discussion at hand. These are strawberry ice cream, and chocolate ice cream. I will now objectively compare the two of them, and list the strong and weak points of each. Remember, anybody who disagrees with me is just voicing some opinion.

• Strawberry ice cream is known to be kind of gross and of smelly, and it has the texture of a withered grapefruit. Some people who eat strawberry ice cream are obese, or said to be flatulent, or kick little puppies.
  
• And on the other hand, we have chocolate ice cream, which, in the words of one highly intelligent character, is Totally Yummy. Also, it contains more calories per square inch than any other known kind of ice cream, and many highly intelligent and attractive people eat chocolate ice cream, and you should be able to buy it at your local supermarket. If not, sue your supermarket.

Mind you, these are scientific facts, as determined by a recent Nobel Prize winner that I can't remember the name of just now. Many highly erudite dissertations have been written on the subject; just google them up. They are certainly not opinions. True, I do have an opinion about which ice cream to eat, but I wouldn't be so crass as to display that in an objective thread such as this one, which is objective.

So now that I've all chocolate educated you on the chocolate advantages and disadvantages of chocolate various kinds of ice cream, I chocolate encourage everybody to make his own informed chocolate choice, and I welcome further chocolate discussion in this thread.

No flaming please! It melts the delicious ice cream!

[lesser_minion]

I have to admit that skewing the discussion in favour of chocolate ice cream by banning discussion of ALL other nice flavours (Baileys' and cream; vanilla or even double chocolate for example) is a little bit of a fallacy. I mean, vanilla rocks (as categorically proven by a recent Field's medallist whose name I am unable to recall)

One other problem - roleplaying games forum??!? Ice cream??!?? Can you even get strawberry ice cream of inflict serious wounds and vanilla ice cream of mass heal now?

It is an awesome topic otherwise.

DISCLAIMER: Ice cream purchased from supermarkets is a poor basis for comparison. Please try some real ice cream

[Myshlaevsky]

Originally Posted by lesser_minion

One other problem - roleplaying games forum??!? Ice cream??!?? What, the clerics now make Strawberry Icecream of inflict serious wounds and Vanilla icecream of mass heal?

It is an awesome topic otherwise.

Those are sub-optimal choices. Clerics should always choose pistachio. That's right, I'm not going to kowtow to the OP's arbitrary restrictions just because they can't handle the real flavours.

Total win, Kurald Galain.

[chiasaur11]

Chocolate is optimized itself. Frankly, the World Class Chocolate prestige class just wrecks what little balance there was left.

And don't get me started on Gelato...

[lesser_minion]

Originally Posted by Sharikov

Those are sub-optimal choices. Clerics should always choose pistachio. That's right, I'm not going to kowtow to the OP's arbitrary restrictions just because they can't handle the real flavours.

Total win, Kurald Galain.

OK, a few points:

Strawberry is so disgusting, vile, morally reprehensible, evil and twisted that it grants a huge bonus to any damaging spells with which it is enchanted. In fact, the strawberry ice cream is more likely to be a strawberry ice cream of Destruction, Mass!

And somehow I don't see the pistachio ice cream of mass heal. It might be worth a Mass Cure Serious wounds though, but I've always had a soft spot for vanilla. OK, for vanilla based ice creams like chocolate chip, honeycomb, toffee and pistachip (IIRC). OK, so yes, pistachio does work.

[Starbuck_II]

Originally Posted by Kurald Galain

• Strawberry ice cream is known to be kind of gross and of smelly, and it has the texture of a withered grapefruit. Some people who eat strawberry ice cream are obese, or said to be flatulent, or kick little puppies.
  
• And on the other hand, we have chocolate ice cream, which, in the words of one highly intelligent character, is Totally Yummy. Also, it contains more calories per square inch than any other known kind of ice cream, and many highly intelligent and attractive people eat chocolate ice cream, and you should be able to buy it at your local supermarket. If not, sue your supermarket.

Come on, only the vilest of people don't kick puppies.

And have you seen those Chocolate lovers: they are cazy. Look at homer Simpson!
He ate a man because he was made of choclate. Can't trust them.

I even have the support of a local Physic scientists that I can't name riht now who shows very clearly that too much chocolate will cause a black hole.
So obviously, Chocolate can't be good.

Strawberry for life, yo!

[Assassin89]

Why is this thread even in Roleplaying Games? Although ice cream does make a good snack for RPing, it is completely irrelevant to the topics in this section of the forums.

[lesser_minion]

It's best not to fight the madness...

Although, yeah, it is a slightly odd place for the thread.

Originally Posted by Starbuck_II

Come on, only the vilest of people don't kick puppies.

And have you seen those Chocolate lovers: they are cazy. Look at homer Simpson!
He ate a man because he was made of choclate. Can't trust them.

I even have the support of a local Physic scientists that I can't name riht now who shows very clearly that too much chocolate will cause a black hole.
So obviously, Chocolate can't be good.

Strawberry for life, yo!

And we also have a nobel prizewinner and a fields medallist both declare that strawberry is completely and utterly wrong. Especially the one with bits in it. Just look at my account of what happened when I tried to make strawberry ice cream of inflict minor wounds - trust me, there is a reason that Destruction, mass is not a spell!

Honeycomb ftw!

[ghost_warlock]

Chocolate...strawberry...I'm the guy with the irish cream ice cream.

[Thane of Fife]

Originally Posted by Kurald Galain

• Strawberry ice cream is known to be kind of gross and of smelly, and it has the texture of a withered grapefruit. Some people who eat strawberry ice cream are obese, or said to be flatulent, or kick little puppies.
  
• And on the other hand, we have chocolate ice cream, which, in the words of one highly intelligent character, is Totally Yummy. Also, it contains more calories per square inch than any other known kind of ice cream, and many highly intelligent and attractive people eat chocolate ice cream, and you should be able to buy it at your local supermarket. If not, sue your supermarket.

Wait a minute. You can put chocolate syrup on strawberry ice cream, and then it's just as good as chocolate, if not better. After all, now it has chocolate and strawberry.

[Temp.]

Originally Posted by Thane of Fife

Wait a minute. You can put chocolate syrup on strawberry ice cream, and then it's just as good as chocolate, if not better. After all, now it has chocolate and strawberry.

You've fallen into a common trap. Chocolate syrup cheapens the already weak strawberry and it smells of cardboard.

If you want your ice cream to even have a chance of thriving in a real dessert following a real supper, the only choice is chocolate. And that only works if you maximize your chocularity with fudge and perhaps a dabble of caramel.

No, Strawberry is worth little more than a dollop in some of your more advanced Neopolitans.

[lesser_minion]

Originally Posted by Thane of Fife

Wait a minute. You can put chocolate syrup on strawberry ice cream, and then it's just as good as chocolate, if not better. After all, now it has chocolate and strawberry.

The sheer cosmic horror implied by the thought of chocolate syrup on strawberry ice cream leaves people with lower SAN scores than me a gibbering wreck. I am now eternally traumatised. Have a cookie.

[MCerberus]

I like to multiscoop dark chocolate and mint. People tell me this is sub-optimal, but I have fun with it. Of course that combination can get really powerful if you allow Marble Slab as a source.

[Knaight]

Mint and Chocolate seems suboptimal, but if you add in a swirl of caramel it synergizes really well. Then toss in some chunks of fudge, add chocolate sprinkles, and if your really fancy, throw in some berries. No strawberries though, thats disgusting. Raspberries synergize well with the fudge and caramel. Of course, this is all moot if you buy your ice cream from the supermarket.

[Severedevil]

I'm gonna have to echo Assassin89 here- you're all talking about frozen dairy products, when the Flavors As Written don't even have rules for lactose. (And lactose-free builds take at least three Splatscoops or they're useless against soy.)

You're free to use homemake ice cream, I guess, but then we're not speaking the same flavor.

[The Glyphstone]

[Saint Nil]

(parody thread ya'll)

Anyway, there are various homebrew recipes that make strawberry icecream just as good as chocalte icecream. Also, not everyone likes chocalte. Some people just like eat Strawberry.

Anyway, we all know that chocalte-chip icecream is far superior anyway, so t his argument is irrevelevent.

[Temp.]

Originally Posted by Saint Nil

Anyway, there are various homebrew recipes that make strawberry icecream just as good as chocalte icecream. Also, not everyone likes chocalte. Some people just like eat Strawberry.

Bah. There's no room for homebrew here, just the overwhelming goodness of dedicated cho****ude.


On an unrelated note, are Fruit Brute and Count Chocula still in production? I swear I haven't seen those in ages. I miss them in an odd sort of way.

[MCerberus]

So what are the thoughts about frozen coffees here?

Sure early on they were a bit odd, both weak and couldn't be defended by anyone using normal scoops, but they have since found their niche. A lot of people just auto-ban frozen coffees out of fear.

[Reaper_Monkey]

Citrus all the way, any sort, but it has to be citrus... I'll except vanilla though. At the end of the day chocolate is overly hyped because everything insists on taking a level dip into it, but after the first few levels its really not worth it. Strawberry is okay but its pretty underpar overall, it can be made okay with a few overpowered feats, but anything reliant on that method clearly isn't worth it on its own. Citrus has a better mechanic and integrates well with other flavour a lot of the time, while vanilla is a good base for a lot of prestige classes so I'll accept it as a valid option.

What?

[Fenix_of_Doom]

Originally Posted by Temp.

Bah. There's no room for homebrew here, just the overwhelming goodness of dedicated cho****ude.

I completely agree, just because your mommy can make the bestest strawberry icecream in the world, doesn't mean my mommy can, we can only objectively discuss icecream which is sold in the stores!!!!111!

[Evil the Cat]

I have to agree with those who are outside the strawberry/chocolate box. I always like to go with something more unusual. Rocky Road is a good one. It has all the advantages of chocolate, but isn't quite so one-dimensional.

Personally, Phish food is my top choice, but not everyone allows third-party sources. I also love Thin Mint, but that's really an obscure one.

[chiasaur11]

Originally Posted by Temp.

Bah. There's no room for homebrew here, just the overwhelming goodness of dedicated cho****ude.


On an unrelated note, are Fruit Brute and Count Chocula still in production? I swear I haven't seen those in ages. I miss them in an odd sort of way.

Chocula, I think so. Saw some at Grocery Outlet recently, at any rate. Fruit Brute, however, is less fortunate.

[Saint Nil]

Originally Posted by Evil the Cat

Personally, Phish food is my top choice, but not everyone allows third-party sources. I also love Thin Mint, but that's really an obscure one.

Phish can be way broken if properly optimized. Plus, if we start using thrid party sources, this is no longer a competition. Chocolate wins handsdown.

[Totally Guy]

What's the point in arguing over something so common as ice cream?

We culturally elite folk would take any fine sobet over that flavoured muck from the teat of a cow.

Just face it. Until you've savoured at least four sorbets served in the frozen skin/shell of the fruit it represents there is no way you can hold an appreciable opinion.

[OverWilliam]

I think chocolate is a pretty cool guy. eh cures cancer and doesn't afraid of anything.

[Weezer]

When I first started truly exploring the advantages and disadvantages of different ice creams I thought that neapolitan was superior, but I was very wrong. I thought that since chocolate was amazing, vanilla was good and strawberry was mediocre the combination of the three would be amazing, it turns out that neapolitan was not well thought out in the design phases and turns out weak, not fulfilling any of the flavors that it was intended to emulate.

I must conclude that chocolate is the superior flavor in every way.

[The Rose Dragon]

Personally, I prefer waffles and meat and other hot foods to ice cream.

Though there are certain problems with the bacon being overpowered compared to chicken, it is spelled out in the Meat & Munching manual that it can be so and that chefs should take care to watch orders that include too much bacon and not enough chicken.

I mean, when was the last time Ice Cream & Insanity presented something as "potentially overpowering"? Even chocolate?

[Totally Guy]

We all scream for mainstream!

[kalt]

God forbid you ask for anything else besides chocolate ice cream or you will be reminded constantly that this is not the way to go. Heck, I thought that was half the fun of making a sundae with vanilla ice cream was to try to make it better than chocolate ice cream.