Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator

[Serpentine]

3rd - 20 minutes by train? You're laughing. Thats absolutely nothing. I live in london, so the last time i dated a girl 20 minutes walk away i thought it was close. 20 minutes on the subway is nothing.

Erm... You are aware, aren't you, that 20 minutes' walk away is MUCH less than 20 minute train, right?

[Cobra_Ikari]

Erm... You are aware, aren't you, that 20 minutes' walk away is MUCH less than 20 minute train, right?

In a sense...it isn't. It's much easier to sit on a train for 20 minutes than to walk 20 minutes. More comfortable, too, since trains are climate-controlled.

[Dallas-Dakota]

Ofcourse train is moar expensive, and you can't just 1-2-3 hop onto a bicycle or walk there.

[Cobra_Ikari]

Ofcourse train is moar expensive, and you can't just 1-2-3 hop onto a bicycle or walk there.

This is true, too, I suppose. I guess I just consider the convenience worth it? I mean, I don't even like walking to my mailbox...(in my defence, that's 1.5 miles in GA summer weather. >.<)...

[Serpentine]

You have to walk to and from the train, too... That could easily come out as a 20 minute walk each way (that is, to her house and back to yours), anyway.

[Coidzor]

mmm, that sounds like a nice hike, there, Cobes.

Providing you're wearing the right...stuff...

[Ishmael]

Well, the issue is, it's like a 20 minute subway ride, then he picks me up from the station, to go to his house, which is about a 10 minute drive away. Same deal if he comes down to Berkeley, to visit me. In any case, he needs to drive to the subway station, and since he doesn't have a car, we're very dependent on whether or not there's a car available (and he can't exactly say he has a date, because not only is this a gay relationship, I'm also two years older than him, which would freak out his parents). Geographically, he's about 12 miles away, which is fairly minor, yes, but it's another complication on top of his rigid High School schedule, the overprotective parents, and both of our own lives.

And I can't bear weight on my left foot until October, so any walking I do is with crutches, which suck to go distances with. Otherwise, I'd just bike to his house, it's only like 12 miles away, no problem. Actually, the crutches are evil for many reasons: they totally restrict the things we'd do together. We want to go running, hiking, cycling, and all the manner of things, but can't. We can't even hold hands while walking. Blah.

But on a positive note, I feel like this relationship is totally worth it :D. He's so creative, intelligent, romantic, energetic, and generally awesome! And this is my first real relationship (well, there was a failed heterosexual one, but that failed for obvious reasons :P). I'm so happy that this all is actually happening. Yay!

[Coidzor]

Well, I guess the main thing is for you to get to healing up good so that one obstacle is overcome. Might let you get a bit more initiative and momentum too...

[hawkboy772042]

Here's a minor story... I think my friend is blowing it out of proportion, but I think he may be right based on the results (so far)

I met this girl and almost instantly her face lit up so I went to talk to her. I got her number, but later on I fell into a conversation with her friend when she left the room. According to my friend who was there with me, said that she looked pissed.

A few days later, I called her and asked if she wanted to go get a cup of coffee, but she said that she was busy. I decided to call her two days later. First time I left a message and the second time, I know that she decided not to answer it so maybe he was right.

I'm just thinking if I should bother with calling her another day or just cutting the line now.

[xPANCAKEx]

hawkboy772042

You've called and asked direct. You've called and left a message. If shes interested, she'll get back to you. Either way, the ball is in her court, so i'd leave it up to her. She has your contact details, so can get in touch if she wants to

If infact she is interested, but isn't willing to call back or is waiting for you to call again, then i can only really speculate as to the reasons why... but as a sensible adult i'd say just leave it alone

[Jalor]

Here's a minor story... I think my friend is blowing it out of proportion, but I think he may be right based on the results (so far)

I met this girl and almost instantly her face lit up so I went to talk to her. I got her number, but later on I fell into a conversation with her friend when she left the room. According to my friend who was there with me, said that she looked pissed.

A few days later, I called her and asked if she wanted to go get a cup of coffee, but she said that she was busy. I decided to call her two days later. First time I left a message and the second time, I know that she decided not to answer it so maybe he was right.

I'm just thinking if I should bother with calling her another day or just cutting the line now.

Getting her number means either she wants to talk more, or she thinks ignoring you/giving a fake number is a good way of letting someone down gently. How many is "a few days"? You might have waited too long.

What are the ages of everyone involved?

[Lamech]

Getting her number means either she wants to talk more, or she thinks ignoring you/giving a fake number is a good way of letting someone down gently. How many is "a few days"? You might have waited too long.

What are the ages of everyone involved?

Signs that your interested, when your not and then "ignoring" or just giving false info is a NOT a gentle way to let someone down. Here to point this out.

[RabbitHoleLost]

Just thought I'd let those of you know who were wondering;
Telling my dad straight up "Oh, by the way, the guy I'm dating? He's seven years older" (but not really like that) worked pretty well.

[xPANCAKEx]

RabbitHoleLost

thats great news - hope things continue smoothly


hawkboy772042

Getting her number means either she wants to talk more, or she thinks ignoring you/giving a fake number is a good way of letting someone down gently. How many is "a few days"? You might have waited too long.

What are the ages of everyone involved?

as hawkboy said he's spoken to her on the phone once already, the number is real, but its safe to assume shes not making the return effort

either way - still - leave it up to her. The ball is in her court.

[Cobra_Ikari]

Here's a minor story... I think my friend is blowing it out of proportion, but I think he may be right based on the results (so far)

I met this girl and almost instantly her face lit up so I went to talk to her. I got her number, but later on I fell into a conversation with her friend when she left the room. According to my friend who was there with me, said that she looked pissed.

A few days later, I called her and asked if she wanted to go get a cup of coffee, but she said that she was busy. I decided to call her two days later. First time I left a message and the second time, I know that she decided not to answer it so maybe he was right.

I'm just thinking if I should bother with calling her another day or just cutting the line now.

You confuse me. The girl whose number you got looked pissed? Or her friend you chatted with when she left did?

...because, if the second...I sense MUCH DRAMAS! =O

...if the first...she's probably just not that into you? *shrugs*...or just busy. Or one of those sucky "I'm not avoiding you, I swear!" avoiding you people. =P

[snoopy13a]

Signs that your interested, when your not and then "ignoring" or just giving false info is a NOT a gentle way to let someone down. Here to point this out.

False info is usually given out to people that they aren't showing interest to but who aren't taking the hint (often because they are drunk). The false info is designed to avoid a confrontation that may occur if the woman rejects the man. Additionally, the woman may be uneasy giving out her real number as the man could be sending up stalker signs.

Ignoring usually occurs when the woman is interested at the time she gave out the number but has changed her mind since. It is just a passive-aggressive move similiar to a guy not calling a girl he got a number from because he changed his mind. It is really the way dating works (or more accurately doesn't work). Plus, it is probably better than brutal honesty.

[Dallas-Dakota]

Hmmm, how do you stay/get out (of) the friend zone and enter the flirt/date zone?

With a few notes:
1. We met last week. >.> But she's in mah class and I hang out with her(and several others) at breaks and stuffs. And in class.

2. DD is terrible at flirting. And dating. And girls. Just assume that DD is a total newb, nitwit and noob at girls.....Which he pretty much is(When regarding DD's own ''love life'')

3. The ''if she says no, how do you stay friends'' thing, how do you stay friends? >.> Cause she's awesome, and I dun't want to lose her yet-to-form friendship.

[Zeb The Troll]

Hmmm, how do you stay/get out (of) the friend zone and enter the flirt/date zone?

With a few notes:
1. We met last week. >.> But she's in mah class and I hang out with her(and several others) at breaks and stuffs. And in class.

2. DD is terrible at flirting. And dating. And girls. Just assume that DD is a total newb, nitwit and noob at girls.....Which he pretty much is(When regarding DD's own ''love life'')

3. The ''if she says no, how do you stay friends'' thing, how do you stay friends? >.> Cause she's awesome, and I dun't want to lose her yet-to-form friendship.

Wait... you're asking how to get out of the (non-existent) Friend Zone with someone you're not even friends with yet, and therefore can't even be in it?

[ArlEammon]

I"m afraid I need some help too.. um.. you know a "not appropriate for the board' topic

[Innis Cabal]

Relax. Stay calm. And always bring a jacket.

[Coidzor]

I think you mean a jimmeh hat.

My PM box is open. Or my AIM, whichever.

[SilentNight]

Ishmael: Congrats, sounds like you're in a pretty good position actually. Just give some time for your foot to heal/him to get older and as far as the distance, a 20 minute bart ride isn't that much, soldier through.

hawk: You made the offer, either she'll reply or not, in the latter case, just move on, stuff happens.

Armin: I can't guarentee I'll be much help but my box is open as well.

[xPANCAKEx]

Hmmm, how do you stay/get out (of) the friend zone and enter the flirt/date zone?

With a few notes:
1. We met last week. >.> But she's in mah class and I hang out with her(and several others) at breaks and stuffs. And in class.

2. DD is terrible at flirting. And dating. And girls. Just assume that DD is a total newb, nitwit and noob at girls.....Which he pretty much is(When regarding DD's own ''love life'')

3. The ''if she says no, how do you stay friends'' thing, how do you stay friends? >.> Cause she's awesome, and I dun't want to lose her yet-to-form friendship.

obvious question - are you sure she 'bats for the same team' as you? If not it could potentially make things a bit awkward and put a hold on any plans to be friends

even so - if you're still getting aquainted with each other, and know shes single, then i see no harm in asking out out for a cup of "get to know you better" coffee. If theres no flirting, then its time to hang out.

the stay friends after no part is easy. You just carry on as normal as if there was never any change. If you act normal then it gives her less reason to feel awkward. If she still choose to act awkward after that, its her baggage, not yours

[Cobra_Ikari]

Hmmm, how do you stay/get out (of) the friend zone and enter the flirt/date zone?

With a few notes:
1. We met last week. >.> But she's in mah class and I hang out with her(and several others) at breaks and stuffs. And in class.

This is not the dreaded friend zone. Yet.

This is more the friendly acquaintance/new friend zone, which is not a bad thing.

Friend zone occurs when you have been friends for such a long amount of time that it becomes difficult to see you as anything more than a friend, or your friendship is such a constant factor of life that they become unwilling to risk it with a relationship.

2. DD is terrible at flirting. And dating. And girls. Just assume that DD is a total newb, nitwit and noob at girls.....Which he pretty much is(When regarding DD's own ''love life'')

Not necessarily a bad thing. *shrugs*...some people would find that endearing.

In my personal experience, I've done better with just being friendly than trying to actually flirt. Of course, me being friendly is what some people call flirting, so...*shrugs*...your mileage may vary?

3. The ''if she says no, how do you stay friends'' thing, how do you stay friends? >.> Cause she's awesome, and I dun't want to lose her yet-to-form friendship.

This one is hard. I have no idea.

Just don't do something stupid and hope for the best. It IS possible to have amicable breakups. But after that, things will be VERY tender, so tread carefully.

That said...don't go into a relationship planning on breaking up, yeah? Confidence is key!

[Syka]

On flirting: I'm crap with it but evidently I flirt well. So I guess not being too self-conscious is a good thing?

On staying friends after a no: It's not that hard. I've done it several times. The only time it hasn't really worked was when I hadn't seen the guy in a while pre-confession (it was more than an I like you, though), and didn't see him for a while after. I tried to be friendly and got ignored.

And dude, you aren't friend-zoned. You are actually in quite a good position. Most guys I've dated have been when I knew them well enough to know I liked them but not so well that I knew their life story or anything. Granted, this has only worked in my favor once but that one time was when all my friends knew the dude too. ;)


Update on my friend's situation. It's gotten...depressing for me. As for his stuff, it's technically all her stuff since she paid for it and was supposed to get his SSD checks for a few months to pay for it...which she never got, so it's well within her rights to take it back.

He's been calling her every day since last week, but she hasn't been answering anything other than texts. He's been telling his mom and family and all that him and the girl aren't anything but friends, yet telling others they're in a relationship, etc.

Here's the depressing part. He got his SSD on the first of the month and it's already gone, and he got his meds filled not too long ago and is already out- which he shouldn't be. He called a friend over the weekend to see if he'd take him to the pharmacy for a refill (which he actually can't even get without a doctors OK). This isn't good because the girl is known to be a pill popper, and just recently he'd relapsed into addiction but gotten clean (a few years back, before knowing all of us, he'd had a problem too). Chances are, he's using again. Or she's using the medication he needs for his problems (schizophrenia, depression, and bipolar- I was right on that one). I want my friend to be OK and despite telling everyone he's happy...I'm not so sure he's actually OK. Happy maybe, but not OK.

I'll say one thing- my friend's relationship drama's make me very happy that I have pretty much none.

[Dragon555]

xPANCAKEx and Serpentine
I'm sorry it took me so long to say this, but thank you for the tips. I've got a better concept of what flirting is now and I really appreciate that.

[Partof1]

Hi. Me again, if anyone remembers.

Not so much a problem, really, I just feel I need to discuss.

I plan on asking out thisgirl, not sure if she likes me already. We were chatting on Facebook, got talking about a movie we both liked. Afterwards, she says something along the lines of"I guess we have alot of things in common" I didn't say anything to note, but It got me wondering if she does like me.

I'm planning on asing her out soon, just for lunch on a saturday or something, but I haven't gotten the chance. We have no classes together, and I hang out with my friends at lunch (her friends, too, but she has her own close group). When would be a good opportunity to pull her aside to talk to her?

[Lappy9000]

Hi. Me again, if anyone remembers.

Not so much a problem, really, I just feel I need to discuss.

I plan on asking out thisgirl, not sure if she likes me already. We were chatting on Facebook, got talking about a movie we both liked. Afterwards, she says something along the lines of"I guess we have alot of things in common" I didn't say anything to note, but It got me wondering if she does like me.

I'm planning on asing her out soon, just for lunch on a saturday or something, but I haven't gotten the chance. We have no classes together, and I hang out with my friends at lunch (her friends, too, but she has her own close group). When would be a good opportunity to pull her aside to talk to her?

High School, yah? You can easily get a chance to ask her about in the halls before going back to class.

[Moonshadow]

Hey.... stupid situation, but one that is starting to get quite uncomfortable.

I think my girlfriend has been ignoring me for the past few days, all because I yelled at her friend's friends in a game. Situation just feels like the stupid to me, and this passive-aggressive "everyone ignore me" bull**** is starting to wear me down, especially after she promised me that she'd never ignore me to hurt me.


STUPID SITUATION IS STUPID AND HURTFUL

[Coidzor]

Well, worst comes to worst there's always thermite, though I do not support such decisions.

Have you called her in this period of time? If not, do that, and don't come off as whining, even if you feel she's slighted you, as there's a chance she hasn't actually meant to do anything.