We Don't Go To Gobi Anymore

[Darth_Malevo]

Ye Olde Sucky Beginning

A victorious campaign! The Black Knight, formerly known as the White Knight, who was then formerly known as Edward Jamestown, had been slain! The evil, generic army defeated in a heroic display of heroics! The princess saved from the tower, and quickly chucked back to her father- King Eric the Fourth- before any questions could be asked about why it took so long for the princess to get back home.

And, as was befitting, a grand feast in the highly-civilized capital city. Songs sung, musical numbers performed, and plenty of wenches in taverns to party with. Overall, it was a highly enjoyable affair, especially with the promise of a giant paycheck to make the rest of your lives lived out in comfort. A nice plot of land, a fancy castle to live in. Maybe some scantily-clad extraplanar beings to party with on the weekends and whenever the mood struck you...

Well, that had been the promise, at least. After the booze had stopped flowing, the women stopped partying, and the peasants had to deal with their hangovers business returned to usual. It was time to get your big reward and retire to a well-respected position with plenty of spending money to spend on fast horses and even faster women. But, this is a story, and we certainly can't have a happy ending in the beginning, now can we?

Especially considering what's in store for this story.

As it was, the dealings were all quite fast. A quick meeting with the dynasty's accountant, some fast-spewed words and legal terms, three or four inches of paperwork to burn through...and it was done. Your very own fief, granted by royal decree, and a generous sum of wealth partitioned to you so you could live the rest of your life out partying with your fellow "Heroes of the Land" until you died of alcohol overdose. Or some other addiction overdose.

But as you left for your fief, located at the edges of he empire, a few thoughts occurred to you. Like how they locked, and barred, the giant metal gates at your back. And how everybody seemed to let out a relieved sigh after you signed those papers. Dismissing it, you continued on, trekking into this new world of ruling people and looking good whilst doing it.

And then the cobblestone roads gave way to paved ones. Terracotta roofs became thatch, brick walls around large houses becoming wood ones around unimpressive homes. It would be suitable, really. Not many fancy parties, but at least you'd have plenty to eat.

The five-carriage caravan, led by mighty armored destriers and guarded by men in shining steel plate, stopped to change. No longer were these five armored transports being carried by magnificent mounts. Now common labor mules pulled them, making annoying sounds as the local militia- dressed in leathers and armed with clubs- took over escort duty. A king's ransom in precious gems and gold bars, guarded by thick metal plates. The only thing keeping them out of the hands of yellow-teethed commoners with glorified cudgels.

It only got worse.

The paved roads turned to mud, the smell of bog and mire offending your senses. Culture was abandoned entirely: The houses here were made of whatever could be gathered together, mud slathered over them to keep them together. Straw and ever-present muck made rooftops, windows little more than slits cut into a wall. The farms here were barely even worthy of the name: The bare essentials were grown here, and nothing else. Fields of sickly looking grain, men and women working in them with a bare minimum of motivation. People loafed around in their britches, jugs of alcohol brandished about like signs of status. Places of culture had existed here once before: The remains of a library were visible, blackened by a terrible fire the inscription of "Grand College" was all that really remained of the stonework once evident.

Then, it finally became visible. A crude inscription, carved into a tree by somebody with a bit too much idle time.

Wellcum II Gobi

And apparently a bit illiterate.

The tiny "fief" was little more than an assortment of mud huts, gathered haphazardly in a rough inverted J-shape ending with a single stone lookout tower. A lookout tower that was missing its entire south side, a giant gaping hole in the brickwork revealing the abandoned interior. A nice touch.

The palace you were promised isn't much either, visible in the distant hills as a pair of staggered walls (Best described as staggered because, quite literally, it looked like the person who wrecked them had decided to make the two of them in a zig-zaggish formation of debris and collapsed lookout towers). The castle itself didn't actually look that bad, though...somewhat cliche, but not too bad.

The carriage-caravan stopped along the muddy streets, three men blocking the approaching vehicles as the militiamen hopped off and began to walk away from the vehicles. The three men consisted of what could be best described as "two muscle and a fairy". Now, before you hop off your roker, it's not that kind of...

Well, actually, it kind of was. Dressed in a torn suit and tie with a tophat missing most of its brim, a minuscule man-likely only up to chin height on a Dwarf- sat between two large men. One of whom was only large in his belly and the sledgehammer he carried. The other was large on account of his fairly-toned form, as well as how large the gap between his upper and lower teeth were.

"G-greetings, l-lords..." The tiny man, some sort of wingless pixie, stuttered, "I a-am Lethanial...thi-this is Gobi. I-It is my pl-pleasure t-t-to welcome you to your f-f-fief!" He yelped, twitching slightly. "I-I am the k-kingdom s-s-s-scribe, and th-th-these are the k-k-kingdom's militia!" He said, indicating the two men, who both gave curt bows of mandated respect.

[Goldfly]

Terim scrunches up her nose as they approach the big, and when they near the men blocking the street, she says It is a ..pleasure to meet you, Lethanial.I am quite glad to see the fief that my companions and myself have aquired.Hopefully, we can make it slightly more welcoming?

Spoiler

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Diplomacy Check
(1d20+2)[13]

[Demons_eye]

"Well son of a bitch" Kamin says looking at there new property. "Any one know any thing about home repair?"

[Darth_Malevo]

"A-a pleasure to m-m-meet you!" The tiny man said, his slender fingers jittering as he drew out a sliver of papyrus coiled around a stylus. Scribing upon the paper, he looked over them all, nodding as he made some unseen scribbling whilst talking. It all looked like quite a complex process to do, but somehow the man's furiously twitching hands were writing upon the paper in a successful, if unreadable, manner. His entire body seemed poised to recoil at the merest rebuke, Kamin's curse causing him to jerk sharply.

The entirety of the kingdom's militia simply stood there, dumbly looking around as Overweight scratched his rotund belly, his helmet tied onto his head in a somewhat comical fashion. Buckteeth, on the other hand, stared at his feet with the utmost interest and severity. The law system here must have been fun with these two to enforce it.

"W-w-w-we're a very rustic people, m'lords. I-i-our home is quite peaceful! Everybody knows everybody...q-quite welcoming. W-we manage to g-ge-guh-get by! It's all in the ledgers, sirs, n-no mistake!" He stuttered, Kamin's inquiry met with a meek smile. "I-if you want, lordship, I could c-call for carpenters...a-and laborers...b-but I doubt they'll c-c-come. Our village c-c-carpenter lost his right hand...mule accident, I'm inf-formed. The other villages aren't on sp-speaking terms...sirs..."

[Gaijin Guy Jim]

Ending his grim silence, his favorite silence, Dwyn walks circles around the three, glancing at the castle, and nearby village with well controlled anger. Suddenly he stopped, right in front of the three servants, glaring and smiling at the same time. "Well now, we cant have that now, can we?" he said. "And why is it that they arent on speaking terms?" looking at the rotund man, "And why are you so fat?", then looking at Bucky the bucked tooth man, "And why dont you grab my bags and make yourself useful?!"

He then sighs softly, and looking at the pixie-man says "I apoligize if I seem curt, but I was expecting a place of livable conditions. How much would it even cost to repair all of this? You can do math, cant you?"

Spoiler

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Diplomacy: (1d20+16)[30]
And intimidate, if you prefer: (1d20+12)[26]

[Goldfly]

Shaking her head, Terim shakes her head, whispering ""Dwyn, Dwyn, Dwyn."With a sigh, she looks up and says "He has a good point.Why aren't the villagers speaking?"

[industrious]

Looking at the half-ruined castle, Kabak shrugs. "It's no problem," he booms, "In old country, we have castles twice as bad. Carpenter, carpenter, no need for carpenter. We can fix."

[whoiam]

So far, Liselle had done little more than glance out of the caravan at the surroundings... She hadn't ever really lived anywhere so rustic, but still, the obvious poverty around her struck certain memories...

"I think I can answer all your questions, Dwyn. Whoever our predecessor was, they weren't very good at the job." This was pretty obviously the case. This place hadn't been sacked recently - or else there'd be signs of recent rebuilding, of the people's houses at least - so whoever had been in charge before hadn't been looking after the place. "Makes things harder for us, but think of it this way: It's about time they got someone decent to look after the place, no?"

Sighing to herself, Liselle finally stepped down from the carriage. I hate the countryside. "But Kabak's right. We're the ones who get the castle when it's fixed, so we're the ones who should see to fixing it. And I vote the best way to get started is to go have a look."

[Gaijin Guy Jim]

After listening intently, Dwyn said "Ah, but its not just the castle, we get the people and the surrounding lands as well. If they expect life to get any better, they are going to have to work for it too, and hard." He then smiled again, and said "But I'm not worried, I'm sure we can whip them into shape - physically AND mentally."

After looking at his companion's facial expression, he quickly states "I didnt mean literally WHIP them into shape!.....Er, unless?" He then looks at them again. "Nevermind then." he says, "But squishy here definitely needs the excersise" . He then looks at the round man with a hint of compassion, then nodding his head adds "Isnt that right, Captian of the Guard Squishy?"

Spoiler

Show

For squishy's (and the others, if it even matters) reaction:
(1d20+16)[32]

[Darth_Malevo]

Lethanial let out a tiny whimper at being appraised so harshly, his furious scribbling onto the piece of parchment increasing into an all-out frenzied assault. He made a few panicked sounds as he wrote, the two-man standing army looking about ready to keel over at being spoken to. Obviously they hadn't expected lords so talkative, though they could certainly obey commands.

Rotund One spoke proudly, patting his belly, "Mah name is Cael, m'lord, an' it was country eat'n, m'lord! Missus Deegan cooks a mighty fine cokcerel, if'n I say myself!" He pointed to Buckteeth, who had stared at the bags dumbly. "This here's Smitty Deegan, o' the Deegans. Mighty fine family, if'n I say myself m'lord. Smitty!" He hollered, "Take this 'ere gentlemen's bags! He's our new lawn-arch, an' as the neeew Captain of the Guard, I'm yer superioran officer!!" He declared, patting the boy on his slightly stooped back.

Smitty, for his part, grabbed the bags dumbly, dropping the same one twice before finally hefting them with a decent level of motor control. Back in the cities, the temples usually took care of boys like him with a hefty rock and lots of easily-disposed paper to cover their expensive robes. Out here, people just set the ones like Smitty into the useless jobs. Like serving as a monarch's bodyguard.

Lethanial let out a squeak as he finally came up with an answer, shaking like somebody had centered an earthquake on his very being. Rumbling in place, he spoke hurriedly. "M-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m'lords!" He stammered, his longest stutter yet, "Assuming the average wage of an imported human laborer was six gold pieces a month, totaling out to two silver pieces per day at the current exchange rate, it would likely take a team of one hundred human laborers working eight-hour shifts over a period of two buildings per day..."

His shaking increased, his eyes focusing on the paper as his stutter vanished, replaced with a sort of monotone declaration of figures and numbers, "One thousand to rebuild the households in this tiny village alone!" He shrieked, "Not counting materials, transport costs, medical expenses, and the hiring of royal inspectors to ensure that each household meets up to the Standards and Practices of a Household! We're looking at..."

He seemed about ready to do one of two things: Split into two people, or cause the earth beneath him to split a sunder from his violent twitching. "Five thousand gold! That's only if we want a crude household setup scheme, ensuring that people can find the floors minimally comfortable, and the rats provided sufficient space to roost! Which is, of course, assuming a one-rat-one-household population setup..." He rattled off unnecessarily, as if rodents were also a major factor of life. Which, it could really be said, they were out here.

His mathematically spurred streak of linguistic skill stopped with his vibrations, the man's voice becoming twitchy as his body settled down. "As f-for the current lack of v-v-v-voc-contact with the others, there is a long-s-s-standing feud between the Deegan matriarch and o-o-our neighboring villages. I was not p-p-present for the feud, and c-c-cannot elate. P-p-please forgive this lapse..."

Cael smiled at Liselle, "An I'd be glad to give you, m'lady, a tour of this here pree-muhsays. All official'n'such, to make you better know the land you'll be ladyin' over."

[whoiam]

Poor thing looks as though he's about to have a heart attack... Liselle smiled quickly at Cael, but her first actual response was to Lethaniel. Leaning down a little to address him (short as she was, there wasn't far to go), Liselle said "Please, calm yourself. We're the ones who need to find the money for our ambitious plans, not you. Trust me, I'm good at finding money." A bright smile and a cheeky little grin - Liselle could be a charming thing when she felt like it. "All you need to do for us is listen to our people - we need to know what needs to be done. Then doing it is our problem, okay?"

So we've got physical problems all over the place, and it'd need lots of gold to remedy, even more if we count the castle and want it done quickly. Slightly larger scale than picking pockets to pay for re-thatching a roof, but a similar principle. I wonder who our richest neighbouring lordship is?

"I think, while I leave you big, strong men to move our things into the castle, Terrim and I may want to make a detour. Us two ladies should probably go visit mama Deegan. Try a little girl-talk. I trust you'll be alright without us, Mister Diplomacy?" Followed by a fluttering of her eyelashes that, by now, Dwyn would know was *entirely* faked on her part.

Then finally, to Cael: "I think that tour may have to wait a little longer, Captain. Don't worry, though. It's not as though I... we will be going anywhere..."

[Demons_eye]

"What does your numbers say about me? I must be worth 12 men! I could build this whole city in a YEAR! I could..." Kamin stops relishing even he disbelieves his own boast. "But really what if we all helped? We have some magical ability and like I said I must be worth a few men"

[Goldfly]

"Liselle is correct. Mama Deegan may know something about the feud."
Turning to Kamin, she adds "I could help the villagers with the yield of their crops, at the least, and most likely more."

[Gaijin Guy Jim]

Barely giving a passing glance at Liselle, Dwyn nods at Lethanial's figures, and thinks for a moment. "Well, now, there are many problems to be fixed, eh?" he muttered. "Now Smitty, Unless your all related (which might be the case), there can be more than five Deegans living here, can there? We can't let petty dispute linger between villages when you guys have so many problems right here. Things need to be resolves, and feuds ended. We'll probably need to visit these villages ourselves to make sure any wrongs to the Deegan matiarch is righted, or apologize if'n the Deegans are to blame.... The Deegans dont rule, we do, and if these other villages still continue to fued with our village, its us they provoke now." he said flatly.

"As far as Royal Inspecters go, why have they not fixed the living conditions here long ago? Did this village fail to meet the standards for so long that they dont bother checking anymore? I doubt the King really even cares about profitless borderlands, for that matter." he thought aloud. He then looked at Lethanial, and said "Speaking of being on the kings borders, what do you know of the lands outside of his domain? Are they allies we can recruit for help? Enemies we can conquer for gold and supplies-even able bodies? What of monsters?"
Following this chain of thought, Dwyn started imagining what it would be like to destroy a goblin or kobold warlord, and then convince their people he was god and that they needed to rebuild his earthly kingdom in return for minimum wages...

[industrious]

Kabak reaches over and claps the newly crowned Captain of the Guards shoulder. "Now, Guard Ceptain. You have great big responsibility to keep order and justice. You will be needing to get in better shape; looking like me, not so good for Guard Ceptain. We have warrior-fighters here, and they help get you fit. Or, we try my way, it guaranteed great success. We make deal with demon, and he cut fat out for soul. Cleric Terry then reattach soul, we slay demon, and all is good. Work for me, once."

Looking out at the throng of people, Kabak laughs. "People who we are now governing, I have good news. We are going to be making your lives much better soon. Also, where is nearest bar, I am feeling like drink is to be needed."

[Darth_Malevo]

Lethanial and Cale both paused as they were addressed, Lethanial's knees quivering slightly as a number of thoughts rushed through his mind and were promptly ordered in a very clerk-like fashion. Cale simply scratched his belly at the thought of being forced into some sort of military regimen, before shrugging (favoring the shoulder Kabak hadn't smacked) as if he had just been offered an interesting substance to use. "Err, sure thing, m'lord..." Cale grumbled, looking over the large man with a slightly cocked eyebrow at the mention of demons. Reaching behind his double-sized behind, he produced a small jug with a broken grip and neck for the large man. The neck, naturally, had a crude cork to keep the liquor inside. Though, with something as foul-smelling as the bottle, even Kabak would feel a minor inclination to think twice before blindly chugging a whole jug of the stuff.

At Liselle's pleasantry, Lethanial gave a few gawking motions with his jaw, looking like a fish out of water at either her charming smile or the way she simply told him that the village was their problem. It was hard to tell, really, with his stuttering and looking about. Finally, he "Y-y-y-yes'm." He managed eventually, before answering to both Kamin and Terim, "M-m-magic? Here?" He asked with a squeak, "I s-s-suppose that could h-help things a bit. Yes, make the day a bit shorter, things a bit brighter." He stuttered, dabbing at his forehead with the sleeve of his coat. "Oh dearie...that throws things so off balance...recalculations, recalculations." He mumbled to himself, managing a few scribbles before letting out a fresh yelp at Dwyn's (and Kabak's) proclamations.

To Kabak, the people around the village gave a standard handful of claps before returning to the business of slumming around. Dwyn's, however, drew a few concerned coughs and a few children running back home. A door or two slammed shut, brand-new horseshoes nailed to the front doors of the households. A modern luxury they could afford, it seems.

Smitty opened his mouth at this point, "Maww's cottage ain't far from here." He said, carrying the luggage loyally, "Und I think she's cookin' dinner for me and the rest o' the boys. Oh boy, she can't wait to hear that we got royalty in the kingdom again!" He said, his buck teeth jutting out proudly at the mention of royalty. "Und I get ta carriage their luggage! This is gunna be a humdinger for the table!"

With that, the man offered his arms to the two women, "Madamees, would you care fehr an escurt?" He asked like a little gentleman, before shooting a worried look to Dwyn's proclamation.

Lethanial looked extremely discomforted, even more than what he had seemed thus far, at the mention of the royal inspectors. "Well, s-s-s-sir, it's not th-that the inspectors aren't interested. See, there w-w-as an inspector here a few years a-ago. A n-nice boy, but a bit too out s-spoken. He said that th-the village couldn't r-run a distillery. And then he...he s-set fire to the cider distillery. He d-d-dangled for quite a w-while from what I was t-told..." The man stuttered, looking even smaller than before in Dwyn's presence. "Now they won't v-visit anymore. And w-we don't bother to leave the village anymore...not after the Elves moved in to the north. Th-they're a n-nasty kind. W-we don't get lumber from th-there anymore. S'all swamp w-wood now." He stammered out, wringing his wrists at the mention of the Elves. "E-even the goblins and orcs out here k-keep their distance. Only th-the Lurker is out there. And the Wise Man."

Realizing what he just said, he started to nervously nibble on his fingernails, slightly wetting the papyrus in his hand. "Th-the Lurker just sucks out y-your soul, Missus Deegan warned us! With just a kiss! And the Wise Man...they say he makes the trees do his b-bidding. But neither k-kill us, thanks to m-missus..." He whimpered worriedly.

[Goldfly]

Terim mutters to herself "This 'Wise Man' Sound like a Druid..."

While walking toward Smitty, she turns her head to look at Lethanial, and says "I'm hoping we get a chance to parlay with these elves.We may make them slightly more friendly towards our new home."

When she reaches Smitty she smiles at him sweetly and then says "Lets go!"

[Gaijin Guy Jim]

Dwyn doesnt even notice the peasant's reactions to his words as a rush of thoughts pummel his mind while he took all of Lethaniel's information in. (My word, trouble attracts these people like a curse....or maybe Im the cursed one for having this dumped on me...)

"Er, not that it really matters to me, but are you suggesting that the last inspecter was hung? I cant blame them, frankly, he tried to take away their spirits. Anyway, thats the past. If this village can become more profitable making their little "swamp brew" then we'll handle the legal stuff" he stated. He then started to lightly rub the ends of his slightly pointing ears, and said "Furthermore, no elves are going to put a single hand on our people without our permission, and I can personally see to that! This is our land, so we cut what we want, er....we do own parts of the actual forests, right? And what of stone? Though I doubt that it would be any easier to obtain..."

After thinking some more see thinks aloud "This lurker seems strange, unnatural, really." He then smiles as if in ammusement at a personal joke, but then says "This Wise Man, however, sounds quite interesting to me, perhaps he could be of use to us. If those rumors of his power are true, then he must know a lot about the local area, and might even be able to make this area in particular more fitting for farm work......hmmm, yes, interesting indeed." Looking at his comrades, he then asks "What are all of your thoughts on these matters? They surely need adressing eventually"

He stands there, silent for a while, as the others talk, but eventually looks at Lethanial, and says "Lethanial, I would like to have a talk with you later, in private. Dont worry, I just have some questions that you might be able to answer for me." Speaking up a little more now, he says "I for one, would like to start geting my things settled in for now."

[Scotty88]

Being the most quite because he had been in pure disbelief the entire time Kyos finally breaks his silence and says. "WTF"

[Demons_eye]

"I think we should go look into the wise man and see if he can help us with the lurker." Kamin says waiting to hear the others. After they finishes he agrees with Dwyn "I don't have much but would like a rest."

[Darth_Malevo]

Deegan Cottage

As Terim leaves with Smitty, the simpleton taking the bags over one shoulder and the woman's arm in the crook of his own, the young man led her toward the woods to the east, the whole trip taking several minutes as the bog and mire she had seen thus far gave way to a reasonable-looking forest. Deer eating green leaves, birds chirping, bears swatting at bee hives in comical fashions before getting their just desserts...

A bit too reasonable-looking.

As a matter of fact, the skies around here didn't look that bad either. Birds actually flew over the two of them, the odd hummingbird fluttered by, and- in the distance- the inevitable sound of "Hihohiho" could actually be heard. No doubt it was just the wind in the trees or some creatures mimicking dwarfen mining sons to lure prey, but it still didn't help the fact that her kingdom was equivalent to a cow's dung pie, and this place actually had...

A...yellow brick road? No, it was red brick, but apparently it had faded to a yellowish tinge after so long a time. Smitty, however, just followed the path happily, a large cottage visible at the end of the winding pathway. Situated atop a hill, the one-story household actually looked quite nice. Gutters, a well-made terracotta rooftop. There was even paint on the home! It had been painted white, and the actual-glass windows were open. An old woman was visible on the porch before the front door, apparently resting on a recliner in the open sun.

"Dis 'ere's maww's house. I'm don't think she got comp'ny, but Granny Hope ain't one to be announcin' herself." Smitty said, luggage still in hand.
____________________

The Caravan

Lethanial nodded to the first two questions, "The forests around our fief's b-b-borders were cited to us with the signing of t-t-the Ironguard Compact by D-d-Dwarf Lord Stonefist. It's an a-a-a-ancient document, b-b-but my studies were q-quite thorough. Quite thorough, sire!" He affirmed, as if reinforcing the fact that nobody could quite fulfill his current station with quite the same skill. Twitching slightly, he stared off into space with a closed mouth. For all intents and purposes, it seemed as if he was drilling a mental hole through the entire assembly of carriages. Metal plates were nothing to a powerful mind, as some of the spellcasters present understood. A familiar quaking began with the accountant as he entered another of his recollective phases.

"As for stone, m'lord, all current reserves are quarried from the mine-village of Korrok. Which, as of the last census thirty-four years ago, had a population of little under two hundred, with a sizable population of dwarves. As of the last census, the projected limestone and hematite supplies were predicted as being more than sufficient to last for the next century. Unfortunately, there have been repeated reports of Duergar within the mines, as well as other subterranean incidentals impeding excavation efforts. As of the last legal records, funding has been increased thricefold to the miners, who have increased their efficiency in accordance."

The man stopped his word-for-word report to return to his stuttering, "I-I-I can be made available to serve, m'lord. B-but I would r-recommend against contacting the W-Wise Man. H-He doesn't t-take visitors, a-and Farmer Loy d-d-didn't h-have a very happy e-ending when he tried to make the Wise Man get his crops to grow ten feet tall. N-not a very happy ending at all...had to use a mop!" He wailed quietly, rubbing his wrists as he looked towards the castle.

"B-but you wish to be rested, m'lord? I-I can m-make provisions..." Lethanial muttered, thinking to himself. "Th-the castle still has...myself. Though I-I have been told I m-make a very good side of pork!" The accountant stammered, looking hopeful. "B-but the rooms are...substandard, lord. The l-last staff weren't paid, and the t-treasury was emptied in the f-flight of our previous l-lord. Payment w-was taken in c-castle property...lord." He pointed to the castle, "But p-please, if y-you wish to handle any last matters in the v-village, I'd s-suggest h-handling them now, lords and l-ladies. You m-may become...overwhelmed...with your new th-throne."

[whoiam]

"Common, Kyos, please." Taking the time to reprimand her comrade meant that Liselle was a little behind Terim and Smitty, but not so far as to make trailing them difficult - *especially* once they went onto the picturesque brick road.

Deep within Liselle, something was suggesting that this wasn't right. The whole scene was failing to resonate with the parts of her mind that were innately... well, elven.

Slightly less deep within Liselle, there were misgivings about the division of labour that had made this section of the land so well-cared-for, and left the rest of the inhabitants in, essentially, hovels. Inside every thief, there was the belief that no person deserved to be rich on the backs of the poor. The correct way to become rich was off the money of the already rich...

But such thoughts were just making her fingers itch. And stealing from 'your' subjects tended to set a bad precedent, so... instead of thinking more about potential larceny, she instead moved up to a jog to catch up with Terim shortly before the cottage.

[Gaijin Guy Jim]

Looking at Lethanial, Dwyn said "Indeed. I suppose some pork would be nice, but for now, lets just get our things inside - especially our treasure. Lethanial-the treasury, does it still have a sufficient lock? Or will that need replacing to? If so, that will be another top priority, cant have our things stolen before we can even decide what to pend it on!"

He then made a little clap with hias hands and said "Well, time to tour the castle!" He looked at his companions and said "Anyone want to come along with me? Er, Lethanial, you lead that way."

[industrious]

Kabak takes a swig of the proffered jug. After his eyes stop watering, he draws himself up, and hands the jug back. "Dwyn, I will be coming with you. Help to get treasure secure, and to tour castle that is ours. Also, we will soon have buyer for this drink; if I can get message to old country, they will be happy to buy. My brother's cousin in-law is keeper of most large inn, he should buy, I think."

[Goldfly]

As Terim and Smitty walk through he forest, she takes in the sights, and her mind wanders back to the days of her druidic training, with her father.

When the cottage comes into view, she unhooks her arm from hat of the large man, turns to him, and asks pointedly "Is that your mama on the porch?"

[Scotty88]

"sorry for the outburst but i couldn't believe what they gave us for our blood sweat and tears......well ya'll blood sweat and tears. yeah i might as well go look at this heap they call a castle"

[Darth_Malevo]

Deegan Cottage

Smitty smiled as Liselle caught up, waiting along the brick road as a handful of deer pranced about in the woodlands, utterly oblivious to the possibility of being blown to bits if either of the two monarchs here felt inclined to do so. Life only a quarter-hour away from their domain was just so peaceful. What gave?

The simpleton just gave a small, "Shucks!" as he looked up, before shaking his head. Continuing on, obliviously, he seemed somewhat mesmerized by the cottage up ahead. "Well, I'll be gosh derned!" He said, before blushing slightly at his own profanity. "It's Granny Hope, an' she's off a-watchin' the woodlands 'n'such." He suggested, "Don't pay her no mind, she ain't bit anybody in ah fortnight or so."

With that, he moved towards the cottage porch, knocking on the wooden door three times as the woman on the recliner became visible: She was, quite clearly, both as skinny and as pale as a corpse. Her wrinkled face was relaxed in a peaceful posture, her hands clasped together like a body in a casket. She even had the nice black robe to fit the occasion.

On the contrary, the woman that answered the door was full of life. The wooden door swung open on seemingly silent hinges, the woman having answered the door a tad too rapidly for even Terim's liking. Liselle had caught up with them well enough, reaching the duet as the door finished its arc along the fixtures.

"Why, hello, dearie!" An overly large woman asked, her demeanor instantly obliterating the words "fat" and a few others from their vocabulary. Though she appeared to be quite aged, the woman had kept her complexion and the figure of an elephant with no small help of perhaps three or four daily wagons of sugar. Though surely a glandular problem, the woman barely seemed thin enough to fit through the door, let alone any reasonable sort of entryway or hallway. "Brought some of the ladies from in town, I see?" She asked, her words flowing out before the image of her could fully come into view. It was a strange experience for the two of them, but stranger things yet had happened.

"My, such darlings you two are!" She complemented, as her weight became less of an issue and the rest of her became apparent. She wore what could only be described as the recliner corpse's attire, if every robe that woman had worn were stitched together into a single respectable lady's dress. Though certainly not quite in-fashion, black didn't do the woman too much good or bad. With wide crimson cheeks she smiled at the two girls, a distant hissing and whistling sound audible from within the home. "Did you two girls become a-taken to my dear Smitty? He's such a little angel! A tad dim, but certainly has the face of his father!"

The two women found themselves look up and above her bright eyes, which were full of the sort of energy only husky people could possess when they weren't doing any actual physical activity. Their eyes were drawn more to the hat upon her head, the wide brim of it casting plenty of shade upon the living landmark below. It was also quite pointy, black...

And a witch's hat, with that special little crook at the tip.
_______________________________
The Castle

"Th-the Vault is still s-sealed, lords. And it's o-one of the f-f-few things that my pr-previous master spent well on. D-Dwarfen locks, I've been told, are q-quite hard to pick." Lethanial stuttered slightly, leading the front carriage onwards over the grass and towards the very beginnings of the walls. Cale, as was only proper, formed the one-man honor guard for the royals returning to their castle. Honestly, they needed some new blood around. A single overweight man promoted to Captain hardly served a good role model for any potential recruits.

"A-as for the c-castle itself, m-m'lords, it's n-not in too bad of a s-shape. I've d-done what I c-could, and Corporal S-Smitty was most helpful." The accountant replied, though that could do little to soothe whatever fears they had. The idea of a stuttering, jittery accountant and a backwoods hillbilly lawman working on a stone-and-mortar castle in this sort of landscape was about as reassuring as the fact that a fall from two hundred feet wouldn't last that long compared to the rest of your life flashing before your eyes.

And, unfortunately, it didn't end up that much reassurance: The castle walls were downright pitiful. The outer one, constructed from reinforced slabs of limestone and other such stone, had apparently suffered more than its fair share of beatings. In fact, it looked like the locals had taken to hauling off chunks of the wall's foundations for whatever it was that hillbillies did with public property that had been abandoned. Likely converted it into furniture, the men would guess.

The walls had been built in a circular fashion around the castle, the time of this place having been prosperous evident in its construction. A murky ditch of shallow water served as the remains of the moat around the outer wall, no doubt having been fed by the local swamps or some similar means. Yet the water had evaporated over time, and now all that was left were the dead and dying plant life that had once fed from this mighty source of water. The drawbridge over the former moat wasn't much more impressive, either.

Having been rusted in place, the two chains over the wooden drawbridge hung limp. Anybody was free to enter and exit this castle, and even with the drawbridge up it wouldn't be too much of a hassle. The wood was entirely unreinforced, the portcullis meant to block entrance for intruders having been stolen entirely. No doubt the metal in those bars had been made into pitchforks and other tools for the farmers, their former purpose of defense no longer needed.

The gatehouse above the outer wall had collapsed, some sort of explosion ruining it entirely. Loose bricks had become covered with moss in the unkempt outer courtyard, the statue garden and hedge maze having become a jumbled abomination of rotting plants fed from the decorative pond. The statues, now headless, simply stood like obelisks over the mass of thorns and tangling roots. It would take an army of gardeners armed with adamantium hedge trimmers to sort that mess out. Or just a match and some chocolate and marshmallows.

The decoration, however, was not entirely useless. The "bathhouse" strategically located along the upward slope to the inner walls actually looked quite sturdy. As well as that, the decorative mosaics running along the roof of it were made out of quite sturdy-looking (if rusted) iron. A few men with sharp eyes and bows could cause quite a problem from the roof of that area. The other buildings, mainly gardener's shacks and dilapidated greenhouses, looked sturdy in a more unique way. Which is to say that physically they were a wreck, but strategically they would likely pose as obstacles with their rough-hewn walls and the metal-and-glass cross-sections.

As well as this, there was also the fact that much of the courtyard between the inner and outer walls was- in fact- open ground. This was likely meant for the advantage of the men on the considerably-sturdier-looking inner wall. Anybody caught between the two would likely be in a situation that was unfavorable at best, and an assured death at worst.

The carriages covered the distance quite well, the mules suited to pulling heavy loads uphill. As the wealth-laden vehicles entered the inner walls, the signs of dilapidation became a tad less apparent. Or more apparent, depending on your point of view. Whilst the walls here had numerous wide-necked guard towers along their length, each one suitable to fit upwards of a dozen men from the view on approach. The main gatehouse itself had a large central tower jutting out of it for several yards, like a sort of mini-spire to the castle's own main construction. The gates here were likely very impressive in their glory days: No doubt painted in bright colors for visitors.

Now, however, they were wrecks. The ancient wood had rotted and been eaten through, gaping holes the size of their carriages forced into each door at random intervals. Once towering, all that was imposing about the gates had been lost. Instead, the carriages just moved on through, the mules following the lead wagon like they had been trained to do, Lethanial staying quiet as he let the scenes speak for themselves. An odd occurrence, if any.

The interior courtyard was a tad nicer than the exterior one, the grass here actually kept to a reasonable level. The statues had been left mostly intact, though their features were too faded to make anything worthwhile out. That, or they had just been crafted to subpar quality. Unfortunately, nothing could have been done for the main castle itself: The towers meant to help keep it fortified and serve as habitation for the servants having collapsed long ago. Some had simply imploded in on themselves, the rooftops gutting the interior of the stone edifices.

Others, like one of the ones to the north, had fallen like trees. Having broken against the toughened stone of the wall, the castle tower had cast rubble for countless yards in every direction. Bricks and stone blocks had crushed a plethora of things throughout the interior courtyard, only a small number of the smaller ones having been pushed or dragged into a crude pile along the inside of the gatehouse.

Overall, however, the castle was in fair enough shape. The windows didn't appear utterly decimated, and as they led the carriages through the double doors, Lethanial firmly barred the main door into the castle with a large length of wood. No doubt a minor security measure, but it- at least- showed that the wingless pixie-thing wasn't entirely powerless. That, or that the wood around here was particularly lightweight.

With the five carriages parked the remains of a main hall, the dilapidated feel of the building could be better. For one, the "red carpet" they had expected was entirely missing, leaving them to trod over the cold stone floor. The paintings along the hall had either been slashed or rotted into ruin, the torches burning along the hallways left screwed into their holsters as a security measure. The crystal chandeliers, meant to provide sophistication, had just shattered in their fixtures and left glass shards to be swept aside into the odd nook or cranny within the uninviting stone walls. Cobwebs crisscrossed the high ceiling, and Lethanial only paused to detach a torch before pausing here.

"Unfortunately, m-m-m'lords, the v-vault is on the th-third floor. The t-treasure will be s-safe here, though! I can p-promise you all that!" He assured, looking ready to cringe as though his assurance was just an invitation to a thorough roughing up.

[industrious]

"Relax, Lethaniel. It no problem. Now, I am having question as to structure. Can the castle and walls stand without wood that is currently rotting? I can help with wood deconstruction. Anything flammable can be burnt out with minimum of damage. Perhaps we use tower stones to fix more immediate worries, yes?"

[Gaijin Guy Jim]

Looking about in his well practiced grim silence, Dwyn finally looked at Lethanial, and said "Fine, fine! So long as it is taken to the vault tomorrow. We cant be too safe now, can we? And I think one of us needs to supervise it's transportation. I don't think it wise to just trust people not to pocket as much gold as they can while working." He thought a moment more, than said "Now about our rooms....do we have an decent sized dungeon? I think I would like to make that my personal living quarters. Privacy you see. Once thats settled, I could do for a bite to eat."

[whoiam]

Now I know what Dwyn's house would look like if he ever settled down in the countryside. It's vaguely depressing that the only thief in town isn't actually the most selfish person. For that matter, I think I'm struggling to break into the top three. Oh, well, I can but try harder in the future...

Well, might as well get on with this.


"Hello there, Ms Deegan." Liselle slipping around her colleague to address the witch directly. "My name's Liselle, and I'm a thief, a burglar, a cheat, a scoundral... and thanks to an Emperor made of equal parts grateful and devious bastard, Terim and I are two of your new lords. There's a bunch more of us, but due to their particular male idiom, they're all inspecting the castle or getting drunk, and probably both at once. Which leaves us ladies to do the important work... but there's nothing new there. Anyway, we were told that you are the go-to lady if someone wants to know the state of things around here - inter-village relations, recent local history, that sort of thing - and if we're going to make a decent showing as local lords, it's the sort of information we'll need to know. Or, to be more accurate, it's the sort of information Terim will need to know, since she's the responsible one. I'm just the street urchin who signed up with a bunch of 'heroes' instead of a bunch of tomb robbers by mistake. Still, while people still think I'm a hero, I may as well act like one. Some chances only come once a lifetime, right?"

And breathe...