Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

[Zanaril]

I don't like Belkar. And I like V too much to make him suffer that humiliation. Sure, I could have him walk in on Belkar forcing himself on Kyrie, but that's not a comedy anymore then, is it?

That's never stopped anyone ...

You could have them meet Kyrie somewhere (pre soul-splice), and Belkar starts flirting with Kyrie, not knowing s/he's V's mate.

Question is, who is squicked out more; V, or Belkar when V starts making out with Inky?

[CoffeeIncluded]

I've already done Belkar/Kyrie.

http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showt...93#post7069493

[Dark Faun]

You could have them meet Kyrie somewhere (pre soul-splice), and Belkar starts flirting with Kyrie, perfectly knowing s/he's V's mate.

Fixed.

Question is, who is squicked out more; V, or Belkar when V starts making out with Inky?

Depends. If he thought they were of opposite gender or both male, he'd be disgusted. If he thought they were both girls, he'd cheer. Well, hot girls. The Belkster don't have no time for the fuglies.

[Zanaril]

I've already done Belkar/Kyrie.

http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showt...93#post7069493

Is it wrong that the reason I found that horrifying is solely due to the mental image of Belkar singing?

Depends. If he thought they were of opposite gender or both male, he'd be disgusted.

Amusing.

[Dark Faun]

I don't know if it's because I love V too much or because Cracklord's hatred has rubbed off on me, but I can't appreciate Belkar hurting V in any way. I hope the "happened a few years ago" part was a lie.

Good story though.

Amusing.

Well, seeing how he reacted when he saw Elan or Roy naked, I figured he wouldn't like slash too much.

[Zanaril]

Well, seeing how he reacted when he saw Elan or Roy naked, I figured he wouldn't like slash too much.

So that is how you get even with the Belkar...

[Dark Faun]

And thus, V Charmed Durkon into kissing Belkar.

I've been growing fond of V x Celia for some reason. Maybe it's the pretty winged half elves. :D

[Cracklord]

Hey Cracklord? did you ever get that Roy/Halely Fanfiction done? I don't really have the time to look right now.

I'm leading up to it. In my current story, Belkar is about to kill Elan and Celia. You know the rest. I'm just using the opportunity to explore as many characters as I can, and horribly mistreat Belkar for my own sick amusement, and the rest of you's horror.

I've been growing fond of V x Celia for some reason. Maybe it's the pretty winged half elves. :D

I like Celia, because she's a fairly complex, interesting character, becase she sticks to her principles even when dangerous, and because she hates Belkar, and I have to like anyone who hates Belkar the same way the USA had to support anyone who called themselves anti-communist.

But I can't imagine her with V.

[Dark Faun]

Would you mind elaborating why? I'm curious.

[Cracklord]

Because V is very uncertain about it's sexuality. Perhaps the wizard is simply not interested in it, perhaps water-smurf is right and V is just sexually confused and so repressed those feeling and emotions. Either way, they would both want very different things from a relationship. Celia, on the other hand, is very liberated. She had sex with Roy on the first date, she doesn't mess around.

Second, they are both very intelligent, if a bit naive, but neither are inclined to consider others opinions. They both simply consider themselves right (though V is trying to work past that, and Celia can accept what Roy does. She just doesn't like it). So, fights. Two people refusing to give any ground on their chosen philosophy is not a foundation for a stable relationship, unless they can ignore it, but since that issue defines so much of their characters I can't see them doing that. It only works with Roy because he's willing to agree with her principles while at the same time expressing it needs to be done.

Both, in any real relationship, need guidance, V in the sexual side, Celia in the other side. And V doesn't have the patience or inclination to teach.

Third, they want totally different things out of life, and looking at the two characters I see almost nowhere that there wants or expectations mesh.

Of course, the Ship must flow.

[Dark Faun]

Thank you for taking time to help me understand the characters better.

But sexuality aside, wouldn't the same thing happen between V and Miko?

[The Dark Fiddler]

But sexuality aside, wouldn't the same thing happen between V and Miko?

Not if she gets some Treaure Type O.

[Dark Faun]

Oooooh, I smell a plot bunny coming!

[Cracklord]

I suppose that's why they never had a relationship.

Although, if you want to go there, not as much. Those two are both sexually-uncertain, and their respective philosophies basically boil down to 'I'm always right.' Aside from that (though that is a pretty massive hurdle), and the insurmountable arrogance on both parts ( I do not respond to elf, nor those intellectually inferior to myself), they'd probably be OK, if they could learn to respect each other.
Hypothetically, the two might be inclined to learn about sex together.

V and Celia is even worse then that tangle, because Miko and V are following the same line. Celia is going in another direction, and any relationship has no foundation to stand on (Miko and V want many of the same things). Even a one night stand, or that classic (to me at least), post-mortem hookup, would be impossible due to Vaarsuvius's repressed sexuality.

Not if she gets some Treaure Type O.

There is only One item on the Treaure Type O. table. O-Chul's junk.
This less then intelligent moment is brought to you by Chuck Norris O-Chul facts.

[Zanaril]

Wait.... why do we think V's uncertain about sexuality? V just has a problem with gender, and as V's married it's obviously not that much of a problem.

Unless V's relationship with Inky was even worse off than we think...

Or am I getting mixed up about specific terms?

There is only One item on the Treaure Type O. table. O-Chul's junk.
This less then intelligent moment is brought to you by Chuck Norris O-Chul facts.

The 'O' in Treasure Type O stands for 'O-Chul'.

He's the only one with a high enough constitution to survive being drafted into that duty.

[The Dark Fiddler]

Hypothetically, the two might be inclined to learn about sex together.

Reminds me of a theory I read once explaining V's actions; he's really a teenager.

[Cracklord]

Well, I remember a certain scene that any two year old would recognize as a fairly blatant attempt at seduction, and V thought Inkyrius was giving the wizard an opportunity to study in the library.
The whole lack or familiarity with gender, beyond a running joke, suggests a lack of familiarity with your own sexuality. And V is unable to recognize Roy turned into a women, or why two hot female paladins making out is provocative, or any of a hundred little examples like that.
I get the feeling Inkyrius and V's relationship was fairly platonic.

The 'O' in Treasure Type O stands for 'O-Chul'.

He's the only one with a high enough constitution to survive being drafted into that duty.

Truly, jokes are like frogs. Once you sit down and dissect them, they stop beig amusing.

[Zanaril]

Reminds me of a theory I read once explaining V's actions; he's really a teenager.

Canonically he's only two years past being a teenager (in elf years) anyway.

Truly, jokes are like frogs. Once you sit down and dissect them, they stop beig amusing.

It's one joke I'm happy to kill.

[Dark Faun]

Thanks for all the insight. I wish I could analyze characters like you.

[Meg]

Canonically he's only two years past being a teenager (in elf years) anyway.

I'm going to go ahead and say that's why V's marriage didn't work. That and the complete romantic cluelessness.

[Kaytara]

Reminds me of a theory I read once explaining V's actions; he's really a teenager.

Hey, that was me! :D It was a joke, though. XD

[Cracklord]

I just read Keychain of Creation, and I have an unspeakable urge to write a crossover. Does anyone here play exalted, and would they be willing to work as a consultant?

[ClericOfBelker]

I'm Back!

Spoiler

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"Sirs, phone call from Tiamat."
"Oh great, here it comes..." Said Purple
"Hello?...You want us to say sorry how?!!" Said Orange
"Give me that! How are we saying sorry?...I'm sorry but thats not going to b-" Said Yellow
"EPIC MASS TELEPORT!!!"
"ARRGGGGHHHHH!!!!" Screamed Purple as he was enveloped by untold billions of black dragons
"Oh gods help me!!!"
"Heh-heh I shall help you all right! Teleport!"
"ARRGGGGHHHH!!!!!"

You're welcome Closak!

[Aaron]

This needs to be written.

Here you go!

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From my dad, I got my red hair, my quick fingers, and an unhealthy distrust for my fellow mankind. From my mom, I got lycanthropy - I'm a werecat. The Dexterity bonus and natural attack can really come in handy; the fear and loathing, not so much. So, you can probably get why I'm not exactly very open about it I haven't told anyone, not even V or Elan. I thought I would go my entire life without ever shifting again. That is, until he joined the party.

He was more beautiful than anyone I'd ever seen before, even Elan. His soft white fur, his sparkling blue eyes, that rich purr in his voice. I couldn't believe it. I'd told myself I would resist the urge; I would be a hundred percent human. And believe me, I tried. But he kept visiting me, every night, curling up at my feet... on my face... by my side... I just couldn't do it. And so, I decided to let my inner cat out of the bag.

Wow! I guess I made a good suggestion then. It's a nice story. Short, yet great!

[Silverraptor]

I just finally finished this scene for Iron Avatarist and I though you guys might like it. Here it is.

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I combined two of the verses. But there it is.

[Cracklord]

Always loved that poem.

I'm Back!

Ah, good, I need help on my Belkar characterization. Do me a favor and read through, and tell me where I'm slipping. You'll have to start from wherever you left off, of course.
Contains cruelty, torture, and other horrible things. But you're a belkar fan, so that shouldn't deter you.
Belkar in Hell [Part 1]
Belkar in Hell [Part 2]
Belkar in Hell [Part 3]
Belkar in Hell [Part 4]
Belkar in Hell [Part 5]
Belkar in Hell [part 6]
then he's resurrected on schedule, and:
The OOTS in Girard's Gate [Part 1]
The OOTS in Girard's Gate [Part 2]
The OOTS in Girard's Gate [Part 3]
The OOTS in Girard's Gate [Part 4]
The OOTS in Girard's Gate [Part 5]
The OOTS in Girard's Gate [Part 6]

Now I've got to have him kill Elan and Celia, and try to kill V. Any advice?

[The Succubus]

Pm'd you with a suggestion although if you decide to act on it I will say it was your idea.

[BatRobin]

Nale x Crystal in American High School Setting.


I can make this work. Give me time, you guys can write your own if you feel it.

[Cracklord]

I have read your suggestion, and understand the concept, but you have failed to see the whole story. One of the fundamental aspects of crackpairings is getting rid of inconvenient side characters. Or love interests the audience does not like.
For instance, a rabid Twilight fan may kill off Bella so sparkles and wolfy can be together. Belkar is my banhammer, wielded to allow Kyuubi's story to come to pass.

Sometimes, a character is hated because it's annoying. Or because it came in after the show Jumped The Shark, or was the character who actually jumped the shark. Or because it's a raging Mary Sue/Scrappy and gets too much attention. The list goes on. But, when Shipping comes into play, the character is hated for existing at all.

Elan's the source of many of the strips comedic moments, and I like Celia's character, but if Roy and Haley are to get together...

So, this strip will be a transition, allowing me to put Belkar back in hell, and Belial's tender(ish) embrace, and prune two inconvenient characters from the sides.

It will still be crack, fear not.
Whatever happens, the crack must flow.

[Tira-chan]

So, this strip will be a transition, allowing me to put Belkar back in hell, and Belial's tender(ish) embrace, and prune two inconvenient characters from the sides.

It will still be crack, fear not.
Whatever happens, the crack must flow.

Except, of course, this IS the crack pairing thread. So there's always another way to get rid of people. In your aforementioned Twilight example, Bella doesn't have to die - she can just hook up with Alice instead. Similarly, wouldn't Celia and Elan make a cute couple? They're both so innocent and naive about the way the world works...

Er, yeah. Not that this should cause you to change a thing - I can tell it wouldn't fit your idea for the story. Actually, I just wanted an excuse to mention Bella/Alice.