Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

[Lycan 01]

Nope, can't recall...

Btw, your banner is back.

[CoffeeIncluded]

Crack Pairings IV: You Can't Unread It. I think.

May I make it if you can't?

And your banner's fixed.

Also, we really should put all the old crack pairings on FF.net if we've got a file up on there anyways. These old threads will get purged soon, and the crack pairings with them...

[DarkElfGangsta]

I'm not sure I understand. Can anyone write one of these stories, or do you have to be part of this crack club? I'd like to try my hand at this stuff, I enjoy writing, and I have and idea for a nale x julia story.
dang I can see what you guys like about this stuff... the rush of POWERRRR

[CoffeeIncluded]

Anyone can! We're open membership, if you want to post, then post!

Welcome to the Crack Pairings Thread, where depravity and kindness peacefully coexist! Cookies and brain bleach are to the left.

[Lycan 01]

Go for it, man! We're always open to new membership...

[ClericOfBelker]

Yea!


And don't forget souls!

[The Dark Fiddler]

Crack Pairings IV: You Can't Unread It. I think.

May I make it if you can't?

Yes, you can.

And my banner's fixed because I uploaded a new version to a different account of mine, just in case it was that specific account.

[CoffeeIncluded]

Yay! Thank you!

[Meg]

I'm not sure I understand. Can anyone write one of these stories, or do you have to be part of this crack club? I'd like to try my hand at this stuff, I enjoy writing, and I have and idea for a nale x julia story.
dang I can see what you guys like about this stuff... the rush of POWERRRR

Post away. And don't mind that burning sensation, that'll go away after a bit.

[tahu1809]

What a wonderfully idea don't you all agree (Terns to the Crack Pairings weighter's all of which are chained to typewriters) Now get to work my pretty's NEAhhhhhh!

I will bring this up one last time and then leave it be. Any one interested in writing this pairing?

[Lycan 01]

What, Roy and Miko together? Sounds fun, but I've got several other pairings to work with right now. If I had time to think, I'm sure I could come up with a one-shot, but nothing extended. Unfortunately, I've got lots of school work to do...

Maybe somebody else will be able to pick it up. I'm sure they'd do a better job with it than I could...

[Dark_Stryke]

(You mentioned this but whatever) I think they were just meant to be simple puns. OR they were meant to be upgraded versions. I mean he also Italic'd the words, so I think that was the most likely. Other then that your argument was sounding a bit less like constructive criticism at times.

Mm, I do have a tendency to be overly critical, though I thought I did I good job of keeping any venom out of it. He asked for opinions, so I took the time to give an in-depth analysis.

@ClericofBelkar: If my opinions caused offense, I'm sorry!

Really? Try reading it again, only imagine it being narrated and acted out in Gary's Mod like Full Life Consequences

*snickers* Okay, that makes it funnier. And CoB is a way better writer than Squirrelking, though I'm suddenly wondering if that's not a good thing

[The Dark Fiddler]

I will bring this up one last time and then leave it be. Any one interested in writing this pairing?

Our most skilled writers are already busy with their own stories, for the most part.

[Closak]

I just...read something rather disturbing in a story on Fanfiction.Net.

It had nothing to do with OOTS, but still...

*Dips head into bucket full of acid*

...Oh right, Acid Immunity, drat...

*Dips head into river of lava instead*



Also...*Screams*

[Thor Person Guy]

Has anybody else noticed how the newest page is like hilarity covered on awesomesauce for us?

[Dark Faun]

Well, Durkon walking away from Elan and a smiling Haley looking very tired... Very suspicious if you ask me.

[Zanaril]

I just...read something rather disturbing in a story on Fanfiction.Net.

And this surprises you?

Well, Durkon walking away from Elan and a smiling Haley looking very tired... Very suspicious if you ask me.

I'll never be able to see that panel the same way ever again. Thanks.

[Thor Person Guy]

There's a scorpion chasing Mr. Scruffy, and there's Elan with a cactus.

Please tell me I'm not the only one who saw this.

[Closak]

Overwhelming urge to...post small excerpt from...hilarious non-OOTS related...Fanfic...must...resist...urge...to post...funny...


Thor Person Guy: No worries, i saw it too.
I LOL'ed

[Sstoopidtallkid]

There's a scorpion chasing Mr. Scruffy, and there's Elan with a cactus.

Please tell me I'm not the only one who saw this.

Assuming you're only talking about the potential pairings, no, and both have been written at least once. If there's some hidden reference there or extra perversion or something, then I missed it.

For reference:

Spoiler

Show

Sword drawn, Elan stared up at the cactus and frowned. The prize--A beautiful flower--Stood atop it. Yet it was protected by thorns, too fragile to bear his weight.

Elan waited for the cactus to make a move. Ridiculous to some, but he knew. He knew that sometimes plants move, and he wouldn't be surprised if plants got pissed when you deflowered them.

...Heh, 'Deflowered.'

And yet the cactus was oddly beautiful. Tall and proud, yet that flower gave it an oddly feminine aspect...Elan had an idea on how to claim the prize...

===

Haley whistled, slightly impressed as she plucked out the spines from Elan's exposed skin, the beautiful flower sitting in her hair. He had restrained himself to slight whimpers and the occasional yelp, even when she had to tug at a deeply embedded spine with both hands. Her mouth dropped open slightly when Elan gingerly took off his pants and underwear, exposing dozens of thorns impaled in his upper thighs and groin. Haley worked her jaw for a moment, trying to comprehend what she was seeing and formulate a response. Finally, she said, "...I'm just going to assume that this was necessary to get me the flower, and never mention this again."

Elan squirmed uncomfortably and winced. "...Yeah, that would be best."

Spoiler

Show

He was so soft. That was my first thought. Such smooth, white, fur, such finely shaped legs, so full of meat for our future babies. Yes, he wasn't quite normal, lacking pincers, and having such odd mouth-parts, but his tail...I had to have him. But when I approached him, I froze. That's never happened before, but I was just so in in awe of his exoticness, his perfection. I could not start the dance, and he, surely out of boredom, attempted to leave. I couldn't have that. Not before I got my chance. I was desperate. So I stung him. It wasn't much, just enough to slow him, just enough to give me a chance, I thought. But it wasn't, he shruged it off like nothing I've seen before, and he took it wrong. Thought it was an attack or something. As if I would ever harm such a perfect figure. I had to stop him, had to explain...but he ignored me. Ignored my scent, ignored my tremors. Just as I began to wonder if I had made a mistake(but how could I not go after him), I felt something pierce my back. It didn't hurt, but I was lifted from the ground, and felt myself growing weak. Even that I will survive. No matter how I am injured, I will endure. I will manage to tell him. He may understand now, he's looking at me, even in my current state, with such eagerness, such hunger. We WILL be together. We will....why is it so hot?

[Thor Person Guy]

Assuming you're only talking about the potential pairings, no, and both have been written at least once. If there's some hidden reference there or extra perversion or something, then I missed it.

I actually knew about those, and was suggesting that the new page is a Fandom Nod.

[Zanaril]

I actually knew about those, and was suggesting that the new page is a Fandom Nod.

A comic that's a fandom nod to... pairings that will be written because of the comic that's a fandom nod?

Rich is a future-paradoxical-psychic!

Overwhelming urge to...post small excerpt from...hilarious non-OOTS related...Fanfic...must...resist...urge...to post...funny...

What fandom is it?

[Closak]

What fandom is it?

It's Final Fantasy 7.
Let's just say it involves Chocobos and nasty mental images.

The whole thing is a big LOLfest.

[Dark Faun]

Let me guess; Tifa mistook a chocobo for Cloud because they both share the "I brushed my hair with dynamite this morning" golden haircut?

And Final Fantasy characters made appearances in OotS, so I don't think people will mind if you mention it.

Other that, you know, because of the nasty mental images.

[Closak]

Not quite.

Spoiler

Show

I hate the Chocobo Ranch.

They refused, outright, to let us borrow even a single chocobo. Nope, instead, we had to spend a small fortune on a special type of Materia just to lure the big, yellow birds into our waiting arms, along with more grass then you could shake a stick at.

But now, in order to catch ourselves a chocobo, we have to run around like morons, waiting for a chocobo to get attracted to Cloud's hair, sorry, our choco-lure Materia.

Things would be so much easier if Barret would stop trying to teach people in Wutai his large collection of swear words. This was usually accompanied by him shooting his arm at the sky. I'm hoping that a pigeon craps on him. Yes, he'll start swearing again, but at least it would give the rest of us a good laugh.

However, because of Barret, any chocobo that came near enough for us to see, tended to boldly turn tail and flee in light of the knowledge of just who wanted to ride it across the swamp. I don't blame them. Who would want to be ridden by this band of lunatics? Not me, that's for certain.

“Barret. Shut up.” Cloud hissed, after the seventeenth chocobo ran away at Barret telling it to 'Fuggin' get over here, so that we can fuggin' ride it.'

Did that sound dirty, was it just me?

Another chocobo came towards us, giving each of us particularly cautious looks. Of course just as it got close enough for me to grab it, Barret noticed it and screamed at the top of his lungs.

“GET YO YELLOW ASS OVER HERE AND LET US FUGGIN' RIDE YO 'TILL YO DROP!”

Eww, mental images, many mental images that I did not want. The bird must have agreed, since it ran away, at a speed that would put many racing chocobos to shame. Now excuse me while I go and drown myself, for fear of living with the most nasty of mental images for the rest of my life.

And that is why you should never bring Barret with you when going chocobo hunting.

[Dark Faun]

I know nothing of Final Fantasy 7 (since I never played console games) other than the main character looks like a yellow hedgehog made its home on his head and carries a sword so big he must have an inferiority complex, his girlfriend has huge knockers she beats people with and some overgrown chicken gad about the world, but this was funny.

Found it pretty tame though. Needs more crack pairings.

[Closak]

Really?

Personally i find the image of a big scary black man screwing what is basically a yellow ostrich with magic to be pretty disturbing.



We are getting awfully close to a new thread.

[Dark Faun]

Crack Pairings IV: When all else fails, go for the brain!

Ah, Minsc. You love Boo don't you? You really love him right?

[Zanaril]

We are getting awfully close to a new thread.

Yeah we were certainly buring the midnight oil yesterday; four whole pages!

[Meg]

Thread 1: Crack Pairings
T 2: Brain Bleach Not Included
T 3: 50% More Squick
T 4: You Can't Unread It
T 5: We Revel in Infamy

:D

Found this on page 7 or 8. Good to know we've planned this far ahead. Not only are we the most mentally unstable thread, we're also the nicest and the most prepared.