Crack Pairings VII - Bring Bottled Water, Our Water is Spiked With Love Potion

[Lix Lorn]

XDDD
That would be awesome-lets start a new thread for it!

[Symmys]

I demand politely request a story in which Tiasal's significant other meets the whole family. Cowering in fear of her parents, adoptive aunts, uncles and cousins is optional. But highly likely.

I just thought of something- where's the MitD in the main Tiasal story?

[Asta Kask]

(Remember that Elves and Ears thing you did? Well...)

Spoiler

Show

Interestingly, and to the great frustration of elven cross-species lovers everywhere, the rate of unintended pregnancy in respect to cross-species lovers is much higher than the average unintended pregnancy rate, especially when the female is an elf. This occurs even when protection spells (Most commonly, a simple abjuration cantrip that is a slight modification of Resistance and Prestidigitation), are used. Research indicates that both this protection spell and natural biological factors are to blame.

This protection spell boasts a 97% success rate at preventing unintended pregnancies. Of the remaining 3%, most of the cases result from a misuse of the spell (The spell, though simple, requires both verbal and somatic components, and a range of touch. Furthermore, once applied, the spell causes a slight prickling sensation on the area touched; although it quickly fades, it is certainly uncomfortable.) However, the failure rate more than doubles when the participants are of different species, and more than quintuples when the female participant is an elf (This study assumes that there are two participants of opposite genders.)

Oddly enough, the spell varies slightly for each species. There is a protection spell designed for humans, a protection spell designed for orcs, and so forth. Therein lies the problem.

It is common knowledge that elves are highly androgynous. It is the rare elf that exhibits obvious gender traits, and many adventuring parties which include elves never know the gender of the elf or elves in the party. However, this androgyny extends beyond gender typing into actual biological characteristics.

All elves have a slight stature and build. Their bones are much lighter than that of other humanoids, and much more flexible as a result. However, this makes their skeletal structure much less able to handle the abuse that other humanoids can weather. As a result, elves have a lithe body structure that appears effeminate even on males. This extends beyond the skeletal structure, as elves have different hormone levels than other humanoids. Male elves in particular have much lower testosterone levels than other humanoids. This keeps their body slight and light enough for their bones to easily handle, but also prevents a deepening voice, severely hinders facial hair growth, and sharply decreases sperm count.

This last one is the solution to the problem that plagues so many cross-species lovers. When an elf uses a protection spell on a male of any other species, a protection spell that is designed for elves, it is simply not powerful enough. A different protection spell, one designed for the males' species, must be used.

It is unfortunate that so few people know this. This new knowledge must be widely spread to as to prevent any more of these issues amongst cross-species couples.

...Well?

*chuckles*

I like it. So it's not necessarily that they are more fertile, it's just that the protection spells misfire? hmm...

[CoffeeIncluded]

*chuckles*

I like it. So it's not necessarily that they are more fertile, it's just that the protection spells misfire? hmm...

Yep.

I demand politely request a story in which Tiasal's significant other meets the whole family. Cowering in fear of her parents, adoptive aunts, uncles and cousins is optional. But highly likely.

Oooohhh....

[Silverraptor]

Ah, of course.

Done and done!

(Remember that Elves and Ears thing you did? Well...)

Spoiler

Show

Interestingly, and to the great frustration of elven cross-species lovers everywhere, the rate of unintended pregnancy in respect to cross-species lovers is much higher than the average unintended pregnancy rate, especially when the female is an elf. This occurs even when protection spells (Most commonly, a simple abjuration cantrip that is a slight modification of Resistance and Prestidigitation), are used. Research indicates that both this protection spell and natural biological factors are to blame.

This protection spell boasts a 97% success rate at preventing unintended pregnancies. Of the remaining 3%, most of the cases result from a misuse of the spell (The spell, though simple, requires both verbal and somatic components, and a range of touch. Furthermore, once applied, the spell causes a slight prickling sensation on the area touched; although it quickly fades, it is certainly uncomfortable.) However, the failure rate more than doubles when the participants are of different species, and more than quintuples when the female participant is an elf (This study assumes that there are two participants of opposite genders.)

Oddly enough, the spell varies slightly for each species. There is a protection spell designed for humans, a protection spell designed for orcs, and so forth. Therein lies the problem.

It is common knowledge that elves are highly androgynous. It is the rare elf that exhibits obvious gender traits, and many adventuring parties which include elves never know the gender of the elf or elves in the party. However, this androgyny extends beyond gender typing into actual biological characteristics.

All elves have a slight stature and build. Their bones are much lighter than that of other humanoids, and much more flexible as a result. However, this makes their skeletal structure much less able to handle the abuse that other humanoids can weather. As a result, elves have a lithe body structure that appears effeminate even on males. This extends beyond the skeletal structure, as elves have different hormone levels than other humanoids. Male elves in particular have much lower testosterone levels than other humanoids. This keeps their body slight and light enough for their bones to easily handle, but also prevents a deepening voice, severely hinders facial hair growth, and sharply decreases sperm count.

This last one is the solution to the problem that plagues so many cross-species lovers. When an elf uses a protection spell on a male of any other species, a protection spell that is designed for elves, it is simply not powerful enough. A different protection spell, one designed for the males' species, must be used.

It is unfortunate that so few people know this. This new knowledge must be widely spread to as to prevent any more of these issues amongst cross-species couples.

...Well?

I think I see parts that I may have had a hand in inspiring.

[Zanaril]

(by the way, the father's married and supposed to be monogamous)

Somehow, I'm not surprised.

Okay, now I really want to write this. :>

Plot bunnies ahoy!

Who knows? Maybe one of the kids Reddy and V have will be a little more revealing about their full ancestry.

It would be amusing if V turned out to be half-goblin.

...Well?

Evidently, the only effective contraceptive is to actually want children.

[CoffeeIncluded]

Evidently, the only effective contraceptive is to actually want children.

Yeah, pretty much.

[Water-Smurf]

Spoiler

Show

Exactly.

That's...Oddly specific.

I put a lot of thought into this. I mean, I have to think of something while I'm tossing and turning at night.

And from this, you'll have another entire story weaving itself in my head.

Oooh! Tell! Tell! :D

I should know. That's what happened with Murphy's Law. And I've already got the threads for a sequel appearing out of nowhere as of today...

*is about to demand spoilers* *remembers that this is a public forum where people wouldn't be able to resist the schmuck bait*

That's an understatement, just so you know.

Understatement of the year.

That trope in particular squicks me out so badly... Did I mention that B and his sister are twins? And that his sister is my friend? And I'm straight?

Explicit incest/twincest stories are for people who don't have siblings or twins.

It took me a bit to work through associating the family members in my story with my actual family members. After you do that, you can go hog-wild without squicking yourself.

I can't believe I just told you my weakness.

Incest and pedophilia are your main squicks. Not exactly uncommon ones...

Ah, of course.

Done and done!

(Remember that Elves and Ears thing you did? Well...)

Spoiler

Show

Interestingly, and to the great frustration of elven cross-species lovers everywhere, the rate of unintended pregnancy in respect to cross-species lovers is much higher than the average unintended pregnancy rate, especially when the female is an elf. This occurs even when protection spells (Most commonly, a simple abjuration cantrip that is a slight modification of Resistance and Prestidigitation), are used. Research indicates that both this protection spell and natural biological factors are to blame.

This protection spell boasts a 97% success rate at preventing unintended pregnancies. Of the remaining 3%, most of the cases result from a misuse of the spell (The spell, though simple, requires both verbal and somatic components, and a range of touch. Furthermore, once applied, the spell causes a slight prickling sensation on the area touched; although it quickly fades, it is certainly uncomfortable.) However, the failure rate more than doubles when the participants are of different species, and more than quintuples when the female participant is an elf (This study assumes that there are two participants of opposite genders.)

Oddly enough, the spell varies slightly for each species. There is a protection spell designed for humans, a protection spell designed for orcs, and so forth. Therein lies the problem.

It is common knowledge that elves are highly androgynous. It is the rare elf that exhibits obvious gender traits, and many adventuring parties which include elves never know the gender of the elf or elves in the party. However, this androgyny extends beyond gender typing into actual biological characteristics.

All elves have a slight stature and build. Their bones are much lighter than that of other humanoids, and much more flexible as a result. However, this makes their skeletal structure much less able to handle the abuse that other humanoids can weather. As a result, elves have a lithe body structure that appears effeminate even on males. This extends beyond the skeletal structure, as elves have different hormone levels than other humanoids. Male elves in particular have much lower testosterone levels than other humanoids. This keeps their body slight and light enough for their bones to easily handle, but also prevents a deepening voice, severely hinders facial hair growth, and sharply decreases sperm count.

This last one is the solution to the problem that plagues so many cross-species lovers. When an elf uses a protection spell on a male of any other species, a protection spell that is designed for elves, it is simply not powerful enough. A different protection spell, one designed for the males' species, must be used.

It is unfortunate that so few people know this. This new knowledge must be widely spread to as to prevent any more of these issues amongst cross-species couples.

...Well?

Huh. I may use that explanation once Vaarsuvius gets pregnant the fourth time while using contraceptives properly. Reddy will have to have questions at some point...

XDDD
That would be awesome-lets start a new thread for it!

One thread per topic. We're skating on thin ice--I doubt that Roland would appreciate having to deal with two crack threads.

I demand politely request a story in which Tiasal's significant other meets the whole family. Cowering in fear of her parents, adoptive aunts, uncles and cousins is optional. But highly likely.

*laughs* I'll see what I can do once I've gone through a bit of my to-do list.

I just thought of something- where's the MitD in the main Tiasal story?

It's assumed that he went turncoat on Xykon at some point in the past because of O-Chul. He was relatively superfluous at any rate, so Xykon saw no need to replace him.

Somehow, I'm not surprised.

That's actually a source of contention between the families. Aula and Tiberius aren't aware of it, but the wife in the situation knows about Aula's (or the town whore, as she likes to call her) and her husband's affair, and wonders if Vaarsuvius belongs to her husband. (She knows that Aula 'sleeps around,' and she already thinks she's a floozy, but she doesn't quite understand the scope of it and the relatively low chance it is that her husband is Suvie's dad.) And she's not at all happy. She knows that Aula and her husband (and Tiberius sometimes) sleep together every now and again after she and her husband (God, I really need to give them names) have a bad fight.

She also has her suspicions about what her son did. She saw Vaarsuvius slip into Aegidius's basement while she was helping Aegidius's grieving parents clear out his room, she heard some sounds that she actively kept the mourners from hearing, and she saw an obviously beaten Vaarsuvius leave about an hour and a half later, still retying her robe.

She made her son's favorite meal that night and let him have seconds of dessert.

It would be amusing if V turned out to be half-goblin.

Maybe Reddy's family would be more receptive? (That would probably make Tia only one quarter elf...)

Evidently, the only effective contraceptive is to actually want children.

Exactly.

Edit: Oh, and I saw the psychiatrist today. He's recommending low-dose pills to take the edge off things. I'm just a (long, arduous) conversation away from possibly getting better.

[Lix Lorn]

No, i mean for the nature documentary style things. It's not pairings. XD

Hmm, MitD needs to show up more. (nodnod)

...MitD/O-chul?

[CoffeeIncluded]

*is about to demand spoilers* *remembers that this is a public forum where people wouldn't be able to resist the schmuck bait*

Explicit incest/twincest stories are for people who don't have siblings or twins.

It's still messed up.

Incest and pedophilia are your main squicks. Not exactly uncommon ones...

Understatement again.

Huh. I may use that explanation once Vaarsuvius gets pregnant the fourth time while using contraceptives properly. Reddy will have to have questions at some point...

Yay!

That's actually a source of contention between the families. Aula and Tiberius aren't aware of it, but the wife in the situation knows about Aula's (or the town whore, as she likes to call her) and her husband's affair, and wonders if Vaarsuvius belongs to her husband. (She knows that Aula 'sleeps around,' and she already thinks she's a floozy, but she doesn't quite understand the scope of it and the relatively low chance it is that her husband is Suvie's dad.) And she's not at all happy. She knows that Aula and her husband (and Tiberius sometimes) sleep together every now and again after she and her husband (God, I really need to give them names) have a bad fight.

And we call Vaarsuvius the village bike here...I guess it's genetic.

She also has her suspicions about what her son did. She saw Vaarsuvius slip into Aegidius's basement while she was helping Aegidius's grieving parents clear out his room, she heard some sounds that she actively kept the mourners from hearing, and she saw an obviously beaten Vaarsuvius leave about an hour and a half later, still retying her robe.

She made her son's favorite meal that night and let him have seconds of dessert.

But...But.....................

Maybe Reddy's family would be more receptive? (That would probably make Tia only one quarter elf...)

And there would be absolutely no signs? Race is one thing, but the differences are just too great for there to be absolutely no signs in V.

Edit: Oh, and I saw the psychiatrist today. He's recommending low-dose pills to take the edge off things. I'm just a (long, arduous) conversation away from possibly getting better.

Good luck. Hope you get better.

[Lix Lorn]

How about the fact that she gives off the right hormones for Reddy to react to? ;P

[Aaron]

Huh. I may use that explanation once Vaarsuvius gets pregnant the fourth time while using contraceptives properly. Reddy will have to have questions at some point...

I should point out that its different for elves. They get a penalty to their...uh... fortitude saves for that stuff, even with contraceptives.

[CoffeeIncluded]

Explicit incest/twincest stories are for people who don't have siblings or twins.

I just remembered my first exposure to this, and it was horrifying, and feel free to use it as the basis for a crack pairing.

So I was eleven, and you have to realize that I was one of the most innocent people in middle school. (I've become more depraved since then, but I'm still very childish. )

In any case, in the middle school library, I was reading a book by Robert Cormier. You have to realize that I. Read. EVERYTHING I CAN GET MY HANDS ON. The librarian said it was a mature book, but I was sure I could handle it.

Cue explicit twincest scene.

11-year-old me: Wait...What? What are they...Why are they--*Realizes what's going on on some level* AUGH!!!! *Throws book across room, runs to the bathroom, and dunks head in sink*

[Sereg]

I can identitfy with that. Especially when I was younger, if something had letters on it, I wanted to read it. Though my fear tended to keep me away from horror. However, twincest scenes don't seem to bother me as much as one would expect from someone who has a sister. I suppose that I just remember that it's fiction. Or in the case of V x V, I just think TWO Vs, at least one of which is definately female *cue brain shutting down as logic would only spoil this moment*

Vaarsuvius allows me to fantasise about other fictional characters, but Vaarsuvius is my true love.

Hey! I am NOT a freaky elf guy!
I'm THE freaky elf guy!

[Zanaril]

Huh. I may use that explanation once Vaarsuvius gets pregnant the fourth time while using contraceptives properly. Reddy will have to have questions at some point...

Vaarsuvius is going to have some questions at some point. I told you they needed a better spell.

That's actually a source of contention between the families. Aula and Tiberius aren't aware of it, but the wife in the situation knows about Aula's (or the town whore, as she likes to call her) and her husband's affair, and wonders if Vaarsuvius belongs to her husband. (She knows that Aula 'sleeps around,' and she already thinks she's a floozy, but she doesn't quite understand the scope of it and the relatively low chance it is that her husband is Suvie's dad.) And she's not at all happy. She knows that Aula and her husband (and Tiberius sometimes) sleep together every now and again after she and her husband (God, I really need to give them names) have a bad fight.

I imagine a lot of people are a lot less tolerant that Aandy is about their promiscuity. Village bike indeed.

She also has her suspicions about what her son did. She saw Vaarsuvius slip into Aegidius's basement while she was helping Aegidius's grieving parents clear out his room, she heard some sounds that she actively kept the mourners from hearing, and she saw an obviously beaten Vaarsuvius leave about an hour and a half later, still retying her robe.

She made her son's favorite meal that night and let him have seconds of dessert.

That really is horribly spiteful and, well, just plain horrible. V's getting made a scapegoat for their own problems, and I'd bet there's other people who similarly judge V by how her parents act. It's the less obvious damage that their lifestyle is doing to her.

[The Odor]

Ah, of course.

Done and done!

(Remember that Elves and Ears thing you did? Well...)

Spoiler

Show

Interestingly, and to the great frustration of elven cross-species lovers everywhere, the rate of unintended pregnancy in respect to cross-species lovers is much higher than the average unintended pregnancy rate, especially when the female is an elf. This occurs even when protection spells (Most commonly, a simple abjuration cantrip that is a slight modification of Resistance and Prestidigitation), are used. Research indicates that both this protection spell and natural biological factors are to blame.

This protection spell boasts a 97% success rate at preventing unintended pregnancies. Of the remaining 3%, most of the cases result from a misuse of the spell (The spell, though simple, requires both verbal and somatic components, and a range of touch. Furthermore, once applied, the spell causes a slight prickling sensation on the area touched; although it quickly fades, it is certainly uncomfortable.) However, the failure rate more than doubles when the participants are of different species, and more than quintuples when the female participant is an elf (This study assumes that there are two participants of opposite genders.)

Oddly enough, the spell varies slightly for each species. There is a protection spell designed for humans, a protection spell designed for orcs, and so forth. Therein lies the problem.

It is common knowledge that elves are highly androgynous. It is the rare elf that exhibits obvious gender traits, and many adventuring parties which include elves never know the gender of the elf or elves in the party. However, this androgyny extends beyond gender typing into actual biological characteristics.

All elves have a slight stature and build. Their bones are much lighter than that of other humanoids, and much more flexible as a result. However, this makes their skeletal structure much less able to handle the abuse that other humanoids can weather. As a result, elves have a lithe body structure that appears effeminate even on males. This extends beyond the skeletal structure, as elves have different hormone levels than other humanoids. Male elves in particular have much lower testosterone levels than other humanoids. This keeps their body slight and light enough for their bones to easily handle, but also prevents a deepening voice, severely hinders facial hair growth, and sharply decreases sperm count.

This last one is the solution to the problem that plagues so many cross-species lovers. When an elf uses a protection spell on a male of any other species, a protection spell that is designed for elves, it is simply not powerful enough. A different protection spell, one designed for the males' species, must be used.

It is unfortunate that so few people know this. This new knowledge must be widely spread to as to prevent any more of these issues amongst cross-species couples.

...Well?

This makes way to much sense.

I just remembered my first exposure to this, and it was horrifying, and feel free to use it as the basis for a crack pairing.

So I was eleven, and you have to realize that I was one of the most innocent people in middle school. (I've become more depraved since then, but I'm still very childish. )

I stoped being innocent at the age of 7 when my brother showed me my first mortal combat. And maybe all the horror movies I had watched by then. Hmm that was also when I stoped holding on the good guys in movies.

[Water-Smurf]

But...But.....................

People are sometimes just awful people.

And there would be absolutely no signs? Race is one thing, but the differences are just too great for there to be absolutely no signs in V.

Odds would be low, but there is still technically a chance.

Good luck. Hope you get better.

Thanks. :)

I should point out that its different for elves. They get a penalty to their...uh... fortitude saves for that stuff, even with contraceptives.

...Call me a ditz, but I don't get it.

I just remembered my first exposure to this, and it was horrifying, and feel free to use it as the basis for a crack pairing.

Tee hee. ^.^ That reminds me of my first encounter with a sex scene in a book. Only I reacted differently.

Vaarsuvius is going to have some questions at some point. I told you they needed a better spell.

Yes. Yes they do. Too bad they'll already have, like, four kids before they think to look into the contraceptive itself.

I imagine a lot of people are a lot less tolerant that Aandy is about their promiscuity. Village bike indeed.

It's like the real world--usually, if you actually know the 'bike', they're really good people. But everyone hates them for being promiscuous. (Especially if they're women.)

Tiberius is pretty promiscuous and sleeps with his fair share of people, but since he's a man, they don't care as much.

That really is horribly spiteful and, well, just plain horrible. V's getting made a scapegoat for their own problems, and I'd bet there's other people who similarly judge V by how her parents act. It's the less obvious damage that their lifestyle is doing to her.

Why do you think she preferred to stay out of Ivyleaf? There were plenty of women whose husbands slept with Aula a few times, and they took it out on V.

[The Dark Fiddler]

...Call me a ditz, but I don't get it.

He's trying to say it's a Fortitude save to not get pregnant (which makes little sense to me, as that would mean you have less of a chance of getting pregnant as you level up (although that would be true as you age, leveling and aging do not have to relate)) and that Elves take a penalty to this save, explaining their high fertility rate.

[Aaron]

I just remembered my first exposure to this, and it was horrifying, and feel free to use it as the basis for a crack pairing.

Hee hee! I had a similar experience when I was younger also.

The horror, the horror!

...Call me a ditz, but I don't get it.

He's trying to say it's a Fortitude save to not get pregnant (which makes little sense to me, as that would mean you have less of a chance of getting pregnant as you level up (although that would be true as you age, leveling and aging do not have to relate)) and that Elves take a penalty to this save, explaining their high fertility rate.

Basically, yes. I guess it would be a fortitude save based on your age, not on your level, to not get pregnant. Being an elf, V takes a large penanty to this save.

[Asta Kask]

But elves aren't very fertile with other elves, are they? If we accept CI's explanation of low sperm count, then half-elves where the elf is father should be exceedingly rare, while half-elves where the elf is mother should be quite common.

[Draconi Redfir]

its possible that elves produce higher quality sperm to counteract that. nost human sperm are actually very low quality.

in other news, we should get back on topic.

Thog x Nale x Sabidine

[Taekwondodo]

Biology lessons on elves? Only on the crack pairing thread! I am working on a project just now. No, I'm not gonna tell you what it is! Rest assured I should probably have it to post soon (actually I could post some of it just now, it's in parts, but I'm obsessive about having it all before I show anyone). I'll try and wrestle that part of myself into submission and post the first part soon!

[CoffeeIncluded]

Biology lessons on elves? Only on the crack pairing thread! I am working on a project just now. No, I'm not gonna tell you what it is! Rest assured I should probably have it to post soon (actually I could post some of it just now, it's in parts, but I'm obsessive about having it all before I show anyone). I'll try and wrestle that part of myself into submission and post the first part soon!

Yay!

People are sometimes just awful people.

Which is something I've never been able to understand.

Odds would be low, but there is still technically a chance.

*Sigh* ...

...Call me a ditz, but I don't get it.

Penalty to Con=Penalty to Fort saves.

Tee hee. ^.^ That reminds me of my first encounter with a sex scene in a book. Only I reacted differently.

How did you react?

Why do you think she preferred to stay out of Ivyleaf? There were plenty of women whose husbands slept with Aula a few times, and they took it out on V.

...I don't understand.

I mean, I understand, but I don't understand.

[Asta Kask]

...I don't understand.

I mean, I understand, but I don't understand.

V is the visible proof of their husbands' infidelity. Every time they see her they are reminded of the pain. Still, condoning rape or physical abuse becuase of it is... a bit extreme, to say the least.

[CoffeeIncluded]

V is the visible proof of their husbands' infidelity. Every time they see her they are reminded of the pain. Still, condoning rape or physical abuse becuase of it is... a bit extreme, to say the least.

I understand the motives. I don't understand the motives behind the motives.

(And gee, I thought you would comment on what I walked into. Harbinger of things to come, I guess...)

[Asta Kask]

(And gee, I thought you would comment on what I walked into. Harbinger of things to come, I guess...)

You mean the book? I read up on Cormier, because I'd never heard of him... sounds like the kind of author I shouldn't read. Ever. I have enough problems with depression as it is... I've read similar books by Swedish authors and I just end up feeling miserable.

[CoffeeIncluded]

You mean the book? I read up on Cormier, because I'd never heard of him... sounds like the kind of author I shouldn't read. Ever. I have enough problems with depression as it is... I've read similar books by Swedish authors and I just end up feeling miserable.

I meant my reaction. But I digress.

You have any ideas or followups or anything? Does my "essay" make biological sense?

Wait, what?

...How could I have not known that?

I've actually got an idea. Crystal/...Someone, haven't figured out yet.

[Water-Smurf]

He's trying to say it's a Fortitude save to not get pregnant (which makes little sense to me, as that would mean you have less of a chance of getting pregnant as you level up (although that would be true as you age, leveling and aging do not have to relate)) and that Elves take a penalty to this save, explaining their high fertility rate.

Oh... Now I get it. :>

But elves aren't very fertile with other elves, are they? If we accept CI's explanation of low sperm count, then half-elves where the elf is father should be exceedingly rare, while half-elves where the elf is mother should be quite common.

And if we're going down the biology route, then goblins are either very fertile or they never use protection, because it looks like they have a relatively high population despite the adventurers, and the families we've seen are pretty big. How would they be able to sustain themselves otherwise?

its possible that elves produce higher quality sperm to counteract that. nost human sperm are actually very low quality.

How does the quality help? I see it making a healthier baby, but how does it help fertility? (Forgive me, but my health classes have been severely lacking.)

Which is something I've never been able to understand.

It's difficult to understand sometimes. I try to imagine it like the thrill I get when I'm holding a gun and shooting at a paper bullseye (I got the bullseye without target practice), or the thrill I get when I'm playing Oregon Trail and I'm shooting meat for my caravan, only I imagine it without the lingering sense of guilt or reluctance. It's a thrill to have that power, and the difference between good and bad people is just whether or not you appreciate the effect that power can have on others.

How did you react?

I got really turned on and giddy, but since I was ten and no one had told me about this stuff, I had no idea what to do or what it was. So I just showed the book to my babysitter and explained how I felt. (Looking back, I suddenly realize why her face got so red...)

It took her a while before she let me read a book she hadn't looked over again.

V is the visible proof of their husbands' infidelity. Every time they see her they are reminded of the pain. Still, condoning rape or physical abuse becuase of it is... a bit extreme, to say the least.

Hugely extreme, but this mother is very rigid, judgmental, and unforgiving, and that's passed on to her son. She feels like Vaarsuvius/Aula owe her something, and that price doubles each time Aula sleeps with her husband. V's rape by her son was a start, but she's been able to convince herself that her son should be able to own Vaarsuvius, since she's a bastard from her husband's infidelity (she thinks). There's a reason that her husband doesn't really get along with her anymore.

After Aegidius's death, her hatred of V becomes a lot less subtle, and her and her son's hatred has only festered and grown in the passing years. I'm seriously not kidding when I say that V would probably be in serious trouble if she ever runs into the elf with the molten eyes or his mother ever again.


How do you guys think Vaarsuvius would react if she thought that Redcloak was cheating on her? What do you think Vaarsuvius or Redcloak would do if they felt like they were drifting apart, assuming that there wasn't any Xykon or other threat making them unable to do anything?


EDIT: Oh, and cheers to my birthday! :D

[Lix Lorn]

Higher Quality Sperm live longer, so more likely to successfully make egg?

If V and Red drifted apart? Well, assuming Tiasal, Red would probably do whatever he could do to keep them together-and V would be too stubborn to admit it. They'd likely stay together because they refused to fall apart, even if they were unhappy.

[Asta Kask]

You have any ideas or followups or anything? Does my "essay" make biological sense?

I would probably have gone the other way. You know why female cats have so much sex when they're in a heat? A large amount of sexual stimulation is needed for them to actually ovulate (scrubbed at CI's suggestion) - this could be a way to ensure that only toms with a certain level of endurance father her kittens.

So here we have a reason why elven females are required, by their biology, to have a lot of sex.

Of course, what you have already written in no way contradicts what I've written here.