Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template

[Lycan 01]

Water-Smurf, I <3'd that fic.

Your usual stories are a bit... massive. A bit larger than I can handle, I'm afraid. But this one was a small bite-sized piece of awesomeness that I was able to enjoy. So even if you think it was too short for your standards, I think it was just right for mine.


Lawyergoblin, I suppose you gotta do what you gotta do. We'll miss ya, man.

[Sereg]

I also enjoyed that fic Water-Smurf.

I'm sorry that you're leaving Lawyergoblin, but I understand.

[Lix Lorn]

Aww, that's sad. We'll miss you.

[Asta Kask]

If it's money, we can give you a discount on Brain Bleach.

*hugs for everyone, but especially Lawyergoblin and Icastflare*

Liked the story, Smurf.

[Taekwondodo]

Oh, and This is Water-Smurf's entry for the April Squickie Award.

Spoiler

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BOOM!

“Tiasal, I told you not to use magic to decorate the egg.”

The other teenagers around the table jumped in surprise, nearly dropping or messing up their eggs, but they recovered and looked down to see Tiasal sheepishly holding a broken egg, her green face streaked with blues, pinks, reds, and oranges. “…Oops.”

Redcloak looked up from the book he was reading on the couch, putting it down and going to his daughter, trying to stifle an amused smile. “Maybe you’ll start listening to me more often. Come on, I’ll help you clean up and get you a new egg.”

Octavius started to laugh while Terentius rolled his eyes and returned to carefully dipping the eggs in dye. Abram watched Redcloak interact with Tiasal with curious fascination—even after the past few years, he still found his cousin’s father to be a novelty. The goblin had been a little nervous and uncomfortable at first, but when he realized that the young man’s interest was purely inquisitive and in no way a sign of prejudice, he had gotten used to it.

“I told you that your meds makes your focus fuzzy. You shouldn’t try to do delicate things with magic when you can’t focus,” Redcloak chided gently, letting his daughter go on a stepping stool in front of the sink and helping her wash the yolk and the color off her hands and face.

“Yeah, Tia. You might just blow the table up next!” Octavius shot, still laughing.

Tiasal pouted, letting her father gently scrub her skin clean.

“Why are we doing this again, Stepparent?” Terentius asked, tips of his ears going slightly pink while he concentrated resolutely on the egg in his hand.

Redcloak’s hands jerked slightly in surprise, but that was the only acknowledgment the tiny show of budding affection got. “It’s a goblin tradition. I think that some humans do it too.” He finished washing the girl’s face and he gently dried it off. “Your Parent suggested that I show Tiasal the holiday and thought that it would be a good idea for you all to be introduced to a little bit of goblin culture.”

Tiasal squirmed, eager to get back to decorating the eggs, and Redcloak smiled, letting her go. “No more using magic, Tia.”

“Yes, Daddy!”

She grinned and scampered to the table, settling back in her seat and grabbing another egg.

“But why eggs?”

“Consider it a celebration of the harvest.”

Redcloak sat down at the round table, turning his head slightly to make up for his lost eye. Vaarsuvius always insisted that he could regenerate it any time he liked now that he didn’t work for Xykon anymore, but he always resisted.

He needed a reminder to keep his priorities straight.

Octavius seem to withdraw, frowning and hunching over his egg to avoid looking at Redcloak, while Terentius turned his body a little so he could face his stepfather and Abram just listened while he turned his face down to concentrate on his egg.

“None of the goblin tribes live on fertile land, so we depend on animals for food—usually animals we hunt, since we can barely feed ourselves, let alone livestock, but there are a couple exceptions, chickens being one of them. Hence the eggs.”

Tiasal carefully used a paintbrush to put purple stars on her blue egg.

“Why this time of year, then?” Terentius asked, dipping an egg in yellow dye and staining his chocolate-colored fingers.

“It’s spring. It’s the time where things start growing again, even what little grows in the goblin lands.” Redcloak smiled a little, glancing out the window wistfully. “It’s around now where the wild fruits start growing and the famine and pestilence eases, so to celebrate, the kids get to decorate the eggs and the adults hide them to find. It’s only during the spring where using food like that doesn’t lead to hunger.”

“So… does that mean we’re going to be hiding these?”

Redcloak nodded, smiling a little. “That’s how the game goes.”

“Did you do this as a kid?” Tiasal asked, swinging her legs gently over the edge of her chair and working diligently on her egg.

“Of course.” Redcloak watched to make sure that she wasn’t going to try using magic again. “I used to play it with my brothers and sister. We used to find eggs then leave them there so we could let our little sister win. It was always fun to compare how many eggs we actually found together and see who won. Once or twice, Little Sister won even without help.”

“It’s true. She was a lot more clever than we gave her credit for.”

Tiasal looked up at her uncle sitting on the counter, then smiled, cheerful that she was starting to get used to her medication. She had been worried that it would block her ability to see Uncle forever. He gave her a cheerful wink, pressing his finger to his lips. “Big Brother doesn’t know I’m here.”

She smiled secretly and turned back to her egg, putting it down carefully to dry and picking up another one.

“Don’t try that. I want to win fair.”

Abram smirked, putting bands of color across his egg. “You know these woods and the valley better than any of us, Tia. We’d have to team up to be any match.”

“Try.” Her grin was downright Puckish.

“Do not be so competitive, young ones.”

Everyone looked up to see Vaarsuvius coming in, lightly touching her children’s shoulders as she walked past. “There will be time for that when Tiasal is older.”

“So you decided to finally grace us with your presence?” Redcloak smiled playfully, gently grasping his wife’s hand and kissing it. “I swear, you spend so much time with your study, I start thinking that you’re sneaking someone in.”

“You are one to talk. Perhaps you are meeting another woman during your visits to Gobbotopia?” Vaarsuvius smiled, then leaned down and kissed her husband’s cheek. “I shall leave you to your affair if you leave me to mine.”

Octavius scowled darkly, concentrating on his egg, and Terentius averted his eyes and started mixing more dye. Tiasal noticed.

Vaarsuvius looked up at her sons and took a breath to speak.

BOOM!

“Tia! I said to not use magic!”

Abram grinned, sensing the bubbling tension dissipate as both Terentius and Octavius burst out laughing this time. Vaarsuvius stared bemusedly at the little girl, arching an eyebrow at the cartoonish ash on Tiasal’s face streaked with color.

Despite her misfortune, Tiasal was smiling.

Abram was the only one who knew why it looked self-satisfied. Well, the only living one.

Uncle covered his mouth, stifling chuckles, and smiled. “You’re a lot more clever than your brothers give you credit for too, by the way.”

Redcloak got up again, sighing in exasperation but smirking in amusement. “Come on, Tia. I’ll get you cleaned up again.”

She stood up, purple eyes sparkling, and skipped to the sink in the wake of her brothers’ bubbly laughter.

This was a cute fluff-ball I spun out. Normally I would scrap it, but I figured that, despite the fact it's hugely short for my style, it fit the guidelines alright so I'm just pushing it out. I'm not sure what to call it--suggestions?

As Lycan said, a bit-sized piece of awesomeness!

Sorry to see you go Lawyergoblin.

*Hugs icastflare*

[Last Rampage]

This thread seems a strange, could someone explain it to me.

[Asta Kask]

This thread seems a strange, could someone explain it to me.

Have you read the 1st post? It explains it all.

[xelliea]

Sigh, I remeber when the crack pairings began, i remember back in thread 1 comming up with the v x rc idea, water-smurf made it huge and i in no way want credit but its nice to see how big it is now i am glad i didnt do it.

[Last Rampage]

Sigh, I remeber when the crack pairings began, i remember back in thread 1 comming up with the v x rc idea, water-smurf made it huge and i in no way want credit but its nice to see how big it is now i am glad i didnt do it.

Sweet I had a look at your posts and your telling the truth, heres the post.

VxRedcloak
If anyone wants to do this it's all yours, if not i will do it when i have spare time. (I have mates over that want to play halo3.)

"Looks to see if any friends are watching"

I love VXRC. of course water-smurf is the real person to be credited.

[xelliea]

Sweet I had a look at your posts and your telling the truth, heres the post.


I love VXRC. of course water-smurf is the real person to be credited.

yeah but all credit goes to water-smurf, i did nothing but plant the seeds, he/she made them grow.

[Zanaril]

Do you think he'd be affectionate with his baby? If he's as stoic as it's been made out to be, he may find it a little difficult without V around to loosen him up. Then again, it's a baby, and it's his.

I think he would be. By the time the initial 'wow, I have a kid' shock sinks in, he'll already be fiercely protective of it. And then he'll have plenty of time while it grows up to learn some parenting skills.

Would he really be able to take care of a baby while trying to get V? He'd either have to let someone else take care of the little one--maybe Inky if he's not so damaged and is on good terms--and hope he can find Vaarsuvius soon (though he'd probably visit often if the search took a while), or he'd have to put off finding V until the baby's older.

He'd have to fine someone to look after it - the longer lifespan thing means he can't really wait for it to grow up. But I don't think he just disappear for - say - six years. He'd make sure he was spending enough time with his child.

Then again, maybe that just wouldn't be possible. Or maybe he would get obsessive about finding V, and not realize he wasn't spending enough time with the kid.

Wait, if this is in the Snarl'd world, what happens if Kraagor and Mijung are alive and find out about all this?

Mijung would be furious - she sems like the type who might try to blame it on V - but Soon wouldn't let her blame V.

However, if V is pregnant at that point it's going to be problematic for Soon. He can hardly just leave V in such a situation, and even after the kid is born it's still going to be his. But on the other hand he's finally been reunited with his wife, whom he thought he'd never see again.

Best case scenario? Mijung has already hooked up with Yutrin, Soon explains that she though she was dead, everyone forgives everyone else and they can go back to their desperate struggle to survive in the Snarl'd world.

This was a cute fluff-ball I spun out. Normally I would scrap it, but I figured that, despite the fact it's hugely short for my style, it fit the guidelines alright so I'm just pushing it out.

Very nice characterisation and interactions there.

Hmm... did Tia explode that second egg on purpose?

[Aaron]

Here's my Boots/Sclera (Boot-Wight/Goblin Ghast) pairing!

(Yeah, it's short. )

Spoiler

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"What do you mean, 'I can't give you full rations?!'" Sclera screamed.

"I'm sorry, Little One," Tsukiko said, "But I'm running low on supplies and we need to last the entire journey."

"Then give me a prostitute or something! I NEED MORTAL FLESH!"

"I asked Redcloak, and he said it would cause too much of a commotion! We'll have to make do with what we have."

"..." Sclera groaned to himself and walked away.

Sclera sat on a mesa in the desert, staring at the setting sun. He frowned to himself as he leafed through a tattered ornithology handbook. Odd...Did he read this when he was alive? Did he remember any of it? Guh, this was confusing and made his head hurt...

Sclera was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't notice Boots walking over to him. "...Oh. Hey, Boots," he said. Boots was always quite nice to him; he was the one who showed him around and even helped him get through the first few days of bloodlust. "How's it going? ...What are you eating?"

Boots looked up from the pack of potato chips he was munching. "...Yeah. Funny, isn't it? Sometimes I get this craving for chips, and not even with blood or anything! Just chips. Wonder if Alive-Me used to like them or something. Eh." Boots finished with a nonchalant shrug. He then fished around in his pocket for something, then handed a slimy, squishy-looking object to Sclera. "I...I got this for you," he said, in an oddly sheepish manner.

Sclera lit up. "Ooh! Gallbladder, my favorite! Thanks Boots!" he said, eagerly devouring the organ. Boots sat down next to Sclera and waited for him to finish.

Sclera peered into the distance and pointed at a black object suspended in the air. "...I think that's a raven. Odd. You don't usually see ravens in the desert."

"Sclera, do you think we should tell Mistress Tsukiko about it?"

"...Maybe. But for now, do you want to enjoy the night air with me?"

If Boots were still able to blush, he would have. "...Okay."

Unknown to Boots and Sclera, Tsukiko was watching the two of them from behind a large boulder. She squealed to herself in delight. "Eeee! They grow up so fast!"

...Uh...Thoughts?

Awwww. Thats so cute. They really do grow up very fast.

Oh, and This is Water-Smurf's entry for the April Squickie Award.

Spoiler

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BOOM!

“Tiasal, I told you not to use magic to decorate the egg.”

The other teenagers around the table jumped in surprise, nearly dropping or messing up their eggs, but they recovered and looked down to see Tiasal sheepishly holding a broken egg, her green face streaked with blues, pinks, reds, and oranges. “…Oops.”

Redcloak looked up from the book he was reading on the couch, putting it down and going to his daughter, trying to stifle an amused smile. “Maybe you’ll start listening to me more often. Come on, I’ll help you clean up and get you a new egg.”

Octavius started to laugh while Terentius rolled his eyes and returned to carefully dipping the eggs in dye. Abram watched Redcloak interact with Tiasal with curious fascination—even after the past few years, he still found his cousin’s father to be a novelty. The goblin had been a little nervous and uncomfortable at first, but when he realized that the young man’s interest was purely inquisitive and in no way a sign of prejudice, he had gotten used to it.

“I told you that your meds makes your focus fuzzy. You shouldn’t try to do delicate things with magic when you can’t focus,” Redcloak chided gently, letting his daughter go on a stepping stool in front of the sink and helping her wash the yolk and the color off her hands and face.

“Yeah, Tia. You might just blow the table up next!” Octavius shot, still laughing.

Tiasal pouted, letting her father gently scrub her skin clean.

“Why are we doing this again, Stepparent?” Terentius asked, tips of his ears going slightly pink while he concentrated resolutely on the egg in his hand.

Redcloak’s hands jerked slightly in surprise, but that was the only acknowledgment the tiny show of budding affection got. “It’s a goblin tradition. I think that some humans do it too.” He finished washing the girl’s face and he gently dried it off. “Your Parent suggested that I show Tiasal the holiday and thought that it would be a good idea for you all to be introduced to a little bit of goblin culture.”

Tiasal squirmed, eager to get back to decorating the eggs, and Redcloak smiled, letting her go. “No more using magic, Tia.”

“Yes, Daddy!”

She grinned and scampered to the table, settling back in her seat and grabbing another egg.

“But why eggs?”

“Consider it a celebration of the harvest.”

Redcloak sat down at the round table, turning his head slightly to make up for his lost eye. Vaarsuvius always insisted that he could regenerate it any time he liked now that he didn’t work for Xykon anymore, but he always resisted.

He needed a reminder to keep his priorities straight.

Octavius seem to withdraw, frowning and hunching over his egg to avoid looking at Redcloak, while Terentius turned his body a little so he could face his stepfather and Abram just listened while he turned his face down to concentrate on his egg.

“None of the goblin tribes live on fertile land, so we depend on animals for food—usually animals we hunt, since we can barely feed ourselves, let alone livestock, but there are a couple exceptions, chickens being one of them. Hence the eggs.”

Tiasal carefully used a paintbrush to put purple stars on her blue egg.

“Why this time of year, then?” Terentius asked, dipping an egg in yellow dye and staining his chocolate-colored fingers.

“It’s spring. It’s the time where things start growing again, even what little grows in the goblin lands.” Redcloak smiled a little, glancing out the window wistfully. “It’s around now where the wild fruits start growing and the famine and pestilence eases, so to celebrate, the kids get to decorate the eggs and the adults hide them to find. It’s only during the spring where using food like that doesn’t lead to hunger.”

“So… does that mean we’re going to be hiding these?”

Redcloak nodded, smiling a little. “That’s how the game goes.”

“Did you do this as a kid?” Tiasal asked, swinging her legs gently over the edge of her chair and working diligently on her egg.

“Of course.” Redcloak watched to make sure that she wasn’t going to try using magic again. “I used to play it with my brothers and sister. We used to find eggs then leave them there so we could let our little sister win. It was always fun to compare how many eggs we actually found together and see who won. Once or twice, Little Sister won even without help.”

“It’s true. She was a lot more clever than we gave her credit for.”

Tiasal looked up at her uncle sitting on the counter, then smiled, cheerful that she was starting to get used to her medication. She had been worried that it would block her ability to see Uncle forever. He gave her a cheerful wink, pressing his finger to his lips. “Big Brother doesn’t know I’m here.”

She smiled secretly and turned back to her egg, putting it down carefully to dry and picking up another one.

“Don’t try that. I want to win fair.”

Abram smirked, putting bands of color across his egg. “You know these woods and the valley better than any of us, Tia. We’d have to team up to be any match.”

“Try.” Her grin was downright Puckish.

“Do not be so competitive, young ones.”

Everyone looked up to see Vaarsuvius coming in, lightly touching her children’s shoulders as she walked past. “There will be time for that when Tiasal is older.”

“So you decided to finally grace us with your presence?” Redcloak smiled playfully, gently grasping his wife’s hand and kissing it. “I swear, you spend so much time with your study, I start thinking that you’re sneaking someone in.”

“You are one to talk. Perhaps you are meeting another woman during your visits to Gobbotopia?” Vaarsuvius smiled, then leaned down and kissed her husband’s cheek. “I shall leave you to your affair if you leave me to mine.”

Octavius scowled darkly, concentrating on his egg, and Terentius averted his eyes and started mixing more dye. Tiasal noticed.

Vaarsuvius looked up at her sons and took a breath to speak.

BOOM!

“Tia! I said to not use magic!”

Abram grinned, sensing the bubbling tension dissipate as both Terentius and Octavius burst out laughing this time. Vaarsuvius stared bemusedly at the little girl, arching an eyebrow at the cartoonish ash on Tiasal’s face streaked with color.

Despite her misfortune, Tiasal was smiling.

Abram was the only one who knew why it looked self-satisfied. Well, the only living one.

Uncle covered his mouth, stifling chuckles, and smiled. “You’re a lot more clever than your brothers give you credit for too, by the way.”

Redcloak got up again, sighing in exasperation but smirking in amusement. “Come on, Tia. I’ll get you cleaned up again.”

She stood up, purple eyes sparkling, and skipped to the sink in the wake of her brothers’ bubbly laughter.

This was a cute fluff-ball I spun out. Normally I would scrap it, but I figured that, despite the fact it's hugely short for my style, it fit the guidelines alright so I'm just pushing it out. I'm not sure what to call it--suggestions?

This is a chocolate cake sized-piece of awesomeness!
Great job Water-Smurf!

[Water-Smurf]

I Prepared Explosive Eggs?
(Namefail) XD

I dunno, it has a certain amount of charm...

I have an announcement to make. I am leaving this thread. Likely for good, but I will probably pop in at some time. I wish I could stay, but I really must be going. I asked for guidance from my god on this action, and I have made a decision. I remember it all fondly.

...

I hope to get an FF.net account.

Where did this come from?

I hope you still keep in touch through FF...

Water-Smurf, I <3'd that fic.

Your usual stories are a bit... massive. A bit larger than I can handle, I'm afraid. But this one was a small bite-sized piece of awesomeness that I was able to enjoy. So even if you think it was too short for your standards, I think it was just right for mine.

Hmm. Maybe I'll make a couple of short one shots. Not everything needs to be epic-length...

Sigh, I remeber when the crack pairings began, i remember back in thread 1 comming up with the v x rc idea, water-smurf made it huge and i in no way want credit but its nice to see how big it is now i am glad i didnt do it.

Oh yeah, I remember! Someone else wanted to do it, I think... *looks back* Oh, Zen_Heart. Doesn't look like she posted anything on it, though.

I think he would be. By the time the initial 'wow, I have a kid' shock sinks in, he'll already be fiercely protective of it. And then he'll have pleanty of time whle it grows up to learn some parenting skills.

I guess that that stuff should be pretty instinctive. When you have a baby in your lap calling you 'daddy', you're probably going to melt whether you like it or not. And he's a paladin--he's made to protect those he loves, and I have no doubt in my mind that he'd love his child.

He'd have to fine someone to look after it - the longer lifespan thing means he can't really wait for it to grow up. But I don't think he wouldt leave for - say - six years. He'd make sure he was spending enough time with his child.

Then again, maybe that just wouldn't be possible. Or maybe he would get obsessive about finding V, and not realize he wasn't spending enough time with the kid.

All of that is possible, but I doubt he could really spend so much time away that it starts affecting the kid. V mentioned something about 'twenty years in diapers' for elves, so for half-elves, that would mean that it's... someone else should do the math, but it's a long time before they're even potty-trained. If he's still looking for V by the time the kid's a toddler, he would probably come back and take care of him/her for a bit.

Mijung would be furious - she sems like the type who might try to blame it on V - but Soon wouldn't let her blame V.

He'd insist it was his fault, but once she sees that V's pregnant, I don't know what she'd do. After the initial 'You home-wrecking BITCH!' response, she'll have to admit that Soon can't exactly cast V and the child away and that he had every right to take another woman after so long thinking that she was dead, though just because she admits it doesn't soften the edge any. If she remembered him, she would have been waiting that whole time, and it would be hurtful to think that he went off with some elven hussy and got her pregnant.

But Soon would still love V while this was going on, and V would be conflicted, so that may make things awkward...

However, if V is pregnant at that point it's going to be problematic for Soon. He can hardly just leave V in such a situation, and even after the kid is born it's still going to be his. But on the other hand he's finally been reunited with his wife, whom he thought he'd never see again.

What's the honorable thing to do at that point? On one hand, he has the woman to whom he made vows of fidelity and 'til death do we part', both of which were broken but that wasn't really his fault, but on the other hand, he has the other woman he loves who is pregnant with his child and who may suffer very serious health problems because of it.

Best case scenario? Mijung has already hooked up with Yutrin, Soon explains that she though she was dead, everyone forgives everyone else and they can go back to their desperate struggle to survive in the Snarl'd world.

And then Aphrodite swoops in and gives Soon some convenient amnesia to match Mijung's so he doesn't have to pine for the rest of his life. Too bad she's too much of a bitch for that.

Very nice characterisation and interactions there.

Hmm... did Tia explode that second egg on purpose?

Thank you. And yes, she did--she saw a tense situation brewing and immediately defused it.


Oh, I'm not sure if I've said anything about this yet, but I'll say it now because I know I've been hugely foggy and blank out: we're here for you if you're upset, Flare. You can always talk to us on FF.

[Lycan 01]

Currently plotting the next chapter of VxCain.

Any requests or suggestions? More comedy? More plot? More suspense? More combat? More OotS? More 40K fluff? Gimme so feedback!

[The Succubus]

@Lycan - More Squick!

I've sent several people in this thread PMs - I need them to get back to me ASAP.

[Lycan 01]

The squick comes later. I can't just have V screw Cain in the middle of a battle, now can I?

...

Well, technically I could. But it wouldn't make an sense! XD

[The Odor]

VxCain
-The next chapter in the epic of VxCain, which only 25% of its readers probably even understand...

Warhammer crack. Yay.

Any thoughts/comments/advice on any of those? Or prefered projects?

*group hug* (especaly lawyergoblin and Icast flare)
More warhammer crack....

[Zanaril]

All of that is possible, but I doubt he could really spend so much time away that it starts affecting the kid. V mentioned something about 'twenty years in diapers' for elves, so for half-elves, that would mean that it's... someone else should do the math, but it's a long time before they're even potty-trained. If he's still looking for V by the time the kid's a toddler, he would probably come back and take care of him/her for a bit.

Taking that Pompey is.. 43 IIRC, and seems to be an equivalent of a ~16 year old, then it's about 2.5 to 3 years for each human year. Which at half that of elves, seems right. Of course, this could vary greatly from half-elf to half-elf at the descretion of the plot...

But most likely, they'd be an adult at ~50 years.


Remember that at that age, they're still going to be growing up at a surprising rate. Kids tend to do that.

What's the honorable thing to do at that point? On one hand, he has the woman to whom he made vows of fidelity and 'til death do we part', both of which were broken but that wasn't really his fault, but on the other hand, he has the other woman he loves who is pregnant with his child and who may suffer very serious health problems because of it.

Sticking with V is probably the most honourable thing to do. He's made the choice to move on from his relationship with Mijung, and trying to revive it isn't going to do any good. He can't just forget about V now.

And then Aphrodite swoops in and gives Soon some convenient amnesia to match Mijung's so he doesn't have to pine for the rest of his life. Too bad she's too much of a bitch for that.

Wait... what if they met Mijung after she'd completely forgotten about Soon?

And yes, she did--she saw a tense situation brewing and immediately defused it.

Huh. V was right about explosions.

[Water-Smurf]

Taking that Pompey is.. 43 IIRC, and seems to be an equivalent of a ~16 year old, then it's about 2.5 to 3 years for each human year. Which at half that of elves, seems right. Of course, this could vary greatly from half-elf to half-elf at the descretion of the plot...

But most likely, they'd be an adult at ~50 years.


Remember that at that age, they're still going to be growing up at a surprising rate. Kids tend to do that.

What was that song? Cat's in the Cradle?

Spoiler

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My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talkin' 'fore I knew it, and as he grew
He'd say "I'm gonna be like you dad
You know I'm gonna be like you"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home dad?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then

My son turned ten just the other day
He said, "Thanks for the ball, Dad, come on let's play
Can you teach me to throw", I said "Not today
I got a lot to do", he said, "That's ok"
And he walked away but his smile never dimmed
And said, "I'm gonna be like him, yeah
You know I'm gonna be like him"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then

Well, he came home from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say
"Son, I'm proud of you, can you sit for a while?"
He shook his head and said with a smile
"What I'd really like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys
See you later, can I have them please?"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then

I've long since retired, my son's moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind"
He said, "I'd love to, Dad, if I can find the time
You see my new job's a hassle and kids have the flu
But it's sure nice talking to you, Dad
It's been sure nice talking to you"

And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me
My boy was just like me

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then...

But anyway, if Soon's dedicated about it (and I don't doubt he would be) and Xykon puts the usual amount of effort in keeping track of things, Soon would probably be able to get Vaarsuvius back within three years, so before their child was ~1. S/he would still be nursing. V will be thrilled about that. </sarcasm>

Though that doesn't change the fact that he would be sad about missing their child's first years.

Sticking with V is probably the most honourable thing to do. He's made the choice to move on from his relationship with Mijung, and trying to revive it isn't going to do any good. He can't just forget about V now.

Probably, and as a paladin and a good man, he would do the right thing and stay with Vaarsuvius. That would work if this was a separate continuity, though Vaarsuvius would probably be furious with him for staying with her 'out of pity'. She'd be convinced that he wanted Mijung, but he was only staying with her because he thinks she needs his help with the baby.

Although, if it's the same continuity and Mijung is also pregnant with Soon, things would get complicated.

Wait... what if they met Mijung after she'd completely forgotten about Soon?

That would be very awkward. And upsetting for all parties. The only proof he'd really have that he was Mijung's husband would be his resemblance to his child, but even then, that's not much.

He would probably decide that it's best if Mijung doesn't remember and he just lives nearby and helps with his two children, though I don't see V being too cozy with that arrangement.

Huh. V was right about explosions.

She's her mother's daughter.

[Asta Kask]

Or Soon could start his own harem - two wives and working on more!

[CoffeeIncluded]

I'm not too sure about that. Soon doesn't seem like the kind of guy who would give up on Mijung that easily. It's pretty much a given that canonically, he never got over her death.

[Lix Lorn]

...I just had a totally random thought. What are the racial abilities for a half elf, half goblin?

[The Succubus]

After consulting with the other judges and entrants, I'm allowing Coffee to write her Passover themed Squickie for the April awards. I'm also allowing a *little* more flexibility with word counts and whatnot as this is our first proper attempt at this sort of thing.

Let me make one thing *explicitly* clear: Should any complaining, rules-lawyering or attempts to deviate even further from the Easter theme arise, then the Squickies will come to an abrupt and unpleasant end. The judges have spoken.

To avoid this sort of thing in future, themes will be non-holiday centric and avoiding all the other usual forum taboos.

[Draconi Redfir]

...I just had a totally random thought. What are the racial abilities for a half elf, half goblin?

darkvision 30 feet,

+4 Dex, -2 Cha


+2 bonus on ride, stealth, and perception.

[CoffeeIncluded]

Thanks, Masamune!

This is CoffeeIncluded's Entry for the April Squickie Award

Spoiler

Show

"Haley! Haley, where are you? Haley!" Belkars shouts became more frantic as he dashed through the underground catacombs of the now-occupied Azure City. He had a feeling that these subterranean tunnels were always nearly impossible to navigate, and now things were even worst with the regular hobgoblin patrols. Belkar cursed loudly. Who designed these tunnels; an entire gang of dwarves? Stupid Durkon, stupid Elan and V for not waiting for them, stupid Roy for failing his reflex save against the pavement, stupid Hinjo for that stupid Mark of Justice, stupid thing in--

Belkar ran headlong into a solid wall of blackness, tumbling backwards over himself. "Yeesh? What was that?! Hey, get out of my way if you know what's good for you, you..." Belkar trailed off, his words stuck in his throat.

Staring at him was that deceptively powerful creature, hidden beneath a Hello Kitty umbrella and magical darkness, that creature in the shadows.

The creature looked down at him. Belkar remembered the earthquake it generated and couldn't help but shudder.

"Well, hiya!" the creature said jovially. Belkar gave the creature a blank stare. "Ooh, I remember you," it continued, "Aren't you one of Mr. Flopsy and Mr. Stiffly's friends? The one who can cook?"

"...I guess," Belkar finally managed to stammer. "Don't eat me! I'll feed you your own organs if you don't tell me the way out of here!"

"Actually, Mr. Cooky, I was looking for something to eat myself. Can you make me something yummy like last time? I think I know the way out of here, but it's hard to remember things on an empty stomach! Really! Redcloak doesn't believe me when I say that, he just thinks I want more food, but it's really hard to remember things when I'm hungry. You believe me, right?"

"Uh...Yeah, I guess. But why aren't they feeding you? I mean, if you're so strong, then shouldn't Xkyon and that stupid goblin be keeping you in top condition. Gods know Roy never did that," Belkar muttered to himself.

The creature nodded. "Yep, they are giving me all the food I want! But I've been sharing my stew with Mr. Stiffly, because they've stopped feeding him for some reason. And I don't want to see my friends get hungry. So can you make something for me to eat?"

"Uh..." Belkar began searching his pockets for something to start a fire with.

"Oh! I forgot the magic word! Never forget the magic word! Please?"

"..." At this point the halfling was confused. The creature was like a super-Thog or something. But at least now he had some info to bring back to Haley; she'd been really pissed since he snuck into the girls' sleeping area. Heh, totally worth it though. "Okay, I'll make you something." He searched his pockets again. Some lettuce, a hunk of cheese, a vial of vinegar, a small jar of oil, and a bit of bread. Well, at least he could make a salad out of this. Belkar began to arrange the ingredients before him. He was about to take the bread when the creature stopped him.

"No! You can't do that!"

"Can't do what?"

"You can't put bread in that!"

"...Why not? You were okay with that before."

"Yeah, but now I'm celebrating a holiday where I can't eat bread!"

"Celebrating a...Wait. That makes no sense."

"Yeah it does!" the creature protested. "A long time ago we couldn't eat bread because we didn't have time, and now we can, so for a week we don't eat bread to remember what it was like! Or something. I forget; I never paid attention to when my parents were talking about it..."

Belkar had actually fallen silent. At this point he was strongly considering just turning around and running for his life, when the creature continued.

"Anyways, you gotta use this instead of bread!" The creature handed Belkar a flat square that looked like a cracker. Belkar took a tentative nibble and promptly spat it out. Ugh! This tasted dry and stuck in his teeth!

"Yeah, it doesn't taste too good. And it messes with your digi...Dages...Insides."

Belkar shuddered at the visual. "Then screw tradition! Just have bread!"

"What? No! I've got to celebrate the holiday, and that means NO BREAD!!!"

Belkar clapped his ears, which were now ringing in pain. The creature's shouts were still echoing through the tunnels. "Okay! Okay! Here's your salad!" Belkar quickly took the cracker-like excuse for food and crumbled it over the salad. He groaned to himself and closed his eyes; this was probably a -4 to his Profession check, and knowing his luck he probably rolled a 1...

When Belkar opened his eyes again, he saw the creature licking the stone slab that he had used for a plate clean. "That's yummy, Mr. Cooky! You're a really good cook! Thanks!"

Belkar laughed, weak with relief. "Uh...The exit?"

"Oh! Oh right, it's that way! Thanks Mr. Cooky!"

Belkar was halfway down the corridor before the creature could finish his sentence. Man, that creature is freaky, he thought. Not half-bad, though.

...Thoughts?

[Lix Lorn]

Touche.

AWESOME, Coffee. ^_^ Glad I don't have to judge. XD

[CWater]

(Warning; the following post contains a lot of moaning and complaining and somewhat humorous depression.)

Aww...this seems like a nice thread, but sadly I can't read it, I mean I shouldn't. I've learned my lesson by now, I shall never read fanfic again, whatever the original story!
...

...

...BUT I WANT TO!!!! Some of these seem so funny and interesting and... Aargh!! I want to read...
Especially that story about V and Redcloak by Water-Smurf...
And I was stupid enough to read that first chapter!I'm just too curious...perhaps I should make this one exception...

...-NO!! I have learned my lesson from previous years with stories like Harry Potter or LotR. If I start to read fanfic (especially this sort) I'll never be able to take the characters in question seriously in the original story again! I'll just...grin and snicker every time they appear! And OotS is such a great story...

...But I would so like to read these... at least that one mentioned, it seemed interesting, and so well-written.(And starring my two favorite characters)
Aaarg! What am I gonna do! *bangs her head on the bathroom wall*(hardest surface in the apartment)

*sigh* I'll just have to bear this mental distress, I suppose.

I'm sorry if I sound weird,firstly I am Chaotic by nature and the fact that it is over 3 AM here where I live doesn't really help either, so... (Easter-holiday, no need to wake up early tomorrow)

...Oaargh! I want- Okay, no shut up me! You're annoying other people!

Sorry about this, *bows*, I just needed to complain about this dilemma of mine somewhere.

Please someone, convince me that it's completely okay to read this stuff-NO, what am I saying! O_O

[Draconi Redfir]

*rant*

join usss.... JOIIIINNNN USSSSSS!!! you are one of us! and you know it!


one of us! one of us! one of us! one of us! one of us! one of us! one of us!
one of us! one of us! one of us! one of us! one of us! one of us! one of us!
one of us! one of us! one of us! one of us! one of us! one of us! one of us!
one of us! one of us! one of us! one of us! one of us! one of us! one of us!
one of us! one of us! one of us! one of us! one of us! one of us! one of us!
one of us! one of us! one of us! one of us! one of us! one of us! one of us!

[CWater]

Eek!I'm being brainwashed! And the fact that I don't seem to mind doesn't really help...

[Draconi Redfir]

That’s bugbear brand brainwashin™ love, best in the world!


"See things our way or have your skull crushed in so hard, your entire family feels it!" that’s our motto!