LGBTAitP - Part 22: The Best There Is

[Serpentine]

Hwell. It turned out to be a joke. But there was some debate, so I'll leave the question standing.

[Coidzor]

A question has arisen! It is twofold:
1. Can a transexual crossdress?
2. Do some transexuals crossdress?

I figure the answer would be yes, though I imagine some people might feel it only works if they're dressing "back" after already having "completed transitioning," whatever that might mean to them.

[Triscuitable]

When I returned from school today, I was greeted by a friend of my new girlfriend (as she immediately recognized me as her boyfriend to her younger sister in the most adorable *squee* fest ever), who told me of the story of walking home with her.

Apparently she's the happiest teenage girl ever, while I'm the happiest teenage boy ever. I'm feeling like a million bucks right now.

[golentan]

Not to be a downer on the happy occasion, but you might want to consider whether sex (specifically your desire to avoid it) might be a problem down the line. Unless she's asexual as well, in which case awesome-good-fun for you.

[PairO'Dice Lost]

Somewhat off-topic: A friend sent me a video related to the It Gets Better Project that I thought some folks here might appreciate.

[Heliomance]

Somewhat off-topic: A friend sent me a video related to the It Gets Better Project that I thought some folks here might appreciate.

That's beautiful.

[Astrella]

I should really try to keep up with the thread better and not postpone posting.

I'm just going to go with a "*tons of hugs for Arachu and anyone else who wants / needs them*".

-----

Lena's Linkies:

How to respect a transgender person. - A pretty great article I found on wikihow.

A really sadsweet story.

[Mono Vertigo]

A question has arisen! It is twofold:
1. Can a transexual crossdress?
2. Do some transexuals crossdress?

I say yes and probably but I haven't asked (which is why I'm doing so now). What do you think?

(if this is offensive to anyone, I really am genuinely sorry. I can't see it being, but I'm notoriously bad at telling that sort of thing)

My boyfriend, after starting his transition, once took my only dress and paraded around me.
Okay, he only did it to see the face I made. But that counts!
(As I said previously, he self-describes as a bit queer anyway, and I wouldn't be too surprised if I saw him do more of this, now that he'd look definitely like a man wearing girly clothes, and not an androgynous girl wearing girly clothes. I didn't think the dress fit him at all, but again, even I feel like I'm disguised when I wear it. Which is not the fault of the dress, but mine, girly clothes just aren't me.)

Which reminds me that he was present in the nightmare I described yesterday. He seemed to understand the situation a lot better than we did but couldn't help, but I still felt very relieved when he was present.

[KenderWizard]

Of course trans people can crossdress. The question is, as Nix asked, is it crossdressing when they have to dress as the other gender to be safe? I always think of crossdressing as dressing as the other gender for fun, but I suppose it's also the word used for, say, women who dress as men to go fight in a war, which isn't much fun at all. So by the broader definition of crossdressing (dressing as the other gender for any reason), then trans people crossdress almost by definition, unless they have parents who raise them in a gender-diverse way from birth and they only ever wear unisex or correct-gendered clothes.

[Asta Kask]

I say yes, a trans person can crossdress. A trans woman crossdresses if she dresses like a man, and vice versa for a trans man. But that's after a certain line has been crossed in transitioning, and where that line is will vary from person to person.

I don't know about genderqueer though? Are they always crossdressing, or are they never crossdressing?

[Coidzor]

I don't know about genderqueer though? Are they always crossdressing, or are they never crossdressing?

Yes. /Vorlon

[Mina Kobold]

Somewhat off-topic: A friend sent me a video related to the It Gets Better Project that I thought some folks here might appreciate.

That is amazing.

Lena's Linkies:

How to respect a transgender person. - A pretty great article I found on wikihow.

A really sadsweet story.

As are those, especially the bittersweet one.

And now my eyes are leaking, why do we not have a "moved to tears" emoticon?

I say yes, a trans person can crossdress. A trans woman crossdresses if she dresses like a man, and vice versa for a trans man. But that's after a certain line has been crossed in transitioning, and where that line is will vary from person to person.

I don't know about genderqueer though? Are they always crossdressing, or are they never crossdressing?

I never thought about that. Certainly changes perspective. O_O

I guess it would technically be a bit different, since it's not dressing across from feminine to masculine or masculine to feminine. Perhaps Binary-dressing? Into-dressing to keep the metaphor? :3

I am now much less annoyed by the gender-based categorising of clothes, though. Automatic crossdressing! X3

[The Succubus]

Yes. /Vorlon

Now there's a question that was never resolved in B5. Are Vorlons gendered or have they evolved to a point where such matters as LGBTness are irrelevant?

...

Now I have a mental image of a gay Vorlon in a rainbow coloured encounter suit.

[turkishproverb]

...great. Now I can't unsee the rainbow Vorlon.

[Asta Kask]

"Understanding gender is a three edged sword. Male, female, and the genderqueer."

[Triscuitable]

Not to be a downer on the happy occasion, but you might want to consider whether sex (specifically your desire to avoid it) might be a problem down the line. Unless she's asexual as well, in which case awesome-good-fun for you.

I've found that that's not the case anymore. It's really gender ambiguity, and so far, I think I'll be fine.

[Arachu]

When I returned from school today, I was greeted by a friend of my new girlfriend (as she immediately recognized me as her boyfriend to her younger sister in the most adorable *squee* fest ever), who told me of the story of walking home with her.

Apparently she's the happiest teenage girl ever, while I'm the happiest teenage boy ever. I'm feeling like a million bucks right now.

How do you know what a million strips of cotton paper feel like?

Sorry, I've been waiting to make that joke for ages. *fist-bump*

Lena's Linkies:

How to respect a transgender person. - A pretty great article I found on wikihow.

A really sadsweet story.

Thanks for posting these. I actually had to stop and smile halfway through the story.

My boyfriend, after starting his transition, once took my only dress and paraded around me.
Okay, he only did it to see the face I made. But that counts!
(As I said previously, he self-describes as a bit queer anyway, and I wouldn't be too surprised if I saw him do more of this, now that he'd look definitely like a man wearing girly clothes, and not an androgynous girl wearing girly clothes. I didn't think the dress fit him at all, but again, even I feel like I'm disguised when I wear it. Which is not the fault of the dress, but mine, girly clothes just aren't me.)

Which reminds me that he was present in the nightmare I described yesterday. He seemed to understand the situation a lot better than we did but couldn't help, but I still felt very relieved when he was present.

Why are you two so adorable!?

I say yes, a trans person can crossdress. A trans woman crossdresses if she dresses like a man, and vice versa for a trans man. But that's after a certain line has been crossed in transitioning, and where that line is will vary from person to person.

I don't know about genderqueer though? Are they always crossdressing, or are they never crossdressing?

Perhaps they're always partially crossdressing. Or sometimes fully dresscrossing. Or both crossdressing and making a fashion statement at the same time (as they could be doing either and you have to account for either possibility).

To put it in 80's terms, you have to un-dress!

[pffh]

How do you know what a million strips of cotton paper feel like?

Sorry, I've been waiting to make that joke for ages. *fist-bump*

Maybe he's talking about a million male reindeers. Although I can't imagine they would feel very well considering that it's almost spring so they would be quite *ahem*.... or that's exactly what he means

[Heliomance]

Argle. Just had a conversation with mum that went "Why do you need therapy? Just accept every day that you are who you are and that's fine."

Thanks, mum. It's great that you're accepting and all, but it's really not that easy.

Oh, and apparently therapists fall into one of two camps on such matters - either they go "spawn of the devil, we must cure you of this!" or they go "Of course you're a real girl, come on, let's get your balls chopped off and you into a shiny new body."

Like I said. She accepts, but she really doesn't understand.

[Serpentine]

Frankly, I find that unlikely...

[Arachu]

Argle. Just had a conversation with mum that went "Why do you need therapy? Just accept every day that you are who you are and that's fine."

Thanks, mum. It's great that you're accepting and all, but it's really not that easy.

Oh, and apparently therapists fall into one of two camps on such matters - either they go "spawn of the devil, we must cure you of this!" or they go "Of course you're a real girl, come on, let's get your balls chopped off and you into a shiny new body."

Like I said. She accepts, but she really doesn't understand.

x.@ *Hugs*

Maybe he's talking about a million male reindeers. Although I can't imagine they would feel very well considering that it's almost spring so they would be quite *ahem*.... or that's exactly what he means

Oh, I can sympathize with that... Or at least, I think I can... Gah, it's like flipping a coin off of a skyscraper in here.


EDIT: I'm shaving right now, and there is one spot right on the end of my chin that is improbably smooth... Holy crap, that's my whole chin. I used to have trouble shaving that properly.

[Astrella]

Argle. Just had a conversation with mum that went "Why do you need therapy? Just accept every day that you are who you are and that's fine."

Thanks, mum. It's great that you're accepting and all, but it's really not that easy.

Oh, and apparently therapists fall into one of two camps on such matters - either they go "spawn of the devil, we must cure you of this!" or they go "Of course you're a real girl, come on, let's get your balls chopped off and you into a shiny new body."

Like I said. She accepts, but she really doesn't understand.

That sucks. :(
I think t-vox has a list of British therapists; that might help? Asking on r/asktransgender might also be useful. (I guess I'm rather lucky that my therapist is aware of non-binary genders.)

[The Succubus]

Argle. Just had a conversation with mum that went "Why do you need therapy? Just accept every day that you are who you are and that's fine."

Thanks, mum. It's great that you're accepting and all, but it's really not that easy.

Oh, and apparently therapists fall into one of two camps on such matters - either they go "spawn of the devil, we must cure you of this!" or they go "Of course you're a real girl, come on, let's get your balls chopped off and you into a shiny new body."

Like I said. She accepts, but she really doesn't understand.

*hugs*

I can kind of empathise with your mum on this. You've mentioned yourself that you have days when you're not really sure what gender you are. I think what she was trying to say is that, to her at least, your gender is irrelevant because she loves YOU, and that's the end of it.

Sorry, I'm not really very good at explaining this sort of stuff.

EDIT: Hmmmm, with regard to the therapist stuff....it might be an idea to hold off for a while yet. Take some more time to explore the different aspects of your genders and just take your time with it.

[Castaras]

Helio: Have you spoken to your Uni LGBT people? A uni as big as yours will probably have at least one or two people in the same position who might be able to recommend a good therapist if you're needing one, or at the very least give you someone to talk to who understands.

[Asta Kask]

Argle. Just had a conversation with mum that went "Why do you need therapy? Just accept every day that you are who you are and that's fine."

Thanks, mum. It's great that you're accepting and all, but it's really not that easy.

Oh, and apparently therapists fall into one of two camps on such matters - either they go "spawn of the devil, we must cure you of this!" or they go "Of course you're a real girl, come on, let's get your balls chopped off and you into a shiny new body."

Like I said. She accepts, but she really doesn't understand.

Wisdom from Yoda, your mother needs.

*hugs*

[Heliomance]

EDIT: Hmmmm, with regard to the therapist stuff....it might be an idea to hold off for a while yet. Take some more time to explore the different aspects of your genders and just take your time with it.

That's... what I want the therapy for

And Cas, I already know where I'm going to go, but I need to be registered with a Southampton GP as opposed to my one back home, and for various reasons changing GPs is a non-trivial endeavour.

[Castaras]

Might be worth switching GPs then, no matter how hard it is - your mental well being is as important as your physical health, if not more so, considering mental stuff can affect physical stuff.

[Heliomance]

I'm working on it.

[Mono Vertigo]

Why are you two so adorable!?

*grumbles* are not *mumbles*
[/tsundere]

*hugs*

I can kind of empathise with your mum on this. You've mentioned yourself that you have days when you're not really sure what gender you are. I think what she was trying to say is that, to her at least, your gender is irrelevant because she loves YOU, and that's the end of it.

Sorry, I'm not really very good at explaining this sort of stuff.

EDIT: Hmmmm, with regard to the therapist stuff....it might be an idea to hold off for a while yet. Take some more time to explore the different aspects of your genders and just take your time with it.

All of this. I'm glad to hear your mother is supportive, even if she doesn't get the whole problem.

That's... what I want the therapy for

Alas, that sort of issue is deeply personal AND not a disorder by itself (I don't think so, anyway). It's going to be difficult to find a therapist who doesn't believe in binary gender, and who won't try to force a gender identity on you. You may be better off discussing with other LGBTQ+ people, or reflecting alone on yourself there, rather than see a professional who was trained to fix abnormalities.

[Coidzor]

I seem to recall some discussion of a list of the ones who got good trans reviews being compiled by some groups, though I can't remember what country or countries were covered or if it was only surgeons...