Things I May No Longer Do While Playing IV: The Decanter of Endless Bad Ideas

[DigoDragon]

• No longer allowed to put off buying explosives when going on missions for the Humane Society.
• Not allowed to argue physics with the eldritch abomination that is knawing on the Street Sam's butt.
• No longer allowed to shoot the hostage.
• No longer allowed to use the roof of a wooden cabin to break the Rigger's fall.
• It is NEVER a bad time to summon a fire elemental.

[Reltzik]

* Okay, it's funny, so my gnome cavalier can use his prestidigitation spell-like daily to change a fellow PC's hair to shocking, neon electric blue.
** Huh, said player isn't even asking for a save, and is acting like his PC doesn't realize his hair has changed color.
*** Okay, further in-party instances are allowable. It's established and it's funny.
**** .... all right, fine, making the wizard's robes taste like skunk so that the monster will stop gnawing on him IS technically within prestidigitation's described effects...
***** Hey, the DM put a lot of thought into this encounter with a room full of squirrels, one of which is a wild-shaped druid using the others for cover. I am NOT allowed to ready a prestidigitation to turn her hair neon electric blue when she next casts a spell.
****** Because racial cantrip abilities shouldn't be able to neutralize the entire BBEG's encounter, that's why!
******* EVEN if it's no-save, not-noticed properties are well established in this campaign.
******** AND if its use for combat advantage also has precedent.
********* I'm not even a caster class dammit!

...... this is an object lesson for SOMEONE. I just can't figure out for whom.

[Guizonde]

* Okay, it's funny, so my gnome cavalier can use his prestidigitation spell-like daily to change a fellow PC's hair to shocking, neon electric blue.
** Huh, said player isn't even asking for a save, and is acting like his PC doesn't realize his hair has changed color.
*** Okay, further in-party instances are allowable. It's established and it's funny.
**** .... all right, fine, making the wizard's robes taste like skunk so that the monster will stop gnawing on him IS technically within prestidigitation's described effects...
***** Hey, the DM put a lot of thought into this encounter with a room full of squirrels, one of which is a wild-shaped druid using the others for cover. I am NOT allowed to ready a prestidigitation to turn her hair neon electric blue when she next casts a spell.
****** Because racial cantrip abilities shouldn't be able to neutralize the entire BBEG's encounter, that's why!
******* EVEN if it's no-save, not-noticed properties are well established in this campaign.
******** AND if its use for combat advantage also has precedent.
********* I'm not even a caster class dammit!

...... this is an object lesson for SOMEONE. I just can't figure out for whom.

note to self: ask the dm if a permanent prestidigitation can explain my halfling's neon pink mohawk

[toapat]

I may no longer have Weapon Focus (Light Mace), Improved Critical (Light Mace), Lightning Mace, and the Aptitude enchantment on more than 5 weapons that have 18-20 crit ranges.

While i enjoy a nice serving of aptitude cheese, i feel i must point out that most of the keystones to the Aptitude Nacho sauce relies on feats that are not actually weapon keyed feats, but weapon locked feats.

Although i will always approve a Disciple of Dispater TWF Critstormer

[The Bandicoot]

*I may NOT have a Flaming Burst Icy Burst Shocking Burst Keen Adamantine Falchion
**Expecially if I am a Kobold
***If I ignore the last two rules I may not solely power-attack using this weapon.

*My Kobold's battlecry is not "SPOOOOOOON!" in Gnomeish

[Doxkid]

*I may not reverse mortgage the BBEG's home/tomb/castle if fighting him seems too difficult. I'm suppose to start training or work my way or up gather allies.

** "Oh wow. That seems pretty reasonable..." when I explain it does not means I don't have to gather the rest of the party during the game's start.

*** Buying the Lawful Evil BBEG's home out from under him and then renting it out to him is probably why he burned down my village and slaughtered the rest of my family. This is not a difference of opinions. We can not agree to disagree.

[Dimers]

* No matter how good my backstory, I may never play a ninja pirate zombie robot dragon.

** I may not play a corpse creature warforged dragonborn swashbuckler/rogue, either.

*** A wizard/Geometer/Fatespinner/Initiate of the Sevenfold Veil/Incantrix is somehow ok, though.

That last line is the most beautiful thing I've seen in this thread ... and I speak as one of Ksheep's 0.43 Internet contributors.

[DigoDragon]

*I may not reverse mortgage the BBEG's home/tomb/castle if fighting him seems too difficult.

This sounds like a hilarious hook for an adventure. The BBEG getting evicted and is homeless. This seems like a win for the PCs until they realize that the Bank is auctioning off all of the BBEG's evil artifacts, traps, and treasures to the highest bidder...

...and all the BBEG's minions show up to buy.


More Shadowrun--

• I am banned from having the vampire cult catagorize the PCs by taste.
• I am no longer allowed to let my commlink-activated suicide bomber wander into a spam zone.
• I will no longer dare the team Shaman to try defaulting with a shotgun against my BBEG.

[Ksheep]

* I may not give the party a fossil as part of a treasure
** I may not suggest to them that some magicians might be able to bring it back to life
*** I may not apply the Revived Fossil template to a creature and give it to them as a pet
**** The casting time for the spell that revives the fossil isn't "however long it takes you to step out that door and come back inside again"

[Wookieetank]

* I may not give the party a fossil as part of a treasure
** I may not suggest to them that some magicians might be able to bring it back to life
*** I may not apply the Revived Fossil template to a creature and give it to them as a pet
**** The casting time for the spell that revives the fossil isn't "however long it takes you to step out that door and come back inside again"

*snicker*

*As a gnome my life quest cannot be to catalogue in one book every type of animate species in the campaign setting.
**May not learn dominate and mind control monsters to fight for me.

[Tinglemark]

*Not to make a character who introduces himself as Professor of Natural Philosophy, Bartholomew J. Thurston.
**Not to then specialize in lightning and smoke attacks.
***His goal is not to make the universe release the blue smoke.
****I am not to be surprised when the irl electricals character kills him.
*****Not to then roll up his brother Barry J. Thurston, Novice of Philosophical Naturalism, who has a similar theme.

[Karoht]

*If playing in a girl-genius campaign, I may not be a spark.
**Not allowed to use common sense to simply build mechanical devices to do the same thing.

*Not allowed to build a "Common Sense" meter, which detects common sense in use, or lack thereof.
**Not allowed to build a device fueled by the negative pressure caused by a lack of common sense. I am especially prohibited from naming this or any other device a "Zero (IQ) Point Energy" source.

[Kane0]

*When entering a room of statues depicting various gods, I may not change my deity to match the most badass looking one
**If the Deity has no listed name or portfolio under his statue, I cannot invent one for him
***I shall not be surprised if he does not respond to prayers or sacrifices
****I shall not be surprised if he is a deceased power
*****I shall not single-handedly revive him and bring a greater danger to the world than the current BBEG we are facing
******I most definitely cannot be his high priest and retain my previous alignment.

All this actually happened, and it made for a great few sessions. One player picked out one of the nameless gods and began revering him as the God of lucky fights, seduction and the spoils of victory (namely food). He then inadvertently became a paladin under his name and spread the word, reincarnating him as the god he pretty much invented.

[Arbane]

*Not allowed to build a "Common Sense" meter, which detects common sense in use, or lack thereof.
**Not allowed to build a device fueled by the negative pressure caused by a lack of common sense. I am especially prohibited from naming this or any other device a "Zero (IQ) Point Energy" source.

*** Stupidity may be the second most common element in the universe (after hydrogen), but I can't build a reactor fueled by it.

[Guizonde]

*** Stupidity may be the second most common element in the universe (after hydrogen), but I can't build a reactor fueled by it.

****this goes for hydrogen too. oxygen is right out. crude oil too. no building reactors!

*just because the dice say "it" happened does not mean "it" happened. whatever "it" is...
**based on above, i don't get a mental fortitude check or an endurance check to see how hard the hangover hits me.
***this goes for agility too. how the hell are you planning on dodging a hangover, anyway?!
****no shields, either. big glasses of water beforehand won't matter when you drank your weight in hard liquor, either.

[Chilingsworth]

That last line is the most beautiful thing I've seen in this thread ... and I speak as one of Ksheep's 0.43 Internet contributors.

Why thank you!

[enderlord99]

*snicker*

*As a gnome my life quest cannot be to catalogue in one book every type of animate species in the campaign setting.
**May not learn dominate and mind control monsters to fight for me.

...How are Pokemon trainers gnomes?

[nedz]

...How are Pokemon trainers gnomes?

I thought Pokemon trainers were Paladins ?

[Ksheep]

...How are Pokemon trainers gnomes?

I thought Pokemon trainers were Paladins ?

Pokémon Professors are Gnomish Truenamers (they're too high of a level to be effective in the field, so they send out lower-level characters to do all their dirty work for them)

Pokémon Trainers… are probably race independent. As for class, it probably varies. Some may be Malconvokers, some are Rangers, others are Clerics and/or Paladins, and there's also the occasional Bard.

[Bucky]

**Nor is their a spell: wine to blood.
***Bread to flesh is straight out

****Blood to Wine and Flesh to Bread do not exist either.
*****Not allowed to eat the BBEG. Even if he failed his save.

[Chilingsworth]

6* Once again, not to point out that polymorph any object can achieve such effects.

[artofregicide]

****Blood to Wine and Flesh to Bread do not exist either.
*****Not allowed to eat the BBEG. Even if he failed his save.

Make not become drunk off of the BBEG.

That's just in poor taste.

[Dimers]

Make not become drunk off of the BBEG.

That's just in poor taste.

May not reverse-transubstantiate the BBEG, cast prestidigitation to improve the flavor, and THEN get drunk off him, either. Still in poor taste no matter how tasty you make him/her/it.

[nedz]

* Cast Extract Water Elemental on the BBEG
** Drink the Water Elemental

[Wookieetank]

May not reverse-transubstantiate the BBEG, cast prestidigitation to improve the flavor, and THEN get drunk off him, either. Still in poor taste no matter how tasty you make him/her/it.

*However its completely acceptable if my character is a vampire.
**May not then procede to make the BBEG my minion by turning him into a vampire from drinking him though.

[Scizor]

Pathfinder:
* I may not be an alchemist and have ranks in Perform (Juggle). Bombs are too volatile.
** On a similar note, halflings are not eligible for juggling.
*** Neither are gnomes. However, you won't know that until after you have thrown them in the air and then found yourself the target of a bomb/destruction/arbitraary damage source.

[inuyasha]

*may not abuse item creation rules to create shotgun of 5 magic missiles
**it cannot give me a +8 deflection bonus to ac
***cannot kill a room full of shambling mounds with this magic item through haste, time stop or something like that without being scratched
****cannot lock the with arcane lock (also from the shotgun) to prevent the paladin from seeing my secretly evil wizard do this
*****cannot keep chunk of shambling mound as a pet and name it Dr. squishypants
******cannot be only 10th level when i do this if i ever do it again

[DigoDragon]

• When the GM gives me three separate clues that the mcguffin I'm looking for is at Seattle Memorial Hospital, I'm no longer allowed to to be surprised when I arrive and it turns out it was never there to begin with.

[Reltzik]

*Robbing from the rich and giving to the poor is not CG if it's part of a framing attempt.
** Neither is arming the poor downtrodden masses with "hot" weapons.

[Doxkid]

* If what I suspect to be the moon whispers into my mind from just a few inches behind me consistently for the whole game, none of us should be surprised that it is in fact really far away and I was alone the whole time.

**I swear if you make everyone pack up and leave while I'm in the bathroom, then pretend we never played in the first place just to see how well I deal with all of reality being a hallucination (...again...)there will be consequences.