Things I'm Not Allowed To Do While Gaming

[Emperor Tippy]

Is it sad that I just went and read all 2000+ of the ebrennon things?

[Winged One]

433: Puns are only allowed as a verbal component for Blasphemy.

[Folie]

331. You are not allowed to play a kender, even in DragonLance setting, even if that kender does not have a typical kender personality.
332. You are not allowed to play a kender-like character.

It is my dream to one day play a kender, one who hopes to become the first member of her people to work at one of Krynn's great libraries. But will my dream ever come true?

[Nerd-o-rama]

Is it sad that I just went and read all 2000+ of the ebrennon things?

Not as sad as the WotC forum denizens who appear to have turned character ideas from the list into some freakish impromptu freeform PbP game.

If you read the actual thread, the idea makes more sense.

[Myatar_Panwar]

Someone should totally make this a silly message board game! And on each post you just make one up or maybe it could be relating one to the previous one.

[Cheashire]

434. Flashing the lonely captain may get me free passage, but it doesn’t mean I should do it
435. “Nibbles” is not a cute name for the hydra trying to eat another player
436. I cannot flank the enemy with an unconscious horse
437. Even if I can turn into a giant swarm of flying things, it does not give me permission to rain poop from the skies onto the BBEG
438. I am not allowed an ‘evidence montage’ a la CSI no matter how good my Track/Decipher/Spot checks are
439. I cannot make my glamoured armor look like a chain mail bikini
440. …or souvenir T-shirts
441. The bluff check for yelling “I AM YOUR FATHER!” at random NPCs is a very high one even with Glibness…especially since I’m female
442. Stealing a holy talisman from an NPC, melting it down, and turning it into a holy symbol for my own god is not good…but it is awesome
443. I’m not allowed to ask the other worldly servant of the oracle about his interior decorator
444. I will not yelled “PWN’D” after critically hitting another PC in the middle of the forehead with soap
445. Just because its male and I’m a bard doesn’t mean I should try to sleep with it
446. I will not use up all my first level spells on Summon Instrument so that our fighter and chuck gongs at random things
447. I should not attempt to Inspire Competence by playing The Pink Panther theme song during Hide checks
448. I will not use the Hat of Disguise to make other party members look like 300lbs women with mullets
449. I will quit making the DM invent descriptions about the NCPs nether regions
450. Just because we killed the really powerful Blackguard before he could do anything does not entitled me to label him my ‘biznatch’
451. The ‘Doom Song’ is probably not appropriate during serious life or death battles
452. The DM does not need to know the back story behind my character’s Use Rope and Escape Artist ranks…especially if it involves half-orcs and lots of oil
453. I will not learned Celestial in order to tell priests from rival churches where they can shove it
454. The BBEG is not a ‘poopiehead’ no matter what he does
455. I will not scream swear words in game right before I try to sneak attack someone
456. I will not consider the possibility of using my intelligent sword as my maid of honor should my character get married
457. I will not use half the party as bait when facing the Tarrasque
458. I will not use Suggestion to try to convince the head priest to dye is robes hot pink
459. I will not hurl the bodies of dead NPCs at random immovable objects just because I’m strong enough to pick them up
460. I will not train my horse to fetch the small PC in the group with its mouth
461. I am no longer allowed to name my familiar ‘Idiot’ and allow it be exposed to mind altering drugs
462. Flicking off the samurai is a challenge of his honor, as is smacking your butt and catcalling him
463. I will not play an environmentalist and then try to justify to the DM why burning down the forest is okay
464. I am not the very model of a major modern general even if I am wearing his pilfered garments
465. “I wasn’t built for this—oh god don’t let me die” really shouldn’t be my battle cry
466. I cannot intimate the giant Taint Elemental by yelling “Boo!!”
467. I cannot tackle the Druid and wrestle her yelling with and Australian accent when she’s transformed into a crocodile
468. A barrel of beer does not double as a refrigerator not matter where you store it
469. Bardic Knowledge will not help me remember what it was I was supposed to ask the oracle after three days of traveling
470. …or tell me who the hell that one random guy in the corner is
471. …or the sexual kinks of the local politicians
472. …or the kinks of their immediate family
473. …or the results of pickling basilisk eyes
474. …or if the guy I’m considering charming has VD
475. …or why the guy who’s trying to kill me is so grumpy
476. …or why the DM now yells “BARDIC KNOWLEDGE DOESN’T WORK THAT WAY!” before I even have a chance to suggest its use
477. I will not make the Shadowdancer roll a d20 to determine his sexual prowess…though my character SHOULD frickin’ know by now
478. I will not use red and green d6’s, my crazed looking smiley face dice, and the green d4 to build a ‘happy Christmas elf’ as my avatar when using the grid map for battles
479. I am not allowed to be using more than two rings at a time even if I pierce ‘special’ areas of my body
450. The appropriate response to “What does the book say?” during the searching period in dungeons is not “Nothing, it’s in my haversack” even if I was technically the one to find it

[RoboticSheeple]

True ones about me (varies depending on DM or if I'm DMing)

x1)I am not allowed to play a Druid
x1b)...Even if I promise to not take Natural Spell
x2)I am not allowed to play a Cleric unless it is good
x3)the purpose of playing a Paladin is not trying to find the 'best' way to turn evil
x4)as an assassin I can no longer say "hi" and then just stare at someone for 18 seconds
x5)party members are more than meat shields
x5b)...and distractions
x5c)...and bait
x6)A character named "Faust" will have trouble with Devils
x7)Setting fire to the food supply is not allowed
x7b)...especially when a party member is passed out on top of it
x7c)...even if it would kill 6 zombies
x8)Riding a skeleton horse will get you strange looks
x9)I will not order party members to commit Sepukku
x10)I will not coat the loot in contact poison before letting everyone take their share
x11)I must play a character that will take the -4 for shooting into melee
x12)I will not place arcane marks on other peoples equipment
x12b)...especially not a symbol of Vecna on a LG cleric's full plate
x13)Plan B can not be "I cast invisibility and run away faster the the rest of the party"
x14)I will not dress party members in the skins of fallen enemies
x15)I will not consult only my familiar for advice
x15b) even his Int score is higher than the rest of the party
x16)I may kill any party member that spends more than 1 round talking about defecation or urination
x17)Elfs' have names beyond "Spock" "ears" and "Keebler"
x18)The gruesome death of a party member is never hilarious
x19)nor is placing an invisible wall over a simple pit trap
x20)any trap that relies on an expected fallacy should not be connected to dragons in anyway.
x21)Orcs do not talk like "gangstas"
x22)Bats can not make heal checks
x22b)even if their wisdom modifier is better than the wizard's

That's about all I can think of at this point

Edit:
x23) I will not sell any horse summoned with the Mount Spell
x24) I can not mint my own coins in any way shape or form
x25) Blond-haired blue-eyed Lawful Evil characters that insist on killing every creature the party comes across "Because they aren't human" is not a viable concept in a good-aligned party
x25b) nor is it polite to cast "Discern Bloodlines" to find the most pure humans.

[mikeejimbo]

I forgot an important one.

503: No breeding outside your race.
504: In fact, no breeding
505: Or seduction because when it comes down to it,you're doing that with the DM...

[Viscount Einstrauss]

That reminds me, can anyone tell me what a halfling comes from? Are they their own race, or are they, as their name sort of implies, a mixed race?

'Cause I was thinking, if an elf boinked a dwarf, I bet the outcome would look like a halfling.

[Everyman]

'Cause I was thinking, if an elf boinked a dwarf, I bet the outcome would look like a halfling.

506. I will not refer to the intimacies of a dwarf and elf as "boinking".

[mikeejimbo]

507. "All your horse are belong to us!" is not a battlecry, even when they did steal your horses.
508. You are never allowed to kill elven women and children again.

[reorith]

509. i will not attempt to bluff the golem.
510. i will not make a character based off of the dm's little sister

[Kiroho]

511. I will not base any character off of the DM
512. especially if using an undead or troll template
513. or any kind of fae

[Sesquedoodle]

514. I am no longer allowed to sing the "You Are A Pirate" song from Lazytown.
515. In fact, just because I am playing a bard does not entitle me to sing.
516. Not allowed to put the lime in the coke-you-nut and put them both together, put the lime in the coke-you-nut and drink it all up.
517. Not allowed to mention the fernary incident.
518. Not allowed to sit in Marcus's chair.
519. I am not allowed to make fun of the communist hat.
520. Nobody is allowed to stick thier toes in their nose.
521. Nor is anybody allowed to stick anyone ELSE'S toes in their nose.
522. No making other players do yoga for the purpose of taking photographs.

All of these are true.

[Grey Knight]

514. I am no longer allowed to sing the "You Are A Pirate" song from Lazytown.

Or any references to that terrifying program, for that matter.

523: Just because you're playing a thespian bard partnered with some rogues in an attempt to hunt down some flying rodents, does not entitle you to make up a play entitled "Bat, Man, and Robbing".

[Shadow of the Sun]

524: I am no longer allowed to make a bard called Yngwie with the battlecry "You've unleashed the ****ing fury!"
525: When I am with my parties rogue in a place we shouldn't be, I am not allowed to sing Somebody's Watching Me by Rockwell
525: Even though my cleric worships Thor, I am not allowed to take the Perform skill and sing Viking Metal. Constantly
526: When another PC dies, I am not allowed to sing Heres to Life by Streetlight Manifesto
527: When my bard is helping my cleric, I am not allowed to play For the Love of God by Steve Vai

As you can tell, I am a very VERY music centric person

[Jinnai]

Few more i forgot:

528: I am not allowed to cast spider climb + shrink to climb all over other party member.
529: ...or female npcs.
530: Because of #528 I am not allowed to play a Wizard/Sorceror ever again.
531: We are no longer allowed to say "the internet is for porn" at any referance to sexual actions/inuendo at our meetings to keep people from spontaniously singing the refered song.
532: I can no longer casually read a newspaper in a WoD game for info without risking being attacked for a botch....from the newspaper.

[Rolaran]

533. The bard's Hold Person spell may not contain the phrase. "Stop! In the name of love"
534. Portals to the Elemental Plane of Fire are found on walls, in doorways, and occasionally floating in midair. You may not create one on the floor, disguise it with a Persian rug, and attempt to lure the BBEG onto it.
535. Not allowed to create any kind of illusion image with the express purpose of seducing someone.
536. Gnomes do not have Profession (Tour Guide).
537. My monk may not greet any warforged with the phrase "Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto"
538. A chicken is not a proper familiar or animal companion.
539. A chicken is not a mount of any kind.
540. Casting "Resurrection" on the moosehead hanging on the tavern wall- no.
541. Casting "Resurrection" on the owl feather in the ranger's cap- no.
542. Casting "Resurrection" on the BBEG's dragon-scale armor- Dear lord no.
543. Casting "Resurrection" on anything that was not, in life, a party member is now expressly forbidden.
544. No, we have never had a moose as a party member.

[CrazyEmp]

...... *dies* I cant believe how funny these are..... I registered just to say, you are all WAY messed up.... and i'm lovin' it ^_^

[Zeb The Troll]

545. I am not allowed to store anything in "nature's pocket".

[Destro_Yersul]

546: I am not allowed to burn before pillaging
547: there is no such thing as perform: (hammertime)
548: Polymorph is not meant to be an offensive spell
549: animate object is not to be cast on the rug the BBEG is standing on
550: Shouting WINDMILLS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY! whenever you meet a giant is not allowed

[paigeoliver]

Halflings are their own race. They used to be Hobbits, they used to even be CALLED hobbits (back in the mid 70s), but then they changed the name to halfling (late 70s), but they were still basically Tolkien Hobbits and stayed that way for over 20 years.

Then in 3rd edition they made them skinny and kind of mixed their culture up a bit with Kender and Gypsies.

In my world Elves are actually the result of a crossbreed between halflings and pixiefaeries.

That reminds me, can anyone tell me what a halfling comes from? Are they their own race, or are they, as their name sort of implies, a mixed race?

'Cause I was thinking, if an elf boinked a dwarf, I bet the outcome would look like a halfling.

[Destro_Yersul]

I thought of another one!
551: I'm not allowed to play a Paladin named "Leeroy Jenkins" for any reason

[Shikton]

552: I am not allowed to use torches as weapons in small rooms crammed with flammable objects ever again.

[olaf]

Not for me, but for one of my players:

553. He is not allowed to play a halfling thief-with-a-heart-of-gold named David Hasselhoff.
554. Said halfling thief cannot have a dancing pet monkey.
555. Said halfling theif cannot contract gnomes to build a Mecha-Terrasque

[DarkLightDragon]

556: I am not allowed to use Knowledge(Nature) checks to get climb bonuses for natural walls.

[cupkeyk]

10. Just because my character and I can speak German, doesn't mean the GM can.

We do this in front of our DM, my friend and I converse in spanish so the DM can't understand what we are talking about and meta against it. He doesn't mind.

[Hivemind Ghost]

557. I am not allowed to take negative levels in a class because of my races level adjustment and the starting level of the campaign.
558. Polearm-Chucks do not exist. I should stop tying Guisarmes to Glaives.
559. It can not be house-ruled that Heironeous' favoured weapon is said Polearm-Chucks.
560. No matter how good a backstory I have, I cannot create a character for the level twelve campaign who's a Hobgoblin with one level in every base-class.
561. I cannot play a two-thirds Elf.
562. The next time I roll a character with no score above six, I will reroll.

[Shadow of the Sun]

563: I cannot play an evil gnome with massive eyebrows and INT as his dump stat called John Howard

[ghost_warlock]

(the numbers have been off for a while)

569. "Your Mother" is not an appropriate name for a character.
570. ...neither is anything Bart Simpson has used for a prank phone call.
571. My male wizard is not allowed to use polymorph to experience giving birth.
572. Having more tentacles does not make a creature a superior PC-race
573. Gold dragons are not "walking urinals"
574. The material component for dominate person is not "leather, whips, and chains."
575. Munchkin cards are not to be used the influence the DM
576. ...nor are they appropriate sources of inspiration for magic item creation
577. Taunting lycanthropes into attacking for the sole purpose of being infected is not allowed.
578. Other PCs are not to be referred to as "my familiar"
579. ...especially when your character is a druid.
580. Wielding a scimitar enchanted with the speed quality no longer means you automatically win Initiative.
581. There are no gully dwarves in Eberron.
582. An arachno-penguin is not a real monster, nor is it a CR 18 encounter.
583. Chicken McNuggets should not cause an "evilgasm"
584. Pixie characters are not allowed to be named after archfiends, especially Orcus the demon prince of the undead.
585. "Out of" is not an appropriate alignment.
586. "Bensvelk zara" is not Draconic for "nice ass," no matter what the Draconomicon says
587. Taking ranks in Craft (multiverse) is not allowed to speed the character's advancement to godhood
588. Despite The Fifth Element, character race cannot be listed as "Meat Popsickle"
589. The other PCs are not "annoying filler"