LGBTAI+ #52: Aces High

[Philemonite]

Ok, right, I'm gonna be serious now. (*Sets weird_humor to FALSE*)

I am in need of advice on how to come out to younger siblings. This is something that I want to do quite badly, as it's obviously an important part of my identity and I feel that ultimately it would be destructive to hide it from them. However, I can think of a hundred and one ways it could go wrong, some of them terrifyingly plausible, so...

I guess what I'm looking for is experience, advice and anecdotes.

What I usually do is drop some subtle hints and kinda force person to ask me directly. Sorry I couldn't really help.

[noparlpf]

Ok, right, I'm gonna be serious now. (*Sets weird_humor to FALSE*)

I am in need of advice on how to come out to younger siblings. This is something that I want to do quite badly, as it's obviously an important part of my identity and I feel that ultimately it would be destructive to hide it from them. However, I can think of a hundred and one ways it could go wrong, some of them terrifyingly plausible, so...

I guess what I'm looking for is experience, advice and anecdotes.

How young? My brother is seventeen but he's a sophomore in college now and he met a bunch of non-cis/hetero people at school. And he already sort of knew that I wasn't interested in stuff, but we had a good talk about sexuality in the car one time when I was driving him home for break after visiting some of my friends there (it's my old school too).

[Coidzor]

Ok, right, I'm gonna be serious now. (*Sets weird_humor to FALSE*)

I am in need of advice on how to come out to younger siblings. This is something that I want to do quite badly, as it's obviously an important part of my identity and I feel that ultimately it would be destructive to hide it from them. However, I can think of a hundred and one ways it could go wrong, some of them terrifyingly plausible, so...

I guess what I'm looking for is experience, advice and anecdotes.

Well, what are your foremost concerns with telling them, either individually or as a whole? I think if we understand what you're worried about, then we can better advise you about the specific situation.

My recollection from accounts I've heard is that the less dramatic build-up and the more casual and relaxed the revelation, the better, generally. Depends on your personal style and interpersonal relationship with your sibs.

I don't dislike how I look yet, but it's evidence that I'm putting on weight and I need to be careful. I've always identified as skinny, and maintained that no matter what I eat. But now, I have an office job which I drive to, and am getting almost no exercise, so I'm putting on weight. It's not that I think I'm fat, it's that it was a notably higher number than I was expecting, and it was a bit of a shock.

Yeah, definitely need to switch that up, especially as your metabolism is/will be starting to slow down. Good luck determining an exercise regimen that will work for you. And also with determining if there are any desk exercises that are palatable enough to really give a try.

[Irish Musician]

I just weighed myself for the first time in years, and I'm 11 stone. That's more than I expected, and it's more than I want to be. I should start doing something about this.

I did this about 2 months ago. However, my weight was MUCH higher than yours

So, I got my lazy ass up off the couch and started working out. I wouldn't do as much as I am (since I am trying to drop quite a bit more so I am going the heavy cardio and weight lifting route) but go for a run a couple of times a week. Just getting that much more active will kick in that metabolism and help to regulate your weight more. I have had an office job in the past and put on some pounds because of it as well. Sitting at a desk has its advantages, but also can take a toll on your waistline ( of course having my wife's awesome cooking has done that as well )

Why make such a big deal about weight I don't understand. If you want to look like something in particular you can of course aim for that, but staring at the numbers on a weighing scale seems quite unhelpful and pointless.

It isn't unhelpful or pointless, but when all you do is look at the numbers then you can discourage yourself a bit. Esp if you are trying to lose fat and build muscles like I am doing right now. If I looked at my weight all the time I'd be sad because I am gaining muscle weight, so I am not "losing" as much weight as I think I should be if I were to just base my progress on a scale. BUT I am losing fat weight, which really better translates to inches around rather than pounds (or kilos or stones depends where in the world you are ). For me, it is about getting healthier.....and to look a bit better naked I'll admit

M

[insa]

Hello everyone,

I usually use another account to read and post in the playground, but made this one for one particular thing :
I am male and plan to dress as a female in a month, using Halloween as an excuse.

I think its here that I saw those heels, and they're pretty much what helped me decide doing it.
Let's begin with personal details :
I'm 25, male, with "long" brown hair (I don't think it's really long, but I never think it's long enough), pretty fit (170cm and 55kg, most of it in the thighs).
I live at my parents but they won't be there for the relevant week.

What I'm seeking here, is help and advice.
I will wear those heels or something similar (being in France and having 4 weeks to get everything, including women shoes in a "big" size).
What would you wear with those ?
What could I wear with those (considering a male body) ?
How do you handle dark body hair ?
Any random tip ?


____________________________________


Oh, and not to be completely about me, myself, and I :

I have an office job which I drive to

If there are changing rooms where you work, running during your lunch pause can really help.

[Philemonite]

I usually use another account to read and post in the playground, but made this one for one particular thing

Just a friendly warning, multiple accounts are forbidden, so you shouldn't do it.

[Jaycemonde]

I think its here that I saw those heels, and they're pretty much what helped me decide doing it.
Let's begin with personal details :
I'm 25, male, with "long" brown hair (I don't think it's really long, but I never think it's long enough), pretty fit (170cm and 55kg, most of it in the thighs).

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH YES YOU PROBABLY SAW THOSE HERE THEY ARE AMAZING SHOES BUY THEM THEYRE LIKE SNEAKERS WHEN YOU WEAR THEM BUT SEXIER TRUST ME

i can't help with the advice part since my aesthetic is basically all black and white but yeah

[Marnath]

Arghh, some days I wonder why I'm even bothering to try to educate my parents about things, like sexuality and gender identity. I think I'm making progress then I find a pamphlet thing their study group is working through that was written by Chip Ingram. It's not appropriate for discussion here, but go google that name and you'll get the picture.


Just one more reason I've never tried to explain something as complicated as asexuality to them.

*Edit: I "fixed" their book with my pen. Now it says useful information instead of purposeful misinformation. Maybe their friends will accidentally learn something when they open the book.

[Kesnit]

*Edit: I "fixed" their book with my pen. Now it says useful information instead of purposeful misinformation. Maybe their friends will accidentally learn something when they open the book.

*thumbs up* Nice.

[Irish Musician]

Just a friendly warning, multiple accounts are forbidden, so you shouldn't do it.

Yeah, pretty much this. So just be careful because they will get your for that.

As for what to wear, I would not know where to begin. I am pretty good at looking at someone's clothing collection and picking out stuff, but pulling stuff from the vast plethora of stuff tends to be my Achilles Heel.


In other news, my friend is doing a Gofundme campaign for his surgery. Thought you guys might be interested in looking at it/reading it. Not trying to market it or anything, just thought some of you might want to read it.

M

[CWater]

I did this about 2 months ago. However, my weight was MUCH higher than yours

So, I got my lazy ass up off the couch and started working out. I wouldn't do as much as I am (since I am trying to drop quite a bit more so I am going the heavy cardio and weight lifting route) but go for a run a couple of times a week. Just getting that much more active will kick in that metabolism and help to regulate your weight more. I have had an office job in the past and put on some pounds because of it as well. Sitting at a desk has its advantages, but also can take a toll on your waistline ( of course having my wife's awesome cooking has done that as well )

It isn't unhelpful or pointless, but when all you do is look at the numbers then you can discourage yourself a bit. Esp if you are trying to lose fat and build muscles like I am doing right now. If I looked at my weight all the time I'd be sad because I am gaining muscle weight, so I am not "losing" as much weight as I think I should be if I were to just base my progress on a scale. BUT I am losing fat weight, which really better translates to inches around rather than pounds (or kilos or stones depends where in the world you are ). For me, it is about getting healthier.....and to look a bit better naked I'll admit

M

Well, yes I guess measurements such as that can be used to help notice if you are 'going in the right direction', change blindness is a thing after all, but I think it's really important not to rely on them too much. Based on what you've said, I don't think you guys do, it's just that I've heard so many people follow the logic 'I look X but weight Y, therefore I must be Y', that I suppose I assume that too easily. -_-

(Beauty ideals in general annoy me too, but since I'm also affected by them myself, I don't think I've got much right to complain about that. Guess I just have to accept them as one of those traits we humans have...)

[Grytorm]

I kind of feel like venting about depression. But it would be weird to start a conversation with my approximately 3 1/2 friends. And only one of them has much of an idea how serious it is. I doubt it will be very effective. But whatever.

Edit: Actually I have at least 5 3/4 friends. (4 friends, 3 half friends, and a three quarters friend)

[golentan]

I started anti anxiety meds over the weekend. Suddenly, sexuality seems much simpler and less scary. I want to have sex, I have a narrow type of bodies for men that I'm attracted to and a wider selection for women, with facial features being most important for both, and I don't feel ambivalent or like hiding when I contemplate being intimate.

This... is potentially huge. If I can enjoy sex without risking a panic attack...

[JordantheKitty]

I started anti anxiety meds over the weekend. Suddenly, sexuality seems much simpler and less scary. I want to have sex, I have a narrow type of bodies for men that I'm attracted to and a wider selection for women, with facial features being most important for both, and I don't feel ambivalent or like hiding when I contemplate being intimate.

This... is potentially huge. If I can enjoy sex without risking a panic attack...

Hey, congratulations! I'm really glad that you're getting help and that your life's improving. I'm all smiley now.

I kinda wish I could go to a psychiatrist.. I know I have problems. I've been so overly stressed and down and.. Well, a lot of things since college started. And I want help. But at the same time, I both don't have any money, and if I do that, I'd feel like I'd be wasting their time because I don't have any disorders, and that I just need to learn how to deal with college...

[SiuiS]

I kind of feel like venting about depression. But it would be weird to start a conversation with my approximately 3 1/2 friends. And only one of them has much of an idea how serious it is. I doubt it will be very effective. But whatever.

Edit: Actually I have at least 5 3/4 friends. (4 friends, 3 half friends, and a three quarters friend)

Internet friends are a huge help, really. You're close enough to confide but don't have to suffer the chance of somehow making everything terrible. We have to put on masks for people in real life to make society work. With pen pals, you're able to be more honest without fear of reprisal, and that helps people come to terms with who they are and what they endure.

I started anti anxiety meds over the weekend. Suddenly, sexuality seems much simpler and less scary. I want to have sex, I have a narrow type of bodies for men that I'm attracted to and a wider selection for women, with facial features being most important for both, and I don't feel ambivalent or like hiding when I contemplate being intimate.

This... is potentially huge. If I can enjoy sex without risking a panic attack...

Hot darn! Go get em, [gender]-killer!

[Kesnit]

I kinda wish I could go to a psychiatrist.. I know I have problems. I've been so overly stressed and down and.. Well, a lot of things since college started. And I want help. But at the same time, I both don't have any money, and if I do that, I'd feel like I'd be wasting their time because I don't have any disorders, and that I just need to learn how to deal with college...

You don't KNOW that you don't have any disorders. And even if you really don't, having someone outside the situation to talk to helps a lot.

Does your college have a counseling center? If so, you may want to check into that. It would likely be free to students.

[Jaycemonde]

Go get em, [gender]-killer!

That sounds like a Redbubble shirt.

[JordantheKitty]

You don't KNOW that you don't have any disorders. And even if you really don't, having someone outside the situation to talk to helps a lot.

Does your college have a counseling center? If so, you may want to check into that. It would likely be free to students.

Well, it does, of course.. But the same problems still apply, and I've never been one to go out of my way to do something like that..

[Grytorm]

Internet friends are a huge help, really. You're close enough to confide but don't have to suffer the chance of somehow making everything terrible. We have to put on masks for people in real life to make society work. With pen pals, you're able to be more honest without fear of reprisal, and that helps people come to terms with who they are and what they endure.

Curious. Does anyone here consider me a friend?

[Irish Musician]

Curious. Does anyone here consider me a friend?

Everyone in this thread I consider friend. And my PM box is always open to those who need it.

M

[Kesnit]

Well, it does, of course.. But the same problems still apply, and I've never been one to go out of my way to do something like that..

Yes, and..? There is a first time for everything.

[golentan]

Sooo... somehow all the men I message on dating sites are trans. I'm not seeking this out, the profiles that are catching my eye I later find out are transmen. And in lesser proportion to the women I message being transwomen.

How? It's not like I look at someone and think "they're clearly trans, they're not passing, let's take a look." It's "That is a handsome man! Let's take a look... oh, I would not have guessed that about him, cool."

[Philemonite]

Everyone in this thread I consider friend. And my PM box is always open to those who need it.

M

No fair, I was going to say that.

I'll just add that I love you all, and you have my full (virtual) support.

[Marnath]

Sooo... somehow all the men I message on dating sites are trans. I'm not seeking this out, the profiles that are catching my eye I later find out are transmen. And in lesser proportion to the women I message being transwomen.

How? It's not like I look at someone and think "they're clearly trans, they're not passing, let's take a look." It's "That is a handsome man! Let's take a look... oh, I would not have guessed that about him, cool."

I guess your subconscious knows something you don't? It might just be coincidence, too.

[Zurvan]

I started anti anxiety meds over the weekend. Suddenly, sexuality seems much simpler and less scary. I want to have sex, I have a narrow type of bodies for men that I'm attracted to and a wider selection for women, with facial features being most important for both, and I don't feel ambivalent or like hiding when I contemplate being intimate.

This... is potentially huge. If I can enjoy sex without risking a panic attack...

I know it is none of my business but I'm curious. What kind of person you find attractive?


On a diferent note. I find really funny and tragic that even indirectly homosexuality still affects me.

Since the day of elections is getting near some candidates are getting really desperate and one got very infamous for a homophobic speech in a debate.

Because of that my philosophy teacher held a debate regarding opinions concerning homophobia.

Since I'm not completely out I did not exposed my opinions but some students were in favor of the candidate's speech saying that such behaviors should be fixed.

After a lot of discussion my teacher (Who is really old) show us a scar on his arm saying he actually had to go to the hospital once when he was a kid because his teacher used to beat him so he would learn how to write in the proper way. He is left-handed.

It was a very shocking image that made ​​everyone think and reflect a lot about the subject.

Last month he held a lecture on Marxism and anarchism, because of all this many parents got angry and uncomfortable saying that he was doing propaganda of his ideas and ideals. They asked the school to fire him but the school said it would not do that and everything seemed fine for awhile.

But because of all that my mother decided that she will put me in a Catholic school next year! I'm not sad becuase of the school itself, it is a lovely building that look like a castle and some guys there are really cute. The problem is that it is going to get a lot harder to "do stuff" not that I actually do stuff now it is just that it will be impossible to do it then.

And that school has no sports program. Right now I'm in the track team and I really love to run. I'm actually good at it and it is something I found very fun to do.

My mom said she will compensate the lack of sports by putting me in a gym (which is nice because there are several hot guys there) but I dunno working out sounds so bland and boring compared to running. Not quite what I want. I can't win medals, compete or move from point A to point B.

Furthermore it will be difficult to keep up with rpg and horror books in a place like that. I just hope that I am being pessimistic and that everything will be very good and fun... But I doubt.

Hugs?

[golentan]

I know it is none of my business but I'm curious. What kind of person you find attractive?

I am attracted to androgynous to feminine people, preferring smaller people over larger (this is not a "no fatties" nonsense thing, I find people most attractive when they're basically 5'6" and below in height) and feminine androgyny over masculine, and with a huge boost given to delicate facial features and sexual characteristics. I do not like muscles, and am okay with high body fat to a point. This is all physically speaking, mentally I like geeks. Lots of geeky hobbies and the ability to laugh at math based puns is a huge turn on.

Also, based on experience apparently trans* and asexual people are huge turns on for me as well. And my hindbrain knows even when I don't.

On a diferent note. I find really funny and tragic that even indirectly homosexuality still affects me.

Since the day of elections is getting near some candidates are getting really desperate and one got very infamous for a homophobic speech in a debate.

Because of that my philosophy teacher held a debate regarding opinions concerning homophobia.

Since I'm not completely out I did not exposed my opinions but some students were in favor of the candidate's speech saying that such behaviors should be fixed.

After a lot of discussion my teacher (Who is really old) show us a scar on his arm saying he actually had to go to the hospital once when he was a kid because his teacher used to beat him so he would learn how to write in the proper way. He is left-handed.

It was a very shocking image that made ​​everyone think and reflect a lot about the subject.

Last month he held a lecture on Marxism and anarchism, because of all this many parents got angry and uncomfortable saying that he was doing propaganda of his ideas and ideals. They asked the school to fire him but the school said it would not do that and everything seemed fine for awhile.

But because of all that my mother decided that she will put me in a Catholic school next year! I'm not sad becuase of the school itself, it is a lovely building that look like a castle and some guys there are really cute. The problem is that it is going to get a lot harder to "do stuff" not that I actually do stuff now it is just that it will be impossible to do it then.

And that school has no sports program. Right now I'm in the track team and I really love to run. I'm actually good at it and it is something I found very fun to do.

My mom said she will compensate the lack of sports by putting me in a gym (which is nice because there are several hot guys there) but I dunno working out sounds so bland and boring compared to running. Not quite what I want. I can't win medals, compete or move from point A to point B.

Furthermore it will be difficult to keep up with rpg and horror books in a place like that. I just hope that I am being pessimistic and that everything will be very good and fun... But I doubt.

Hugs?

Depends on the school. I know plenty of folks who got an excellent parochial education, but it's sad that there's this strong a reaction to a teacher... well, being a teacher. Giving comparable examples and fostering discussion is what they should DO.

[Jaycemonde]

So...I don't really remember the rules concerning infractions (how many points you need to get locked out, etc.), but I'm gonna put my Skype info in a spoiler if anyone cares to talk and I suddenly can't log in or anything. If anyone does, anyway.

Spoiler

Show

Just searching "Cupcake Goat or 42a-209 usually turns up results, but my userid is jaycemonde, like here. Pls to be letting known of who you are of being if you add, please.

[Grytorm]

*Tries to hug Zurvan ans fails. Bad at hugs.*

Well today went fairly well. I learned one of my few friends is not transphobic. Because before we got on the bus she was talking to someone she presumably met in class. I kind of listened to their conversation because that is as close as I get to talking to people sometimes while occasionally contributing and heard that the new person was transgender (identifies as male, is not obviously showing a masculine appurtenance). Later I told them I was questioning my identity (I often don't like saying I am transgender). They summed it up as, "It is very confusing."

Edit: I am also glad I seem to kind of interpret peoples appearance based on how the identify to some extent.

[Philemonite]

So...I don't really remember the rules concerning infractions (how many points you need to get locked out, etc.), but I'm gonna put my Skype info in a spoiler if anyone cares to talk and I suddenly can't log in or anything. If anyone does, anyway.

Infractions
Infractions are similar to Warnings but are for more significant rule violations and do incur Infraction points. Earning 300 points can lead to being banned (see the Warnings and Infractions section). Infractions will always be issued via the board system and will appear in a PM.

300 Infraction Points
If you earn 300 or more active Infraction Points at any time, you will be placed on Probation and will remain on Probation until your Infraction Points drop below 300. Any subsequent Infractions while you are on Probation will trigger a review for potential permanent banning.

It should also be noted that flagrant offenses may result in a ban even if they do not result in 300 Infraction Points. Repeated and excessive violations of the same rule, especially over a short period of time, will also result in an immediate ban.

Don't whisper, speak up.

[turkishproverb]

@Grytorm Sounds fun. For my part, I can only say that trans issues can be very confusing, in no small part because individuals often don't like the terminology considered to be appropriate by the group (There are people, for example who get mad of you use the pronount they identify with before they finish transitioning) so I generally only note active hostility on that front rather than the passive issues many use to identify "transphobia".

@Zurvan: Sorry for your troubles, I don't know what to tell you on that score. I would try pointing out that track could help you get into a University, but a Gym membership won't.

*hugs*

@Golentan I feel for you, and am glad the meds are helping.

Anyway, I was wondering, what does everyone thing is the point at which LGBT invisibility is a problem with a particular character? Does it have to come up explicitly in the text to count, or is intimation ok, and if so how much? I mean, no-one seems happy with Dumbledore's reveal, but by the same token one has to wonder how direct references should be to "count" as an LGBT character.