Results 1 to 30 of 151
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2015-01-02, 12:45 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2014
The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.
I am ashamed to say I came up with this myself.
OK, Frosty the Snowman is being hunted by Arnold Schwarzenegger, who is playing the Terminator and Dr. Freeze at the same time.
While Frosty runs for his life, Arnold draws upon a freeze gun and fires, striking Frosty in the back. As Frosty slowly turns, he finds himself hardening as his snow is turned to ice.
Grinning, Arnold produces a pistol and prepares to shatter Frosty into a million pieces. He then utters this phrase:
"Frosta la vista, baby."
…excuse me while I go hide under a chair.Kudos to smuchmuch for the awesome 11th Doctor avatar!
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2015-01-02, 12:53 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2010
- Gender
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2015-01-02, 01:07 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2005
- Gender
Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.
Eh. I told this to a friend of mine, who works in a butcher shop making sausages. After I'd finished, he thought for a minute then said "Eh, I've heard wurst."
NOW COMPLETE: Let's Play Starcraft II Trilogy:
Hell, It's About Time: Wings of Liberty
Does This Mutation Make Me Look Fat: Heart of the Swarm
My Life For Aiur? I Barely Know 'Er: Legacy of the Void
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2015-01-02, 01:24 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2011
- Location
- In a cornfield
- Gender
Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.
Best thread. Calling it now.
This Machine Surrounds Hate And Forces It To Surrender
Ponythread Learns to Draw!
SpoilerBleeeeh! Alfalfa Monster!
Avatar by Aruius
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2015-01-02, 01:50 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jul 2011
Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.
*waits for half-remembered story about a talking snake and a "end-the-human-race machine"*
I use braces (also known as "curly brackets") to indicate sarcasm. If there are none present, I probably believe what I am saying; should it turn out to be inaccurate trivia, please tell me rather than trying to play along with an apparent joke I don't know I'm making.
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2015-01-02, 01:51 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jul 2011
- Location
- Denver
- Gender
Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.
Here's one of mine I wrote about twelve years ago:
A lumberjack goes into the woods and finds a perfect tree. He raises his axe, then hears a voice.
"Wait, stop."
The lumberjack is puzzled, but readies himself for another swing.
"Please, don't," says the voice.
The woodcutter recognizes this to be the tree itself and is fascinated. He wonders how smart a talking tree is and, being a fan of riddles, asks it a fairly easy one. Quick as a wip, the tree gets it.
"Not too shabby," he says, "but here's a really challenging one."
Without even pausing to think, the tree answers correctly. Impressed, the lumberjack decides to ask it his legendary riddle. One of his own creation that no-one, not even the smartest folks he knows, has been able to guess. Just like the others, the tree solves it without skipping a beat.
Enraged, the woodcutter raises his axe. "Wait, what are you doing?" the tree pleads.
The lumberjack responds,Spoiler"I want to stump you."Last edited by SowZ; 2015-01-02 at 01:51 AM.
Homebrew PrC: The Performance Artist
Avatar by Kymme
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2015-01-02, 01:59 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2008
- Location
- Bottom of a well
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2015-01-02, 02:06 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2005
- Gender
Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.
Not one of these again. Last time we had one of these threads, I posted ten different puns hoping at least one would win the thread. But no pun in ten did.
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2015-01-02, 02:26 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2010
- Gender
Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.
I think this is mandatory.
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2015-01-02, 02:29 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jul 2011
Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.
I use braces (also known as "curly brackets") to indicate sarcasm. If there are none present, I probably believe what I am saying; should it turn out to be inaccurate trivia, please tell me rather than trying to play along with an apparent joke I don't know I'm making.
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2015-01-02, 02:31 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2008
- Location
- Bottom of a well
Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.
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2015-01-02, 02:36 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2010
- Gender
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2015-01-02, 02:47 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2011
- Location
- Somewhere south of Hell
- Gender
Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.
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2015-01-02, 08:01 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2013
- Location
- Prime Material Plane
- Gender
Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.
This'll probably come in handy a *lot* in this thread.
I still remember that one's punchline.
SpoilerBETTER NATE THAN LEVER!
Even though it was very anticlimactic, it was a very good read with a good plot in my opinion.Last edited by Solse; 2015-01-02 at 08:06 AM.
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2015-01-02, 08:31 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2010
- Location
- Back forty.
- Gender
Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.
I like how a third of the posts are about th longest joke in the world :)
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2015-01-02, 08:40 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2013
- Location
- Skyron, Andromeda
- Gender
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2015-01-02, 09:21 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2009
- Location
- Lustria
- Gender
Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.
We could also open the dam of "A guy walks into a bar... "
Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself. I am large, I contain multitudes. (W.Whitman)
Things that increase my self esteem:
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2015-01-02, 09:45 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2008
Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.
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2015-01-02, 09:52 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2013
- Location
- In Hammer Space
- Gender
Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.
Last edited by Duck999; 2015-01-02 at 09:55 AM.
Avatar made by Bradakhan| Other avatars.
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2015-01-02, 10:18 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2013
- Location
- Prime Material Plane
- Gender
Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.
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2015-01-02, 10:26 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2005
- Gender
Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.
NOW COMPLETE: Let's Play Starcraft II Trilogy:
Hell, It's About Time: Wings of Liberty
Does This Mutation Make Me Look Fat: Heart of the Swarm
My Life For Aiur? I Barely Know 'Er: Legacy of the Void
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2015-01-02, 10:34 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2008
Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.
A man walks into a bar.
The hobbit walks under it.
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2015-01-02, 10:36 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2010
- Location
- France
- Gender
Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.
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2015-01-02, 10:39 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2005
- Location
- Back in the USSR
- Gender
Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.
A fish runs into a wall.
"Dam", he says.Spoiler
Stealthy Snake avatar by Dawn
Lack of images by Imageshack
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2015-01-02, 11:15 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2013
Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.
How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
SpoilerOnly one, but the lightbulb has to want to change.
How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
SpoilerTwo- one to hold the giraffe, the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored power tools.
Or, from Angel.
Two men walk into a bar. The first man orders a scotch and soda. The second man remembers something he'd forgotten, and it doubles him over with pain. He falls to the floor shaking and then through the floor into the earth. He looks back up at the first man, but he doesn't call out to him. They're not that close.Avatar courtesy of Kaariane!
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2015-01-02, 11:59 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2010
- Location
- Cat Food Island
- Gender
Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.
How many reference librarians does it take to change a lightbulb?
SpoilerWell, what kind of lightbulb is it?Avatar by the one and only Ceika.
"I'll be whatever I wanna do." - Philip J. Fry
my fake wizard|my fake one-shot|my fake link
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2015-01-02, 12:11 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2011
- Location
- The last place you look
- Gender
Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.
I've heard worse.
Once there was a man who wanted to build a house. But being a bit eccentric, he wanted to use exactly 99 bricks. Unfortunately, the hardware store only sold them in groups of 100. He argued back and forth with a salesperson, because the store would not sell less than the full 100 bricks. Eventually, the man gave in and bought 100 bricks. He then went outside and threw the spare brick into the sky.Last edited by Razanir; 2015-01-02 at 12:11 PM.
Avatar by Venetian Mask. It's of an NPC from a campaign I may yet run (possibly in PbP) who became a favorite of mine while planning.
I am a 10/14/11/15/12/14 LG Clr 2
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2015-01-02, 12:36 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2010
- Location
- Cat Food Island
- Gender
Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.
I don't get that one... is there some wordplay on "spare brick" that I'm missing?
Ooh! I remembered one of my own terrible jokes:
Why did the chicken cross the road?
SpoilerWhy do chickens do anything?
No one has ever laughed at that. Not even little kids.Avatar by the one and only Ceika.
"I'll be whatever I wanna do." - Philip J. Fry
my fake wizard|my fake one-shot|my fake link
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2015-01-02, 12:58 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2010
- Location
- right behind you
Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.
A nun a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar, the bartender looks at them and goes, "What is this? A joke?"
"Interdum feror cupidine partium magnarum Europae vincendarum"
Translation: "Sometimes I get this urge to conquer large parts of Europe."
"If you don't get those cameras out of my face, I'm gonna go 8.6 on the Richter scale with gastric emissions that'll clear this room."
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2015-01-02, 01:12 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2014
Re: The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.
What have I done?
Kudos to smuchmuch for the awesome 11th Doctor avatar!