Baron Fatbelly Eating Contest VI: Back to Basics - Course One Underway

[Silent_Interim]

The question is, did I get Drive-Through for thematic reasons, or am I trying to throw you off the zcent?

[Cuthalion]

I'm going to have to step out for this, sorry.

[banjo1985]

How does Eagle Eyes and Jackie Chan stack? Would you get 2 coin tosses at spotting steal/poison instead of one?

In terms of steals, if you took both abilities you would always know when someone tried to steal from you, but they would only get their ass kicked 50% of the time.

In terms of poisons, you essentially get two 50% rolls of the dice, it doesn't stack to 100%. The first 50% chance would be a heads-up that the food is poisoned, the second 50% chance would do the same, but would also result in the perpetrator getting kicked in the mush.

I'm going to have to step out for this, sorry.

No problem, Cuth, removed you from the sign-ups.


Dallas and Mauve have yet to send in their abilities, so a chase PM will go out to them soon. Sign-ups will remain open until I have a chance to attend to the game start, which will either be today or Thursday.

[Silent_Interim]

As far as, say, the secret stash goes, do you just publicly declare a refusal and PM in intention to eat them? Same question as far as cannibalism goes.

[banjo1985]

Okay folks, get your bibs and silver cutlery ready! Recruitment is now closed and Coure 1 will begin shortly!

[banjo1985]

Course 1

The Baron waves his chubby hands, and the panting monkey butlers begin to close the big double doors, grunting and groaning with the effort.

“Hurry up that primate! Let’s get this eating contest underway!” Baron Fatbelly’s jowls wobble in jelly-like anticipation.

At the last moment before the double doors close, a small potato rolled through the narrowing gap and came to a stop underneath the table, looking perfectly ordinary and inconspicuous. The Baron’s Shadow creeps forward along the floor to investigate the starchy root, only to be slapped away by the Baron himself.

“Now, now, nothing wrong with a potato in an eating contest, I once spent a years as a turnip you know. Gap years aren’t what they used to be.”

The Baron looks glumly at the floor for a moment before brightening up.

“Anyway, potatoes, jolly good! And what an amazing cavalcade of competitors we have this year. Angelic weightlifters, stick figures, moustachioed plumbers and mysterious cloaked men aplenty! And….well…a young girl in somewhat unusual neon attire. Are you a cartoon character, young lady?”

“I’m a harajuku girl!”

“Of course you are.” The Baron rolls his eyes and claps his hands, leading to some minor seismic activity that pulses through the flab of his body. It’s a bit like watching a jelly in a centrifuge, except with a lower possibility of tasty shrapnel. “Oh Snookums, have we managed to find any elephants for the inaugural course?”

The clicking of severe heels on varnished floorboards precedes the Baroness’ arrival, accompanied by a glare that could peel paint and a troupe of on-edge monkey butlers hauling several covered silver trays between them. The monkeys shy away from the formidable woman, and flee as soon as the covers are hauled onto the banqueting table.

“Of course, you unspeakable pile of human excrement, the grounds are absolutely overrun with the little buggers. And it’s completely possible to roast a carcass the size of Birmingham in half an hour.” The Baroness treats the assembled competitors to a brief flash of a smile, all teeth and about as friendly as a great white shark.

If looks could kill, the Baron would be a bubbling pool of congealing fat seeping into the floor. The jolly old fellow seems completely oblivious, however, and removes the covers of the huge dishes with a flabby flourish.

The china plates revealed are piled high with piping hot dark meat, pink in the middle and thinly sliced. Whether it’s actually elephant or not is something of a mystery, the cuts are completely unidentifiable, but there’s certainly a lot of flesh on offer. A number of small red bulbs, possibly radishes, and some wilted greenery poke up from amongst the mountains of meat, so rare that it looks like they’re playing hide and seek. Vegetarians and those suspicious of possibly-elephant may have difficulty getting their fill today.

“Behold, my darling wife’s Elephant Surprise, for your consideration and delectation. Grab your forks and get eating!”

Course 1 – Elephant Surprise

Choose from the following actions:

- Mmmm elephant! – Eat as much meat as you can
- Well, it would be rude not to – Try a slice or two, just to be polite
- Hell no, that aint elephant – Pick out the veggies and only eat those
- Hey, you look a unaccountably peckish – Offer your share to another competitor
- Watch your figure – Refuse the course and wait for something better

Remember, you all start out with 5 Munchies (7 Munchies if you went to the Drive Thru on the way to the contest), and at least two steal and poison actions to use when you want to. Special actions should be PM’ed to me, whilst standard responses should be in the thread.

Course 1 will end on Monday at approximately 08:30am GMT, so be sure to get your actions in by then, else you’ll begin to starve!

[Murska]

Mmmm, elephant!

Lovely way to start the contest.

[Castaras]

(( Tasty tasty Elephant!! ))

The potato sits there, and is a potato.

[Ramsus]

Mmmm elephant!

Unlike the potato, the Baron's Shadow does not sit there and instead lurches suddenly up onto the table and consumes an entire platter. And probably a bit of the tablecloth underneath it too.

[Duck999]

The stick figure doesn't want to make his body stick too fat, but it would be rude not to eat a slice or two.

[Sprig]

Mmmm elephant! but was that Indian or African?

[Penguinator]

The pink blob stared at the offered food, then began inhaling (literally) as much as it could. Those who looked closely might notice that it had sprouted a blue headband.

(Mmm, elephant!)

[Silent_Interim]

Mmm, Elephant! The unaccountably peckish fellow eats more than seems humanly possible, and is showing no signs of slowing down.

[Tom the Mime]

Well it'd be rude not to. I wonder if the surprise is that there's nothing there but elephant. Those vegetables look awfully suspicious.

[Lex-Kat]

The Petite Woman, currently known as Miss Katherine, eyes the food and licks her lips in anticipation. She slowly pulls the Elephant Surprise to her and begins to slowly begins to eat. Using no silverware, she enjoys every bite, occasionally licking the juice off her fingers. "Mmmm. This is delicious elephant."

[bladescape]

"Elephant say you? Mm, rare how? Very? Hm hm. Must test. Mmm Elephant. Haven't had elephant in long time."

The cave-man, babbling to himself, finally set into eating the course. He slobbers and slurps as he completely ignores all potential silverware and just rips chunks off with his hands.

[Fleeing Coward]

Mmmm elephant!.
The fat man is going to grab as much elephant as he can and is also willing to eat up any and all food offered to him.

[Reinholdt]

Mmmm elephant!
Those pachyderms deserve it.

[Haruki-kun]

"Mmm, Elephant!" says the Weight-lifter happy dig in. "Don't worry, Bro. This fits my Macros."

[ThePhantom]

Hell no, that aint elephant. The Man of Mystery, or MoM, looks at this dish and decides that vegetables to a safer start to this contest.

[Helgraf]

"I don't care if it's walrus," another contestant replied. "Imma eat it anyway."

Mmmm elephant!

[banjo1985]

The first course is over! Update will appear somewhat later today.

[Dallas-Dakota]

The first course is over! Update will appear somewhat later today.

My apologies for not sending in an action. My vacation sort of got me stranded way off-course with no internet and barely a sleeping place for a while which was not my intention at all....So a roof was more of a priority then this game.

[banjo1985]

End of Course 1

In the spirit of eating contests everywhere, most Fatbelly competitors dig into the steaming Elephant Surprise with gusto, choosing to ignore the Baroness’ toothy grin. Steaming piles of rich dark meat disappear down gullets as cloaked men, petite women, and everything in between eat their fill. Only the bacon fetishist and the slightly peckish trekkie, both of whom appear to have fallen asleep, manage to resist entirely. The man of mystery hovers around the edge of the meal, snatching wilted leaves of lettuce and blood-red radishes as they‘re revealed by the other ravenous competitors.

And the potato just sits there. After all, it is a perfectly ordinary potato – sitting is just about all it can do.

The stick figure and the one-armed dentist are somewhat disadvantaged in the fight for the meal, and end up picking only the thinnest slices and most delicate cuts. The one-armed dentist seems to enjoy his smaller meal immensely, the deep, beefy flavour filling up his growling belly, but not too much. The stick figure, however, seems to be having a few issues.

“I don’t feel so good. Why is my plate dissolving into green gloop? You’d have thought I’d notice earlier, really.”
“Strong acid by the looks of it. I say, my fine thin fellow, how have your insides not fallen out?”
“Too hard to draw, I imagine.”
“Lucky you.”

The other competitors find that, having stuffed themselves to bursting point, the one armed dentist probably had the right idea. Whilst the first few slices of elephant go down well, later chunks just leave the world’s second fattest man and everyone else with an uncomfortable feeling of indigestion.

“What’s the matter, fatties?” smirks the Baroness, worrying her nails with a wicked looking file. “I do hope you haven’t gotten too full up right from the start. That would be a shame, wouldn’t it?”

“Oh now now, Snookums, I’m sure everyone has plenty of room for dessert!” The Baron laughs and claps his hands for the next course.

Well, have you left room for pudding?

Course 1 Results

Mmmm elephant! – Eat as much meat as you can - Indigestion! +2 Munchies
Well, it would be rude not to – Try a slice or two, just to be polite - Best in small doses +4 Munchies
Hell no, that aint elephant – Pick out the veggies and only eat those - Tasty, but not exactly filling +1 Munchie

Somebody was poisoned!

Competitor	Character	Round Change	Munchies
Haruki-kun	Bulking Weight Lifter	+2	7
Duck999	Stick Figure	-2	3
The Phantom	Man of Mystery	+1	6
Ramsus	The Baron's Shadow	+2	7
Lex-kat	Petite Woman	+2	9
Murska	Cloaked Man	+2	7
Tom the Mime	One-Armed Dentist	+4	11
Reinholdt	Mustachioed Plumber	+2	7
Sprig	Harajuku Girl	+2	7
Castaras	Perfectly Ordinary Potato	+2	7
Bladescape	Caveman Trading Meat Game Player	+2	7
Dallas-Dakota	Bacon Fetishist	-2	3
Fleeing Coward	World's Second Fattest Man	+2	9
Mauve Shirt	Mildly Peckish	-2	3
Penguinator	Pink Power-Siphoning Blob	+2	7
Helgraf	Slightly Threatening Cannibal	+2	7
Silent_Interim	Unaccountably Peckish	+2	7

Course 2

There are more than a few moans at the Baron’s pudding announcement, many of the moans actually coming from the overfull stomachs of the greediest competitors. However, the groans are replaced with more appreciative sounds as the monkey butlers skate in with several trays of slim chocolates in black wrappers. They roll around the banquet table until everyone has taken one, placing a chocolate next to the perfectly ordinary potato before leaving.

“Isn’t it too early for these?”
“No, I think you’ll find it’s after eight.”
“Ouch. The pun, it burns.”

The world’s second fattest man looks at the small chocolate mint in his podgy hand doubtfully.

“I don’t think I can manage this.”
“But sir, it is only wafery thin.”
“Oh, go on then.”

Course 2 – Wafery Thin Mints

Choose from the following actions:

- Well, it is after eight – Eat the mint
- The packet looks nice – Eat the packet
- What, there was a packet? – Eat both
- Mints are for losers…hey, do you want this? – Offer your mint to someone else
- This isn’t even a course! I demand real food, and lots of it! – Refuse the mint and demand a proper meal.

Course 2 will end on Friday at approximately 08:30am GMT, so be sure to get your actions in by then!

[Fleeing Coward]

This isn’t even a course! I demand real food, and lots of it!

After all, I didn't get this fat by eating stuff like that sorry excuse been passed off as dessert

[Ramsus]

What, there was a packet?

The Baron's Shadow immediately consumes the offered thing, the monkey itself only escaping through keenly honed reflexes and instinct. (The slower and less clever monkeys were the victims of natural selection. Or is it unnatural selection when your population is reduced in numbers by a single being that isn't even properly alive?)

[Fleeing Coward]

Of course, I'll still happily gobble up anything passed my way

[Murska]

The packet looks nice... At least better than this so-called 'chocolate'.

[Duck999]

The stick man, after having been so close to eating what was right, was poisoned. Needing to fill himself back up, he gobbles down everything he can get.
What, there was a packet?
After realizing this, he just hopes it was made of rice or something.

[Dallas-Dakota]

Having come late, the baconman digs in with zeal. WHAT, THERE WAS A PACKET?