Shippingitp IV: Flattery Will Get You EVERYWHERE

[ghost_warlock]

I think someone else already volunteered for Mr.Freeze, but if you haven't already cast anyone else, I'd be happy to volunteer for the role.

Quickie 'ship:

Spoiler

Show

Batman. Mister Freeze.
Their love boundless; eternal
Leads to Draco squick

[happyturtle]

We interrupt this pause in shipping to bring you... shipping!

The Audit
Happyturtle/SurlySeraph

Spoiler

Show

Turtle looked around the waiting room, worried. Everyone else had papers. Lots of them. One guy had two bankers boxes worth on a wheeled trolly, but everyone at least had a briefcase, or an expando-file, or notebook, or something. All Turtle had was a rather heavy handbag.

When her name was called, she went into the office and found Surly sitting behind the desk. She sighed. If it had been anyone else, she might have had a chance. But Surly was so... lawful. No way could she tempt and tease him into going easy on her, even though she'd had worn her lowest cut top for the occasion. And it wouldn't even be an act, because she'd always had a crush on him. He'd be so cute if he'd ever smile...

He didn't look up from his notes. "Turtle, you have unpaid tax bills going back four years."

"Yes, I know but..."

"And you've ignored all the notices we sent."

"I didn't mean to, it's just..."

"So you could be in a lot of trouble now. A lot of trouble."

"I know, and I'm sorry but..." She paused, but when he didn't interrupt her this time, she swallowed hard and went on. "... well, it's embarrassing..."

Surly finally looked up, and saw that she was turning red and chewing on her lip. And he couldn't help but feel a little sorry for her. Only a little though. The rules had to be upheld, no matter what feminine wiles she unleashed to try and tempt him otherwise. Turtle had a reputation after all.

"I'm sorry, Turtle, but I have to do my job," he said, in a softer tone.

She nodded, almost imperceptibly. "... I'm a barbarian."

"Yes, that's all in the notes," Surly said. "I'm afraid that doesn't exempt you." Now, he thought. Now she'll lean over the desk to show off that top, or make some sort of innuendo, or just come right out and kiss me, and I'll have to be strong and do the right thing.

"Well, you know... barbarian's can't read. It says so in the Player's Handbook. At least that's what someone told me once...."

"... I see," he said, frowning.

She couldn't meet his eyes again. She knew he would feel nothing but contempt for her now. "So whenever I went raiding, I just threw some of the gold in a bag for the tax collector. Only the tax collector never came. Just the mailman, with all those forms to fill out and notices. So I just threw them in the fire until my sister opened the last one and told me I was in big trouble." She opened her handbag and poured out a pile of gold coins. "I don't even know if that's enough. Just take it. Please?" She pushed the coins towards him. "I don't want to go to jail."

He reached across the desk and took her hand. This wasn't what he'd expected at all. And though he couldn't help but be disappointed that she hadn't tried to seduce him, he was mostly relieved that he wouldn't have to have her arrested after all. "I'll have to conduct an audit before I can say whether it's enough. But you've made a good faith effort to pay. I'll cancel the warrant."

She looked up at him with grateful eyes. "Oh thank you! Thank you so much!"

"And maybe... if you like... I could give you reading lessons?"

Her face lit up in pleasure, then formed a seductive smirk. "Mmm.... I'm sure you could teach me so much..." she said, as she leaned across the desk, showing off her low-cut top, to kiss him.

And Surly was rather pleased that she'd decided to unleash her feminine wiles after all.

[Deathslayer7]

will probably start the next part when i get back from church.

[ghost_warlock]

We interrupt this pause in shipping to bring you... shipping!

The Audit
Happyturtle/SurlySeraph

Spoiler

Show

Turtle looked around the waiting room, worried. Everyone else had papers. Lots of them. One guy had two bankers boxes worth on a wheeled trolly, but everyone at least had a briefcase, or an expando-file, or notebook, or something. All Turtle had was a rather heavy handbag.

When her name was called, she went into the office and found Surly sitting behind the desk. She sighed. If it had been anyone else, she might have had a chance. But Surly was so... lawful. No way could she tempt and tease him into going easy on her, even though she'd had worn her lowest cut top for the occasion. And it wouldn't even be an act, because she'd always had a crush on him. He'd be so cute if he'd ever smile...

He didn't look up from his notes. "Turtle, you have unpaid tax bills going back four years."

"Yes, I know but..."

"And you've ignored all the notices we sent."

"I didn't mean to, it's just..."

"So you could be in a lot of trouble now. A lot of trouble."

"I know, and I'm sorry but..." She paused, but when he didn't interrupt her this time, she swallowed hard and went on. "... well, it's embarrassing..."

Surly finally looked up, and saw that she was turning red and chewing on her lip. And he couldn't help but feel a little sorry for her. Only a little though. The rules had to be upheld, no matter what feminine wiles she unleashed to try and tempt him otherwise. Turtle had a reputation after all.

"I'm sorry, Turtle, but I have to do my job," he said, in a softer tone.

She nodded, almost imperceptibly. "... I'm a barbarian."

"Yes, that's all in the notes," Surly said. "I'm afraid that doesn't exempt you." Now, he thought. Now she'll lean over the desk to show off that top, or make some sort of innuendo, or just come right out and kiss me, and I'll have to be strong and do the right thing.

"Well, you know... barbarian's can't read. It says so in the Player's Handbook. At least that's what someone told me once...."

"... I see," he said, frowning.

She couldn't meet his eyes again. She knew he would feel nothing but contempt for her now. "So whenever I went raiding, I just threw some of the gold in a bag for the tax collector. Only the tax collector never came. Just the mailman, with all those forms to fill out and notices. So I just threw them in the fire until my sister opened the last one and told me I was in big trouble." She opened her handbag and poured out a pile of gold coins. "I don't even know if that's enough. Just take it. Please?" She pushed the coins towards him. "I don't want to go to jail."

He reached across the desk and took her hand. This wasn't what he'd expected at all. And though he couldn't help but be disappointed that she hadn't tried to seduce him, he was mostly relieved that he wouldn't have to have her arrested after all. "I'll have to conduct an audit before I can say whether it's enough. But you've made a good faith effort to pay. I'll cancel the warrant."

She looked up at him with grateful eyes. "Oh thank you! Thank you so much!"

"And maybe... if you like... I could give you reading lessons?"

Her face lit up in pleasure, then formed a seductive smirk. "Mmm.... I'm sure you could teach me so much..." she said, as she leaned across the desk, showing off her low-cut top, and kissed him.

And Surly was rather pleased that she'd decided to unleash her feminine wiles after all.

Trixy Turtle! You almost got me to write a Shipping, Inc. ship after I read that! Trixy Turtle, indeed!
Subtext: that was a lot of fun; marvelous fic. =D
@V: Oo! Nice new avi, Reinholdt. I like the hat.

[Reinholdt]

That was very well done Happy. Silly barbarians not paying their taxes.

^ Thanks. Interesting tidbit: (if you couldn't already tell from the wings) the demon and the goblin are one and the same.

[TwoBitWriter]

We interrupt this pause in shipping to bring you... shipping!

The Audit
Happyturtle/SurlySeraph

Spoiler

Show

Turtle looked around the waiting room, worried. Everyone else had papers. Lots of them. One guy had two bankers boxes worth on a wheeled trolly, but everyone at least had a briefcase, or an expando-file, or notebook, or something. All Turtle had was a rather heavy handbag.

When her name was called, she went into the office and found Surly sitting behind the desk. She sighed. If it had been anyone else, she might have had a chance. But Surly was so... lawful. No way could she tempt and tease him into going easy on her, even though she'd had worn her lowest cut top for the occasion. And it wouldn't even be an act, because she'd always had a crush on him. He'd be so cute if he'd ever smile...

He didn't look up from his notes. "Turtle, you have unpaid tax bills going back four years."

"Yes, I know but..."

"And you've ignored all the notices we sent."

"I didn't mean to, it's just..."

"So you could be in a lot of trouble now. A lot of trouble."

"I know, and I'm sorry but..." She paused, but when he didn't interrupt her this time, she swallowed hard and went on. "... well, it's embarrassing..."

Surly finally looked up, and saw that she was turning red and chewing on her lip. And he couldn't help but feel a little sorry for her. Only a little though. The rules had to be upheld, no matter what feminine wiles she unleashed to try and tempt him otherwise. Turtle had a reputation after all.

"I'm sorry, Turtle, but I have to do my job," he said, in a softer tone.

She nodded, almost imperceptibly. "... I'm a barbarian."

"Yes, that's all in the notes," Surly said. "I'm afraid that doesn't exempt you." Now, he thought. Now she'll lean over the desk to show off that top, or make some sort of innuendo, or just come right out and kiss me, and I'll have to be strong and do the right thing.

"Well, you know... barbarian's can't read. It says so in the Player's Handbook. At least that's what someone told me once...."

"... I see," he said, frowning.

She couldn't meet his eyes again. She knew he would feel nothing but contempt for her now. "So whenever I went raiding, I just threw some of the gold in a bag for the tax collector. Only the tax collector never came. Just the mailman, with all those forms to fill out and notices. So I just threw them in the fire until my sister opened the last one and told me I was in big trouble." She opened her handbag and poured out a pile of gold coins. "I don't even know if that's enough. Just take it. Please?" She pushed the coins towards him. "I don't want to go to jail."

He reached across the desk and took her hand. This wasn't what he'd expected at all. And though he couldn't help but be disappointed that she hadn't tried to seduce him, he was mostly relieved that he wouldn't have to have her arrested after all. "I'll have to conduct an audit before I can say whether it's enough. But you've made a good faith effort to pay. I'll cancel the warrant."

She looked up at him with grateful eyes. "Oh thank you! Thank you so much!"

"And maybe... if you like... I could give you reading lessons?"

Her face lit up in pleasure, then formed a seductive smirk. "Mmm.... I'm sure you could teach me so much..." she said, as she leaned across the desk, showing off her low-cut top, to kiss him.

And Surly was rather pleased that she'd decided to unleash her feminine wiles after all.

Very nice. I enjoyed this thoroughly. I think I'm gonna like working for Shipping Inc... Especially with you for a boss!

[Neko Toast]

Quickie 'ship:

Spoiler

Show

Batman. Mister Freeze.
Their love boundless; eternal
Leads to Draco squick

*facepalm*
I'm too unmotivated right now. I'm extremely bored, which is when I usually write, but nothing's coming to me.

[ghost_warlock]

*facepalm*
I'm too unmotivated right now. I'm extremely bored, which is when I usually write, but nothing's coming to me.

That's perfectly okay. Obviously, you're under no obligation to ever write it; you asked for suggestions and I just thought it sounded like an entertaining ship no matter who played which part. As for the haikai...yeah, I've just been in one of Those Moods.

Since nobody else really seems to be getting as much of a kick out of the haiku I've posted around, and I think the mood has run its course, I'll stop with them. For now. >=)

@V: re: brains. Or me either, usually. I'm going relatively easy on her 'cuz she's new around her.

[Mordokai]

...

I think my brain just imploded.

You get used to it.

Eventually. Just be careful there are no zombies in your vicinity when that happens.

[Neko Toast]

I just need to relax, I think.

I'll go make some popcorn and pop a movie into my laptop. I'm thinking Conqueror of Shamballa. Haven't watched it recently.

[TwoBitWriter]

Work on A Shipper's Carol has been exhausting. I think I may need to take a break from writing after I'm done with it...

[Raistlin1040]

Is there anyone here who thinks they could pull off a good John Lennon? The obvious choices, myself, Rabbit, and Vespe are all taken.

[TwoBitWriter]

Is there anyone here who thinks they could pull off a good John Lennon? The obvious choices, myself, Rabbit, and Vespe are all taken.

I'd be willing to try.

[Raistlin1040]

Nah, you're too nice, Twobit.

[Kaelaroth]

Is there anyone here who thinks they could pull off a good John Lennon? The obvious choices, myself, Rabbit, and Vespe are all taken.

If you want. *shrug* I'm British and funky.

[Lord Magtok]

Meh. I didn't much like how this one turned out. Maybe When Saint Nil Goes Marching In will be better. Anyways, here's part IV of the Acronomicon.

The Fast and the Surliest

Spoiler

Show

Dear gods, was I really that bad at writing back then? Eh, whatever. At least you'll never know now.

[ghost_warlock]

I can be a jerk on command, if you want, Raist.

Besides, there's a particular song of his that really resonates for me...

Edit: Or Kaela can have it. Either way, I'm going to bed.

@V: I'm a jerk-for-hire. I'll collect payment for my services in the form of broken hearts and pomegranate juice, thank you.

[Raistlin1040]

I can be a jerk on command, if you want, Raist.

Besides, there's a particular song of his that really resonates for me...

Actually Ghost, I was kind of thinking about you. Not that you're a jerk, just that you seemed to fit. Off to work! *Starts writing*

[RabbitHoleLost]

I approve of Ghost being John =D
:: goes back to fangirling and writing a ship she mentioned forever ago::

[TwoBitWriter]

Nah, you're too nice, Twobit.

I suppose you're right.

I wonder if there were any classic rockers from the 60's and 70's that were considered "nice."



Congrats on getting the job, GW. I know your the better man for the jerk-job anyhow.

[ghost_warlock]

Congrats on getting the job, GW. I know your the better man for the jerk-job anyhow.

Yes, thank you. I'm jerkalicious.

Janis Joplin was kinda nice, wasn't she? *shrugs*

[TwoBitWriter]

Yes, thank you. I'm jerkalicious.

Janis Joplin was kinda nice, wasn't she? *shrugs*

I suppose so. I will throw on the GB belt to play her, as long as you are Bobby McGee.

[Reinholdt]

That was hilarious Magtok. I was laughing all the way.

"I am AMBIDEXTROUS!"

[Raistlin1040]

The Cast

Ghost as John Lennon
Vespe as Paul McCartney
Raistlin as George Harrison
Dirk as Ringo Starr

Twobit as Paul's Crazy Grandfather
Rabbit as Pattie Boyd
Cristo as Shake
Mordokai as Norm

FEATURING
Cameos by some other people

A Hard Day's Night Part 1

Spoiler

Show

Fangirl attack, run for your life! Raist yelled, in between Dirk and Ghost as they ran from the hoard of screaming fangirls chasing them. Oof! He said as he tripped, falling and taking Dirk with him. Get up, get up! Ghost exclaimed, helping them up, and they resumed their rampant running in terror. Quick, into the train station. Dirk exclaimed, turning and dashing towards it. Ghost and Raistlin swerved, following him.

The fans gave chase, flooding the station and making quite a racket. The three musicians hopped in phone booths, pretending to talk into the phones and the fans passed right by. When they thought it was safe, they hung up and stepped out.

Elsewhere, Mordokai, their manager, was getting a sandwich. Unfortunatly, it was in that awful plastic wrap stuff and he was unable to open it, resorting to trying to bite it open.

Back in the action, Ghost led the other two up to the ticket counter. Seven for the 12:15. He said. Ohmigawd there they are! Someone yelled. Damn damn damn. Raistlin said, and the three darted out, rushing down an alley way. Ghost tried to open the door out, but it was locked. Over the wall, over the wall. Dirk said and, using a box, the three hopped over the wall separating the alley from the streets. They started moving.

Well what the hell is this then? Ghost said, looking down. They were sitting on a newspaper delivery cart. Ah. They promptly hopped off.

Mordy was still struggling with his sammich.

The three Neatles (Y'know, like Needles, but with an 'at', since they were so neat) ran out into the grand teminal and hopped over a small fencing, chased by the fangirls.

Mordokai broke his sammich.

Dirk, Ghost, and Raist ran through the information room where the newspapers were sold. After the fangirls ran by, Vespe (who was sitting on a bench with Twobit) lowered his newspaper, and was sporting a fake moustache/goatee combo. He looked back to Twobit. I don't think I'm going to go after them. The other three Neatles ducked inside a photo booth, until they thought their screaming fans had passed. They stepped out, only to be chased again. You two suck at picking hiding places. Ghost said, frowning. Hey the phone booths were your idea. Raistlin replied, running.

Vespe and Twobit stood on the platform, about to board the train when Dirk and Ghost came running. Where's Raist? I think the fangirls got him. No...Vespe said, ripping off his false facial hair, whistling. The fangirls turned to him, like sharks to blood. Ohmigawd it's Vespe. Vespe! Vespe! I love you, marry me! One of the fangirls exclaimed as Raist ran towards the others. Vespe smiled uncomfortably. Thank you Turtle. Er, if it's not to much trouble though, could you please not stalk me anymore, it's getting creepy. He didn't wait for the answer, and the four Neatles, plus Vespe's grandfather hopped aboard the train.

The train doors closed and as it pulled away, Dirk and Vespe waved at the fans and photographers outside. They walked to their seats, opening the doors and stepping inside. Raistlin nudged Dirk, who looked up. Raist nodded at Twobit. Dirk nudged Ghost and did the same. Hey Vespe, who's the little old man? Oh uh, what little old man? Are you blind, that little old man! He said pointing at Twobit. Oh that one, he's my grandfather. That's not your grandfather. Yes it is. I've seen your grandfather, he lives in your house. Ah well that's my other grandfather, but he's my grandfather as well. Well how do you figure that? Well, everyone's entitled to two. Well yeah, but your other grandfather's locked up. He's crazier than you are. Oh, right. Well, I suppose he's just an old man I picked up on the street then.

Well what's he doing here? He said he wanted to go on a trip, said it would do him good. Why? Well he's nursing a broken heart. Is that so? Hey mister, are you nursing a broken heart? Twobit just looked at him, squinting slightly. Ghost leaned over to Vespe. Nice old man, isn't he? Well uh, he's very...clean for a guy I found in the platform. So we're looking after him are we? I can look after meself. Twobit spoke up. Yeah that's what I'm afraid of. Vespe said, standing, combing his hair in the mirror. You're worried then? Yeah. He's a villain, a real mixer.

Suddenly the door opened. Vespe looked. Hello Cristo. 'Lo Cristo. Hello boys. You got on alright then. No. Ghost said, deadpan. Cristo frowned and handed the boys their sandwiches and soda.Well who's that little old man? Ah well that's Vespe's grandfather. Maybe. Well I thought- No that's his other one. Mordokai walked in. Hello lads. Hello Mordokai. Hey Mordy. Hullo Mordy. 'Lo.

Alright so today, let's try for once to act like normal respectable citizens. Let's not cause any trouble, pull any stunts, or do anything I'm going to be sorry for. Especially you Warlock. Ghost looked up at him. You're a swine. Ain't he Raist? Yeah, a real swine. Hey! He said, pointing at Twobit. Who's that little old man. The Neatles said in unison. Well who is he? He belongs to Vespe. Dirk offered, taking a bite of his sandwich. Hey we're going down for coffee, your grandfather want to come? A'course I want to come, I need my coffee. He stood and followed Mordokai and Cristo out. I hope they don't lose him.

[Saint Nil]

^-You won me at Fangirl attack.
Magtok, that has to be one of the funniest ships I've read in a while. My hat to you sir
*gives hat*
Can't wait till the next one.

Happy-Loved the Surly ship. Honestly, I love all your ships, but I loved Turtle's innocence in this one.

[happyturtle]

Meh. I didn't much like how this one turned out. Maybe When Saint Nil Goes Marching In will be better. Anyways, here's part IV of the Acronomicon.

The Fast and the Surliest

Spoiler

Show

Welcome once again, to the epic saga that is the Acronomicon! When we last saw our unorthodox adventurers, they had just bested the ninja nightmare, the morbid menace, the one and only Fanboy Amakirr. Still fresh from their last epic encounter, our dear dimwitted duo had suddenly found a new terrible threat. They had to explain what happened with Fanboy, before getting mercilessly disemboweled with a spork by a newly widowed Happyturtle.

Oh dear gods, nooo! Happy, let me expl-AAAUGH!
Happy, we swear, Fanboy started it! He-EEEURGH!

Needless to say, things didn't go too well. Luckily, Happy eventually became exhausted from all that murdering of cyborg clones and regenerated Time Lords, and was moving at a sluggish enough pace for the very last Magtok clone left and the regeneration-depleted bard to explain what happened.

She seemed to take the temporary death of he husband pretty well actually, as it'd been the fourth time so far, with the first and third actually done herself due to unusual plot conditions. Happy then insisted that she join the adventuring party to rescue her sister. They might not always have gotten along, but they were siblings, darn it, and she certainly couldn't trust Magtok and Vespe to deal with THUG on their own.

Magtok however, fearing cooties, voiced his desire for Happy to stay at GLoG and keep people from resurrecting Fanboy until the adventure ended. He was quickly reminded via a subtle twirling of a certain warspork that there were worse things in the world than cooties, and the cyborg grudgingly gave in.

And so, our dopey duo became a thick-headed trio. As they gallantly sallied forth-

Once again, who the fudge is Sally?

And why isn't she third? Or second? Or fifth?

As our noble ne'er-do-wells trudged along, bearing unimaginably heavy bags loaded with bricks for their questioning of the author, they-

Hey! That's not funny!

You wimps, it's not so heavy! C'mon, you're both lagging behind!

As they stepped out into the great wide world, with the warm summer sun promising our adventurers a pleasant journey-

Wait, didn't The Good, The Bad, and The Maggy say the story takes place in December?

Vespe, this is the same author who had Magtok kill Fanboy, a trained ninja and former vampire, with only two gunshots. The same author who had my sister Rabbit captured by Mordokai and Saint Nil without any sort of explanation as to how they could possibly do something like that. Who had Mordokai put the THUG base in a FOREST to get away from his dryad girlfriend, without even pretending to mention Cristo. I gave up on any sort of logic or sense driving this ship before I even got put in it.

Good point.

Hey, speaking of things that don't make sense, before I flipped out in the League HQ, did I see you hugging Vespe, Mag?

...What? No, gods, no! Why would I ever do a thing like-

-He was hugging me because he'd been afraid I was going to be gone forever and ever and he'd never get to see me again!

Magtok then retorted to Vespe's attack on his character with a rare conversation maneuver, a trick only the best of the best diplomats and negotiators are allowed to know of, a legendary skill in communications.

Oww! You slapped me!

Yes I did. Anyways, I...fine, I had a brief moment of weakness. But this is the shipping thread! That hug was forced upon me by the story, I never would've done anything like that on my own!

Suuure you wouldn't.

Hey Magtok! Your face is turning redder than your robot eye!

Cut it out, both of you. If we could just act like mature adults about this for a moment, we-

Did you hear that, Vespe? Maggy wants to stop hugging and do something more mature and adult with you!

If this were a steampunk setting, Maggy would probably have had two great cascading clouds of steam rising from the sides of his head at that moment.

Aargh! No! Not what I meant! Let's just-

Magtok suddenly felt a steel axe resting gently against his neck. Happy and Vespe turned around, spotting Surly holding Magtok hostage, with a pair of HALO members standing on either side of the paladin.

Drop your weapons! Hands up! I've got a smite evil for all three of you ready, don't make me use it!

Oh gods, thank you! Right on time!

What was that, cyborg?!

Nothing, sir.

I thought so.

Magtok calmly put his hands up and awaited capture. Vespe and Happy, however, weren't quite as cowardly as our main protagonist, and both decided on their own to explore an alternative, much more violent method of dealing with Surly Seraph's HALO allies. Vespe drew his rapier and challenged Inigo to a duel of swashbuckling, swordplay, and media references, whereas Happy, our trio's shapeshifter, took on the form of a tiger to better assault HALO's alpha male, the wolfish Masato Hyuga.

As the epic fight raged on, with swords clashing against swords, and tooth and nail burying into furry hide, Surly and Maggy took a seat to watch the spectacle from a safe distance. Surly chewed on some mutton and drank a bit of mead, while Magtok pulled a bag of popcorn out of nowhere, and began to munch on that.

So...why aren't you fighting with them?

There was suddenly a fierce wind in the area, which sent some of Maggy's popcorn away and fluttered about with the holy symbol along Surly's neck

It's part of the paladin creed. Both of your friends and both of mine are evenly matched in honorable combat, to interfere would be underhanded and against the ways of my god.

A sudden explosion went off in the air. Surly casually raised up a holy magic shield to prevent the two of them from being hit by a fallen tree.

I see...Well I'm not fighting because I'm trying to think of a sneaky way to kill you here before you can get a chance to hit back.

Surly raised an eyebrow.

Oh really?

Yeah, and so far I can't think of anything. You don't really seem the gullible, trusting type.

Well then, thank you Magtok err...I suppose.

You're welcome. Anyways, ten gold says my sword buddy beats your sword buddy.

Magtok, paladins don't gamble. And even if they did, they certainly wouldn't do so over whether their friends live or die. And even if the gods somehow came to the odd decision that they could do that, they wouldn't do so with a vile heathen such as yourself.

Aww, you're no fun. But hey, thanks for finding us when you did. The conversation was getting a bit out of hand and well...

Don't worry, I understand, Magtok. Evil is, by nature destined to tear itself apart.

Magtok resisted the urge to glare at Surly and launch into a fierce debate over the nature of good and evil, instead opting for a different strategy.

Hey Surly? If you promise not to let me get hurt and stuff on the way to Mordy and Nil, if your buddies beat mine and we all get captured, I'll agree to give redemption a try in Acronomicon Five.

Well, I suppose I can agree to that, since I wasn't going to harm you anyways unless you made it necessary.

So it's a deal then?

Magtok extended his right claw, and Surly did the same. As the two shook, Magtok's left hand whirled out unexpectedly to Surly's wrist, and stuck a syringe right in the paladin's vein.

You sneaky little...

I told you I was trying to think of a way to get you. Y'should've been on your toes.

Magtok then swept a leg across Surly's feet, tripping the paladin and dropping the bearded hero to the ground. He then pulled the aged warrior up by his hair so the Seraph could see Magtok's cruel smirk.

That wasn't a poison I put in that syringe, by the way.

Magtok then took out an autographed picture of Cthulhu he'd gotten when the AMEN base was accidentally sent into a Lovecraft. He held it before Surly's face, smirking as he waited for the love potion to sink in.


Meanwhile, Inigo and Vespe clashed blade against blade in their fierce battle. Were this some sort of visual medium, instead of words, it'd have looked absolutely amazing, and be universally regarded as the most perfect fight scene in the history of forever.

But this is a ship, so too bad for you all. The best that can be done with such a limited medium is to throw words around like swing, slash, parry, and such, in the hopes that the audience has enough imagination to fill in the blanks themselves. So start filling in those blanks!

"You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you."

You seem like a decent fellow, but I'm not left-handed!

Montoya took a step back, and face-palmed.

What? What'd I do?

"The left-handed thing comes later, Vespe. And it's kinda my line."

Oh, sorry. Let's try this again from the beginning, then...


Masato snarled at Happy, his fur raising up as he circled about her. She did the same, eying her enemy, waiting for the right moment to strike. A small twitch, a blink too early, anything that'd suggest even a moment where concentration was broken, and the two'd be tearing each other apart.

Quite some time passed, until a shout from Surly, something mostly inaudible but including Masato's name, suddenly set the Turtle girl off. Fur flew, teeth and claws met flesh and bone. Turtle's uncle Raven must've taught her well, as not an ounce of conscious thought distracted her as she allowed her bestial subconscious to fully assume control.


After innumerable failures, it seemed Vespe finally had a hold of his lines.

"I admit it, you are better than I am."

Then why are you...smiling? It's smiling, right?

"That's right, Vespe. It's because I know something you don't know."

And what is that?

"I...am not left-handed!"

Inigo switched to his right hand, making things quite a bit more difficult for Vespe, handily parrying, slashing, using his rapier with the same grace and style as a painter and his brush, if that painter happened to be in a federal prison, and that brush happened to be a shiv being repeatedly stabbed into a prison guard's spleen.

INCONCEIVABLE!

Vespe did what he could, but it seemed obvious he was going down. With his back on the ground and Inigo shoving with all his might against Vespe's own blade.

"Vespe, I'm winning. Why on earth would you be smiling right now?"

Because I'm know something YOU don't.

"And that is...?"

And with that, Vespe Ratavo drew his second rapier from its hilt, and with both blades drawn, shoved Inigo aside.

I-

The duelist made a wrong move, confused by the pair of blades, giving the bard a chance to send Inigo's blade aside to the ground with one blade, and rest the other just below Montoya's chin.

-AM AMBIDEXTROUS.


The love potion had finally set in. Surly stared deeply, lovingly, into what was set before him by the clever cyborg.

I love...Magtok.

What?!

The paladin got back to his feet, and with pink hearts rising up from him and popping in the air, he began chasing after Magtok.

Surly what the-


Magtok, from the moment I laid eyes upon your thumb as it held a picture of Cthulhu before me, I instantly knew you and I are meant for each other. I-

Aaaugh! Get away from me, you idiot!

The cyborg fled, shoving Vespe aside and plowing through Happy and Masato as he hurried away from the lovestruck warrior. Inigo quickly used the opportunity to take down Vespe with a smack to the back of his head, and Masato did much the same to Happy.

Despite his best efforts, Magtok eventually found himself trapped, with a large cliff preventing him from moving any farther from Surly. With nowhere to go but down, our protagonist was out of options and out of time. Unless...

Magtok looked back down at the cliff. He took a step forward, and then jumped.

END

Magtok, you are awesome.

[Reinholdt]

@ Raist: Hehe. Mordokai broke his sandwich.

Spoiler

Show

[TwoBitWriter]

The Cast

Ghost as John Lennon
Vespe as Paul McCartney
Raistlin as George Harrison
Dirk as Ringo Starr

Twobit as Paul's Crazy Grandfather
Rabbit as Pattie Boyd
Cristo as Shake
Mordokai as Norm

FEATURING
Cameos by some other people

A Hard Day's Night Part 1

Spoiler

Show

Fangirl attack, run for your life! Raist yelled, in between Dirk and Ghost as they ran from the hoard of screaming fangirls chasing them. Oof! He said as he tripped, falling and taking Dirk with him. Get up, get up! Ghost exclaimed, helping them up, and they resumed their rampant running in terror. Quick, into the train station. Dirk exclaimed, turning and dashing towards it. Ghost and Raistlin swerved, following him.

The fans gave chase, flooding the station and making quite a racket. The three musicians hopped in phone booths, pretending to talk into the phones and the fans passed right by. When they thought it was safe, they hung up and stepped out.

Elsewhere, Mordokai, their manager, was getting a sandwich. Unfortunatly, it was in that awful plastic wrap stuff and he was unable to open it, resorting to trying to bite it open.

Back in the action, Ghost led the other two up to the ticket counter. Seven for the 12:15. He said. Ohmigawd there they are! Someone yelled. Damn damn damn. Raistlin said, and the three darted out, rushing down an alley way. Ghost tried to open the door out, but it was locked. Over the wall, over the wall. Dirk said and, using a box, the three hopped over the wall separating the alley from the streets. They started moving.

Well what the hell is this then? Ghost said, looking down. They were sitting on a newspaper delivery cart. Ah. They promptly hopped off.

Mordy was still struggling with his sammich.

The three Neatles (Y'know, like Needles, but with an 'at', since they were so neat) ran out into the grand teminal and hopped over a small fencing, chased by the fangirls.

Mordokai broke his sammich.

Dirk, Ghost, and Raist ran through the information room where the newspapers were sold. After the fangirls ran by, Vespe (who was sitting on a bench with Twobit) lowered his newspaper, and was sporting a fake moustache/goatee combo. He looked back to Twobit. I don't think I'm going to go after them. The other three Neatles ducked inside a photo booth, until they thought their screaming fans had passed. They stepped out, only to be chased again. You two suck at picking hiding places. Ghost said, frowning. Hey the phone booths were your idea. Raistlin replied, running.

Vespe and Twobit stood on the platform, about to board the train when Dirk and Ghost came running. Where's Raist? I think the fangirls got him. No...Vespe said, ripping off his false facial hair, whistling. The fangirls turned to him, like sharks to blood. Ohmigawd it's Vespe. Vespe! Vespe! I love you, marry me! One of the fangirls exclaimed as Raist ran towards the others. Vespe smiled uncomfortably. Thank you Turtle. Er, if it's not to much trouble though, could you please not stalk me anymore, it's getting creepy. He didn't wait for the answer, and the four Neatles, plus Vespe's grandfather hopped aboard the train.

The train doors closed and as it pulled away, Dirk and Vespe waved at the fans and photographers outside. They walked to their seats, opening the doors and stepping inside. Raistlin nudged Dirk, who looked up. Raist nodded at Twobit. Dirk nudged Ghost and did the same. Hey Vespe, who's the little old man? Oh uh, what little old man? Are you blind, that little old man! He said pointing at Twobit. Oh that one, he's my grandfather. That's not your grandfather. Yes it is. I've seen your grandfather, he lives in your house. Ah well that's my other grandfather, but he's my grandfather as well. Well how do you figure that? Well, everyone's entitled to two. Well yeah, but your other grandfather's locked up. He's crazier than you are. Oh, right. Well, I suppose he's just an old man I picked up on the street then.

Well what's he doing here? He said he wanted to go on a trip, said it would do him good. Why? Well he's nursing a broken heart. Is that so? Hey mister, are you nursing a broken heart? Twobit just looked at him, squinting slightly. Ghost leaned over to Vespe. Nice old man, isn't he? Well uh, he's very...clean for a guy I found in the platform. So we're looking after him are we? I can look after meself. Twobit spoke up. Yeah that's what I'm afraid of. Vespe said, standing, combing his hair in the mirror. You're worried then? Yeah. He's a villain, a real mixer.

Suddenly the door opened. Vespe looked. Hello Cristo. 'Lo Cristo. Hello boys. You got on alright then. No. Ghost said, deadpan. Cristo frowned and handed the boys their sandwiches and soda.Well who's that little old man? Ah well that's Vespe's grandfather. Maybe. Well I thought- No that's his other one. Mordokai walked in. Hello lads. Hello Mordokai. Hey Mordy. Hullo Mordy. 'Lo.

Alright so today, let's try for once to act like normal respectable citizens. Let's not cause any trouble, pull any stunts, or do anything I'm going to be sorry for. Especially you Warlock. Ghost looked up at him. You're a swine. Ain't he Raist? Yeah, a real swine. Hey! He said, pointing at Twobit. Who's that little old man. The Neatles said in unison. Well who is he? He belongs to Vespe. Dirk offered, taking a bite of his sandwich. Hey we're going down for coffee, your grandfather want to come? A'course I want to come, I need my coffee. He stood and followed Mordokai and Cristo out. I hope they don't lose him.

I totally approve!

Wonderful... Just brilliant.
Hehe

Now Rai, I gotta ask if you can GB me as Janis Joplin, and have me singing about GW as Bobby McGee...

[CurlyKitGirl]

. . .
I was gone three days. Again.

You've given me twelve more pages of fics to read.

Wel, let me contribute another

Definition drabble

Mordokai/Mi'ir/Graf/RHL/???

Touchstone - a test or criterion for determining the quality or genuineness of a thing

Spoiler

Show

Graf was singing to himself again; at least he had a good ear for music. Unlike a certain stuck-in-the-mud paladin he knew.
Was that a nursery rhyme?
Well, it didn’t matter anyway, he’d told them where RHL was. Sort of. "Setting of Tsukie, follow her lights. Singing to shades summon darkness. Co. Co. Cooooooney. Come play with us Coney."
"Singing is sooth. Sooth is in the song."Yeah. Weird.
But Mordy (how he wanted to say that aloud) was clever enough to figure that out without help. It seemed that Graf was going to show them a Sight test. Possibly.

[TwoBitWriter]

. . .
I was gone three days. Again.

You've given me twelve more pages of fics to read.

Wel, let me contribute another

Definition drabble

Mordokai/Mi'ir/Graf/RHL/???

Touchstone - a test or criterion for determining the quality or genuineness of a thing

Spoiler

Show

Graf was singing to himself again; at least he had a good ear for music. Unlike a certain stuck-in-the-mud paladin he knew.
Was that a nursery rhyme?
Well, it didn’t matter anyway, he’d told them where RHL was. Sort of. "Setting of Tsukie, follow her lights. Singing to shades summon darkness. Co. Co. Cooooooney. Come play with us Coney."
"Singing is sooth. Sooth is in the song."Yeah. Weird.
But Mordy (how he wanted to say that aloud) was clever enough to figure that out without help. It seemed that Graf was going to show them a Sight test. Possibly.

Yay! Curly's back!

Don't leave us again like that!

I am working on Part 3 of A Shipper's Carol, which will have you in it!