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2012-04-11, 04:40 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2006
- Location
- Connecticut
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 21: Time To Go Bar-Hopping
Yup. Your assessments are correct, guys. I slept on it, woke up, decided that fifty million Elvis fans can't be wrong, after all. I earnestly apologized, explaining that I now realized that her experiences were life just as much as mine are, and that they were no less valid than mine. She graciously accepted the apology. I am an ******* when I'm tired, it seems.
Oh, and thanks.Last edited by UserClone; 2012-04-11 at 04:42 AM.
Beguiler, you just got served.
ALL hail DirtyTabs, creator of this wonderful UserClone TRONpony!
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SpoilerOriginally Posted by BRC
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2012-04-11, 05:40 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2008
- Location
- UK
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 21: Time To Go Bar-Hopping
One thing I picked up from this - a lot of folks have said "if this is how you feel, you should break up, why are you with her, etc".
The thing is, partners in Real Life (patent pending) do not fit some perfect romantic ideal. True, you might put them on a pedestal and idolise them but I guarantee that even the most contented and loving couple will have an argument at some point. You can love someone to bits and there will be a fragment of them that pushes a button on you marked "Do not push this". Besides, at least they're being open with their feelings and that's a good thing. You just need to learn not to push the button all the time.
Oh and the other thing about arguments? Make-up snuggling.
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2012-04-11, 06:19 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2009
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 21: Time To Go Bar-Hopping
I'm a fan of sarcasm, sir, but you leave the King out of this I am joking
More to the point, relationship advice should be taken as a chance to reflect on your own desires and actions, but following the majority may not always be your best bet (unless I am with the majority, because I am always right). As I mentioned in an earlier, unrelated post, a very large number of people are romantic screwups who will give other people advice that they haven't realized has not worked well for them.
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2012-04-11, 06:53 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2006
- Location
- Under Mt. Ebott
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 21: Time To Go Bar-Hopping
Not my experience at all. Not knowing when to just say "we're done here right now" just lets the discussion go on increasingly heated until someone says something they will regret later, from what I've seen.
I have heard that line a fair few times, both on the emitting and the receiving end. And honestly, there has not been a time where it has happened and not been a good idea. We can come back and find a compromise when we're not angry. Continuing a conversation while both parts are heated only leads to hard to take back idiocy in one or both parts, generally speaking.
Of course, this does not come from experience with discussion in romantic relationships, as that is a situation I have never been in. Just with general discussing with people. But I don't think the protocol would be that different.Last edited by Drascin; 2012-04-11 at 06:56 AM.
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2012-04-11, 07:05 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2012
- Location
- UK
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 21: Time To Go Bar-Hopping
Speaking as someone still in full-time education (although not, to be fair, still living at home), it's amazing how you get the idea into your head that you know everything there is to know about life.
I know that's not true, but I still get annoyed when someone, say, still living at home thinks to tell me 'what real life is'.
From what I can see, there is no one 'magic moment' where you suddenly transform into an adult in the 'real world', perfectly responsible and in control. It's a gradual thing.
When I was younger, I'd think of people living away at university as 'grown ups', even if they did still have parental support. Now I know that, at least for me personally, that simply isn't true. Who knows if I'll feel more confident about my own adulthood when I have a job, have a house, maybe even have children?
What I'm trying to say is that it's a progressive thing, not a 'have/have not' division. So anyone, anywhere along the scale, can feel that they know everything there is to know, and equally so anyone, anywhere along the scale, can have a(n even justified) annoyance at someone further down than them making assumptions.
Since the problem has been resolved, I'm just throwing this out there as my two cents and to see if anyone wants to disagree with me .
Oh, and again, not vital, but my own meagre insight into relationships in general: try not to fight.
I would say don't fight, but that is of course completely impossible.
I know the advice sounds self-evident, but what I mean is try and, as far as possible, keep a clear head during disagreements or arguments. Everyone knows that massive rows can be sparked by the silliest things, so try not to be spiteful or aggressively sarcastic when you're disagreeing about something. And when you have had a fight, don't sink into a pit of anger, resentment and sulking; try and sort it out as soon as possible.
I could go on, but it's not really relevant here, and as I said it's pretty obvious stuff . I'm just mentioning it because it's bloody important.
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2012-04-11, 10:53 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2011
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 21: Time To Go Bar-Hopping
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2012-04-11, 02:34 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2010
- Location
- I smell chocolate
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 21: Time To Go Bar-Hopping
But nobody's saying simply "they had an argument they should break up" or even "they had a fight they should break up." It's not the fight or even the button-pushing that's making them say this, it's the contempt they're perceiving, which is a major relationship-ender. Even if it only ever shows up in brief flashes.
A potent relic of the past. 'Tis said the wearer commands the wisdom of kings, and can see the unseeable.
Like the grue lurking in your bedroom waiting for you to fall asleep.
But perhaps some things are better left unseen...
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2012-04-11, 02:57 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2012
- Location
- UK
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 21: Time To Go Bar-Hopping
It's natural that in a relationship, there'll be little niggling things that pop up every now and again and get on your nerves. It's also natural that in the heat of the moment (even a short while later over the internet ) you'll make a big deal out of these things.
While this may come across very strong and seem like a massive, relationship-changing thing, it's not. Or at least it doesn't have to be. If you feel such contempt all the time, you may want to re-think your relationship... but this doesn't have to be the case.
TL;DR: what Succubus said. One rash, angry comment on the internet does not a big deal make.
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2012-04-11, 04:32 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2009
- Location
- Scotland/Glasgow
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 21: Time To Go Bar-Hopping
So, I've lately begun crushing on a friend of mine, who's at least interested back. Now I'm just overthinking everything. I'm terrified that I'll either blow my chance or miss it. Just needed a wee vent.
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2012-04-11, 04:57 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2012
- Location
- UK
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 21: Time To Go Bar-Hopping
My (inexpert) advice is to not be afraid to take things slow, especially if you know she likes you back . It may be better to build up to something instead of just trying to rush it. This is especially true if (like me) you're inclined to overthink everything and second-guess yourself.
That said... if the perfect moment comes along, take it! Carpe diem and all that . And best of luck to ye.
As for an event... how awkward would it be to organise an event just for the two of you? May not be easy, if you're part of a group of friends--you don't want to put her in a potentially awkward position by just asking her on a date outright, but on the other hand she may not apreciate you skirting around the issue and saying things like "We can invite other people if you want..." (I know my girlfriend wasn't impressed when I did that ).
Eek . Looking back at that last paragraph, seems like I've just given you more to worry about . Just relax and you'll be fine .
[/blathering on a subject I'm in no position to give advice on]
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2012-04-11, 05:09 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2009
- Location
- Scotland/Glasgow
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 21: Time To Go Bar-Hopping
Well she spent last night in my flat for a TV marathon, and for the most part that was just the two of us. We do couple-y things, which is how I know she's interested, but she only just broke up with someone so I'm constantly second-guessing myself as to how long I should wait before asking for a Date with a capital D.
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2012-04-11, 05:48 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2009
- Location
- NYC
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 21: Time To Go Bar-Hopping
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2012-04-11, 05:54 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2006
- Location
- Dinosaur Museum aw yisss.
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 21: Time To Go Bar-Hopping
I would like to point out that I never said "break up with her", but "you should think about what this means for your relationship" and "as you've described it, this doesn't sound healthy for either of you". All of which is intended to generate introspection, not a split.Oooo. Same person?
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2012-04-11, 06:12 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2008
- Location
- UK
- Gender
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2012-04-11, 06:56 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2008
- Location
- Seattle, WA
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 21: Time To Go Bar-Hopping
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2012-04-11, 07:03 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2006
- Location
- Connecticut
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 21: Time To Go Bar-Hopping
For my buck, we've had the "she is going to force the issue until kingdom come and will unrelentingly demand an argument no matter how much I ask to take a break" argument enough times that:
A. It's implied that I only mean "for right now."
B. A is moot.
Beguiler, you just got served.
ALL hail DirtyTabs, creator of this wonderful UserClone TRONpony!
*sigh*
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Quotes:
SpoilerOriginally Posted by BRC
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2012-04-11, 07:22 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2006
- Location
- Trogland
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 21: Time To Go Bar-Hopping
UC,
I have to agree with what a lot of people have said here. The way you speak about this girl comes across very contempous. I think Serp had it right, saying you need to take some introspective time and decide if this girl is really worth all this frustration.
She may be a great girl, she just may not be great for you.
Just. Think. About. It.
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2012-04-11, 07:48 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2006
- Location
- Connecticut
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 21: Time To Go Bar-Hopping
No, it's all good. She is just of the mind of the first group of responders, who said that you can't just end conversations mid-argument, and I am of the mind of the one or two folks who said that it's often better to let that stuff simmer down for a while and come back to it later when it's no longer boiling over.
Beguiler, you just got served.
ALL hail DirtyTabs, creator of this wonderful UserClone TRONpony!
*sigh*
X Stat to Y Bonus
Quotes:
SpoilerOriginally Posted by BRC
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2012-04-11, 11:39 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2007
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 21: Time To Go Bar-Hopping
Just exchanged Skype names with the first girl I ever contacted on OKC. Since when was I charismatic?
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2012-04-12, 01:37 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2006
- Location
- Charlottesville
- Gender
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2012-04-12, 03:36 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2008
- Location
- UK
- Gender
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2012-04-12, 04:49 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2012
- Location
- UK
- Gender
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2012-04-12, 04:58 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2007
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 21: Time To Go Bar-Hopping
I'm meeting Cas this weekend! :(
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2012-04-12, 07:18 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2009
- Location
- Scotland/Glasgow
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 21: Time To Go Bar-Hopping
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2012-04-12, 07:24 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2012
- Location
- UK
- Gender
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2012-04-12, 07:33 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2009
- Location
- Scotland/Glasgow
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 21: Time To Go Bar-Hopping
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2012-04-12, 07:39 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2012
- Location
- UK
- Gender
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2012-04-12, 07:47 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2009
- Location
- Scotland/Glasgow
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 21: Time To Go Bar-Hopping
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2012-04-12, 01:10 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2006
- Location
- Leeds, UK
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 21: Time To Go Bar-Hopping
"I'm just going on motive and opportunity here and the fact that if the earth got swallowed by a black hole, I'd look suspiciously in your direction first."
~ Timberwolf
"I blame Castaras. You know... In general."
~ KuReshtin
"Castaras - An absolutely adorable facade that hides a truly ruthless streak."
~ The Succubus
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2012-04-12, 03:22 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2009
- Location
- Scotland/Glasgow
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 21: Time To Go Bar-Hopping
fergo: It's understandable to not know this since you're new here, but Castaras is actually a werewolf. Don't be fooled by her faux innocence! It's ok though, stick with us northerners and you'll be safe.