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2009-12-30, 11:27 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Oct 2009
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- New York
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My webcomic!
Currently DMing:
Tales of Aequar: Runite's Rise IC
OOC Map
Playing Natalia Bolts,Jadeite Nocrius, and Soren Lowell
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2009-12-30, 11:30 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2009
Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
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2009-12-30, 11:35 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2009
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- New York
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Well, considering that I'm a sexually repressed nerd who has never been so much as kissed, who has walked in on an obscene number of makeout sessions (17 in forty minutes), and the one time I almost kissed someone, I literally got pushed to the side and spend the rest of the dance sitting by the wall, by myself, watching everyone else slowdance, trying not to cry...
My webcomic!
Currently DMing:
Tales of Aequar: Runite's Rise IC
OOC Map
Playing Natalia Bolts,Jadeite Nocrius, and Soren Lowell
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2009-12-30, 11:47 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2009
Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Aww, Coffee... Wait a minute, 17 in forty minutes? Where in the name of the IFCC were you?
Sounds like my kind of party.
Party? Will there be cake?
Possible fic potential there...
Anyway, that's technically beside the point; I'm barely more experienced than you are and was probably less experienced at the time I wrote aforementioned Old Shame. I guess maybe that was part of the reason why it was Terrible...
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2009-12-30, 11:50 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2009
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- New York
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Nerd camp. When you've got several hundred sexually repressed nerds in one place...
And the girl who pushed me away was (And still is) one of my best friends. She didn't mean to do it, and I was literally unable to protest because I had laryngitis at the time. But still, last dance EVER there, and I was sitting by myself, watching everyone else slow dance and make out, and there I was alone.
That's why I'm going to tell him before school ends, no matter what happens. Not making that mistake again.Last edited by CoffeeIncluded; 2009-12-30 at 11:52 PM.
My webcomic!
Currently DMing:
Tales of Aequar: Runite's Rise IC
OOC Map
Playing Natalia Bolts,Jadeite Nocrius, and Soren Lowell
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2009-12-30, 11:59 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2009
Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
I wanna go to nerd camp... I've been to band camp, but there's no--well, yes there is plenty of making out there, but I guess we're far more discreet about it. Hm. Closest I got to making out with anyone is that I think the freshman who sat next to me in rehearsal might have had a little crush on me. If he did, it wasn't totally unrequitted. He was too young, but that's what made him adorable...
Heheh. I just realized that your description of nerd camp sounds like potential for a crack pairings thread title. Crack Pairing Thread: Nerds Gone Wild
Anyway, good for you! And best of luck.
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2009-12-31, 12:06 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2009
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- New York
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Hey, here's two little stories:
1. One of my friends, well two of my best friends: I helped them get together at the camp. I accidentally walked in on their first kiss.
2. Earlier that day, there was a couple, about 15, who...They were rolling around on the grass outside. At night. The counselors had to go and intervene.
And thanks.Last edited by CoffeeIncluded; 2009-12-31 at 12:08 AM.
My webcomic!
Currently DMing:
Tales of Aequar: Runite's Rise IC
OOC Map
Playing Natalia Bolts,Jadeite Nocrius, and Soren Lowell
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2009-12-31, 12:11 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2009
Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
1. d'Aww! That story is adorable!
2. They need to learn, as we Band Geeks have, that discretion is key. But seriously, bad kids, no R-rated stuff at camp. Aside from being disgusting it's appallingly cliche.
You're welcome. I just hope I can do something similar with Guy In My Programming Class without getting rolly-chair-blocked again.
Not saying this only to get back "on topic" but also because I'm nearly certain someone on this thread would try it: Maybe some OOTS characters have had interesting escapades at nerd camp. Or band camp. Bard camp?
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2009-12-31, 12:22 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2008
- Location
- Ontario, Canada
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
We're way, way off topic now.
Nevertheless, Coffee, don't obsess over your sexual status. I didn't so much as kiss a girl until I was 18, and that's hardly abnormal.
And I don't know about not telling your crushes that you like them. At best, that maintains the status quo. I think if I could do-over my highschool career (and I wouldn't, but in a hypothetical situation where I did...) I'd probably be a lot more forthcoming about my crushes. I think my most shameful example of not acting on a crush was when a girl (who, mind you, was attracted to me as well) invited me over to watch movies, had me in her bed, and we were both too shy and stupid to say anything to each other. About 8 months later, we finally confessed our feelings. Between all the happy-chemicals in that moment I felt like a moron for not saying anything sooner. All those months wasted on innuendo and flirtation...
Ah, the teenage years. I'm so glad to be done with them.
(Gonna be 21 in february, for those who are wondering.)
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2009-12-31, 12:30 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
- Location
- Among the spiders
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Hey, guys, how do you think Inky would have reacted in any of the following situations:
1. Without any prior knowledge, s/he walks in on an obviously pregnant V making out with Reddy.
2. Is told the whole 'I got your ex-wife pregnant a month before she was your ex-wife' thing by Redcloak in a hospital (where heavily pregnant!V is being checked out by tons of clerics) after the Snarl thing.
3. Is told the whole story by Vaarsuvius, with or without Reddy present, while V is obviously preggers.
I'm jotting down some mental notes and I don't relate well to Inkyrius, so I need help in nailing hir character.
And I think that the poor baker is going to need some meds in this story...
Spoiler
The April Squickies Award for Best Crack Pairing Story
Thank you so much to Kaytara for the avatar! It's of Redcloak's and Vaarsuvius's love child.
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2009-12-31, 12:30 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2009
Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
I wouldn't call this conversation "off topic" if we can reasonably substitute "a necessary prelude to discovering the concept of 'One time, at Bard Camp...'"
That sucks about just watching movies in bed, though.
As for WaterSmurf's question, let's see...
1. Probably a passionate outburst that may cover what a bad spouse and parent V already was before arriving here and will end in him (I'm just picking a pronoun for Inky so I won't have to stop and think about it) walking away.
2. No idea.
3. A more toned down, maybe even depressed and disspassionate variation of the vaguely-outlined outburst above, that will also end in him walking away. After all, all things considered, they were destined for divorce and Inky might have already realized this by now.
Hope that helps, even though I haven't gotten the chance to read much of your stuff yet. (I've loved what I have read, though!)Last edited by ShinyDelusion; 2009-12-31 at 12:36 AM.
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2009-12-31, 12:36 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2008
Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Hello thread. Been a while.
Another installment on my infamous story. No rape, torture, but Belkar dies again, and this time I'll leave him there, until I get a bright idea, at which point he'll be back so I can kill him again.
SpoilerBelkar growled. He wanted to make the pain stop, but more then that, he wanted to pass it on. He wanted to set fire to a rainforest, and listen as the dryads screamed. He wanted to gut a golden dragon and bathe in it’s blood, laugh as it's hoard tarnished and melted, he wanted to cut up a nymph until no one called it beautiful again but screamed at the sight of it, drown a bird of paradise and leave it to rot, knock down all the monuments he'd never see, and burn all the artworks he'd never understand or appreciate.
Belkar licked his dry lips, Belial's seed still burning within his belly like burning sand. “I want to destroy something beautiful.”
Belial, watching from a place the Halfling could not perceive, yet could feel in his bones, smiled, licking his lips again, eyes sparkling with arousal. "Do." He said, his words somehow finding their way to Belkar's ears. "But remember, we all have our turns, and mine comes next." His long tongue flicked out again, terrible in it’s intimate promise, pausing a second before the halfling's neck, then withdrawing. "And lasts forever."
* * * * *
Roy had been with Celia for perhaps ten minutes when it happened.
And he'd spent every second of it gloriously distracted, reveling in her nearness, drinking in the sight of her.
He loved her, in a way he found difficult to articulate. She was smart, and witty, and respectful of people, and had a very clear understanding of what was right and wrong, all things he found very attractive, as well as the fact that she was drop-dead gorgeous, but it was more then that. It was more then she valued life, or that she adored him, or anything easy to put into words, categorize into boxes that summed up his feelings.
He was intoxicated by the way she moved, the way she sounded, the way she looked at him. He fantasized about the way the sunlight made her hair glow, the way her smile was slightly lopsided to the left, the way she crinkled her eyes before laughing, everything.
Roy wasn’t a private person, who wore his allegiances and feelings like a badge, and yet he couldn’t articulate what it was that made her so special.
He'd been in relationships before, but this was more then that. Part of him was frustrated that he never could make her understand how he felt, while another was terrified by these feelings and the loss of control they meant.
They were passing under an overhang of unworked stone in the maze when Celia stopped, her expression frozen, her eyes wide, her mouth forming an ‘O’ with surprise. Then she collapsed, and Roy noticed the dagger buried in her throat.
Forgetting every combat lesson he’d ever been taught, he rushed to her side, grabbing her small hand in his big one.
“Stay with me, baby.” He pleaded franticly, desperation making his voice hollow. “Celia, stay with me. Please. Durkon can fix that, I know he can. Don’t stop fighting. Please baby.”
She gave him a weak smile as she slipped away, her body dissolving into the clearest air he’d ever felt as she died, a cool mountain breeze.
Roy sobbed, not even remembering the dagger that had killed her, caught up in his loss, losing all awareness of his surroundings.
A figure barreled into him, knocking him over and twisting his brawny arm behind him. To weak with depression to even fight back, he was shocked when he recognized the voice.
“Always hated that bitch. So self righteous, so sure she’s better then everyone else. Well, look how that turned out for her. Wonder if she still feels that way. Hey, whose better now? Would you look at that. No answer.” He grinned madly. “Guess papa Belkar was right after all. Only wish I’d got a chance to cut her up before I was done with her. Bet she would have begged beautifully.” He sighed, then turned his attention to Roy, who was suddenly struggling manfully, murder in his eyes.
"Why?" He roared, seemingly unable to articulate himself. Just the same, Belkar shrugged.
"Welcome to the Jungle. Better to hurt then be hurt. It's been alright, Roy, but I'm not going back."
"What the bloody hell are you talking about?" Roy growled, still trying to untwist his arm.
Belkar's smile slipped a it. "The fourth one. Made a deal, and here we are. You can't understand Roy. You can't. He'll... He'll." Belkar snapped out of it, the look of fear that had lit up in his eyes passing. "I don't want to think about it. And if I do what he says, I won't have to."
Belkar grinned, although it seemed a little forced. “Now I’m going to make you squeal like your whore of a girlfriend.” He said, smiling the smile of someone in a lot of pain who knows he’s about to pass it on to someone else. “Maybe I’ll –“ But Belkar never finished the sentence.
For it was at that moment a spear erupted through his chest.
Durkon was standing behind the halfliing, his arm steel behind the knotted oak of his spear haft. The spear had passed cleanly through the halflings back and through his ribs, severing his spine and a lung, as well as grazing his heart.
Belkar forced words between his lips, coming out as a sort of rattling gargle through the blood that oozed out. “I always figured it would be Roy who killed me.” He said in a weak, shuddering voice.
Durkon didn’t say anything, but he twisted the spear, making Belkar moan.
“Want to hear my last words?” Belkar said, with the barest hint of a smile.
“Ah joost did.” Durkon relied coldly, wrenching the spear out with a horrible sucking sound. Belkar sank to his knees. At first there was a great gush of blood, that dwindled as the shock set in. The was an arcid smell as he lost control of his bowels, and the Halfling gibbered as he tried to speak. He shuddered and convulsed, clawing desperately at the dwarf’s leg, but there was no strength to his arms and soon he couldn’t even do that, twisting and thrashing as his organs bled into each other. Then he was dead, his soul departed down to the deepest pits of hell. Where Belial would be waiting.
Roy collapsed, sobbing gently, near Celia’s body. Harley was somewhere in the maze, calling out Elan’s name. And V… could be anywhere.
Durkon wished he was better with words, wished he could take his best friend, and tell him it would be OK, that he’d make it through this, and be stronger because of it. But he wasn’t, and any words he could offer would be empty of meaning, pointless.
So instead he walked past to stand infront of the gate.
A figure was there, leaning heavily against the frame, grey locks poking from beneath a wide brimmed hat, a single eye with all the wisdom of the universe staring out from beneath it.
“Not to bad a start.”
“Ae dinnae follow ye. Three ‘o me friends be dead, an’ yon Halfling ain’t goin’ tae hurt anyone.” He added sarcasticly, rage and sorrow making him suicidally disrespectful, “Unless he dinnae need lungs tae breathe, o’ course.”
Odin shook his head. “I didn’t need you to kill that little Halfling. I need you to fix the world.”
“I think ye may be over estimatin’ me capabilities a wee bit.”
Odin shook his head. “Your underestimating yourself. Besides, you will be more then you are now.” He gave a wolfish smile, then spread his hands. “I leave you your choice. With this hand.” He lifted his right hand, gnarled and strong as an ancient oak “I control all, but I rule nothing. With this hand” he lifted his left, the same, with a single gold ring on his index finger “I control nothing, but my rule is sure and long.”
Durkon wanted to spit. “I dinnae want neither. Ae dinnae need either. Tae be honest, all ae want is tae git this oot o’ tha way, then live as long as ae can wit’ me girl.”
Odin didn’t so much as blink. “We all have our fates. And we must all meet them. It is how we meet them that defines who we are.” Odin replied. “I know you Durkon. You won’t run.”
“Joost ths same, ae dinnae want either.”
Odin glowered, but before he could speak, Durkon added “But if’n ae hae ta choose, ah’ll take both.”
A certain resignation flashed across the grey gods face, on any other, it would have been fear, but instead it was a gritted teeth acceptance of the inevitable, and the decision to resist anyway.
“So be it.”
Didn't get the emotion quite right, but needs must when the devil drives. If anyone is still interested in this, tell me and I'll write a few more chapters.
By the way, I was thinking of posting another version of this on fanfiction.net, where I don't have to censer but can write it in all of it's perverted glory. Over there, they don't care if Belial cuts open Belkar to use his blood as a lubricant, or whatever.
I need a beta.
An intriguing suggestion.
My issue is frankly I find sex boring. Companionship is far more interesting.Last edited by Cracklord; 2009-12-31 at 12:50 AM.
Nadir We,
Youth Born,
Blood Letters,
Axe Weilders,
Victors Still.
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2009-12-31, 12:41 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2009
- Location
- Alaska
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Thank you for that simple, but really disturbing statement. I can now picture my 14 year old bother saying that over and over and over again.
*smashes head repeatedly against the desk*
... *sniff* I smell some delicious, yet disturbing, potential crack* pairings.
*the legal kindYour local Cleric.
Cleric of the Murphy's Law Thread
(yes, that is possible)
"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."
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2009-12-31, 01:16 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2004
- Location
- I wish I knew...
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Wait... One Night At Bard Camp...
Elan x Jenny (thief's guild bard that Belkster kissed in #611)Last edited by ShneekeyTheLost; 2009-12-31 at 01:18 AM.
SpoilerQuite possibly, the best rebuttal I have ever witnessed.
Joker Bard - the DM's solution to the Batman Wizard.
Takahashi no Onisan - The scariest Samurai alive
Incarnum and YOU: a reference guide
Soulmelds, by class and slot: Another Incarnum reference
Multiclassing for Newbies: A reference guide for the rest of us
My homebrew world in progress: Falcora
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2009-12-31, 01:20 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2009
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2009-12-31, 01:36 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2004
- Location
- I wish I knew...
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Trying to submit my Darth V x Tsukiko lemon to ff.net. Having issues. Trying to get it to the right place... any advice would be welcomed. Send it in PM's.
Since I brought it up, I will try to write out the Elan x Jenny fic. More on the sappy romantic this time.SpoilerQuite possibly, the best rebuttal I have ever witnessed.
Joker Bard - the DM's solution to the Batman Wizard.
Takahashi no Onisan - The scariest Samurai alive
Incarnum and YOU: a reference guide
Soulmelds, by class and slot: Another Incarnum reference
Multiclassing for Newbies: A reference guide for the rest of us
My homebrew world in progress: Falcora
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2009-12-31, 01:39 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2008
Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
By the way, before i forget, I am now a professional Writer!
Not really, but I entered a competition, and came first place, meaning my story shall be published in an obscure magazine and I get one thousand dollars!Nadir We,
Youth Born,
Blood Letters,
Axe Weilders,
Victors Still.
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2009-12-31, 01:41 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2004
- Location
- I wish I knew...
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
SpoilerQuite possibly, the best rebuttal I have ever witnessed.
Joker Bard - the DM's solution to the Batman Wizard.
Takahashi no Onisan - The scariest Samurai alive
Incarnum and YOU: a reference guide
Soulmelds, by class and slot: Another Incarnum reference
Multiclassing for Newbies: A reference guide for the rest of us
My homebrew world in progress: Falcora
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2009-12-31, 01:47 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2009
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2009-12-31, 01:55 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2009
- Location
- The Abyss (Kiev Ukrain)
- Gender
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2009-12-31, 02:00 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2008
- Location
- Ontario, Canada
- Gender
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2009-12-31, 02:01 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2007
- Location
- Texas...for now
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
SpC has a 6th level spell, Revive Outsider, that does specifically what it says on the tin.
But if you want to stick to Core, yes, you can.[/sarcasm]
FAQ is not RAW!Avatar by the incredible CrimsonAngel.
Saph:It's surprising how many problems can be solved by one druid spell combined with enough aggression.
I play primarily 3.5 D&D. Most of my advice will be based off of this. If my advice doesn't apply, specify a version in your post.
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2009-12-31, 02:07 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2008
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2009-12-31, 02:11 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2004
- Location
- I wish I knew...
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Okay, the Darth V x Tsukiko fic is up on ff.net as "Now Entering". If someone could move it from the general OotS area to the Cracked Pairings community, I would be grateful. Enjoy, everyone...
... don't forget the Brain BleachSpoilerQuite possibly, the best rebuttal I have ever witnessed.
Joker Bard - the DM's solution to the Batman Wizard.
Takahashi no Onisan - The scariest Samurai alive
Incarnum and YOU: a reference guide
Soulmelds, by class and slot: Another Incarnum reference
Multiclassing for Newbies: A reference guide for the rest of us
My homebrew world in progress: Falcora
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2009-12-31, 02:30 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2009
Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
One word for you, Shneeky: Whoa.
I guess in this particular universe it's safe to say that Vaarsuvius's alignment was heavily affected by the soul splice. Hm. For some reason I'm wondering if V's new dom persona has anything to do with Haerta's influence...
Well anyway, whether it leaves a reader reaching for the brain bleach or filing the mental images away to enjoy again later, it was definitely written well and certainly qualifies as "doing something with it". Well done, Shneeky!
Now, I go to bed. And hope I don't have weird dreams. Or do I?
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2009-12-31, 05:11 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2009
- Location
- The Abyss (Kiev Ukrain)
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Sort of. Its just your perspective of balkar is very awe inspiring. So yeah feel proud. Anyway I want to write a continguation of the V/I/A (Waaaah?) story except it will contian wild fury anger and the death (and resurection) of an archmage. I just felt that I acted to ....(I promised no curse words to pathfinder)
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2009-12-31, 05:31 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2006
- Location
- England
Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
That was hilarious! And Evil!V is hawt.
It seems Evil!V decided to take the chance to relieve some major suppressed urges there. This isn't doing anything except encouraging my crush.
Or maybe that's just normal for V? o_0 poor Inky...
We're all in the same boat here, Coffee...
Which V/I/A story? I think there's been a few of them...Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-12-31 at 06:00 AM.
This post may contain sarcasm.
DeviantArt
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2009-12-31, 06:09 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2009
- Location
- Gothenburg, Sweden
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Nymphomaniac means sex-crazed female. Satyriasis is the same the disorder in males. Hypersexuality is the general term. In elves, it is called Vaarsuvius' Disorder.
You probably have a decent default - it's based on Intelligence, isn't it?
Edit: Oh, and CI, remember this?. Still, it's much easier to give advice than it is to take it.Last edited by Asta Kask; 2009-12-31 at 07:41 AM.
Avatar by CoffeeIncluded
Oooh, and that's a bad miss.
“Don't exercise your freedom of speech until you have exercised your freedom of thought.”
― Tim Fargo
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2009-12-31, 06:11 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2009
- Location
- Gothenburg, Sweden
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Avatar by CoffeeIncluded
Oooh, and that's a bad miss.
“Don't exercise your freedom of speech until you have exercised your freedom of thought.”
― Tim Fargo
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2009-12-31, 07:37 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2006
- Location
- England
Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
This post may contain sarcasm.
DeviantArt