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2012-10-21, 12:55 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Feb 2009
Re: Ponythread LV:55 Ponythread learns Agility!
I'm developing a game. Let's see what happens! Complex.
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2012-10-21, 01:08 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
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2012-10-21, 01:23 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
- Location
- My personal dreadnaught.
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2012-10-21, 01:27 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2009
- Location
- Middle-o'-Nowhere, Idaho
- Gender
Re: Ponythread LV:55 Ponythread learns Agility!
I run a Let's Play channel! Check it out!
Currently, we're playing through New Vegas as Gabriel de la Cruz, merchant and mercenary extraordinaire!
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2012-10-21, 01:29 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
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- My personal dreadnaught.
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2012-10-21, 01:35 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2008
- Location
- Canada
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Re: Ponythread LV:55 Ponythread learns Agility!
I do like this latest one best. I haven't read any of your story however so I can't comment on how accurate it is. "Can a pony fight destiny?" is a much better 5 words then "Can a heartless pony live?"
Though I will say that the description makes the story seem very grimdark. Perhaps even more grimdark then Fillystrata was. And if I remember correctly you didn't want this story to be any more dark then Lord of the Rings.Last edited by Forum Explorer; 2012-10-21 at 01:43 PM.
Spoiler: I'm a writer!Spoiler: Check out my fanfiction[URL="https://www.fanfiction.net/u/7493788/Forum-Explorer"here[/URL]
]Fate Stay Nano: Fate Stay Night x Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha
I Fell in Love with a Storm: MLP
Procrastination: MLP
Spoiler: Original FictionThe Lost Dragon: A story about a priest who finds a baby dragon in his church and decides to protect them.
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2012-10-21, 01:37 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2008
- Location
- down down to goblin town
- Gender
Re: Ponythread LV:55 Ponythread learns Agility!
It's a delicate balance, but at least for me, too much (or the wrong kind) of vagueness is actually a significant turn-off. As a comparison, if someone summarized their story as "Stuff happens. But it's exciting stuff!", would that entice you?
Now, it wouldn't surprise me in the least to find that I'm more sensitive to that kind of thing than the average person, but that's my take.
Also, the wording in the last version feels a bit clunky, although I'm not managing to come up with any specific suggestions for smoothing it.
"Old."Level 4 Bibliophile/Level 3 Bard, working toward the Bibliomancer Prestige Class
Brandon Sanderson recommender... In The Playground!
Avatar by Dirtytabs.
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2012-10-21, 01:44 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2009
- Location
- Middle-o'-Nowhere, Idaho
- Gender
Re: Ponythread LV:55 Ponythread learns Agility!
I run a Let's Play channel! Check it out!
Currently, we're playing through New Vegas as Gabriel de la Cruz, merchant and mercenary extraordinaire!
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2012-10-21, 01:54 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
Re: Ponythread LV:55 Ponythread learns Agility!
Twilight doesn't give a specific time period. She says "hundreds of years" instead.
I choose to conclude Twi was engaging in a bit of hyperbole... and a little bit of inadvertently retconning season 1. Kinda like how clearly Nitemare Night and Shining/Cadance were invented for Season 2.
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2012-10-21, 02:00 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2005
- Gender
Re: Ponythread LV:55 Ponythread learns Agility!
I don't know ... that might be very subjective, I suppose.
Well, of course, the description does have to tell you something. I just have to be careful not to ruin the mystery of the early chapters by giving away stuff from the later chapters in the description itself.
Or Twilight wasn't exactly clear on how old Ponyville is and just guessed, overshooting by a large amount. Or she was talking about a tradition that predates Ponyville itself, maybe referring to earth ponies in the region itself.
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2012-10-21, 02:08 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jul 2011
Re: Ponythread LV:55 Ponythread learns Agility!
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2012-10-21, 02:13 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2010
- Gender
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2012-10-21, 02:21 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2010
- Location
- Malbolge
- Gender
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2012-10-21, 02:34 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2009
- Location
- San Francisco
- Gender
Re: Ponythread LV:55 Ponythread learns Agility!
Happy Birthday!
Spoiler
My 2 cents. First, I like your shorter description, I think it's okay that it leaves out details, but I do agree that the Luna thing comes out of nowhere. The issue is that we don't know what Luna sacrificed for because she was on the receiving end of the elements. It makes it sound like there's some other thing that Luna did specific to this fanfiction, but if that's the case, a rephrase to something that indicates specifically that Luna has a special plan or something worth sacrificing for would make it flow better.
Yep, it's a good thing. You're alive and on track to be my highest-ranked soldier.
You can't. I can still dub one Pendell. Probably not the one that got shot down. He can be whichever one brings down the special UFO if I get that far.
Oh good, I was running out of forum names and considering my casualty rate I just started defaulting to regular ponies because I didn't want to use anypony that hadn't given me permission. I think I have a couple Russians that could be you. I don't have any Brits for Bleakbane yet though, so he's still in reserve.
Sure. OOC summary of my two really bad missions.
SpoilerI suffered two full squad wipes, the first being a terror mission, the second actually coming right after I made my crazy Twilight post, which was to 5 mutons and a cyberdisc. I actually am not sure which mission you died in, as I had several snipers. Based on the fact that you got a nickname, I'm thinking it was the later muton mission, but I'll tell you both.
What happened in the terror mission is that I advanced too slowly. I had some bad luck with the 45-65% range shots getting rid of 4 floaters, so it took me ~4 turns to get past them and be able to move up freely. By that time, ~4 civilians had died, and when I moved up, I tripped 3 chrysalids and 2 zombies. The zombies had already been made, and turned into more chrysalids on the next turn. This was the first terror mission and I didn't have any upgraded gear, just regular guns and weakest armor. The chrysalids scattered backwards and killed several more civilians, but it took me basically a whole turn just to kill the chrysalids one at a time. Eventually, I ended up getting swarmed by 5 chrysalids at once with another 3 coming in progressive stages and once soldiers started panicking after a squaddie went down, I couldn't do anything and they all died.
The second wipe was a regular abduction. I was in a parking lot with several cars and a building complex on the north end of the map. I had carapace armor and some laser weapons by this point, but the mutons had advanced to being armed with the best plasma rifles. I first triggered 3 mutons. I took 2 of them down with no trouble, but the third was at 1 hp and I wanted to capture it, so I let it run into one of the buildings and didn't chase it. In killing the first two, I had my best assault run and gun in and on the alien turn a cyberdisc came out. My sniper, who was probably you, Tiki, hit the cyberdisc and I thought I could kill it with the assault using double tap at point blank range. Instead I got minimum damage with both shots and left the disc at 2 hp. I still thought I could kill it with a grenade, but my heavy's furthest move left her in a square that was getting the grenade stuck on a building corner, and because of my mistake the cyberdisc lived. It 1-shot the assault at that range, and the still living muton came out from around a corner and also killed a rookie. At that point you sniped the muton and the heavy shot the disc dead, with my support cleaning up the robot arm that had survived the disc explosion. I thought the mission was going to be over, but instead two more mutons came around a corner and attacked me that turn. I had 3 squad members left and no explosives of any kind. I had you shoot one of the mutons, Tiki, and you hit it for 5 damage with your laser sniper, but also panicked from the intimidate. I shot and missed with 65% chances on both my heavy and my support. The next turn, the mutons shot and killed you Tiki, as your panic had made you run into half cover. That left me with two guys with laser weapons against a full hp muton and a half hp muton. The full hp muton was in the open and I had 65% or better hit chances with both guys, so I tried to kill it. No luck, one shot hit for 4 the other missed, the mutons killed the heavy in return fire. I tried to finish the muton with the support from high cover, now with 65% chance to hit. No luck, both mutons fired, support went down, mission over. Having the heavy be unable to throw that one grenade pretty much wrecked the whole mission, and it was simply me not realizing that a grenade throw would get stuck on the building corner from the spot I moved to.
Although my two squad wipes are detailed above, several close calls and rookie deaths are the results of 90% chances failing. I missed a 90% capture chance twice in a row on a floater, though that one didn't lead to any casualties. And I'm sorry you didn't get a nickname. I can make a Diego Havoc II if you want.
You were whichever sniper wasn't Tiki in the squad wipes detailed above. And as with Diego, if you want Sylvestor "Sly guy" McFly II, I can make him for you.
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2012-10-21, 02:35 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2011
- Location
- California
- Gender
Re: Ponythread LV:55 Ponythread learns Agility!
What would we expect from Season 3, other than Crystal Ponies?
Spoiler- Cadance's pregnancy and coming of Shining Armor's fatherhood.
- More Adventure?
- Cutie Mark Crusaders, the end or the continuation?
- More Mental Breakdowns?
- Ponies (Re)colonization of the moon (New Smith Farm)?
P.S- Am I feeling that Pony Tribes were more like the Roman's definition of tribes, which is more like geographic region that a tribune members represents.Last edited by t209; 2012-10-21 at 02:39 PM.
Badly drawn helmet avatar drawn by me.
Rest in Peace:SpoilerMiko Miyazaki, Thanh, Durkon- Order of the Stick
Krunch- Looking For Group
Bill- Left 4 Dead
Soap Mactavish- Modern Warfare 3
Sandman- Modern Warfare 3
Ghost and Roach- Modern Warfare 2
Gabe- Dead Space 2
Dom- Gears of War 3
Carmine Brothers- Gears of War series
Uriel Septim VII- Elderscrolls Oblivion
Commander Shepherd- Mass Effect 3
Ned Stark- Song of Ice and Fire
Apple Jack's parents
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2012-10-21, 02:36 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2008
- Location
- Canada
- Gender
Re: Ponythread LV:55 Ponythread learns Agility!
Spoiler: I'm a writer!Spoiler: Check out my fanfiction[URL="https://www.fanfiction.net/u/7493788/Forum-Explorer"here[/URL]
]Fate Stay Nano: Fate Stay Night x Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha
I Fell in Love with a Storm: MLP
Procrastination: MLP
Spoiler: Original FictionThe Lost Dragon: A story about a priest who finds a baby dragon in his church and decides to protect them.
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2012-10-21, 02:51 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jul 2011
Re: Ponythread LV:55 Ponythread learns Agility!
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2012-10-21, 02:52 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2005
- Gender
Re: Ponythread LV:55 Ponythread learns Agility!
Yeah, the Luna thing is going.
It's dark, yes, and potentially very sad, depending on how it ends (which naturally I'm not revealing ), but I don't see that it would be any darker than LotR or Harry Potter, both of which have their dark moments.
She's facing a very dark future, there doesn't seem to be much hope, any moment she could die and/or lose everything ... seems almost like a description of LotR right there
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2012-10-21, 02:58 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2007
Re: Ponythread LV:55 Ponythread learns Agility!
I wouldn't expect too much, we only have 13 episodes to work with, remember. I just want a Scootaloo episode and I'll be happy
That is indeed a very dark description, undermined by the fact that I heard your take in Christopher Walken's voice and it ended with 'more cowbell' instead of the friendship thing.
Also, I'm on EQD now! It's exciting, but at the same time a corner of my mind is like "Really? THAT story is the one that made it onto EQD?" I know Duel Nature would never make it past the pre-readers even if it is my most popular story, but in full honesty the story that holds a special place in my heart is still Writing is Hard.Proof-reading is totally unnecessary in the digital age now that we have spell cheque.
Pony thread's official Element of Youtube
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2012-10-21, 03:00 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2009
- Location
- San Francisco
- Gender
Re: Ponythread LV:55 Ponythread learns Agility!
I think there's a bit of a difference. In LotR, they suffer and the world looks bleak, but at some level you always know they're going to destroy that ring. From the moment of the pledge at the Council of Elrond, that strength and that purpose drive the story.
Now, I haven't read your story, but I think that a lot of dark pony fanfiction, in general tends to spend more time reveling in the suffering. Readers get upset because the ponies are in such a happy world and many authors seem to delight in making them suffer and be miserable, and there's always the possibility of a story having a Hamlet style ending. So people get a little antsy when they see a fanfic labeled dark because it doesn't have that sense of pervading hope that keeps your head up when you're reading LotR.
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2012-10-21, 03:02 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2007
Re: Ponythread LV:55 Ponythread learns Agility!
Okay, that was darkly amusing enough.
Whilst I don't dissaprove of this, I'll pass myself. Sgt Tiki "Hex" Snakes is dead, and as such unavailable on this playthrough.
If you are getting that low on available names for former Thanqol's, perhaps you should consider drafting OC's?
SpoilerPre-approved for recruitment;
The Ponithid
Bleakmane*
Robo Ponithid
*As a Space Vampire, Bleakmane can be re-recruited after her horrific but potentially honourable death.
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2012-10-21, 03:13 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2005
- Gender
Re: Ponythread LV:55 Ponythread learns Agility!
I know, I know ... and I like to think my story is actually very hopeful, despite the darkness. Yes, things look bleak, but the characters aren't giving up and I certainly hope the readers don't feel like it's definitely going to end only in tears and despair. Somehow there might be a happy ending, or at least a bittersweet ending, that's what I want readers to think.
I suppose the description could be read very bleakly, like there's no hope at all, ever, but I'd never write a (serious) story where there's no hope at all, ever.
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2012-10-21, 03:16 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Aug 2008
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Re: Ponythread LV:55 Ponythread learns Agility!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
...Does doppleganger/changeling/etc skin work as camo? I need to experiment with this...
Really? When's she mention that? I can't remember an episode where Twilight actually mentions how old Ponyville itself is...
Also ohgodmyheart.
Spoiler
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2012-10-21, 03:16 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2009
- Location
- San Francisco
- Gender
Re: Ponythread LV:55 Ponythread learns Agility!
Sure, I'll use some of those. There are plenty of other ponythreaders. I haven't used Deadly, Lix, or Bleakbane yet (Bleakbane I'm waiting for a British soldier), not to mention Alabenson, Eakin, t209, Tvtyrant...I'm going to stop since all I'm doing at this point is scrolling back through this page. But as I said, since I'm killing people off, I'm not comfortable using a name without permission.
Edit:
What about a description that asks a "how" question? Again, I haven't read your story, but something like "When Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle are forced to convince their friends to give up their friendship, how will they find a way to conquer [insert problem]?"
When you ask the question "how are they going to overcome the problem?" you've pretty much guaranteed to the reader that they will overcome it.
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2012-10-21, 03:18 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2010
- Location
- Malbolge
- Gender
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2012-10-21, 03:31 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2008
- Location
- Canada
- Gender
Re: Ponythread LV:55 Ponythread learns Agility!
Hey if we have an OC recruitment going then feel free to use some of mine.
SpoilerThinking Cap: (Assault please)
Paradox (Support)
Clear Thought (Support)
Sure that may or may not be true but I'm just going to point out that I don't get that impression at all from your description.
That picture is actually really really cool.Spoiler: I'm a writer!Spoiler: Check out my fanfiction[URL="https://www.fanfiction.net/u/7493788/Forum-Explorer"here[/URL]
]Fate Stay Nano: Fate Stay Night x Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha
I Fell in Love with a Storm: MLP
Procrastination: MLP
Spoiler: Original FictionThe Lost Dragon: A story about a priest who finds a baby dragon in his church and decides to protect them.
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2012-10-21, 03:40 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2005
- Gender
Re: Ponythread LV:55 Ponythread learns Agility!
Huh ... haven't been following this. What's this about?
Alright ... how about
When Rainbow Dash called for help on her dying breath, she never imagined she would be rescued twice at once. Now she is neither dead or alive, and she definitely doesn't remember wearing all six Elements ...
Rainbow Dash is divided, and she doesn't have much time. To save herself and her friends she may have to convince them to give up the Magic of Friendship, or she can fight ... but how does one fight destiny?
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2012-10-21, 03:40 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2010
- Gender
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2012-10-21, 03:45 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2009
- Location
- San Francisco
- Gender
Re: Ponythread LV:55 Ponythread learns Agility!
I like the new description.
I'm playing a game of X-com (the turn-based game where you fight an alien invasion) using the names of posters here in ponythread for my soldiers. It's on classic ironman, which is a hard difficulty that doesn't let you take back any mistakes. So I've killed off a good chunk of the thread, but we're still going.
Duly noted. Thank you.
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2012-10-21, 03:50 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2005
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Re: Ponythread LV:55 Ponythread learns Agility!