Gygax would like you to think he made D&D. . .

[Ascension]

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Julius Cesar, as a DnD session

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The session is winding down for now, J.C's min-maxed character ended the adventure early so they groups just killing time for now.
DM: Alright, you guys return to Rome where Cesar is hailed as a hero.
Marc Antony: Well done dude
M.A and J.C. high-five.
Cassius: Oh, I didn't know HERO meant MUNCHKIN.
Cesar: Chill out, I'm just creatively interpreting the rules.
Cassius: I'll creatively interpret YOUR RULES.
Antony: YOUR MOM CREATIVELY INTERPRETS RULES.
Brutus: can you guys stop bickering, carry on Will.
DM: Alright, so Cesar is hailed as a hero.
Antony: I'll offer him a crown.
J.C.: Thanks but no dude, Ive already got something in my head slot.
Antony: Come on, take it.
J.C: sorry, that would mess up my build.
Antony: dude, you deserve it.
J.C.: Once again, no, unless, hey will, what bonus would I get for accepting this thing.
DM: None, Antony isnt authorized to declare you king, accepting would be pointless, though the people might like you a little more if you refuse.
J.C: Yeah, I'm totally refusing, hey, look at the time, I gotta go.
Antony: You still giving me a ride?
J.C: Sure, come on.
Antony and Cesar leave
Cassius: J.C's a douche, we never get to do anything, his character just stomps on everything, we should see if Will will let us kill him.
Brutus: Sorry, I'm LG, I won't just stab him, it would be out of character.
Cassius: what if I forge a letter that makes it look like the people want him stabbed.
Brutus: That works.
Will: What are you two talking about?
Cassius: Hey, we wanna stab J.C next session.
Will: Okay, I guess, though I'm going to warn him.
The Next Session

DM: Hey Cesar, I forgot to mention, during the parade, a crazy old dude told you to beware
Will looks at the calender
DM: March Fifteenth.
J.C: Whatever, so what happens next.
DM: When you wake up in the morning, you hear that you are to be summoned to the senate house, your wife tells you not to go.
J.C: I ignore her and go.
DM: Along the way you see the old man again, he sa-
J.C: Whatever, I go to the senate house and see what they want.
DM: You see the assembled senators and other noteworthies of Rome., including Brutus, Cassius, and Ant-
Antony: Hey, I'm gonna get a soda, be right back.
DM: Okay, Antony's wandered off somewhere.
J.C: Okay, what do they want.
Cassius: I sidle up behind J.C and sneak attack him
J.C: DUDE, WTF
DM: Alright, you and your fellow conspirators begin attacking Cesar, roll for initiative
Initiative is rolled for, and Cesar, being out of his rules exploiting magic items and in ceremonial dress, goes last. Each turn he gets stabbed, until he is at 1 hit point.
DM: Brutus, it's your turn.
J.C: YES!, help me out here big B.
Brutus: I stab Cesar.
J.C: SONOFA-
Antony returns with a mountain dew
Antony: What did I miss
DM: They just killed J.C
Antony: Dude, that's bull.
J.C: That's what I'm saying.
Cassius: It's better then your f****** Min-Maxing.
Antony: So, can I speak at the funeral or somthing.
Brutus: sure, but you can't blame us.
Antony: Okay
Antony makes a bluff check.
J.C.: Hey, I'm going to make a new character
J.C goes off into another room to check his rulebooks.
DM: Alright, it's the funeral, brutus, make a perform: Oratory check to get the crowd to agree with you.
Brutus: 16
DM: alright, that works, Antony, it's your turn on the podium.
Antony: Alright, I get the crowd angry at Brutus and Cassius

Antony rolls
Antony: Sweet, Natural 20!
DM: Alright, the crowd gets angry and wants to kill Brutus and Cassius, what do you do.
Brutus and Cassius: WE GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE!
J.C: Alright, I'm back with a new character.
Cassius: You mean Munchkin.
DM: Alright, lets see, Octavius is it.
J.C: Yup.
DM: Alright Octavius, you enter Rome just after Brutus and Cassius leave.
Antony: Alright, lets kick some traitor ass.
Act II

They broke out Heroes of Battle and have been fighting for a few sessions now when Will (the DM) decides to end the campaign.
DM: Alright, you decide to make your stand at Philipi
Brutus: We do? let me see the map.
DM: If you don't I just use this same map for whatever place you DO pick, I spent an hour on this thing.
Brutus: Okay, we meet at Philipi, lets get this started.
O.C: Hey, can I have the ghost of my previous character appear?
DM: Sure
O.C: Alright, I have him appear in Brutus's bedtent and attack!
DM: You can't attack, just deliver a message or something.
O.C: Okay, Brutus, you're going down.
DM: Alright, let's do this.
The battle rages, Antony has leveled up a few times and had Octavius help him out, so due to their munchkinery, Octavius and Antony start winning pretty heavily.
Cassius: Screw this, I quit, I have my slave stab me.
Brutus: Yeah, this is bull, I run on my own sword.
DM: Alright, looks like you two win.
Antony and Octavius: Hell yeah! Alright, so, what do you want to do now?
DM: Well, I've got another campaign idea you could roll characters for. It's about Scottish Noblemen.
Cassius: Provided JC promises not to min-max again, it sounds like fun.
J.C.: Sure, sure, I'll go Core for this one.
Antony: Me too, hey, my girlfriend wants to try playing, think she could join the next campaign.
DM: Sure.


Next up (maybe),
The Scottish Session, or DR 50/ Man not of Women Born

This is EPIC. Truly EPIC.

[Fax Celestis]

The Americans only won the War of Independence because the British didn't understand the sniping rules.

[Starscream]

The records will clearly show that Mindarthis Silverburg, Spiral Tactician of the Raven Queen, was superior to Nobby Nobbs.

See, the funny thing here is that I didn't mention his last name and yet you got it in one.

But yeah, my Rogue is based on Pterry's Nobby. Tell me you wouldn't like to see him in a campaign.

[Blackfang108]

See, the funny thing here is that I didn't mention his last name and yet you got it in one.

But yeah, my Rogue is based on Pterry's Nobby. Tell me you wouldn't like to see him in a campaign.

Oh, I would.

My LFR character is based on Kamina.

How many Nobbys are there in Quality Literature, anyway?

[BRC]

The Americans only won the War of Independence because the British didn't understand the sniping rules.

Thats nothing compared to when Napoleon forgot to look up environmental effects and forgot to recruit somebody with enough ranks in survival.

[MCerberus]

I used to think that the first campaign log was written in Northern Europe in the late first millennium some time, but now I realize that even in Greek times, people were exploiting AoO rules and reach weapons with munchkin characters. Thermopylae anyone?

[Another_Poet]

I wonder what gaming rules they used with that thing. It would be pretty cool if those were discovered too.

Sorry to break the bubble but based on the symbols etched into it I strongly suspect it was used for divination, not for any kind of game at all.

If it was used for a game it was probably a simple gambling game like Craps and such.

Nonetheless I adore the Julius Caesar thing and the other comparisons above.

[aje8]

The 100 Years war was won because the French lacked Longbow profeciency and spent too much time reloading crossbows.

This thread is epic.

[Weiser_Cain]

The Americans only won the War of Independence because the British didn't understand the sniping rules.

In retrospect it's probably good they lost.

[Aron Times]

Yeah, the British thought they could get away with not assigning defenders to their leaders. Because of this, American strikers totally WTFPWNED them.

[BRC]

Yeah, the British thought they could get away with not assigning defenders to their leaders. Because of this, American strikers totally WTFPWNED them.

Meh, we would have lost had Franklin not been around to cast Summon French VII

[chiasaur11]

No, no. Caesar was stabbed to death by a group of senators armed with daggers who had him surrounded and flanked. All this illustrates is that numbers and terrain can make an otherwise trivial encounter lethal, and that all politicians have at least a little thief and liar in them.

Ah, the legendary Tucker's senators.

[Weiser_Cain]

I meant it avoided a bigger, nastier war later and if there was worse blood between the two nations WW1&2 could have turned out much different.

[RavKal]

This thread is golden.

Oswald had rapid reload and dimension door!

[Fax Celestis]

King Leonidas, and every single one of his 300 spartans, had levels in Prodigal Overlord.

[Dervag]

Then when they updated from Greek to Roman gods people got confused, all those issues where 3.G and 3.R were too similiar and new players couldn't tell the difference.

Also, the number "3" hadn't been invented yet, which made things even more awkward.

I meant it avoided a bigger, nastier war later and if there was worse blood between the two nations WW1&2 could have turned out much different.

What if the American colonies had been eased gracefully into dominion status by a Britain willing to accept MPs from Virginia and Massachusetts?

I mean yeah, it wasn't likely to happen, but a British victory in the American Revolution probably wasn't either. The logistics were just too bad. Likewise, the American upper class just had too much in common with Britain for the blood between those two nations to remain truly bad for long.

[Weiser_Cain]

Also, the number "3" hadn't been invented yet, which made things even more awkward.

What if the American colonies had been eased gracefully into dominion status by a Britain willing to accept MPs from Virginia and Massachusetts?

I mean yeah, it wasn't likely to happen, but a British victory in the American Revolution probably wasn't either. The logistics were just too bad. Likewise, the American upper class just had too much in common with Britain for the blood between those two nations to remain truly bad for long.

An upper class based on British ancestry? Oh yeah, that would have lead to peace.... /sarcasm

[evil-frosty]

I am loving the all of the Julius Cesar jokes especially since i have to read it in class.

[ShneekeyTheLost]

Yeah, the British thought they could get away with not assigning defenders to their leaders. Because of this, American strikers totally WTFPWNED them.

That and the Americans found out that Crossbow Sniper could be applied to muskets, so they could apply their precision-based damage from the dip of Scout to every shot.

Although, if it hadn't been for Washington's marvelous Perform check which granted the whole side Morale bonuses to Attack and Damage, they'd probably not have survived that last battle.

[chiasaur11]

That and the Americans found out that Crossbow Sniper could be applied to muskets, so they could apply their precision-based damage from the dip of Scout to every shot.

Although, if it hadn't been for Washington's marvelous Perform check which granted the whole side Morale bonuses to Attack and Damage, they'd probably not have survived that last battle.

In retrospect, it wasn't the best idea for the British to let Washington use his "Lucky dice".

[ShneekeyTheLost]

In retrospect, it wasn't the best idea for the British to let Washington use his "Lucky dice".

Hey, he used a perfectly legitimate rules 'sploit to defeat an encounter at LEAST CR 4+ higher than his level...

[Knaight]

Plus the British forgot that you gain a bonus against ranged attacks while prone, so they were all easier to hit. Still, Summon French VII was the deciding factor.

[chiasaur11]

Plus the British forgot that you gain a bonus against ranged attacks while prone, so they were all easier to hit. Still, Summon French VII was the deciding factor.

I thought it was Sgt. Rock.

I mean, sure letting Frank take his sheet from the WW2 campaign for a battle was a little... questionable, but it worked.

[Eighth_Seraph]

Edition Wars and Nerd Rage destroyed Rome.

Ceasar died because he was a crappy DM.

Sigged!

There's other sig gold in this thread, but it would take too long to explain.

[Thane of Fife]

I believe that you've just solved archaeology:

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[Shraik]

No, Ceasar died because he played like a n00b.

Actually, it was because he was a bad DM. The Entire Room got pissed at him for a bad choice, and they all got up and stabbed him. Even the paladin, Brutus. LEading him to question "Et Tu Brute?"

[Falconer]

This means that the Spanish didn't defeat the Aztecs because of disease, or gunpowder, or steel, or creating revolution within the subject tribes....


It was because Cortez was a munchkin.

[KKL]

This means that the Spanish didn't defeat the Aztecs because of disease, or gunpowder, or steel, or creating revolution within the subject tribes....


It was because Cortez was a munchkin.

Cortez thunk outside of the box and was a reasonable minmaxer. The Aztecs were too focused on roleplaying to reach his level of min/max.

[Weiser_Cain]

And now that it's become a bit offensive to me I shall take my leave.

[Sstoopidtallkid]

And now that it's become a bit offensive to me I shall take my leave.

Mind if I ask why? It's only that I'd like to avoid the error in the future.