Depression Thread IV: Read the first post or...

[Manoftyr]

Rant time-

Last night I had a panic attack and one of the friends I was talking to online was sort of helping me through it, when it was mentioned that a change in medication may have been what caused the panic attacks, it began.

"this is why I hate medication"

Great, another person is going to get up on their soapbox and preach to me about how I don't need medication without trying whatsoever to understand things from my perspective. So she went on and on without knowing what the hell she was talking about and, I love this; first she framed her statement by saying "this isn't a reflection upon you..." and then saying "but I think mental illnesses are fake."

HOW IN THE NAME OF ALL **** IS THAT NOT A REFLECTION UPON ME?!

I got pissed and she got self-righteously indignant and in the back of my mind I think I've lost yet another friend due to the stigma attached to taking medication; this time a friend of nearly two years, a friend who's birthday party I *was* going to go to this Saturday.

I can't take this.

I really, really can't.

I'm so damned tired of people saying they're not judging me for being on medication out one end and then framing it was a *COMPLETELY* contradictory statement thus revealing that they are in fact and have been all along judging me. I'm so damned tired of insincerity, I'm so damned tired of people who insist on talking at length when they know nothing, I'm so damned tired of having to bear this stigma.

It's like every single person I ever open up to takes this and turns it around on me, it's as though the respect I have from people isn't respect at all but rather just people humoring me.

Why is it so hard for people to understand that me taking medications doesn't give you a free pass to baselessly criticize me indirectly through some vague argument about the nature of mental illness? Why is it that every friend I make can't simply accept this aspect of myself as is without being a judgmental, self-righteous, sanctimonious **** about it?!

Ugh, I feel like going and drinking myself into a coma...

[V'icternus]

Rant time-

Last night I had a panic attack and one of the friends I was talking to online was sort of helping me through it, when it was mentioned that a change in medication may have been what caused the panic attacks, it began.

"this is why I hate medication"

Great, another person is going to get up on their soapbox and preach to me about how I don't need medication without trying whatsoever to understand things from my perspective. So she went on and on without knowing what the hell she was talking about and, I love this; first she framed her statement by saying "this isn't a reflection upon you..." and then saying "but I think mental illnesses are fake."

HOW IN THE NAME OF ALL **** IS THAT NOT A REFLECTION UPON ME?!

I got pissed and she got self-righteously indignant and in the back of my mind I think I've lost yet another friend due to the stigma attached to taking medication; this time a friend of nearly two years, a friend who's birthday party I *was* going to go to this Saturday.

I can't take this.

I really, really can't.

I'm so damned tired of people saying they're not judging me for being on medication out one end and then framing it was a *COMPLETELY* contradictory statement thus revealing that they are in fact and have been all along judging me. I'm so damned tired of insincerity, I'm so damned tired of people who insist on talking at length when they know nothing, I'm so damned tired of having to bear this stigma.

It's like every single person I ever open up to takes this and turns it around on me, it's as though the respect I have from people isn't respect at all but rather just people humoring me.

Why is it so hard for people to understand that me taking medications doesn't give you a free pass to baselessly criticize me indirectly through some vague argument about the nature of mental illness? Why is it that every friend I make can't simply accept this aspect of myself as is without being a judgmental, self-righteous, sanctimonious **** about it?!

Ugh, I feel like going and drinking myself into a coma...

Mental illnesses? Fake?

You know, not a reflection on anyone who says that or anything, but they can bite my shiny metal-

Seriously, how is it possible that anyone can honestly think that mental illnesses are fake? My older sister can't even talk because of her (incredibly severe) Autism.

My brother... well, he has at least three different diagnosed conditions, all mental.

My mum is part of the Defence Special Needs Support Group.

I've literally grown up with mental illnesses, and I agree with you. Thinking they're fake is a really good reason to stop being that persons friend.

And medication helps. It helps a lot. Trust me, I've seen, first hand, the results of taking it and not taking it. If you've got the right medication, then taking it is the best thing you can do.

Let this person live my life for a week, and then we'll see what's fake and what's not.

Anyway, the sun's rising, and I promised myself I would rant (much) any more, so I'll end this here...

[Dallas-Dakota]

Don't get me started on people who think you should just stop taking your meds (and start doing meditation(not something for me.))

[Pyrian]

I hate to jump to the defense of the indefensible, but sometimes when you're fighting an uphill cultural battle (and right now I think that's exactly what's going on with respect to mental illness and medication) you will encounter people who are basically well-meaning but badly misinformed. In most cases they don't really hate you, they actually think they're trying to help. In turn, you might be able to help them and possibly even salvage a good friendship if you can manage to point them to some better information.

The "Self-Help Industry" is more than a little out of control, frequently spreading a great deal of "information" that's nothing more than what some random person made up. You're experiencing some of the fallout from the fact that there's so much money in convincing people of the latest snake-oil, despite the absence of any scientifically rigorous supporting evidence. Try not to take it personally. I'm not saying you have to take it, per se, in fact I think when people start telling you things you know aren't true you should explain to them that they really don't know what they're talking about (as nicely as possible ) and point them to real data if you can.

[V'icternus]

I still suggest we swap lives. (And then maybe I can get out of doing some of my homework... Hehe.)

But, as usual, Pyrian's got a point...

We should just call him pointy hat-man. Or, you know... something that takes longer than three seconds to come up with. Or Pyrian. That works, too...

[Manoftyr]

Don't get me started on people who think you should just stop taking your meds (and start doing meditation(not something for me.))

Haha, I do both; been considering throwing in some tantra and yoga to be completely honest.

Edit-Just Saw Pyrian's post; you may have a point there.

[Nano]

I just want someone to talk to, right now, but no one is around... Way too lonely lately.

[DoomITP]

Well if you need someone to talk to you can send me a PM.

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

Okay...I need to share a bit of news that everyone may or may not know, and it explains why I'm not making any replies at the moment.

Last Tuesday, my PCP took a couple of biopsies off two little bumps on my upper arm - so high up many actually consider it part of the shoulder. The reason for the biopsies is to find out how to properly remove the bumps, which are likely benign tumors growing off a nerve. Any contact with them caused me enough pain to make me yelp.

Well, now that they've been gouged, but not fully removed, the pain from them is so great that I'm in utter misery. It's SO bad that I have considered heading for the emergency room, just so a doctor could inject a local anesthetic there to numb them up completely. Every time I move, the skin moves/stretches, and actually brought me to tears today. Even rotating my arm at the shoulder (which is common for Mr. Two-Fingered Typist) hurts. Hence, I'm not replying. But I am reading, my friends, and I am thinking of you. Right now, all I can offer is e-hugs, but I'll keep you posted.

*HUGS!*

[arguskos]

Well, we're thinking of you too Bor, even if we don't call as much as we should.

Ah, the royal we, is there anything you can't solve? "World hunger!" Shaddup you! ......... *ahem*, sorry about that, damn thing talks back at times.

[B-Man]

Just thought I would toss in an update about what's going on.

My mood is not improving. I'm still very upset with the theft of my stuff out of my room. I've gone to the police about it, but I've not had any reply back from them from the initial report of my stuff being stolen. I have more info on the laptop, tried to add it to the report but as it's not assigned to an officer yet, the lady on the phone (who I waited 53 minutes to talk to) pretty well said "That's nice, now tell that to the officer when your case is assigned to someone".

I know a person who is directly involved with the theft and claims to know where the laptop is. I'm really close to taking the law into my own hands and getting the laptop (and consequently all my other stuff) back. The problem is I am not stable enough to even attack on that.

I'm on my way to the bank today to finally get my account changed due to the theft. Not that the suspect has been able to use my laptop (it was password protected and it is rumoured to be heavily damaged), but it's to err on the side of caution. Should probably also let HRSDC know too, but I don't know what they would be able to do... other than change my access code... which just gives me another number to remember...

I'm also trying to prevent myself from blowing my remaining credit to purchase a replacement laptop. I feel that if I go to the bank today I'll go straight over to the Source and pick up that laptop that I priced at $606 (tax included) and have a huge target sign painted on me again. I just need my computer. I can't continue living at this pace.

[V'icternus]

Wow, that's rough...

If I lost my laptop, I... I... I dunno what I'd do... It's like my baby. I've had it longer than I had the skin cells currently on my body...

And theft, well... being stolen from would really make me plotz.

My sympathies to you. I hope this gets resolved quickly (and if it doesn't, make an official, angry complaint to the police force regarding their inability to perform their job, which is to protect your rights, such as the right to own your own stuff.)

Wish I could help more... just tell us if there's anything you need that we can supply, even if it's just an ear.

[Helanna]

Wow, same here. I definitely wouldn't have the patience to wait for the police if someone stole my laptop and I thought I could find it. Good luck with whatever you end up doing, I hope it all gets sorted out soon.


And about the person who said that mental illnesses are fake . . . wow. In my Health class in school, we had an entire unit on mental illnesses, and I remember some stuff that stressed how mental illnesses are very real and require medication and help, and I remember thinking how stupid it was, because how many people thought otherwise? Seeing as my entire family is on various medications for various mental illnesses, it's still hard for me to believe that some people don't think they're real.

Of course, in a twist of bitter irony, that Health class was a leading factor in my depression during the school year, so I never trusted it much anyway.

Anyway, yeah . . . basically, what Pyrian said, I guess, if you really want to take the calm and logical route.

[Pyrian]

Spock in the Playground!

[mercurymaline]

Video rant. There are two instances of bad language; I didn't mean to, but slipped up. Apologies.

[Gem Flower]

That camp I got back from last night was amazing. My update:

Spoiler

Show

There were a couple bad times and I had to deal with a stalker, but camp gave me a much better outlook on myself. I feel beautiful in a way I do not understand and have not felt before.

[Dallas-Dakota]

That's great to hear, Gem!
*huggles*
Also, you're stalk-worthy! Grats...Or not, I suppose.
But if (s)he's gone now, it's all good, right?

*huggles*

[V'icternus]

That camp I got back from last night was amazing. My update:

Spoiler

Show

There were a couple bad times and I had to deal with a stalker, but camp gave me a much better outlook on myself. I feel beautiful in a way I do not understand and have not felt before.

That's wonderful. That camp must be bloody brilliant...

Now, if anyone starts bothering you, you just send them to Australia. and I'll have a word with them. Then they'll never bother you again.

Still, while having a stalker is creepy, it must also be kind of... flattering.

...I sometimes wish I had a stalker... *Sniff*

But, it looks like life is taking a good turn for you, so be sure to keep us updated, and remember, we're always here for hugs when you need them.

Well, maybe not me... but others. I'm not a very huggy person... I'll let my fellow Playgrounders do that.

[Quincunx]

. . .Still, while having a stalker is creepy, it must also be kind of... flattering. . . .

Nay, lad. Not even a little.

[Castaras]

Nay, lad. Not even a little.

QFT. Stalking a girl is The worst way to get a girl. It just comes off as extremely creepy (and can be quite frightening for the girl in question as well...)

[Hannes]

So here I am, after a few days of thinking. Thinking of whether to share this with you guys or not. But here I am, still.

I have these strange... occasions, when I randomly feel completely numb. Imagine yourself hanging out with your SO or your best friend or whoever, and then suddenly, all of your will to live, to do anything, to be happy, it all fades away. Just like that. With no apparent reason. I've been trying to figure out if maybe it's just me overreacting to something, but all that's done is make me even more paranoid. While these events are quite rare and unhealthy, they still break down my illusions and grind me with little pieces of truth. That I have no idea about the course I will follow in life, and while I have and am always trying to convince myself and act like it doesn't matter and I don't care, deep inside I'm going crazy trying to figure out what to do. That I might spend the last of my days alone since I can't stand most people enough in real life, and those that I can stand and adore... well, I just get paranoid and fear every second of every minute of every hour spending time with them that they'll just... discard me. And yet, while I fear all this, I also know that I'll just carry on, going through life and steeling myself against everything until I become your old angry neighbour who won't let you walk on his lawn, lives alone and only talks to his dog.

This is my problem. [/rant]

[Mc. Lovin']

Now, if anyone starts bothering you, you just send them to Australia. and I'll have a word with them. Then they'll never bother you again.

Isn't that where they send all the criminals anyway?

[Quincunx]

Stalkers stalk objects. Sometimes those objects are mobile and of the opposite gender. Sad to say, even the tongue-paralyzed paramour stalking after the object of the dream is chasing an object and it is never acceptable to date someone who views you as a object--even as a good object.

[Manoftyr]

Alright, on the note of my earlier rant-

Things have calmed down now, she apologized to me 'although she couldn't for the life of her understand what it was about what she said that upset me so much and I long gave up on trying to explain it to her after trying without success for an hour' and I apologized for the way I overreacted; even though I don't entirely feel as though my getting pissed off at her was unjustified.

I'm more or less going on what Pyrian pointed out and I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt in that she doesn't understand that she was being hurtful and was operating under the pretense that she was helping...which I can forgive since it isn't exactly malicious of her, just ignorant.

[zeratul]

QFT. Stalking a girl is The worst way to get a girl. It just comes off as extremely creepy (and can be quite frightening for the girl in question as well...)

I find it interesting that it seems to be more acceptable for a girl to stalk a guy. I personally think either sex doing it is creepy, yet it seems there's more leniency towards girls doing it.

[Manoftyr]

I find it interesting that it seems to be more acceptable for a girl to stalk a guy. I personally think either sex doing it is creepy, yet it seems there's more leniency towards girls doing it.

I think it's sociological to be honest.

It seems that in what's considered temporary in western society the focus in terms of dating and relationships is nine times out of ten; the guy trying to get the girl, now, I'm not saying the reverse doesn't happen or even that it's necessarily rarer but the perception tends to be that it is.

So when a girl is stalking a guy the perception isn't 'ewe, get this creep away from me' but rather 'wow, I have a stalker, this doesn't happen every day; I must be awesome/sexy/whatever' and rather than being disturbing it feeds the ego.

Of course the whole notion that a woman isn't much of a physical threat to a man probably plays into it as well, and while not necessarily true that perception/notion takes the edge off of the perceived threat of the situation.

:shrugs: just my analysis.

[Ninja Chocobo]

I find it interesting that it seems to be more acceptable for a girl to stalk a guy. I personally think either sex doing it is creepy, yet it seems there's more leniency towards girls doing it.

A double standard? In my society? Why, never!

[Anuan]

Still, while having a stalker is creepy, it must also be kind of... flattering.

...I sometimes wish I had a stalker... *Sniff*

No. Having a stalker is a feeling of fear and terror and, when you care for them previously, hideous self-hatred and disgust.

[loopy]

I ****ed up. I want to die. And I can't even take the Suicide Helplines advice and go to my doctor to find some form of therapist because apparently they are all booked out to the next whatever.

So what do I do?

[Dracomorph]

I ****ed up. I want to die. And I can't even take the Suicide Helplines advice and go to my doctor to find some form of therapist because apparently they are all booked out to the next whatever.

So what do I do?

First off, keep calm. I've been where I think you are, and keeping my cool was the only thing that kept me from getting into serious trouble.

Second, YOU WILL BE OKAY. It will probably take the help that you are already looking for, but in the end, no matter how bad you screwed up, YOU WILL BE ALRIGHT.

Third, and most important, YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON. Messing up makes you human, not evil. Everyone does it sometimes, and those who don't are liars.

I realize I'm not the most trusted confidante, new as I am to these forums, but if you need to talk to a stranger, my PM box is open.