Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

[Silverraptor]

Sorry about those dreams Coffee. If you or anyone has problem with dreams, just come to me. I practically remember all of my dreams, so I should be able to relate.

And did the wiki say anything about me?

[Water-Smurf]

Have you seen Cat's Eye? Or read Quitters Incorporated.

Spoiler

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In that movie, a guy is trying to quit smoking so goes to Quitter's Inc. where they promise that he'll succeed. He is shown a room through a plexiglass window, where a cat is being given electro-shocks through the floor. Disgusted, he turns to the manager and says "And I suppose if I smoke you'll put me in that room." "Certainly not," the manager answers. "We put your wife there... and let you watch."

Does this give you any ideas?

Yes, actually. It does.

*chuckles evilly*

On the topic of how Tiasal would react to V... She probably would be a bit confused about how to act. As you've said, there was no mother figure and information on V was withheld for various reasons, so Tia doesn't quite know what to do and what is expected of her and she might be pushed a little further towards the edge if V reacts badly to Tias relationship with Xykon. I am shifting back and forth two major scenario roads:
Firstly, V gets rezzed before Xykon is dead and is torn in between two paths of action: Maintain composture and lay low for a while until it's safe to act and slowly build up a positive relationship with her estranged daughter or being more active. In my mind, I see a V shaking in rage when she gets rezzed, but maybe I just can't assess her correctly.
Second, V gets rezzed after Xykon is dead or out of the picture. Which is unlikely, because her firepower is needed. The enemy is gone and there's nothing that would hinder a nice mother-to-daughter-and-vice-versa-talk on the trip home. With some mopping up misunderstandings, that is. But that would make for a very boring ending. To my shame, I must confess that I love happy endings. But it could go as an Omake :)

I think that Tia and Vaarsuvius are going to be much more confused about each other than Redcloak. Redcloak knows where he puts family in his life and he knows what he wants--their safety and their love. Vaarsuvius knows that she wants safety and love for her family, but she isn't sure exactly where she fits in the picture. Tiasal wants love more than anything, but she is increasingly convinced that she's impossible to love.

Hopefully, Redcloak (ironically the most stable of them) will be able to assess the situation properly and nudge V and Tiasal in the right directions.

As well as the reminder of his brother, the missing eye works well becasue it's a constant physical reminder that for as long as Reddy obeys Xykon and doesn't regenerate it, Xykon essentially owns him.

It's not the mutilation itself, it's that Redcloak didn't resist. Reddy would have gouged the eye out himself if Xykon had told him to.

It's true, and that's one of the fundamental differences between Redcloak and Vaarsuvius. Vaarsuvius would never allow herself to be subjugated like that, and that's part of what's so attractive to Redcloak. But because of that, she wouldn't understand why he allowed Xykon to gouge his eye out again, and may even be angry that he was being subservient when Xykon was hurting him and threatening their daughter.

That could work, although I don't think Xykon would leave that much to chance. It would have to be something that was carefully set up, while still presenting a real threat. The idea isn't so much to lecture V as it is to show her that Xykon holds all the strings; although the mental image of Xykon calmly chiding V while Tiasal is screaming in the background seems about right.

Well, I figured that he rigged it somehow. Maybe he told Tiasal to step on the ice when he knew it was thin and cast a spell beforehand when she wasn't looking so she could breathe underwater, figuring she would just instinctively hold her breath and panic for the time he needed her to?

What might work better than physically restraining V from rescuing Tiasal is to present a situation where she can't rescue Tia. Xykon could then refuse to do anything until V is literally begging him to help.

What kind of situation would that be? One that requires magic, but how would that work?

And how would Vaarsuvius respond to the aftermath? It would have been proven that she is well and truly helpless while her husband is enslaved, her daughter is living with a pedophile/being apprenticed to a sociopath, and she is a tool used against both of them.

Agreed. And it would be a good first demonstration to V of how fully Xykon can order Reddy around.

I'm not sure if she would be angry at Redcloak afterwards, horrified, terrified that he'd die, concerned, or all of the above. I mean, what do you say after that?

Treating her as an adult is exactly what Tia wants people to do. I can't say whether or not it's what she needs, though.

Vaarsuvius's response to her will probably ease Tiasal's opinion of her. Tiasal has a lot of both her parents in her, and she respects the kind of brazen pride Vaarsuvius has, while at the same time respecting her father's tact and ability to manipulate. The thing about tact and manipulation, however, is that it can be used on anyone, and Tiasal already has her suspicions about Redcloak. It's a little hard to be suspicious of someone who just out-and-out says what she thinks at all times, and almost never in the most tactful of ways.

I think there's going to be an equal amount confusion on both sides. However, they do have to potential to get on quite well.

They do, but Vaarsuvius needs to be willing to extend herself in order to actually bond with her daughter in a way that she hasn't been willing to with anyone but Redcloak.

Maybe this is going to lead to even more resentment from Terentius and Octavius. When they were children, Vaarsuvius was still distant and aloof. Vaarsuvius still is that way, but Redcloak's influence smoothed out the edges and the lack of Inkyrius keeps away any way to skip out on responsibility. She's going to treat Tiasal with much more obvious love and affection compared to how she treated her sons.

With any luck, maybe it'll help V with these issues. I suppose she'd be worried about showing too much affection because she remembered how awkward it made her own childhood; but with the amount of isolation that Tiasal has had growing up, any amount of genuine affection is going to be appreciated.

It'll definitely be good for V, and Redcloak isn't going to let her get away with minimal affection. He knows how sensual Vaarsuvius can be and he sees the giant gap between her and her daughter, along with the lack of affection Tiasal has had. He's going to make Vaarsuvius do little things like kiss her goodnight and give her hugs and read to her, and provided that this is a happy ending, Vaarsuvius will gradually start doing more things of her own volition, like snuggling up under the covers while reading to her, or letting Tiasal get into bed with them even if she didn't have a nightmare, or even playing games. It'll sort out a lot of issues, the same way Redcloak does.

Would this make it easier forming a bond with V, or is it just going to leave her uncertain of where to place this new concept amidst all the confusion?

I have a feeling that Tiasal's going to be very confused about how to classify Vaarsuvius. The mother is a deeply integral part of a child, and Vaarsuvius isn't exactly the mother type. She doesn't even fit into the 'mother' archetype like Redcloak does--she's something wild.

Tiasal will be caught off-guard.

[CoffeeIncluded]

I'm going out on a limb with this one, with a crack fic set in a different world but probably familiar to most.

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The rain pattered on the wooden roof, the darkening sky contrasting his mood perfectly. Not that he had much room in his heart for art or metaphor; that sort of useless crap was dreamed up by hippies who spent their days picking flowers and listening to folk music, when instead they should be pushing up daisies and being bawled out by their commanding officers.
Bodies and parts of bodies littered the ground around him, worthless maggots not fit to point a rifle in his face. He had slaughtered them all, except for him and that cyclopean bastard's life was getting shorter by the second....
A change in the drumming of the rain caused him to spin round and there was his nemesis, the traitor that laughed at him behind his back, who told shameless lies about his heroics in Europe, the son of a ♥♥♥♥♥ that was even now staring down two feet of rocket propelling death. Time slowed down to a crawl as the two of them watched each other for what seemed like an eternity.

“Ye're outta ammo.”

“As are you, you scotch-swilling TRAITOR!”

“Ye're callin' me a traitor? YOU sold me out for a weapon, ye worthless gob♥♥♥♥e!”

With a beserker yell, he pulled out his shovel and charged. Instinctively, his foe grabbed for the ever-present bottle of scotch that hung from his toolbelt and swung. As per dramatic convention, a sheet of lightning ripped open the sky and thunder roared through the open buildings of the sawmill. He ducked under the bottle and drove his fist into the Demoman's stomach. The traitor fell backwards and slammed into the wall behind, watching the shovel rise above his head.
A blur of movement and sharp crack sent him reeling and the smell of scotch filled the air around him.

“Ye bastard, that were a bottle of 1807's finest! I'LL KILL YOU!”

“I'd like to see you try, you Scottish pansy!”

The two of them leapt at each other's throats, the rain pouring down on them. Weapons had been discarded, each wanting the satisfaction of killing the other with their bare hands. A flurry of punches knocked both of them to the ground. He pulled himself up, waiting for the Demoman to finish him off while he was vunerable, when laughter broke through the falling rain.

“What's so damn funny?!” he asked.

“I cannae remember the last time I had a decent fight like this.”

“I remember. A night on the town, then I smacked you through a shop window, then the SWAT team turned up...”

By now the Demoman had collapsed on the floor, laughing himself silly. Even he felt a smile creep to his lips. “Good times.” He frowned as another memory played in his head. “....and then that strange woman turned up...”

The Demoman stopped laughing. “A coupla months ago?”

“Yeah...”

“'Twere her funny assistant that turned up at my door, sayin' all manner o' bad stuff aboot ye...”

A relatively unused part of his brain offered an intruiging idea. “We've been had.”

“Ye werrrre mah best friend. And ye still are.”

As the Demoman reached to help him up, he slipped and fell on top of him. He could feel the warm, scotch tainted breath blowing on his face. They slowly leant towards each other and their lips began to touch....

*****

“MISS HARDING!”

The Administrator's assistant burst through the door and she looked from the monitor screen to her supervisor's horror-stricken face.

“What are they DOING?! Have they become....friends....again?”

“Well,” she said, slowly moving towards the exit, “you could put it like that.....”

After posting this story on its home forum, I recieved the following:

Buh? I don't get it.

And did the wiki say anything about me?

No, just me.

*chuckles evilly*

[The Succubus]

Ah, if you havent played Team Fortress 2 or followed the recent "WAR" storyline, you may not get it.

[Rattine]

And for my first Crack Pairing.....
The Really Dangerous Trap/Belkar. Plot Device: True Love. O_o
My writing senses are tingling...

[Meg]

After posting this story on its home forum, I recieved the following:

How would that make you a horrible person?

But I liked it, at least.

[Silverraptor]

No, just me.

Then obviously, it wasn't a complete wiki! Therefore it is deemed null and void since only one person has wrote it with no other outside influences.

[NemoUtopia]

I believe this is where my obligatory: 'well Coffee, we actually ARE all out to get you' comment goes. But seriously, paranoia bad. I'm sure the obje*cough* person of your affections being slow to respond isn't helping Here's to hoping things get to looking up and that you two get where you need to be!


Sangwaan in the works...big things to come in part 10, and that's not innuendo about Kubota. ...or any other character, for that matter.


V/V-gs is progressing nicely...I'm torn between how much 'wordiness' to have though. Maybe I'll write the 'unabridged' version and the 'fortress of solitude of text' version...

[Belkarsbadside1]

well, I got Elan and the ancient black dragon but I dont think thats possible, so instead I'll do:
Female Eye of fear and flame and Samantha?!
WTH!! I hate this generator!!! Well I'll try that, but I'm not sure how good it will be.

[gosh]

Like the newest Miko/Snarl chapter, KnightMysterio! Keep it up!

I got some inspiration today.. both for my planned Tsukiko/Elan fic and for the second chapter of the Elven Affair... *cackles*

The plot bunnies multiply, oh yes..

[Sereg]

*Joins in the Coffee hugging*

Seriously Coffee, I certainly don't feel that way about you. I really enjoy your fics and I like you as a person.

@KnightMysterio Very good.

*Eagerly awaits everyone else's work*

[Devixer]

Coffee, I may not know you that well, but I most certainly do not view you as an annoyance. I do know how it feels to be paranoid, but in this case, it is misplaced.


I would be writing more fics, but in between school, work, my novel, my band, AND the game I'm designing, I just do not have the time. Maybe on my next extended weekend, I'll post something.

[Asta Kask]

Coffee, you should speak to your DM and see if you can replace your Improved Paranoia for some other feat. It's not optimal for your build.

And, as we all know, after the *group hug* comes the *group s*...

Ahem. Never mind.

[Zanaril]

Vaarsuvius would never allow herself to be subjugated like that,

Except she's going to have to if they want to keep Tiasal safe. It going to really hurt V to have to do.

Well, I figured that he rigged it somehow. Maybe he told Tiasal to step on the ice when he knew it was thin and cast a spell beforehand when she wasn't looking so she could breathe underwater, figuring she would just instinctively hold her breath and panic for the time he needed her to?

Could work, although she'd probably need an Endure Elements spell too; hypothermia can kick in very quickly. Actually, Xykon could probably just teach her that spell and make sure she's cast it on herself; it's only a level 1 spell. Maybe he could even send her out onto the lake under the pretense that he's getting her to test the spell.

What kind of situation would that be? One that requires magic, but how would that work?

It would possibly work with the frozen lake scenario if Tiasal was far out enough. If the ice is thin enough to crack under the her weight, it's not going to support V either if she isn't careful. If Vaarsuvius runs out onto the ice and falls through Xykon can just fish her out again; V is then soaking wet and freezing, and Tia is still trapped.

The other possibility is of having something attack Tia - (something which has actually been put under a Charm Monster spell and told not to kill). In that situation, a V without any spells is a V completely unable to help.

And how would Vaarsuvius respond to the aftermath? It would have been proven that she is well and truly helpless while her husband is enslaved, her daughter is living with a pedophile/being apprenticed to a sociopath, and she is a tool used against both of them.

The significance would take a while to sink in (and she's going to be more concerned with making sure Tia is okay right then). But when it does... well, you were asking what might make V cry, and I think that this would be one of those things. Probably not while Xykon and Tiasal are there, but later when she's talking to Reddy.

I'm not sure if she would be angry at Redcloak afterwards, horrified, terrified that he'd die, concerned, or all of the above. I mean, what do you say after that?

What can she say? She'd probably try to convince him to heal himself, and then demand to know why he wont. Mostly she'd just do her best to help Reddy and stop him bleeding to death.

She's going to treat Tiasal with much more obvious love and affection compared to how she treated her sons.

The silver lining is that - if they're still alive and they ever see each other again - V might realize how aloof she was, and make more of an effort to show that she cares for them.

*Joins in the Coffee hugging*

Another group hug? Yay! *squeeze*

[Lix Lorn]

I've come in in the middle of something. Said something looks awesome. Where can i read? XD

[Zanaril]

I've come in in the middle of something. Said something looks awesome. Where can i read? XD

You mean Water-Smurf's stories? Or crack pairings in general?

The links to all the stories are in the second post. If you meant Water-Smurf's stories, just scroll down until you find all the V/Redcloak ones.



Or did you mean the group hug? *hugs*

Welcome to the Crack Pairings thread!

[Lix Lorn]

Yep, that's who i meant. Thanks. <3

[Zanaril]

Yep, that's who i meant. Thanks. <3

*hands over some trail rations* You're going to be here a while.

[Taekwondodo]

Welcome to the new crack-pairers.


My dog died today. I miss him.

[FabuVinny]

DStP spoilers.

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Elan: Welcome to Chateau Elán.
Hinjo: Elan, what are you doing?
Elan: Why, providing an intimate dinner for two. I know things didn’t work out between you and Lien but that’s before we realised there was another paladin for you to repopulate the species with.
Hinjo: But... me and O-Chul?
O-Chul: You don’t know much about human reproduction, I take it.
Elan: I think it has something to do with giant bees.
Hinjo: Ok. Glossing over the fact that we’re both guys, I'm pretty sure I already told you that a relationship with a member of the Sapphire Guard would be a serious breach of protocol.
O-Chul: And as it happens, I already have a boyfriend.
Elan: You do?
Hinjo: R-really?
O-Chul: Sure. And with all due respect, I prefer men who are a little more muscular than Lord Hinjo.
Hinjo: Uh... there you go then. We’re not compatible and... apparently O-Chul is already taken.
O-Chul: If I may take my leave now, Lord Hinjo, I happen to have a date with Monster-san arranged for tonight.
Hinjo: Uh, sure, sure. Go ahead.
Elan: Don’t worry, Hinjo. The third time’s the charm. I bet Thanh will be all over you.
Hinjo: *sigh* We really need to have a talk one of these days.

[Asta Kask]

Welcome to the new crack-pairers.


My dog died today. I miss him.

I think you may need a hug too. *hug*

[Zanaril]

My dog died today. I miss him.

*hugs* It's always sad when pets go.

DStP spoilers.

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Elan: Welcome to Chateau Elán.
Hinjo: Elan, what are you doing?
Elan: Why, providing an intimate dinner for two. I know things didn’t work out between you and Lien but that’s before we realised there was another paladin for you to repopulate the species with.
Hinjo: But... me and O-Chul?
O-Chul: You don’t know much about human reproduction, I take it.
Elan: I think it has something to do with giant bees.
Hinjo: Ok. Glossing over the fact that we’re both guys, I'm pretty sure I already told you that a relationship with a member of the Sapphire Guard would be a serious breach of protocol.
O-Chul: And as it happens, I already have a boyfriend.
Elan: You do?
Hinjo: R-really?
O-Chul: Sure. And with all due respect, I prefer men who are a little more muscular than Lord Hinjo.
Hinjo: Uh... there you go then. We’re not compatible and... apparently O-Chul is already taken.
O-Chul: If I may take my leave now, Lord Hinjo, I happen to have a date with Monster-san arranged for tonight.
Hinjo: Uh, sure, sure. Go ahead.
Elan: Don’t worry, Hinjo. The third time’s the charm. I bet Thanh will be all over you.
Hinjo: *sigh* We really need to have a talk one of these days.

Wait... which parts are spoilers?

[Taekwondodo]

Thanks guys. We knew he wasn't well but it was worse than we thought and, well, it would have been cruel to leave him.

[Closak]

I feel your pain Taekwondodo.

I lost a dog back when i was 6.

Then about 4 years ago i lost a cat.


Not fun at all.

[Meg]

My dog died today. I miss him.

Sorry to hear that. I had to put a dog down as well a few years back. Never an easy choice to make.

[Aaron]

Then obviously, it wasn't a complete wiki! Therefore it is deemed null and void since only one person has wrote it with no other outside influences.

Kind of like how you are an "outside influence" to Coffee's comic.

And, as we all know, after the *group hug* comes the *group s*...

Ahem. Never mind.

......*slaps Asta Kask*
Whould you please not suggest that while I'm eating.

[Pokonic]

Oh no! I feel very sorry about your dog dieing.

[Zanaril]

......*slaps Asta Kask*
Whould you please not suggest that while I'm eating.

I can think of three words beginning with 's' that could have completed that sentence. They all mean the same thing.

[Aaron]

I can think of three words beginning with 's' that could have completed that sentence. They all mean the same thing.

Since they all mean the same thing, then I don't want to hear it while I'm eating.

[CoffeeIncluded]

Sorry about your dog.

I...I...
THEY'RE GONNA KICK ME OUT OF THE PHYSICS CLASS!!!!!!!!!!!
They're gonna kick me out because THEY DON'T WANT TO DEAL WITH ME ANYMORE!