Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry

[TechnoScrabble]

1688. Getting the DMs mother to hit on me is unacceptable and likely to make rocks fall on my character.

1689. No longer allowed to play with a CHA over 10, lest my character befriend yet another BBEG.

1690. No more seducing NPCs. The DM doesn't like playing it out.

1691. Druid/wizard/cleric is no longer allowed multiclassing.

1691b. No longer allowed to play a caster in a party that already has a caster.

1692. I can't just awaken every animal or magical beast I see and convince it to lead it's species into sapience.

1693. I'm just plain not allowed to play a caster any more.

1694. Not allowed to hit on the other players, IC or IRL.

1695. Touch range healing spells don't require I lay hands on the other players IRL, whether or not they're enjoying it more than I am.

[TheNabster]

1696: There is a time and a place for negotiation. Whilst you are being robbed by desert bandits is not one of them.

1697: I will not feign insanity to scare off opponents

1697A: Even if it is unintentional

1697B: "I'm not crazy, I'm just right and you don't want to admit it" is not a valid response to accusations of insanity

[Venger]

I'm actually yet to see a "male only" class in any book.

there's always eunuch monk from oriental adventures, although since it obviously requires you to castrate yourself first (at least you get to be immortal), it is the subject of some debate whether or not this technically counts as a "male only" class.

813. I may not say Pazuzu's name one time, let alone thrice.
813a. Saying "Pazuzu" for the purpose of this rule is the exception to that.
813b. Beyond that, though, I may not say "Pazuzu" again.

uh oh...


1698: Neutral Jewish is not a valid alignment choice
1699: I am not allowed to talk any more NPCs into killing themselves
1699a:not even if I have a +25 to the roll at level 8
1699b:after making said check, I am not allowed to talk them into paying me to reincarnate them later

1700: I am not allowed to do the mark hamil joker laugh, because it scares everyone OOC
1700a: not even if I gave them fair warning by telling them exactly what I change myself into with the hat of disguise
1700b: I am not allowed to be in my joker disguise while enacting 1699-1699b.

1701: I am not allowed to say anything to the party fighter after flying up the second story while she has to take the stairs

1702: I am not allowed to roll innuendo checks
1702a: not even if I actually know what innuendo checks are

1703: I am not allowed to use my disguise skill on the corpse of a fallen enemy to smuggle him out of town less conspicuously.

1704: I am not allowed to attempt to try diplomacy on an inevitable
1704a: not even as a full-round action at -10 (+15)
1704b: I am not allowed to make fun of the fighter for not being able to use touch attacks against an inevitable

1705: I am not allowed to melt down any more inevitables after the party kills them to sell the precious metals that compose their bodies
1705a: not even if I am the proud owner of a smithy and blast furnace

[Qwertystop]

I think 1703 is actually kinda smart, and not really stretching anything too much.

[Esprit15]

1706: In PTA, I may not be a scarred up, chaotic borderline-evil female trainer from New Bark Town who started with a Totodile.
1706a: Not even if I don't get the reference.
1706b: Especially if the game is supposed to be horror.
1706c: If I am exempt from this rule, I may not hit on Whitney. Doing so will cause the town to immediatly sink into a massive sinkhole.
1706d: I may not throw my starter at the enemy. Dangit, I said no references!

1707: No, I don't care how smart they are, psychics can't do that.

[Venger]

I think 1703 is actually kinda smart, and not really stretching anything too much.

gee, thanks

I've done it a couple of times, since I'm playing a chameleon and they make you have 8 ranks in disguise to qualify. I haven't used it for anything except disguising corpses. some trollocs attacked a town and killed some people and my character used disguise to get the looks of horror off their faces so an open casket was possible.

this happened three times.

the time after that, we had to fight at a castle with one group of enemies inside, one outside. we defeater a bunch of orcs and a pair of ogre magi. the wizard zapped one of the ogre magi who was 160 feet in the air with a maximised fireball, causing it to fall and for its corpse to take 16d6 points of falling damage. due to my OOC medical background, I tell the DM this will more or less break every bone in a human's body and the same would likely be true for an ogre mage since their regeneration only works when they are at ≤1hp.

he describes the corpse as being all burned and charred and stuff and looking from the outside that its bones are indeed pulped.

a fight with half a dozen elf/orc/dwarf fighters/rogues/etc (eberron) along with a pair of flying, invisible ogre magi really takes it out of a party of 3 at lvl 7. we're low on HP and the wizard's low on spells. I have to take... unconventional measures.

my familiar is able to scout and tell us there's about 6 more guys inside the castle and one of them is a necromancer. there's also a couple karnathie intelligent zombies.

I tell the DM that I crack open the ogre mage, scoop out the insides, buff with enlarge person, and roll disguise.

he is incredulous, but allows it after I remind him that in 7 levels, I have made 3 disguise checks, all of them on corpses. he tells me to roll it and I get a 31.

psionic rogue climbs onto my back and holds my ogre suit shut. I lumber in and she manifests cloud mind on the necromancer until I can get close to him . I mime that I killed everybody (its throat is all burned and I never heard it speak) and make a bluff check which, me being a chameleon, succeeds. he tells me to go get cleaned up and the rogue and I jump him for a combined 12d6+16 damage. the wizard follows after she hears fightan and we are able to make short work of the karnathie zombies and other mooks (one of which was an AoO spamming monk with a water whip and combat reflexes) and drag ourselves out with about 20 hitpoints among the three of us.

we find one guy from earlier outside and decide to interrogate him. I rip my ogre suit off like the incredible hulk and intimidate him.

we are able to learn plot relevant info from him as a result.

1708: I am not allowed to wear the skins of my enemies as disguises
1708a: not even if it always works.

to be fair, it's not like I did this more than once or even planned to. I would not do this again, I only did it in this case since ogre magi can regenerate and I was disguising myself as a disfigured corpse, so it would be believable he'd be walking around in that condition. it wouldn't work with other things

[Chookster]

1708: using a bag of holding to flood the throne room will only work once

[Doorhandle]

BA of holding?

Cool! I didn't know you could get an Egyptian soul to hold things for you!

1709: Not to use and abuse obscure mythological references.
1710: 8-bit theater is not an example of ideal party mechanics
1710.B: Yes, even if it turns out like that in practice.
1711: There is no ice 9
1711.B: nor are there ices 1 though 8, either.

[Venger]

BA of holding?

Cool! I didn't know you could get an Egyptian soul to hold things for you!

1709: Not to use and abuse obscure mythological references.
1710: 8-bit theater is not an example of ideal party mechanics
1710.B: Yes, even if it turns out like that in practice.
1711: There is no ice 9
1711.B: nor are there ices 1 though 8, either.

No, don't be silly, he doesn't have undead egyptians hold stuff for him.

What he's saying is that his base attack is so good that it has a physical presence and can carry stuff for him. he's so strong that the abstract manifestation of his strength can bear enough water to flood a large room

I would disagree with 1710. no matter what they do, they always forgive and forget in the end and keep adventuring anyway (like thief's "extra fine print" or black mage's repeated facemurdering of fighter)

there is always energy substitution (cold) meteor swarm which you will find does largely the same thing

[Chookster]

Friend computer says that post quite clearly does, and always did say bag of holding.

Reading it any other way is treason

[Venger]

Friend computer says that post quite clearly does, and always did say bag of holding.

Reading it any other way is treason

Last edited by Chookster : Today at 06:36 AM.

Last edited by Chookster : Today at 06:36 AM.

edited: Today at 06:36 AM.

Are you putting words in friend computer's mouth?

That is treason.

[turkishproverb]

Are you putting words in friend computer's mouth?

That is treason.

It takes ultraviolet clearance to know that's reason...Comerade. I'm afraid you need to come with us for re-education.

[Burnheart]

It takes ultraviolet clearance to know that's reason...Comerade. I'm afraid you need to come with us for re-education.

Reason isn't a crime, you can't take him away for that

[eulmanis12]

1709, when trying to enter a locked castle, "Catapult" is not an acceptable solution.
1709a not even when the "ammo" has a constitution of 30.

1710, "There was a spider on his forehead" is not a legitimate excuse for bashing a random NPC's face in

1711, 3 +3 eplosive arrows in the eye does no qualify as a "Warning shot"

1712 I will never do the really annoying thing ever again.
1712a no, not even then
1712b or then

[Venger]

It takes ultraviolet clearance to know that's reason...Comerade. I'm afraid you need to come with us for re-education.

It takes ultra-ultraviolet clearance to give orders to an ultraviolet. Friend computer says that there is no echelon above ultraviolet. I think you might be confused, comrade.

Reason isn't a crime, you can't take him away for that

true indeed

[Ksheep]

1713: May not PAO anyone into a bouncy ball.
1713b: May not then give said bouncy ball to children.
1713c: May not then cast contingency Ghost Sound to say "HI GIRLS" after PAO wears off.
1713d: The mental scarring from the above is enough for an automatic alignment shift to EVIL.
1713e: Doing the above with a unicorn or pegasus as the target of the spells will get you kicked from the table.

[Venger]

1713: May not PAO anyone into a bouncy ball.
1713b: May not then give said bouncy ball to children.
1713c: May not then cast contingency Ghost Sound to say "HI GIRLS" after PAO wears off.
1713d: The mental scarring from the above is enough for an automatic alignment shift to EVIL.
1713e: Doing the above with a unicorn or pegasus as the target of the spells will get you kicked from the table.

If you do so, do not taunt it

[byaku rai]

1713: May not PAO anyone into a bouncy ball.
1713b: May not then give said bouncy ball to children.
1713c: May not then cast contingency Ghost Sound to say "HI GIRLS" after PAO wears off.
1713d: The mental scarring from the above is enough for an automatic alignment shift to EVIL.
1713e: Doing the above with a unicorn or pegasus as the target of the spells will get you kicked from the table.

*clap* *clap* *clap* Well done.

1714: When my players figure out that I've just been reskinning MLP:FiM villains and using them as my BBEGs, they are completely entitled to throw Player's Handbooks at me.

1715: Even though both Nightmare Moon and Discord would make /awesome/BBEGs.

[eulmanis12]

1716 under no circumstances may I load 37 acid flasks into the bucket of a catapult
1716a neither may I do the same with alchemists fire

1717 I may not throw a vial of alchemist's fire into a room full of enemies and yell "Grenade!"
1717a nor may I do so while yelling, "Frag Out", "Fire in the Hole", or "Heads Up"

1718 I may not modify a ballista (Scorpion/Giant Crossbow siege engine) to fire from a shoulder mount.
1718a, not even if my character technically has enough strength to carry it

[Sgt. Cookie]

1719: I may not research a "Field of enlarge any object."
1719a: Attaching it to the front of a ballista is seen as bad form.

[BlackestOfMages]

1720: Knowledge Devotion and Compulsive Liar are not allowed to be combined

[Venger]

1720: Knowledge Devotion and Compulsive Liar are not allowed to be combined

I can't find that anywhere, is compulsive liar a d20modern feat? what's it do? I'm a factotum/chameleon, so I love knowledge devotion

[BlackestOfMages]

I can't find that anywhere, is compulsive liar a d20modern feat? what's it do? I'm a factotum/chameleon, so I love knowledge devotion

it's a flaw :p effectivley what I meant is being the guy who knows about the monster then lying to the other players about what's good/bad against it is a nono

I should have been clearer, however. This is the internet, anything mentioned will be viewed with a complete void of common sense to try and glean away the most meagre mechanical advantage

apologies

[noparlpf]

I can't find that anywhere, is compulsive liar a d20modern feat? what's it do? I'm a factotum/chameleon, so I love knowledge devotion

I'm betting it's a homebrew flaw.

[Ksheep]

I can't find that anywhere, is compulsive liar a d20modern feat? what's it do? I'm a factotum/chameleon, so I love knowledge devotion

Looking around, found a homebrew trait that gives +4 bluff, +2 sense motive, -8 diplo. However, it seems that the original poster just meant the idea in general…

[Venger]

it's a flaw :p effectivley what I meant is being the guy who knows about the monster then lying to the other players about what's good/bad against it is a nono

I should have been clearer, however. This is the internet, anything mentioned will be viewed with a complete void of common sense to try and glean away the most meagre mechanical advantage

apologies

ah, ok. you capitalised it. you can understand my confusion

[Chookster]

1721: the portable hole is not a toy
1722: nor is it filled with toys

[BlackestOfMages]

1722a: except for when it is
1722b: a varies on what my defenition of toy actually is

[bindin garoth]

1723. I may not make jokes with the works "wildshape" and "kinky" in the same sentence.
1723a. Especially if I am a Druid
1724. I may not throw a rock at "wierd rock" in the center of a lake.
1724a. Especially if I just rolled a will save as soon as my feet touched the water.
1724b. Upon breaking the above rule, your character shall forever have "-tarted" added to the end of his (or her) name.
1725.Just because I have Trap Sense, it does not give me permission to cut a string tied to a small coin bag that is hanging in the center of a room.
1726. Just because a character cannot fly does not give you permission to store them in a bag of holding against their will and wildshape into a bird.

[Venger]

1723. I may not make jokes with the works "wildshape" and "kinky" in the same sentence.
1723a. Especially if I am a Druid
1724. I may not throw a rock at "wierd rock" in the center of a lake.
1724a. Especially if I just rolled a will save as soon as my feet touched the water.
1724b. Upon breaking the above rule, your character shall forever have "-tarted" added to the end of his (or her) name.
1725.Just because I have Trap Sense, it does not give me permission to cut a string tied to a small coin bag that is hanging in the center of a room.
1726. Just because a character cannot fly does not give you permission to store them in a bag of holding against their will and wildshape into a bird.

1727: just because the pint of blood my character withdraws for crafting a homunculus does not incur any HP damage or con damage and I can do it for as long as I have xp even if that would drain more blood than I actually have does not mean that I have infinite blood.

1727a: the above does not mean that I can argue that nothing happens to me when a vampire uses blood drain.

1727b: I cannot drain infinite blood from myself to sell to vampires/use for ballast, or fill an extradimensional space with my own blood for use in a deluge/flood type attack

1727c: water breathing does not work for my own blood

1727d: flooding a room with my own blood does not give me a circumstantial bonus to intimidate checks