Things I'm Not Allowed To Do While Gaming

[Kesnit]

Templates, my friend. Templates, and specialty races.

I assumed that. I wanted details!

[lumberofdabeast]

3565) I am a bard from a plane loosely based on the middle ages. I should not know Freebird.
3566) Or Sweet Child o' Mine.
3567) Or Panama.
3568) Or Dust in the Wind.
3569) Or Killer Queen.
3570) Or Carry On Wayward Son.
3571) Or Headstrong.
3572) Or Ziggy Stardust.
3573) Or Warpigs.
3574) Or Godzilla.
3575) Or Girl, You Really Got Me Now.
3576) Or Tequila Sunrise.
3577) Or Pinball Wizard.

[Arbitrarity]

3578: I cannot seduce my secretary.
3579: Even if I have maxxed bluff at level 14 and high CHA.
3580: No, not even if I alter self to appear as her husband.
3581: No, not even then.

[timmy_pyromancer]

3582: When the party paladin and the chaotic good incartium(sp?) character both tell the party necromancer not to animate the dead displacer beast, and set readied actions to stop him. the necromancer shall not animate said displacer beast in front of them.
3583: Then proceed to kill both of them when their readied actions(one was a scorching ray) go off on the basis that they started it.
3583: especially not while the parties exalted cleric is falling into the abyss.
3584: I am no longer allowed to kill one player's character every session because he opposes my actions(see #3581), because he is excessively annoying, because he makes a character that attempts to do all the same things mine does (for example being the undead horde master), or just to see what a wall of iron does when it falls 200 feet onto a cleric.

Note the reason why there was such a good/ problem was that when the campaign started it was me(evil necro) and one friend(death cleric) and we were both evil.... then a couple of sessions later my friend wasn't able to play for a while and more people were added. 3 out of 4 of them were good and not going to change and for some reason thought i should change my character to something that would get along better(in their defense i have a habit of changing characters often to try out new ideas, but i liked this character so i wanted to keep it). The result was a 2 on 1 death match while we where on our way to save the exalted cleric that was falling into the abyss. This was only the beginning of the pc deaths in that campaign.

[Nahal]

3578: I cannot seduce my secretary.
3579: Even if I have maxxed bluff at level 14 and high CHA.
3580: No, not even if I alter self to appear as her husband.
3581: No, not even then.

Really? My GM let me take the concept of man-whore and run with it. Heck, the first thing the character did was seduce an intern and bang her on his co-worker's desk, all without getting her name. Granted this was a homebrew system where one can, if so inclined, make the seducer/seductress to end all seducers/seductresses.

[Jade_Tarem]

3582: When the party paladin and the chaotic good incartium(sp?) character both tell the party necromancer not to animate the dead displacer beast, and set readied actions to stop him. the necromancer shall not animate said displacer beast in front of them.
3583: Then proceed to kill both of them when their readied actions(one was a scorching ray) go off on the basis that they started it.
3583: especially not while the parties exalted cleric is falling into the abyss.
3584: I am no longer allowed to kill one player's character every session because he opposes my actions(see #3581), because he is excessively annoying, because he makes a character that attempts to do all the same things mine does (for example being the undead horde master), or just to see what a wall of iron does when it falls 200 feet onto a cleric.

Note the reason why there was such a good/ problem was that when the campaign started it was me(evil necro) and one friend(death cleric) and we were both evil.... then a couple of sessions later my friend wasn't able to play for a while and more people were added. 3 out of 4 of them were good and not going to change and for some reason thought i should change my character to something that would get along better(in their defense i have a habit of changing characters often to try out new ideas, but i liked this character so i wanted to keep it). The result was a 2 on 1 death match while we where on our way to save the exalted cleric that was falling into the abyss. This was only the beginning of the pc deaths in that campaign.

Holy mother of meteors, I DM this campaign. The target of 3584 is on his seventh character or something.

[NecroPaladin]

3584: If it is an undead-focused campaign, consisting of a cliff-edge face-off between the evil undead villain and the two brave heroes (Undead Paladin who hates undead, Necromancer who believes that undead aren't necessarily evil) on the edge of a cliff, the Paladin may not simply pop various charisma-enhancers so that the Necromancer can command the villain to jump off.
3585: Likewise, they may not sit and giggle using him like a puppet.
3586: Unless it's really, really specific to the plot.
3587: Or really, really, really entertaining to watch.

3588: No more undead-based one-liners from my Paladin. EVER. ("Now that was just an undeadhanded [underhanded] tactic," or, to the vampire, after smashing him into a mirror, "That's some bad luck you didn't see coming."

EDIT: Or pushing a vampire into the light: "What's the matter, scum? Something dawning on you?")

3589: I may not be the lone paragon of my race, destined to fight my brothers with a super-awesome choice of weapons, brooding and looking really pretty all the while.
3589 and a half: My hair may not be long and flowing, obscuring one half of my face (unless I am evil and that half is deformed). I may not have one scar vertically over my eye for absolutely no reason.

3590: I had better have a damn good reason for making a character's hair bleach white or silver if they're under 30.

3591: The gibbering mouther is NOT adorable, and I may NOT keep it as a pet. Even if I technically successfully tamed it.

3592: I AM allowed, for some reason, to have my necromancer (and the rest of the party) sleep restfully and undisturbed, despite the fact that he keeps four babbling, wailing, screaming, yelping, growling, and otherwise loud pet allips within 15 feet at all times.

[Attilargh]

to the vampire, after smashing him into a mirror, "That's some bad luck you didn't see coming."

That's kind of awful, but still so very awesome. I wish I could create one-liners like that on the fly.

[DaMullet]

3593: Put down the Monster Manual. Seriously.

[NecroPaladin]

That's kind of awful, but still so very awesome. I wish I could create one-liners like that on the fly.

They're just a knack of mine, inherited from my father, who can also spontaneously think wordplay up on frequent occasions. Which is ironic, considering all my life I've HATED puns with a deep, unending passion.

3594: I may not use the monster "Otyugh" more than 5 times in a sentence.

[pyroguy_93]

3595) other pcs do not give arousement bonuses to charisma.In any cricumstances

3596) neither do thier mothers

[J_Muller]

3597. Not even if the other PC's name is Stacy.

[rielfprincess]

For a friend:
3598. I cannot complain about the gastronomic catastrophe caused by the chef's cooking unless my character has 'scent', after all burrito night is only once a week...

And from my latest gaming sessions:

3599. We are not supposed to defeat the elite police force that was trying to arrest us in a super-hero campaign.
3600. If we do so, we are not supposed to bury them up to their chins and term it "securing for the police."
3601. I am not going to again get away with convincing my team to run away and then calling the police myself to report the 'criminal attack of my place of business' when it was my partymember thrown through the wall.
3602. Despite how well it worked, I am not to use the six-year-old child and the tribe-mate who was knocked unconcious during battle as proof that the paranormal police were using 'excessive force.' Especially since the tribe-mate and I were actively involved in the battle. And yes, the government has agreed to rebuild my business for me.
3603. I may not explain to my teammate who is terrified (to the point of paranoid) of ghosts that our other teammate (who is essentially an elemental) is not a ghost, but the "spirit of a person whose body has left his soul to bond with the very rocks of the desert." This means he IS a ghost.
3604. When the team-leader says, "Okay guys - now we drop on them like a ton of bricks," He doesn't mean to actually float invisibly over their heads and then shape into a ton of bricks and then drop on them. Although it was fairly effective.

[rielfprincess]

Oh! I almost forgot!

3605. You remember waaaay back at the beginning? The big, creepy, hairy guy that insists upon playing females? Yes, well, he is not allowed to discuss himself or his characters poledancing. Nor is he allowed to discuss his underwear. No, not even then.
3606. If it is a disturbing enough mental image to cause the macho former naval corporal to curl up and suck his thumb, the discussion must end there. In fact, it shouldn't have started.

And no I did neither of these. The big, creepy, hairy guy who wants to play females did.

[Beleriphon]

3606. Having watched Pirates of the Caribbean does give me any special insights into the mind of pirates.
3607. Especially if they are squid faced space pirates.

[mikeejimbo]

3608. Not even if I watched Pirates of the Caribbean 2 and saw Davy Jones and assumed he was basically an Illithid.
3609. In fact, no mentioning the whole Pirates line.
3610. Especially not in relation to Cthulhu.

[Mori600]

3611. Talk about playing a good drow with two scimitars after my character dies.
3612. Roll dice if you are picking a fight or fighting with the guards.
3613. Turn yourself in to the enemy even if you are being accused of doing something bad.
3614. Prevent my party from killing anyone.

[Ishkahl]

3615. I cannot have my rogue grab the head of the wizard and attempt a Use Magic Device
3616. Sticking your hand up the wizards butt doesn't work either.
3617. Take ranks in Perform (Ass-kickin) to get a synergy bonus on to-hit and damage rolls

[Nahal]

3614. Prevent my party from killing anyone.

God I feel like I spend half my time doing this. My groups have historically had at least one homicidal maniac/blithering idiot. Sorry that my most recent posts have just been comments, I haven't gamed in a few weeks.

[Jade_Tarem]

3616. Sticking your hand up the wizard's butt doesn't work either.

Not for UMD, but I'll bet you get some kind of result.

[Dervag]

3604. When the team-leader says, "Okay guys - now we drop on them like a ton of bricks," He doesn't mean to actually float invisibly over their heads and then shape into a ton of bricks and then drop on them. Although it was fairly effective.

Why not? It sounds like a perfectly good tactic to me...

[Nahal]

Best use of summon swarm and PaO I ever heard of

Edit: Forgot swarms can't be polymorphed. Next step: research the "summon ton of bricks" spell

[Ravyn]

3618: While feigning death, poisoning, or other means of being incapacitated in mid-battle is a marvelous way of putting my opponents off-guard, I should not be surprised if after a while my group stops falling for it and therefore it becomes less convincing.
3619. ...or be annoyed if they decide that for some reason I'm exceptionally vulnerable and need to be protected.
3620. Drawing the opponent's fire to distract him from the person you're supposed to be bodyguarding is just asking for trouble, but it works. (Especially when you've almost scared his army off already and thus are the most obvious thing on the battlefield.) However, trying to get the point across to said person without tipping off the opponent by telling her, "BACK OFF, THEY'RE MINE!", while effective under most circumstances, should not be relied on when the person in question is a military commander and technically a better fighter than you are.
3621. Furthermore, if the only way to get close to the archer without being killed is to feign falling under his mook army so I can go invisible, I should not expect the person I'm guarding to keep trying not to get his attention.
3622. ...and if I was given the option of NPCing this character during my time as a dead woman and refused it, it's doubly my own fault she's not staying quiet.
3622. Reacting to something someone has merely thought and not said in a conversation--particularly somewhere where someone has already expressed disapproval of mind-reading--is a bad idea.
3623. Telling the party member who just broke 3622 what he did wrong, out loud, when you're being escorted by what approximates part of the location's police force isn't any better. That's what the telepathic comm gear is for.
3624. Are you TRYING to top the time you lot lipped off to the setting's most powerful individual?

[Brauron]

3625: Should the barbarian choose to pick up the Fiendish boar summoned by the villain of this particular side-quest, swing it around, and throw it at the villain, I should not get up and act out the motions, because I will invariably fall on my ass and everyone will be too busy laughing to game.


This actually did happen in Saturday's session.

[brian c]

3578: I cannot seduce my secretary.
3579: Even if I have maxxed bluff at level 14 and high CHA.
3580: No, not even if I alter self to appear as her husband.
3581: No, not even then.

Then what the hell is she there for??? Please tell me this isn't a standard D&D campaign; adventurers don't really need anyone to take their calls or anything

edit: also

3626: Am allowed to completely fill out the equipment section of my ascetic monk's character sheet with one word: pants

[ExHunterEmerald]

3627. The Kineticist is a mighty warrior of the mind, and he was imprisoned unjustly and slung into the maze just like you were. Therefore, kicking him in the stomach while he's bound to "let him know who's in charge" is a bad idea.
3628. The Molotov Halfling trick you and he pulled was totally awesome. Smart improvisation is rewarded.
3629. That said, using the severed limb of the Goliath Barbarian as a weapon is in poor taste.
3629b. And lighting it on fire to use against the troll is straight out.
3629bb. ESPECIALLY if you're the paladin.
3630. You may quote Gladiator and scream "Are you not entertained?!" at the men betting on your demise from above.
3630b. That said, you may not do so every time you win a fight.
3630c. The gnome sorcerer is to cease using the sling he found to catapult dead foes' heads at them.
3630d. After the first time.
Yep. That allllll happened.

[Meschaelene]

3631 Killing other party members because I'm bored.
3632 Killing other party members because they are "not pretty enough to hang out with us".
3633 I will always, henceforth, refrain from killing newly introduced party members because they are "not pretty enough to hang out with us" until I have at least taken the time to discover their name.
3634 If I am handed a character sheet that informs me that I took the penalty "rumored to be an eco-terrorist" on my superhero, I should not decide that it is in fact true.
3635 Stampeding cattle from the cattleyards, through the city, and, finally, through the enemy base, while effective, is not superheroic.

[Blondie]

2720. I am not permitted to use my skills in mechanics to weld surviving Storm Trooper's knees together so that they walk like penguins.

My sides hurt and I cant breathe properly anymore. Also, I can't stop crying.

[Khantalas]

3636. You don't ask Ms. Fellowes out, no matter how cute you think her British accent is.
3637. You don't ask Sasha out, she may be petrifying.
3638. That woman in a white business suit is actually an Erinyes. That's why she has a slight wing-like glow behind her.

[Winged One]

3639: I should probably not expect any luck when I ask the DM if the warmage is from the "great nation of Burni".
3640: Energy Stun(electricity) is not the "make Luke Skywalker cry like a bitch power," even if my character is a Blue goblin kinetist for whom it has been established that all energy powers are blue.
3641: I will not ask the DM about spells that temporarily give the target an evil alignment for the sole purpose of doing horrible things to the elf who my character is only putting up with because she's good and thinks he can be taught to be less of a ****.
3642: Again, after he's done looking up the one I asked about.