Questions that can't be answered... Answered by RAW

[balegar]

Q 273:
Have you heard, the bird is the word?

Q 274:
You want I should break his legs?

Q 275:
Why do they have parking lots at bar's?

Q 276:
Why do we park in driveways?

Q 277:
Why do we drive on parkways?

Q 278:
Why can't I drive on the driving range?

[Jormengand]

A 273: It depends if I have the requisite speak language or not.

[Inevitability]

A 274 The game lacks rules for broken legs, so my desires are irrelevant there.

[No brains]

Q 273:
Have you heard, the bird is the word?

Q 274:
You want I should break his legs?

Q 275:
Why do they have parking lots at bar's?

Q 276:
Why do we park in driveways?

Q 277:
Why do we drive on parkways?

Q 278:
Why can't I drive on the driving range?

A 274 The game lacks rules for broken legs, so my desires are irrelevant there.

A 273: If a magic item has the command word of "Bird", it is generally irrelevant if anyone else hears it. The magic item itself may not even need to 'hear' the word, so it may be possible for "Bird" to be the word, even in the area of a silence spell.

A 274: Rules for torture can be found in Book of Vile Darkness (BoVD), but torture is generally inferior to divination for information, so let him off the hook... for now...

A 275: Alcohol inflicts Dexterity and Charisma damage (AaEG), which can hinder both Ride and Use Magic Device checks, but a sufficiently intelligent mount or magic item can possibly carry an unconscious person as just a burden, rather than a real rider.

A 276: Unless your car can teleport, you generally need to drive it into the proper position to park.

A 277: Parkways nullify the need for a Survival check to travel in a specific direction, but you still need to move to travel.

A 278: Likely because the owners of the driving range don't want their Social Affiliation to make a Negotiation check with an insurance company.

[No brains]

Q 279: CAAAAN YOOOOU DIG IT?

Q 280: Whatever happened to robot jones?

Q 281: What's the matter with you?

Q 282: O say can you see, by the dawn's early light what so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming?

Q 283: Could a god create a stone so heavy that they could not lift it?

Q 284: Wait, did someone ask that already?

Q 285: What's in it for me?

[Jowgen]

Q 286: Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?

[digiman619]

Q 279: CAAAAN YOOOOU DIG IT?

Yes, but you can do it better if you are a 12th level Wizard or Druid, as they have move earth.

Q 282: O say can you see, by the dawn's early light what so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming?

Seeing as both dawn and twilight are both areas of dim light, assuming you didn't lose your low-light vision in the meantime and are the same distance from it, yes.

Q 283:Could a god create a stone so heavy that they could not lift it??

The densest material that could reasonable be found in any D&D world is gold, and 1 cubic foot of gold weighs roughly 1200 pounds. Assuming God has a Divine Rank of 20, the maximum we have stats for, and that He had the Create Greater Object divine salient ability, He can create a 480,000 lb or 240 ton "stone" of gold, Assuming God took the salient divine abilities to change size (up to Colossal) and shape (to be a quadruped for +50% capacity) and we define God lifting this "stone" as being able to "Lift Off Ground", then He would need a Strength score of 44 to lift it. which is hardly a stretch for a deity to have (Thor has a Strength of 92) , so the answer is no.

[No brains]

A 286 This question has already been asked by the Epic Petrocorus and answered by the ever fun The Viscount.

This thread is Epic!
But i dare you to solve this one:

Q 99: Has anyone really been far as decided to use even go want to do look more like?

A 99: "A bard may make a special bardic knowledge check with a bonus equal to his bard level + his Intelligence modifier to see whether he knows some relevant information about local notable people[...]."
This is about a notable person but a minor detail, so a DC 30 bardic knowledge check.

[Jowgen]

A 286 This question has already been asked by the Epic Petrocorus and answered by the ever fun The Viscount.

Damn, must have messed up my search thread; I do apologize. Okay, I shall try this one then:

Q 287: Why can't we have nice things?

[No brains]

Damn, must have messed up my search thread; I do apologize. Okay, I shall try this one then:

Q 287: Why can't we have nice things?

Please ignore that my own Q283 was a copy of Q 39

[ericgrau]

Q 280: Whatever happened to robot jones?

Q 281: What's the matter with you?

Q 287: Why can't we have nice things?

A 280: Scry.

A 281: Status.

A 287: They would greatly exceed your WBL at your current level.

[No brains]

A 287 (additional) You may also be running into rust monsters or adamantine horrors.

[Inevitability]

A 287 (additional) You may also be running into rust monsters or adamantine horrors.

Against the first: flight and a 30 gp shortbow.

Against the second... boosted Spot checks and Plane Shift?

[The_Iron_Lord]

Q288: Why do people kill each other?

[SimonMoon6]

Q288: Why do people kill each other?

A288: Experience points, duh.

[Inevitability]

A288 Because dealing nonlethal damage comes with a -4 attack roll penalty or a feat tax.

[Muggins]

Q289: Why are babies so attached to their birthmother?

[No brains]

A289

The Unholy Scion template from Heroes of Horror (HH), allows a baby to charm, as if with the spell, it's mother even before being born.

Formians have a hivemind link with their queen as an extraordinary ability.

Giant infants hide behind their mother so that we can't figure out what size they're supposed to be.

[TheTeaMustFlow]

Q290: How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?
Q291: How many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand?
Q292: How many times must the cannon balls fly before they're forever banned?

Q293: How many years can a mountain exist before it's washed to the sea?
Q294: How many years can some people exist before they're allowed to be free?
Q295: How many times can a man turn his head, pretending he just doesn't see?

Q296: How many times must a man look up before he can really see the sky?
Q297: How many ears must one man have before he can hear people cry?
Q298: How many deaths will it take till he knows that too many people have died?

[The Viscount]

A 290 The starting age for a human is 15 years. The overland travel speed for humans is 24 miles in 8 hours (any more will be forced march). Given any age you can then determine how many miles (and thus how many roads) a given man has walked.

A 290 We know from Malphas's entry that dove can use the raven statblock. A raven can move 32 miles before risking fatigue. If we assume that the bird fails the following check (a 50% chance of failure) then it will get an additional 4 miles before it collapses from nonlethal damage and sleeps it off. So if the sea is less than 36 miles long, one. Any longer and the answer is none.

[GreatWyrmGold]

Q292: How many times must the cannon balls fly before they're forever banned?

There are no cannon balls in D&D. Your question is answered.

Q293: How many years can a mountain exist before it's washed to the sea?

A careful reading of the core rulebooks suggests that running water deals no damage to either objects or creatures, unless they are vampires. So a mountain can exist infinitely despite erosion, unless it's a vampire.

Q294: How many years can some people exist before they're allowed to be free?

Q295: How many times can a man turn his head, pretending he just doesn't see?

Turning one's head is a free action, which may be taken any number of times per round.
Alternatively: Until he fails his saving throw against a medusa's gaze attack.

Q296: How many times must a man look up before he can really see the sky?

The sky is approximately 30,000 feet high (assuming the part we see is somewhere in the upper reaches of the troposphere) and nearly six miles across. This makes it Colossal, giving a -16 to any Hide checks. Since it is an inanimate object^{[citation needed]} (Dexterity modifier -5) and is not trying to hide^{[citation needed]} (base 0), meaning that the DC to see the sky is -21. However, the spotter's Spot check will be modified by -3,000 due to distance. Hence, it is impossible to see the sky.

Q297: How many ears must one man have before he can hear people cry?

RAW does not provide any insight on the subject of ears, except for some species which are noted as having pointed or otherwise funny-shaped ears.

Q298: How many deaths will it take till he knows that too many people have died?[/QUOTE]
I believe that is a matter of alignment more than RAW.

[Muggins]

Q 299:
Who is the fat lady, and why is it over when she sings?

[Inevitability]

A 299 A character with the Willing Deformity (Obese) feat. Such a person probably has more [Vile] feats, such as Dark Speech: meaning that when they sing they can create a superpowered hivemind, thereby breaking the game.

[Xanyo]

A298 The spell Wail of the Banshee can kill one creature/level. At minimum caster level, 17 people can die before any more is too many.

Q300 Is there really any such thing as happiness?

[daremetoidareyo]

A298 The spell Wail of the Banshee can kill one creature/level. At minimum caster level, 17 people can die before any more is too many.

Q300 Is there really any such thing as happiness?

A300: From Book of Exalted Deeds.

"You draw forth the material essence of joy from a creature experiencing great bliss.

This physical manifestation of joy, called ambrosia, can be used in the creation of good magic items, as a special spell component, or as a druglike substance (with no addictive qualities).

The Celestial Hebdomad, the rulers of the Seven Heavens, subsist entirely on ambrosia."

[atemu1234]

Q: If a tree kills alone in a forest, does it make a sound?

[Inevitability]

Q: If a tree kills alone in a forest, does it make a sound?

A: A tree, being an object, has a -5 ability penalty to Move Silently. This means that while it's unlikely, it's possible for one to not be heard whenever it acts.

[No brains]

Q 301: Wherefore art thou Romeo? It makes me so happy that people still like my dumb thread. :D Just remember that this is a high-procedure thread. ;)

[Kalaska'Agathas]

Q 301: Wherefore art thou Romeo? It makes me so happy that people still like my dumb thread. :D Just remember that this is a high-procedure thread. ;)

A 301: Assuming "Romeo" is his truename, he is Romeo because that particular set of phonemes in that particular order describe his being sufficiently completely and uniquely in order for him to be identified by the universe ("...personal [truenames are] nothing less than the secret name the universe knows [an individual] by," Tome of Magic, page 192) in the original, fundamental language thereof.

Which is to say, he is Romeo because he is Romeo. A rose by any other name would not be a rose, in Truename Magic. Though it may potentially smell as sweet. Does anybody remember the unit for sweetness?

[Jormengand]

A301: Alternatively he's a 20th level truenamer who chose "Romeo" as his True Nickname (yes, really, it's called that) for the Say My Name and I am There class feature. This may explain when he tends to show up when people complain about him.