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2009-09-26, 07:06 PM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
It's been a long time.
Must...archive...trawl.
But first...
Durkon x Lien, first date.
SpoilerDurkon sipped his beer. It was thick and yeasty, flavoured with honey and a rich, golden color. In fact it was so good and strong it was probably dwarven beer. Besides, it wasn’t blue. Normally he’d feel homesick, but for some reason he didn’t. Rather then examining the feeling to closely he smiled contentedly and took another swig, put the empty tankard aside and singled for another one.
Lien was onto her third drink. She could hold her ale, he noted approvingly. That was good. She’d ordered the food, which came highly recommended, but he wasn’t sure he trusted. Food was simple and filling, lots of bread and red meat, with ale to wash it down, and he liked it that way. Not all these fiddly bits, more parts then he could count cut small and mixed together. Still, the taste wasn’t bad once you get used to it.
All around him he could hear the buzz of conversation, the gossip of merchants and soldiers, the hushed whispers of lovers and the idle chatter of friends. He ignored it. All his attention was focused squarely on the woman across the table. She threw back another draught, then put the tankard down. Durkon wondered faintly if anyone had died trying to get her drunk, with an amused smile.
“So.” She said, no hint of a slur in her husky voice, “Why Thor?”
“Ah’m sorry?”
“Well.” She elaborated, putting down her drink and leaning forwad, uncrossing her long legs, “Why do dwarves worship Thor? He’s a sky god, and it seems…odd for him to be worshipped by a race who spend their life underground.”
Durkon shrugged. “Pretty clear thar, lass. He dresses like ae dwarf, fights like ae dwarf and parties like ae dwarf. Who better?”
She conceded the point.
They chatted away. Durkon showed himself to be surprisingly knowledgeable about almost every subject she raised. For the most part, however, he let her speak, occasionally interjecting an opinion or asking for clarification, keeping the conversation moving in no way in particular.
Gradually she began to feel a warm, satisfied sensation in her stomach, and the splendid lightheadedness that came from drinking just enough alcohol to enjoy it but not enough to rue the effects the next day.
It was at that point Lien realized that Durkon had fallen silent and was staring at her, across the scatter of denuded bowls and the half-picked food. In the candlelight his skin was the color of old bronze, and a deep tawny glow lit his eyes.
He noticed her pupils were large in her eyes, and her lips were slightly parted. She was leaning towards him slightly. Durkon had enough wisdom to spot a clue when he saw one.
The kiss was nice, gentle and soft at first, but gradually became more insistent. Durkon’s lips were cracked, and chafed her own soft ones, but the feeling wasn’t unpleasant. Quite the opposite really. His deceptively soft beard was nice against her cheeks.
They broke away after a few moments, and for a moment neither of them said anything. Finally Durkon raised his hand. “Ah ken we’ll take yon check noo’.” He said, a little breathlessly.
The Priest and the Paladin left the restaurant hand in hand.
Not my best work, but wanted to write something.
Critique, if you will.Last edited by Cracklord; 2009-09-26 at 07:54 PM.
Nadir We,
Youth Born,
Blood Letters,
Axe Weilders,
Victors Still.
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2009-09-26, 07:18 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Sep 2009
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Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
Yay!!! Soul splicing = Crack spicing... meh... Soul Spliced Elan + Haley!
Its like Vaarsuvis and Inkyarius all over again!
Spoiler*creeeaak* The door opened and Haley turned around to greet Elan...
"Oh hi El- Eeeek!!! El- el- Elan? Is th- th- that you?"
"Yes... I met some fiends. They came when I found an ad on the ground..." said the evil looking Elan.
"Fiends! YOU SOLD YOUR SOUL TO FIENDS!!!" exclaimed the terrified Haley.
"That does not matter Haley, with this power I can do anything! We may do anything! Come to my side, Haley, and we may rule the WORLD!!! Mwahahahaha!!!"
"Never! Elan, I know the old you is in there! Fight It!"
"I am Elan. Suggestion. I am the bard you love. Suggestion. Join me!"
Haley's pupils dilated "Yes, I will join you Elan," she said.
Come to our bed, Haley...
Aaagh
MY EYES
Ooooooooohh
Stop it!
Sorry
I know the Soul Splice Isn't supossed to change your alighnment but then this story wouldn't be interesting.
Thanks for telling me about the spelling, whoops
and the proportions are off because this is my first time with Inkscape.
Clap Clap Clap I liked it.
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2009-09-26, 07:47 PM (ISO 8601)
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- May 2009
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Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
Kirby, you should learn the protocol of dialogues; here's a good guide (just replace the question marks by either " or ', whichever fits). Your story would read much better this way (typos corrected in bold):
Spoiler*creeeaak* The door opened and Haley turned around to greet Elan...
"Oh hi El- Eeeek!!! El- el- Elan? Is th- th- that you?"
"Yes... I met some fiends. They came when I found an ad on the ground..." said the evil looking Elan.
"Fiends! YOU SOLD YOUR SOUL TO FIENDS!!!" exclaimed the terrified Haley.
"That does not matter Haley, with this power I can do anything! We may do anything! Come to my side, Haley, and we may rule the WORLD!!! Mwahahahaha!!!"
"Never! Elan, I know the old you is in there! Fight It!"
"I am Elan. Suggestion. I am the bard you love. Suggestion. Join me!"
Haley's pupils dilated "Yes, I will join you Elan," she said.
Come to our bed, Haley...
Aaagh
MY EYES
Ooooooooohh
Stop it!
Sorry
Also, some colors are difficult to read on this forum, such as Lime and Yellow. Sorry if I sound overly nitpicky, but these are little tips that can easily make the reading experience of your stories more enjoyable.
The only critique I can offer is pointing out typos; corrected in bold:
All his attention was focused squarely on the woman across the table.It was at that point Lien realized that Durkon had fallen silent and was staring at her, or across the scatter of denuded bowls and the half-picked food.
Besides, it wasn’t blue.Last edited by Dark Faun; 2009-09-26 at 07:56 PM.
Formerly known as Discord here and Maladin on avatarspirit.net.
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2009-09-26, 07:55 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Nov 2008
Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
Fixed, and thanks.
Good to be back on the scene.Nadir We,
Youth Born,
Blood Letters,
Axe Weilders,
Victors Still.
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2009-09-26, 08:37 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Sep 2009
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2009-09-26, 09:34 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Sep 2009
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- It would break your mind.
Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
*Comes back after a long absence*
Holy Fruits! I have been gone for a long time. Look at all this great stuff that was done. I better come up with a blanket statement of approval. *ahem*
All of you are masters of the crack fic art! I am not worthy! I bask in the glory of your superior art and writing skills! ALL GLORY TO THE CRACK FIC WRITERS AND ARTISTS!
There, that should cover it.I Am A: Chaotic Good Human Sorcerer (3rd Level)
Ability Scores:
Strength- 9
Dexterity- 11
Constitution- 11
Intelligence- 12
Wisdom- 11
Charisma- 11
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2009-09-26, 10:26 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Aug 2009
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- Texas
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Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
We are now old enough to do stuff if you catch my drift.
Dolla dolla bill, y'allLeague of Legends S3 Ranked Challenge: 6/100 wins, Silver IV
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2009-09-26, 10:52 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Apr 2005
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- Montreal
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Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
Last edited by MReav; 2009-09-26 at 11:42 PM.
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2009-09-27, 01:49 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Mar 2009
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- Gothenburg, Sweden
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Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
Has anyone done Durkon and Leeky? Durkon needs to get over his 'tree' issues...
Avatar by CoffeeIncluded
Oooh, and that's a bad miss.
“Don't exercise your freedom of speech until you have exercised your freedom of thought.”
― Tim Fargo
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2009-09-27, 04:57 AM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
My Soul Splice... kinda
Last edited by Funky Goose; 2009-09-27 at 04:57 AM.
Live each day of your life like the man that has never seen a yurt.
~Proverb
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2009-09-27, 06:30 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Scotland
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Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
Avatar by me...yup that's how good my drawing is. As in not very good.
Crack-Pairings, Not Dead Just Moved. Someone Hasn't Been Looking In The Right Places.
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2009-09-27, 07:34 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Nov 2008
Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
Nadir We,
Youth Born,
Blood Letters,
Axe Weilders,
Victors Still.
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2009-09-27, 09:24 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2006
- Location
- England
Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
Later than I would have hoped, but here's some more AarindariusxInkyrius.
Spoiler
Aarindarius opened his eyes, then immediately shut them against the sunlight shining in his face. He rolled onto his back, raising a hand to shade against the light, and squinted at the ornamental clock on the dressing table. It was late morning.
He groaned and lowered his hand, closing his eyes once more. He had spent all night first pacing his room, and then simply lying there, worrying. Worrying that Inkyrius would leave, worrying that Inkyrius would never want to be anywhere near him ever again. His imagination had happily doled out endless worst case scenarios and played them out in front of his eyes. Inkyrius never looking at him again with anything but fear... As far-fetched and as some of these ideas may have been, he had all but convinced himself that they were true. Needless to say, it had been the early hours of the morning before he had finally drifted into an uneasy trance.
He rolled back onto his side and was confronted with the full length mirror hanging from the wall. A small and – at the moment – rather ruffled looking elf stared back, long hair splayed over the bed behind him. He self-consciously pulled the tangled strands away from his face.
What was he doing? He was fawning over the baker like a young elf barely a century old with their first crush. It was embarrassing; he wasn’t that desperate was he? He certainly hoped his reasons for liking Inkyrius were more than just wanting to get the other elf into bed with him. If he was serious about trying to court Inkyrius – something he still wasn’t sure was a good idea – he needed to start acting his age.
Aarindarius stood up and stretched, his limbs slightly stiff. Well, maybe acting a few decades younger than his age wouldn’t hurt. The wizard smoothed the creases out of his robe with a Prestidigitation spell, checking his appearance again in the mirror.
Before he could do anything else, he had to go and apologise for what he’d done yesterday. As he began climbing down the stairs, he wondered what exactly had caused Inkyrius to react so fearfully to the kiss. Was there something about him that the baker found repulsive? He wasn’t that old... Maybe it was that until now, Inkyrius had only viewed him as Vaarsuvius’ Former Master, and the blurring of social roles was too much to deal with alongside recent events. Or it could be because he was a somewhat powerful wizard, although didn’t see why that should bother the elf since Inkyrius had been married to one for yea-
Oh. Maybe that was it. Inkyrius had spent so long in an unfulfilling relationship with a magic user and feared the same happening again. Or perhaps feared that arcane power itself; there were so many ways magic could be used to make things go your way, at least if someone was desperate and immoral enough to use them. Recently, Vaarsuvius may well have seemed both. He wondered whether his former apprentice had actually threatened to use magic against Inkyrius, in which case the baker’s fear was certainly justified. He wished Inkyrius had given him more details about what had happened.
Aarindarius reached the study, and a quick check confirmed that there was nothing in there but his books, lining the curved walls ceiling to floor. The drawing was no longer on the desk.
Nor was anyone in the guest bedroom, or any of the other rooms, and he soon found himself down in the hall and certain that he was the only one there. He sighed; it seemed the apology would have to wait until Inkyrius got back from... wherever Inkyrius had gone. Dejectedly, he headed back towards his study. The climb up the stairs had never seemed longer.
Three hours later the sensors around the tower indicated to him that someone was approaching the tower. He shut the book he was studying and was halfway down the stairway before questioning the intelligence of rushing towards the other elf at full speed. He slowed down to a more leisurely pace.
A few minutes later he sidled into the kitchen where Kyrie was making a cup of tea.
“Hello.” He said, smiling nervously.
The other elf looked up, almost visibly shrinking away from the other’s presence. The movement tugged guiltily at Aarindarius’ conscience. “Er, I was making some tea.” The baker said, gesturing needlessly at the mug and the tea leaves on the counter.
“Inkyrius...” Aarindarius began, and the baker stiffened, the hand resting on the wooden surface clenching slightly.
“Inkyrius, I’m sorry about what I did yesterday. I shouldn’t have put you in a position like that.”
Inkyrius avoided meeting the wizard’s eyes, instead turning to pour boiling water onto the tea leaves. “It’s fine.” The elf said, running a hand through hair like green silk, before turning to look at the other elf. Aarindarius was suddenly acutely aware that his own hair was a tangled mess. “I just... don’t know what I should do. I don’t even know what I want to do.”
“About your marriage?”
“You saw the divorce papers.” It wasn’t a question.
“Have you tried talking to someone about it?”Aarindarius asked slowly.
“I’m talking to you, aren’t I? Unless you think your opinion on the matter will be biased.”
“I think I don’t know much about how best to deal with long-term relationships. Maybe...” He hesitated “maybe you should try contacting Vaarsuvius.”
“What good would that do? Even in light of recent events, my mate still probably thinks that being a wizard excuses you from other parental duties. What would I say anyway? ‘Hello dear. Since you sold out your soul, saved us, threatened us, then ran off again, I think we need to talk about our relationship.’”
Aarindarius winced, but persisted. “I could just find out Vaarsuvius’ general disposition. But I won’t unless you want me too.”
“Fine, go ahead.” Inkyrius said sulkily, taking a sip of tea.
The wizard paused for a moment, and then moved towards the door.
“Aarindarius?”
The wizard stopped and looked back and the baker. “Yes?”
“You said you didn’t know how to deal with relationships. Have you ever been in love?”
The wizard gave a pained smile “I said I didn’t know about long-term ones. And I haven’t been in a relationship for years.”
“What happened?”
“It was back when I was still adventuring now and then, almost half a century ago. I dated a red-haired human woman for a while. It didn’t last long; neither of us ever had any plans to settle down back then.”
“Did you keep in touch? What happened to her?”
Aarindarius shook his head sadly. “I don’t know.”
Inkyrius fell silent. Once he was sure the conversation had concluded, Aarindarius took his leave and headed back up to his study.
Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-09-27 at 10:14 AM.
This post may contain sarcasm.
DeviantArt
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2009-09-27, 09:51 AM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
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2009-09-27, 09:52 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Nov 2006
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- England
Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
This post may contain sarcasm.
DeviantArt
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2009-09-27, 10:08 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Sep 2009
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Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
Ok Zanari But now
Its Soul-Spliced Elan!
From My SS Elan + Haley
Spoiler
Commence the Comments
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2009-09-27, 10:12 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Nov 2006
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- England
Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
I could have sworn you posted that earlier.
Anyway, it's a bit hard to see since it's so small. Make the character bigger, get rid of all the unnecessary background, then save it as a .GIF file, not a .JPEG.
As for the character design, it's a bit bland. I always figured Elan would go in for some ridiculously extravagant villan outfit.This post may contain sarcasm.
DeviantArt
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2009-09-27, 10:32 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Jun 2009
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- Minnesota, ya?
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2009-09-27, 10:33 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Jul 2008
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- Land of Clocks and Stars
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Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
In honor of my birthday (today), I will post my first actual crack fic!!!!!
SpoilerThe only thing that she could think about were his eyes. At first, she had thought that she was in love with Elan, but she came to realize that that wasn't actually the case. After a while, she couldn't stop thinking about a green sash, facing to the left, and a little goatee, the cutest thing that she had ever seen.
In other words, she new exactly who she had been kissing the night she got her voice back.
Did you like it?Politics is the most accurate word in the English language. "Poli" in Latin meaning "Many" and
"tics" meaning "little insects"
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2009-09-27, 10:44 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Jun 2009
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- Minnesota, ya?
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2009-09-27, 10:45 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Mar 2009
Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
Last edited by The Dark Fiddler; 2009-09-27 at 10:45 AM.
It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.
If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).
The best answer is always to ask your DM.
Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.
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2009-09-27, 11:12 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Nov 2006
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- England
Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
This post may contain sarcasm.
DeviantArt
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2009-09-27, 11:18 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Jun 2009
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- Minnesota, ya?
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2009-09-27, 11:23 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Aug 2009
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- Texas
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Dolla dolla bill, y'allLeague of Legends S3 Ranked Challenge: 6/100 wins, Silver IV
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2009-09-27, 11:23 AM (ISO 8601)
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2009-09-27, 11:50 AM (ISO 8601)
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- May 2009
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Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
Interesting insight on Aarindarius. I like him and Lirian together but I'm sure I'll like the new pairing you'll bring to the story.
And now I'm expecting the final chapter to be a fivesome.Formerly known as Discord here and Maladin on avatarspirit.net.
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2009-09-27, 12:01 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Nov 2006
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- England
Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
Nah, I probably won't even bring up the subject of Aarindarius' former partner (who was human, so is probably dead now), or any related people again. Mostly because I can't think of any reason for it to happen.
And you've already had a VxAxI threesome. Stop being so demanding. Or write your own random mix of characters; you haven't posted a fic for ages.Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-09-27 at 12:05 PM.
This post may contain sarcasm.
DeviantArt
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2009-09-27, 12:12 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Aug 2009
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- On the Internets
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2009-09-27, 12:30 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2009
It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.
If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).
The best answer is always to ask your DM.
Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.
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2009-09-27, 12:40 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2009
- Location
- Istanbul Turkey
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
@Funky can you maybe have some verbal explanation to that? How it is a Crack pairing and who are thouse guys actually (I know the upside down one is the Psion Who Can) but still?
World is turning so am I, may the god won't disturb our harmony...
I Am A:
Spoiler
Neutral Evil GnomeRanger/Sorcerer (2nd/2nd Level)
Ability Scores:
Strength- 15
Dexterity- 16
Constitution- 15
Intelligence- 15
Wisdom- 16
Charisma- 15