Results 1,171 to 1,200 of 1244
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2010-04-12, 02:05 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2010
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- Usaki City, Syona
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template
I have to write it now, don't I. DXD
Recent Homebrew: The Socialite | The Crystalline: Memory Altering Construct Race | Sanguine Hand, a ToB Discipline of blood and cruelty
Homebrew Signature | NEW Homebrew Collection
Thanks to all my avatar artists, especially to Paisley for my avatar of Vivian, cowardly cryophoenix.
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2010-04-12, 02:12 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2008
- Location
- Scotland
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template
Avatar by me...yup that's how good my drawing is. As in not very good.
Crack-Pairings, Not Dead Just Moved. Someone Hasn't Been Looking In The Right Places.
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2010-04-12, 02:36 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2009
- Location
- Alaska
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template
Last edited by Aaron; 2010-04-12 at 02:36 PM.
Your local Cleric.
Cleric of the Murphy's Law Thread
(yes, that is possible)
"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."
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2010-04-12, 02:52 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2010
- Location
- Usaki City, Syona
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template
Awman! You told me that was the receit for the delivery of my soul swapping system...
Okay, thinking how to write this...Recent Homebrew: The Socialite | The Crystalline: Memory Altering Construct Race | Sanguine Hand, a ToB Discipline of blood and cruelty
Homebrew Signature | NEW Homebrew Collection
Thanks to all my avatar artists, especially to Paisley for my avatar of Vivian, cowardly cryophoenix.
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2010-04-12, 04:11 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2010
- Location
- Hell's Heart
Re: Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template
I can't believe that I'm doing this, but I rolled a matchup on the random thingy and this is just so hilarious that I have to do it. Actually, you know what, screw it. I write badly. Could someone else maybe do this?
Horace Greenhilt + Horace Greenhilt
Aliens Made Them Do it + Kidnapped + Kidnapped + Everyone is a furry version of themselves. ()
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2010-04-12, 04:14 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2009
- Location
- The Divide
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template
I know how it could happen but am working on Thog/Elan.
by the way,please change your signature. We like to think we are safe from rick rolls.
EDIT: my story for the squickys isnt on the main page. Link right here!Last edited by icastflare!; 2010-04-12 at 04:26 PM.
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2010-04-12, 04:38 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2009
- Location
- Right here, duh
- Gender
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2010-04-12, 04:48 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2010
- Location
- Kaeda
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template
Hmm. Is amnesia on the roller?
EDIT: And since I just realised the implication, I can specifically say that no; Miko does not get amnesia from the blow to the head in my fic.Last edited by Debatra; 2010-04-12 at 04:49 PM.
Kaedanis Pyran, tai faernae.
The LA Assignment Threads: Attempting to Make Monsters Playable Since 2016
My Homebrewer's Extended Signature
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2010-04-12, 04:51 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2010
- Location
- Anywhere and everywhere
- Gender
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2010-04-12, 05:47 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2008
- Location
- UK
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template
To lighten the mood of late, I give you what is possibly my greatest pairing yet: a four (or possibly even five) way Crack Pairing, with kidnapping, destruction and a crime against nature and good taste yet still board friendly. Without further ado, I bring you V x ABD x Hieronymous Grubwigger x Xykon:
SpoilerV slowly open his eyes and gazed at the unfamiliar surroundings he found himself in. The room was full of arcane and mechanical devices, bubbling tubes and manacles. There was also an uncomfortably large amount of dragon, which even now was glaring at him from the opposite side of the room.
“Vaarsuvius,” it said.
“Dragon. Or what is left of your wretched kind,” glowered the elf.
“It is fortunate for you that I share your incarcerated situation, or I would even now be devouring you slowly. Feet first.”
“Do you happen to know the individual responsible for chaining us up? All I can recall is walking down the streets of Greysky City when a hammer struck me over the head.”
“The same thing happened to me,” replied the dragon, somewhat embarassed.
V appraised the dragon with a disbeliving look.
“It was quite a large hammer...”
“AH, I see you have made introductions!” said a thin, reedy voice from across the room. The repulsive figure of Hieronymous Grubwigger lurched into the room, his grotesque skin neatly complimenting his deeply suspicious accent. “You should both feel honoured, for today we bear witness to the creation of a species NEVER BEFORE SEEN IN THE WORLD!!!!!!” he shouted, barely managing to contain the insane laughter that usually precedes a blasphemy against nature.
“Mr Grubbwigger,” replied V testily, “half dragons are not an unusual species, in this or any other world and the odds of my willingly copulating with the reptile opposite are on the far side of remote.”
“FOOL! I do not need your co-operation, or that of the dragon!” he snapped and pulled on a large metal lever. A slow moment caused the elf to look up. A large and very ominous metal object was descending slowly towards him – it was a shame V had never seen any James Bond films, otherwise he would have correctly used the phrase “death ray”. A similar device was heading to the dragon.
“FEEL THE UNTAPPED POWER OF NATURE!” shrieked Grubwigger, as lightning roared through the equipment towards the death rays. A low humming sound rose in volume and pitch as V thrashed back and forward, desperate to avoid the horrible fate awaiting him. The death ray let out a high pitched shriek as a small needle poked out of the end and drew a drop of blood from V and the dragon.
“Now, Vaarsuvius, your hidden ancestry shall mingle with the ancient bloodline of the Black Dragonflight!”
The two drops of blood rushed towards a large chamber in the centre of the room, mingled and with a flash of light, a small egg appeared. Both prisoners looked surprised.
“Well, its been fun, but I have a client waiting for this,” said Grubwigger, placing the egg in a crate marked “c/o Xykon, Great Western Desert.”
The devestation was horrific – it was hard to believe that one single creature had done all this. Its stamina was beyond belief, it was capable of flight and served as Xykon's personal mount. It was now going to serve as an executioner to the unfortunate commoner begging for his life in the ruins of the village.
Despite the terror he felt, the commoner couldn't help but stare at the bizarre creature before him. It was the size of a mature dragon and had long tail, wings and talons like others he'd seen. However, the head was most definitely not reptilian and the body was covered in purple fur. It had a large hump in the centre of its back, which served as the seat for the lich and with a loud “HWWWWWWRAK”, spat some noxious substance over him, which immediately caught fire.
“It spits napalm as well?! I really wish I hadn't killed the frog-guy – I could have used a lot more of these.” The creature flapped its wings and slowly began to fly away. Soon the entire continent would begin to tremble before the awesome might of.....
THE DRAGO-CAMEL.
Also, if anyone wants to draw me a banner or avatar based on the end result of the story, I'd be deeply grateful.
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2010-04-12, 06:17 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2010
- Location
- Usaki City, Syona
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template
xDDDDDD
Awesome. Truly, truly awesome.Recent Homebrew: The Socialite | The Crystalline: Memory Altering Construct Race | Sanguine Hand, a ToB Discipline of blood and cruelty
Homebrew Signature | NEW Homebrew Collection
Thanks to all my avatar artists, especially to Paisley for my avatar of Vivian, cowardly cryophoenix.
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2010-04-12, 06:53 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2010
- Location
- Anywhere and everywhere
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template
The last line made me snort.
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2010-04-12, 11:40 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jul 2009
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template
Hey, this is a heads up to all the crack pairing fans out there! I recently got a warning from the honorable Roland saying the image in my signature was too tall. I shrunk it down a bit, so not a problem, but since they're all off the same template, I wanted to make sure that everyone fixed up any problems.
It was only two pixels too tall, too... Roland is very good at his job.
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2010-04-13, 01:14 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2010
- Location
- Gobbotopia
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template
HOLY FLOCKING TWELVE GODS! its finally done!!!
This is Gicko's entry for the April Squickie Award:
SpoilerRedcloak groaned as he opened his eyes, it took him awhile to realise this was not the tent he had fallen asleep in the other night, he had instead woken up on the floor of a small stone room, with two large mirrors on opposite sides. “Xylon?” he called, reaching for his holy symbol, his clawed hand scratched around his armour fruitlessly before he realised it was gone. Redcloak quickly stood up in a panic, patting himself down and searching the floor beneath him, had he dropped it? but it was no use, Redcloaks holy symbol was gone, and so was Xylon’s phylactery. When Xylon heard about this… Redcloak didn’t want to think about it, he had to focus on finding a way out of this room anyways. He did a quick scan of the room, stopping at a huddled-up figure in the opposite corner of the room. It shifted slightly, and Redcloaks eyes opened wide as he saw the awakening human with long black hair, and a blue robe.
Miko rubbed her eyes slowly, quickly realising this wasn’t were she had fallen asleep on her trip back from the Dwarven lands. As she opened her eyes wider, she saw a figure standing over her with green skin, and a red cloak. “You!” she shouted, quickly throwing herself up, reaching for her swords, quickly realising they were no longer in their sheaths. Miko quickly searched the ground beneath her, he swords were nowhere to be found. She quickly scanned the room she was trapped in, no escape. “Weapons gone…” Miko thought, quickly putting the pieces together in her mind. “Dark room, no escape… appear to be alone with that…” Miko’s eyes opened wide. “YOU SICK BASTARD!” she yelled, tackling the Goblin to the floor.
Redcloak quickly moved his head as he dodged a punch which proceeded to create a large hole in the stone floor, was she a monk!? “What are you talking about!?” he yelled as he rolled out from underneath the enraged paladin. It took awhile for what she had said to sink in, but Redcloak quickly understood, bringing his hands up to his mouth to resist vomiting. “Ugh, by the dark one don’t flatter yourself!” he said leading forward to face the ground. “Like I would ever touch a paladin, much less a human, much less you!” the paladin scowled, raising her fists as if expecting him to attack. “I wont fall for your lies crimson mantle, for whatever reason you brought me here, I will defeat you and escape!” Redcloak rolled his eyes and the human. “Typical” he thought to himself. he opened his mouth to argue back, but was interrupted by the sound of magic, he turned around to see two separate tables, each with a single chair had appeared behind him. Sitting on each table was a small meal that appeared identical to the next; in the center of each meal was a single chocolate rabbit. Redcloak only now realised how hungry he was, and he could clearly hear the human’s stomach growl in hunger as she stared at the food.
Miko stared at the food on the tables, it felt as if she hadn’t eaten in days, and the food looked and smelled so delicious! She stared at the bearer of the crimson mantle, then to the food, then to the goblin again. “Another trick mantle-bearer? Trying to poison me perhaps?” the goblin rolled his eyes again and walked to the table on the opposite side of the room. “For the dark one’s sake I’m not the one who brought you here, I’m in the same boat you are. Now if you don’t mind, I’m starving, can we skip the fighting until after we have eaten at least?” Miko frowned and walked up to her own table, merely standing behind its chair with her hands on its backrest, staring at the goblin intensely. “Oh for… look, if your worried, just use detect poison on it,” the Goblin said after noticing her staring. “I already have, and I can assure you that none of this food is poisonous”. Miko frowned again and sat down into the chair, carefully picking up each individual food item and casting detect poison on it, so far the goblin was right, none of the food seems to have been tampered with. Miko carefully picked up a bun and took a few bites out of it. it didn’t take long for her to give in to her hunger however, as she steadily began eating at a quicker pace.
No words were exchanged between Miko and Redcloak as they ate, Miko would constantly glare at Redcloak, still believing this whole set-up to be some kind of twisted plot, Redcloak on the other hand quietly examined the room for means of escape, the mirrors on the walls could lead to something, though due to the fact that each mirror took up almost the entire wall, looking at them gave a dizzying effect of looking into an infinite reflections of the same room. Eventually both the goblin and the human had eaten all the food off there plate, and now found themselves each chewing on a chocolate rabbit, each having nothing to do but glare at one another.
Redcloak was getting tired of staring at the human; her accusing eyes stared back at him, blaming him for their mutual imprisonment in the strange stone room. They each took another bite out of their respective chocolate rabbits, Redcloak wasn’t entirely sure why he was eating it anymore, he barely even liked chocolate. But something about it just urged him to keep eating, some kind of new flavour... the human continued to glare at him, he glared back. Redcloak began examining his opponent. They both knew that the moment they finished the chocolate rabbits in their hands, the fight would begin anew. Yet something was off, he couldn’t his eyes off her human face, her eyes shone blue like the sky, her hair looked to be as fine as silk… why couldn’t he get his eyes off her?
“So.” Miko announced after patting her mouth with a napkin. “Shall we continue?” the goblin quickly shook his head, as if he was previously lost in thought, no doubt praying to his evil god for the strength to die honourably. The goblin slowly stood, Miko found it hard not to notice how well his red cloak matched with his black armour, and how his strong eyes shone like the sun… Miko quickly blinked, shaking her head free of the evil thoughts. The goblin was obviously using some kind of silent charm to try to dull her mind, but she refused to fall for it.
The twp foes stood facing one another in the center of the room. They stared at one another, unnatural urges within them growing. Miko was the first to act, she hunched down, extending her arms in a classic example of martial arts. Redcloak frowned and copied her stance, he had always depended on magic and other goblins to do the fighting for him, he hoped he would be ok. Miko let out a yell, and began to charge, again Redcloak mimicked her. And before either of them knew it, they were on the floor. Not throwing punches or kicks as they had expected, but rather passionately kissing and embracing. Any thoughts they may have had against their acts were quickly clouded over by seemingly undying love for one another. There was no sapphire city, their was no plan. There was only the two of them here, and now.
Meanwhile, a lone skeletal figure laughed hysterically as he observed the scene from a throne behind a one-way mirror. His laugher only stopping briefly as he tossed handfuls of popcorn into his mouth. A second figure shrouded in darkness approached from behind him.
“Xylon?” the shadowed creature asked. “What’s so funny?” Xylon laughed again as he pointed towards the glass separating him from the two disrobing figures on the other side. “awww you got those two together!? That’s so sweeet!”. Xylon shook his head, wiping a nonexistent tear away from an empty eye socket. “I-I laced their chocolate rabbits... In love potion!” Xylon burst into laugher again as the creature in the darkness raised an eyebrow. “Well that doesn’t seem very nice,” the creature in the shadows said as he looked curiously at the two figures in the other room. “ohhh” Xylon answered between fits of laughter. “But this is just the beginning! Just wait until they wake up tomorrow and realize what they just did!” again the skeleton burst into laughter as he tossed another handful of popcorn into his mouth.
The creature in the shadows was silent for a moment, considering what the skeleton had just said. “…So why are you eating popcorn? You don’t have a stomach to eat with!” Xylon just shrugged as he threw another handful into his mouth, keeping his eyes on the pair in the other room. “Seemed like the appropriate thing to do… want some chocolate?”
“Oh goodie!” the creature yelled as it bit the ears off its own chocolate rabbit. “…I love you Xylon,” the creature said after successfully swallowing the rabbit’s entire head. Xylon paused and turned to the creature in the shadows for a moment before turning his attention back to the human and the goblin in the other room. “Yeah, I love you too ya freak”.
now lets see... this one entry is 1500 words long... so yeah... even if i dont win, im gunna need to skip the next two squickies due to it being so long ... assumeing it even gets accepted of corse.
also: i absolutely hate the last bit, but i cant think of any way to make it better, and im tired of this dang thing haunting me. im done! >.<Avy by Thormag
Spoiler
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2010-04-13, 04:50 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2008
- Location
- UK
- Gender
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2010-04-13, 09:14 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2008
- Location
- South Africa
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template
Both excellent pieces of work MasamuneSSX and Gicko.
The Good Cat Mistress shall show mercy to her servants
My Homebrew
SpoilerRace
Wiggles
Monsters
Cold iron dragon
Argent dragon
Base Class
Glowherd
Silly stuff
Acid classes (as inspired by DracoDei)
Keeper of the Fourth Gate (PrC)
Competitions
Afroakuma's Giantitp Villain Competition
Other
Sereg's Alternative Pronunciation Guide System
Competitions that I've Currently Entered: Lord Gareth's The Alter of Naught Base Class Challenge
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2010-04-13, 10:35 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2010
- Location
- Usaki City, Syona
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template
I like em both. XD
Recent Homebrew: The Socialite | The Crystalline: Memory Altering Construct Race | Sanguine Hand, a ToB Discipline of blood and cruelty
Homebrew Signature | NEW Homebrew Collection
Thanks to all my avatar artists, especially to Paisley for my avatar of Vivian, cowardly cryophoenix.
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2010-04-13, 12:07 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2009
- Location
- Where the dragons are
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template
Ahhh...ABD... *Drools*
No wait, bad Closak, bad! *Slaps self*
I have a distinct feeling that the idea i have would fall into the "Too much violence" category
Okay, scrap that, back to the drawing board.
Hmmm...i wonder what happens if you put a nymphomaniac black dragon and a chimera in the same room...
Let's find out...FOR SCIENCE! (SMACK) ...ow, da hamma hurt
...Okay, forget about that...
......Hehehehe (Smirk)...
Oh boy, this oughta be good.
And there you have my train of thoughts when trying to come up with a new story.Last edited by Closak; 2010-04-13 at 12:13 PM.
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2010-04-13, 01:23 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2010
- Location
- Usaki City, Syona
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template
It's 4 siense. GETITRITE. XD
(Waits for story like good kuppygirl)Recent Homebrew: The Socialite | The Crystalline: Memory Altering Construct Race | Sanguine Hand, a ToB Discipline of blood and cruelty
Homebrew Signature | NEW Homebrew Collection
Thanks to all my avatar artists, especially to Paisley for my avatar of Vivian, cowardly cryophoenix.
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2010-04-13, 02:52 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2008
- Location
- Scotland
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template
@ MasamuneSSX: *Sounds of applause* V x ABD with no sex or violence and lots of humour? I take off my hat to you (if I was wearing one, of course).
@ Gicko: Redcloak x Miko? Redcloak x Miko?! *Brain explodes* One small criticism, the lich is called Xykon.Last edited by Taekwondodo; 2010-04-13 at 02:53 PM.
Avatar by me...yup that's how good my drawing is. As in not very good.
Crack-Pairings, Not Dead Just Moved. Someone Hasn't Been Looking In The Right Places.
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2010-04-13, 03:25 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2010
- Location
- Gobbotopia
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template
told you i was gunna write a Redcloak x Miko didint i? :P
and no he isent o.0 Xylon's name is Xylon, unless i mispelled his name somerere in there and didit see...
edit: and dodo:... since when were you a girl? o.0Last edited by Draconi Redfir; 2010-04-13 at 03:26 PM.
Avy by Thormag
Spoiler
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2010-04-13, 03:34 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2009
- Location
- Where the dragons are
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template
It's spelled X-Y-K-O-N
And you didn't know Dodo is a female?
How...did you...miss that...
Ah well. *Goes back to work*
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2010-04-13, 04:16 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2010
- Location
- Usaki City, Syona
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template
Assuming he's the one from OotS, he's called Xykon.
Yeah, Dodo was always a girl. XDRecent Homebrew: The Socialite | The Crystalline: Memory Altering Construct Race | Sanguine Hand, a ToB Discipline of blood and cruelty
Homebrew Signature | NEW Homebrew Collection
Thanks to all my avatar artists, especially to Paisley for my avatar of Vivian, cowardly cryophoenix.
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2010-04-13, 05:01 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jul 2009
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template
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2010-04-13, 06:15 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2010
- Location
- Gobbotopia
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template
so what? Xylon's japaneese now? we allready have monster-san, so whats next? Red-kun? Tuski-chan? :P
Xylon sounds better anyways...
and what the heck is a beta? XDAvy by Thormag
Spoiler
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2010-04-13, 06:17 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2010
- Location
- Usaki City, Syona
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template
Tsuki-chan is awesome, Xylon is the (differently spelt) name of the villains from Battlestar Galactica, and a Beta is someone who reads your stories before you post them to check for spelling/grammar/plot mistakes.
Recent Homebrew: The Socialite | The Crystalline: Memory Altering Construct Race | Sanguine Hand, a ToB Discipline of blood and cruelty
Homebrew Signature | NEW Homebrew Collection
Thanks to all my avatar artists, especially to Paisley for my avatar of Vivian, cowardly cryophoenix.
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2010-04-13, 06:24 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2010
- Location
- Gobbotopia
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template
ahh ok, gotcha.
Xylon is still tons better then Xykon thoughAvy by Thormag
Spoiler
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2010-04-14, 04:52 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2008
- Location
- Scotland
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template
Last edited by Taekwondodo; 2010-04-14 at 04:59 AM.
Avatar by me...yup that's how good my drawing is. As in not very good.
Crack-Pairings, Not Dead Just Moved. Someone Hasn't Been Looking In The Right Places.
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2010-04-14, 12:46 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2010
- Location
- In a galaxy far far away.
- Gender
Re: Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template
IA AwardsSpoiler
Awesome SpyFox Doll by Recaiden
Epic Avvie by Domochevsky
Everything Else by Me
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2010-04-14, 12:53 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2006
- Location
- England
This post may contain sarcasm.
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