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2012-09-07, 11:24 PM (ISO 8601)
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- May 2009
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- Michigan
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
The one that comes most to mind is actually from 2nd edition.
Haste. Doubles your speed and attacks per round and -2 initative. Not bad for a tanker, not bad at all. However, it ages you a year. So lets say haste lasts 10 rounds (round=minute in 2nd). You experience 20 minutes of life, and age a year..... a whole year, for a few more minutes. And that's not the worst part. In the DMG, any time you rapidly age a year (or rapidly age at all I think), you have to make a system shock or die.
Yes, you can die from haste, you can die from a buff. No, I'm not lying.You live in your world and I'll live in mine. Invade my world and I'll go medieval on your subconscious tookus.
Do not mistake my inaction for fear or doubt, if I desire you to hang yourself by your own rope why should I hasten the inevitable?
Do not underestimate me, for I have not underestimated you...
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2012-09-08, 02:11 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Apr 2010
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- Harmondale
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
There certainly are, I just don't see them spending their days forging rings for the adventurers of the world. Forge Ring feat has a CL 12 requirement.
I don't know what those mid level characters (such as some of the nobles lvl 7 - rogues, aristocrats etc. that never left their home) did at home if fighting a war gave three PC class levels to a general. IRK it was a lvl 4 paladin running a floating fortress somewhere.
Also evil NPCs (the PCs are supposed to fight) are still NPCs, do they get xp from the same chart? If so they probably had to kill entire civilizations by themselves to get to be lvl 10.
Open Eberron campaign setting for 3.5 there are no semicolons, it's right next to the price and required feats.Last edited by Kaww; 2012-09-08 at 02:16 AM.
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2012-09-08, 02:23 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2008
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2012-09-08, 02:51 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Feb 2010
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- The Great PNW
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
Author of The Auspician's Handbook and The Tempestarian's Handbook for Spheres of Power.Greenman by Bradakhan/Spring Greenman by Comissar/Autumn Greenman by Sgt. Pepper/Winter Greenman by gurgleflep
Ask me (or the other authors) anything.
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2012-09-08, 03:35 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2006
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
2E is the home of 90% of crazy stupid awesome ****. I mean what other edition has a wizard visit a strange land where if you put a silver coin into a red box with weird lettering apparently named "Cola", it'll hand you a can filled with a magical black fizzy delicious concoction? And then return to his world, create a simulacrum of said thing...and the simulacrum is evil? And will either poison you or give you acne depending on it's mood if you buy one of it's drinks?
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2012-09-08, 04:00 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Jun 2011
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
Projects: Homebrew, Gentlemen's Agreement, DMPCs, Forbidden Knowledge safety, and Top Ten Worst. Also, Quotes and RACSD are good.
Anyone knows blue is for sarcas'ing in · "Take 10 SAN damage from Dark Orchid" · Use of gray may indicate nitpicking · Green is sincerity
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2012-09-08, 04:28 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Mar 2006
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
Originally Posted by hiryuuIf a tree falls in the forest and the PCs aren't around to hear it... what do I roll to see how loud it is?
Is 3.5 a fried-egg, chili-chutney sandwich?
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2012-09-08, 04:41 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2012
Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
Actually, since a lot of the "evil" races, even including such vile savages as gnolls, have shown capacity for free will and even goodness, I'd attribute the racial "evil" of them to:
A) Being born into and growing up in broken and deranged societies that reward various degrees of cruelty, maliciousness and evil and attempt to squash anyone who doesn't fit that mold.
B) having very real and very malevolent patron gods who throw around their power and ensure the higher ups in said malevolent civilization have some of said power if they act according to the god's personal whims to ensure the broken society stays essentially the same.
C)Having the other civilized races hunt your kind down due to the atrocities committed due to A) and B) molding your race into a bunch of neurotic murderers, thus showing any who would stray from the "path" that it'd be safer to stay in the broken society rather than go "Out there" to a world that hates them.
Anybody else agree with that theory?
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2012-09-08, 04:45 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Mar 2011
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- Australia
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2012-09-08, 08:37 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Oct 2010
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- Dallas, TX
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
The entire racism / evil sub-thread here comes from the most hilariously stupid concept in D&D:
The alignment system.
The easiest way to see how ridiculous it is is to realize that it assumes some sentient beings are evil (or good), totally independent of their actions or thoughts.
No magic bagpipe or mummified hand can compete with that idea for stupidity.
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2012-09-08, 08:54 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Feb 2005
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
On that line of thought, non-lawful Bards. Because only rebels can be free-thinkers with actual creative spirit, unthinking slaves to the oppressive hand of the Man can't.
NOW COMPLETE: Let's Play Starcraft II Trilogy:
Hell, It's About Time: Wings of Liberty
Does This Mutation Make Me Look Fat: Heart of the Swarm
My Life For Aiur? I Barely Know 'Er: Legacy of the Void
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2012-09-08, 09:08 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2007
Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
I do believe that the king of 'hilariously stupid' would be Bear Bearington the Bearbearian, Lord of all Bears.
He's an anthropomorphic bear werebear bear totem barbarian bear lord bear warrior. He took Leadership to pick up a Sentinel of Brharri (Bear Mage) as a cohort, as well as some bear followers. So he's a bear that gets so angry that he turns into a bear that turns into a bear, commands bears, rides bears, and has a bear mage serving him who (I. Kid. You. Not.) has an ability named summon bear cavalry.
This. Will. Get. Grizzly.
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2012-09-08, 01:08 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2012
Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
Speaking of stupid Bard related things, there's this board's own Pervirtuoso build, which uses the Perform [Sexual] skill from The Book of Erotic Fantasy combined with a Prestige Class that allows you to use any Perform skill for bardic abilities, combined with wanton abuse of a familiar to make the most wrong Bard build ever.
Last edited by tbok1992; 2012-09-08 at 01:09 PM.
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2012-09-08, 01:54 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Feb 2005
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
Okay. Stupid non-monster things from D&D.
As a fan of real heroes, I have to nominate the Paladin class, as written / confined by the rules of the game.
I think we all know the problems with the class. Class features that restrict the behavior of the other players. No allowances for innocent mistakes. Prevention of actual good behavior (like showing mercy - oops! You tied him up and tried to reform him; that means you just associated with an evil creature.)
The Paladin often winds up being played like some kind of xenophobic sociopath - exactly the opposite of the noble, self-sacrificing warrior that he's supposed to be.You may think of me as:
Struggling amateur author #3284728
Book one is on the Kindle now. It's a mix of hard science fiction and fantasy. How's that work? Surprisingly well.
I share the ebook version of it freely. Link to download it is at the top of that page.
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2012-09-08, 02:04 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2011
Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
The infamous Orb spells of 3E have an ancestor in 2E called Chromatic Orb from the Wizard's Handbook. It was a 1st level spell that created a colored orb doing some damage. As you gained levels the color would change and the damage would increase or even change in severity of harm. You could choose which ever color/effect you want you were able to cast. Eventually you would be able to cast a Black Chromatic Orb of Death. Save or die. In 2E a wizard could cast a 1st level save or die spell. Not save or suck, save or die.
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2012-09-08, 03:34 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2007
- Location
- Orlando, FL
Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
Oh, that. You know the entire world was once an empire ruled by demons that enslaved dragons that lasted form millions of years, right? Or that the continent was once ruled by a magical kingdom of goblins? Little things like that. There's probably more rings lying in wait out there than there is gold to mine.
I don't know what those mid level characters (such as some of the nobles lvl 7 - rogues, aristocrats etc. that never left their home) did at home if fighting a war gave three PC class levels to a general. IRK it was a lvl 4 paladin running a floating fortress somewhere.
Also evil NPCs (the PCs are supposed to fight) are still NPCs, do they get xp from the same chart? If so they probably had to kill entire civilizations by themselves to get to be lvl 10.
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2012-09-08, 07:51 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2011
Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
There's an official, published source for water wings. Just imagine that half-orc barbarian doggie-paddling across a river in floaties.
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2012-09-08, 08:04 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2010
Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
Imagine if all real-world conversations were like internet D&D conversations...
Protip: DnD is an incredibly social game played by some of the most socially inept people on the planet - Lev
I read this somewhere and I stick to it: "I would rather play a bad system with my friends than a great system with nobody". - Trevlac
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2012-09-08, 08:22 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2012
Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
the sad part is, they are some of the most useful magical item in the game, after all, most characters are going to have the inherent flaw "Water Soluability".
Asto Bagpipes: Of course it only gives a bonus to the dead, only those with Perform (Bagpipes) can survive the sound.
Asto Blessed by Tem-Et-Nu:
Yep, complete poop. Some Turn/Rebuke varients are Absurdly powerful because of how Extra Turning affects all turns you get simultaineously. This only adds slightly more options to turn undead without actually improving it (IE: more charges)Last edited by toapat; 2012-09-08 at 09:40 PM.
My Homebrew: found here.
When you Absolutely, Positively, Gotta Drop some Huge rocks, Accept NO Substitutes
PM Me if you would like a table from my homebrew reconstructed.
Drow avatar @ myself
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2012-09-08, 09:33 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Jun 2012
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- Next to the Mandolinist
Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
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2012-09-09, 01:24 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2011
Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
2E's Priest's Handbook offered specialty priests kits for clerics. They were based on various themes and used the spell spheres to determine which spells a priest had access in addition to a couple of class abilities. A priest would have major or minor access to a sphere. Major access meant the priest would eventually get all spells, capping at 7th level in 2E. Minor access meant you only get up to third level spells.
1) The Cure Wounds spells were in Healing sphere. Not every priest got access to Healing, so there exists clerics who did not heal. Not "stupid" per se, but for 2E that was a big deal of a disadvantage. I learned that from experience playing a cleric of Justice/Revenge. Even the DM saw how harmful it was in play and agreed to allow me Healing sphere.
2) The priest of Guardian only had minor access to the Guardian sphere.
3) I don't remember which priest kit, but I know there was one that had minor access to Summoning sphere. There were no spells in Summoning of less than 4th level. (2E's Tome of Magic had a few, but Priest's Handbook was published before it so it only took into account PHB spells of which no Summoning spell below 4th level existed.)Last edited by navar100; 2012-09-09 at 11:43 AM.
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2012-09-09, 03:05 AM (ISO 8601)
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- May 2011
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- Australia
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
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2012-09-09, 03:08 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2009
Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
"Elephant trunks should be used for elephant things only. Nothing else."
Thank you Geomancer for the Death avatar.
My lets plays:
Alien vs Predator: marine chapter - Completed
Singularity - Canceled
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2012-09-09, 09:30 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2010
Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
By "swarm" I meant in the sense of "huge numbers". The DMGII Mob template would be far more appropriate for emulating a hippo stampede.
Hippopotamus Mobs ruin people in a Grapple. CR8, +41 grapple mod, automatically deals 5d6 to any creature whose space it occupies. Good luck breaking out of that at without magic.
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2012-09-09, 10:01 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Oct 2010
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- Dallas, TX
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
The most ridiculous published addition was
Elves in SpaceSpelljammer. And yes, it had mobs of (intelligent) hippos.
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2012-09-09, 10:19 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Jun 2012
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- Taxachusetts
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2012-09-09, 02:31 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Jan 2012
Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
You shut your mouth about Spelljammer. I'm still angry about the fact that boring ol' Neverwinter was the last setting to come out for 4e instead of Spelljammer, which I will say to my grave was one of the most creative things D&D ever did. Though I am appreciative about the Epic Destiny in Heroes of the Elemental Chaos that allows you to become a Regiar.
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2012-09-09, 02:57 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Apr 2007
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- England
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
~ CAUTION: May Contain Weasels ~
RPG Characters What I Done Played As (Explained Badly)
17 Things I Learned About 40k By Playing Dark Heresy
Tales of a Role-Play Gamer - Horrible Optimisation
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2012-09-09, 03:24 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2012
Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
My Homebrew: found here.
When you Absolutely, Positively, Gotta Drop some Huge rocks, Accept NO Substitutes
PM Me if you would like a table from my homebrew reconstructed.
Drow avatar @ myself
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2012-09-09, 03:53 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2012
Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
I thought that was (sort of) the opposite. While Spelljammers themselves got statted out in 4e's Manual of the Planes, and there were a few references here and there to the line (Including the Neogi in the Monster Manual 2 and the aforementioned Regiar Epic Destiny), they didn't actually give it the full setting treatment. Whereas in 3e at least it got an updated version in Dragon magazine.